The woman's name is D-O-L-O-R-E-S! Dolores!

It's DOLORES! Because it rhymes with "silicone breasts" which Elaine will attempt to find out about in a sauna.

what?

~^~Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die~^~

what the hell is this guy talking about??...

the joke isnt that "DOLORES" rhymes with "silicone breasts".. if you thought this, then you're a complete idiot...

"dolores" is supposed to rhyme with "clitoris"... if you didnt know this then im sorry because you are just too stupid to live...

Take it easy; we're all human.

Eric

On Wed, 11 Feb 1998, pimpdaddy wrote:

I have a strange suspicion that FunnyBoy might have been joking about the silicone breast thing....

Of course, the real joke is that Dolores doesn't even rhyme with the most commonly accepted pronunciation of clitoris.

In , hotspur writes:

Commonly accepted?  There are two commonly accepted
pronunciations.   The REAL joke is that so many people
think there is only one.
--------------------------------------------
             [email]
(Hammer nail here--> <-- for a new monitor.)
          (Remove XXXX to reply)

Dave wrote:

I truly believe that we have everything to gain and nothing to lose by extending this thread into perpetuity, so ...

First, the serious bit. If you read the post he said the *most* commonly accepted pronunciation, not the *only* pronunciation, and there can surely be no doubt that this is true. I have consulted perhaps half a dozen dictionaries (yes, I have too much time on my hands), both recent and old, and not *one* of them mentions the clito-OR-is pronunciation. At best then, I certainly think that the writers were ill-advised in relying upon such an obscure pronunciation as a means of 'solving' the episode (it would have been far better for Jerry never to have learned her name). At worst - well, keep reading.

A theory - a Seinfeld-obsessed lexicographer watches that particular episode, is (like all of us) bemused by the ending, and after somehow figuring out what they were referring to (perhaps he contacted the writers), decides to honour this creative interpretation in his dictionary. He does this because of his sheer inability to cope with any conflicts or contradictions between the world of Seinfeld and the "real" world. He is soon sacked by his publisher for breaching the standards of his profession, and spends the rest of his days on alt.tv.seinfeld, where he uses his Svengali(Svenjolly)-)like influence over some other members of the newsgroup to propagate his evil theory to the point where it soon gains a minor but influential acceptance. Of course at this point, many lexicographers around the world begin to list the new pronunciation (after all, shouldn't a dictionary have a *reflective* rather than *prescriptive* function? Well no, but that's something for another thread). In any case, the effect of seeing the new pronunciation in the dictionary is that people begin to believe that the word was always pronounced as such and begin accepting it as valid, with those of us who remember the way things really were (there are a lot of us at the moment, but they will get to you soon, make no mistake about it) finding it all very hard to accept. NB: I am attempting, rather poorly, to draw an analogy here between this and George Owell's '1984', where as I recall removal of words such as 'freedom' from dictionaries causes the *concept* of freedom to die out etc. This is the same thing but in reverse ... you see? ... (actually maybe you should just go and read the book). So, to summarise my argument, Big Brother is watching and we are all in terrible danger.

How do I know all this? Well, I'll tell you. Some of you may have suspected this already ... yes, *I* am that lexicographer! Well, no, not really. Sorry, what I meant to say was that no, I am *not* that lexicographer. The truth is that his identity may never be known ...

One final point of interest for those who have bothered to read this far. To those people who attack a post espousing beliefs not held by themselves by making a list of the spelling/punctuation errors in that post (which of course itself contains numerous spelling/punctuation errors of their own), I would like to direct you to to the first sentence of my second paragraph. Even though I was only quoting another post, it is in fact grammatically correct to say the *most* acceptable pronunciation (as opposed to the *more* acceptable pronunciation) as I have found, in my travels, yet another pronunciation of clitoris. That's right, the Living Webster Encyclopaedic Dictionary of the English Language (1981) lists clitoris as having two acceptable pronunciations: CLIToris (I propose that its supporters dub this pronunciation as "classic" clitoris); and CLYEtoris - that's right, clitoris with a hard 'i' pronunciation. Trust me, this bit is *not* a joke. As for the rest of the post, I will leave it to you to decide.

Cheers, Michael

SERENITY NOW!

THESE ARE THE DIGS THAT KIDS EVERYWHERE MAKE AT EACH OTHER. IS IT SOME KIND OF REVELATION TO YOU ALL??????????

-excellent analysis snipped-

Excellent analysis, Michael. More than we had hoped (or needed?) My snippy response was simply evidence of the galvanization that has occurred in this group. I stand by my assertion that there are two "most accepted" ways to pronounce the word. It only depends on whether you're on the street, or in a clinic. Folks who wear white coats and have arrays of diplomas on their office walls tend to use one (the one that doesn't rhyme with Delores), while everyone else, using common street parlance, generally uses the other "most accepted" pronunciation (the one that rhymes with Delores). Having spent my formative years in Brooklyn, NY, I can assure you without reproach that the writers of that episode were right on target.

Allow me to quote a verse which may clear things up. (Also learned on NY streets and remembered for many years):

There once was a woman from Wheeling Who claimed she had no sexual feeling, Till a cynic named Boris Merely touched her clitoris, And they had to scrape her off the ceiling.

On 16 Feb 98 12:46:34 GMT, [email] (Dave) wrote:

Fair enough, Dave, I stand corrected. I guess I just need to spend more time on the streets :-) BTW, nice job on the FAQ.

Cheers, Michael

I am ROFLMAO!!!! great limerick lauri