"The Contest" Episode Capsule

S04E11 The ContestretroJul 21, 1993, 10:59 AM ET8 months later2 posts by 2 posters
🧩 Trivia

Thread shares episode capsule with production and cast details for "The Contest"; reply notes the episode's masturbation theme with humor about controversial content.

2 posts
Scott Simpson

Howdy guys,

Here's the capsule for "The Contest". Man, I'm tired.

Enjoy, Me --- By day, [email], by night, rec.sport.hockey Ottawa Senators Contact TODAY'S .SIG: [Pay heed, for this quote/word/fact may alter your very being!] "(Chad) Erickson was a complete joke. He will never play for us again. The guy who drafted him should be dead." -- Cincinnati coach Dennis Derosiers )-> In case it's not obvious, BNR and I may or may not share these views. <-(

============================================================================
Episode #411 -- "The Contest"
Originally Aired:  Thursday, November 18, 1992, 9:30PM
============================================================================
Production Credits:
    Supervising Producer  .................  Larry Charles
    Supervising Producer  .................  Tom Cherones
    Executive Producer  ...................  Andrew Sherman
    Created By  ...........................  Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld
    Written By  ...........................  Larry David
    Directed By  ..........................  Tom Cherones
============================================================================
Cast:
    Jerry Seinfeld  .......................  Jerry Seinfeld (well, duh!)
    George Castanza  ......................  Jason Alexander
    Elaine Benes  .........................  Julia Louis-Drefus
    Kramer  ...............................  Michael Richards
With:
    Estelle Costanza  .....................  Estelle Harris
    Marla  ................................  Jane Leeves
    Joyce  ................................  Ilana Levine
    Shelly  ...............................  Rachel Sweet
    Nurse  ................................  Andrea Parker
============================================================================
Previous episode references:
============================================================================
Fill in later...
============================================================================
Net reaction and comments:
============================================================================
Fill in later...
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The Cereal Report
============================================================================
The usual 12 boxes...
============================================================================
Quotes and Scene summary:
============================================================================

% Opening monologue (as usual, I'm missing the first few seconds. Sigh...)

Jerry: ....You know what I mean?  It's somehow a very uncomfortable  thing.
       You  *know* in your mind that they had to have sex at least  once to
       have you.  But you still  kind of  maintain  the  image in your head
       that  ``Well, I don't  know, I'm not  positive, I can't  prove it, I
       don't know if that *actually*  happened...'' That's why I think if I
       found out I was adopted  that would  really come as great news ``I'm
       adopted?  That's  great!''  I'd be happy to hear  that.  That  means
       *technically*,  it's  *possible*  that my mother  and my father  are
       really  just  *really  great  friends*.  I mean sex is great but you
       don't want to think  that your whole  life  began  because  somebody
       maybe had a little too much wine with dinner.

% At Monk's, J+E+K are chowin' down and, once again, they are discussing % some of the hottest issues of the day.

Jerry:  Let me ask you a question...
Elaine: Mmm-hmm...
Jerry:  You're a hostage captured by terrorists--
Elaine: Who?  Me?
Jerry:  Yeah you, anybody,  whatever.  You're in the little room...  You're
        chained to the  floor...  You're  there for a long  time...  Do you
        think that they'd ever consider doing a laundry?
Elaine: They have to-- it's in the Geneva convention.
Kramer: [In a  pseudo-"terrorist"  accent]  You-- take off your socks, your
        pants, your underwear.  We're doing a wash.  C'mon...  Take it off,
        take it off...

% The three chuckle among themselves as a rather somber-looking George % joins the gang at the table.

Jerry: What's the matter? George: My mother... caught me. Jerry: *Caught* you? Doing what? George: You know... [pause] I was *alone*... Elaine: >Gasp<! You mean-- George: Uh-huh.

% What? I don't get it...

Jerry:  She **caught** you!?!
Elaine: Where?
George: I stopped by the house to drop the car off and I went  inside for a
        few minutes.  Nobody's there, they're *supposed* to be working.  My
        mother had a "Glamour" magazine, and I started leafing through it.
Jerry:  *Glamour*!?

% Ahhhhh... It all becomes clear to me now...

George: So, one thing led to another...
Elaine: So what did she do?
George: First  thing she  screams  ``George,  what're you doing?  My God!''
        Then it looked like she was gonna faint, she started  clutching the
        wall, trying to  hang on to I didn't know whether  to keep her from
        falling or zip up...
Elaine: What did you do?
George: I zipped up!
Elaine: So she fell?
George: Yeah.  [Pause]  Well, I couldn't run over there the way I was!
Elaine: No, I wouldn't think so...

George: So she fell, and then she starts screaming ``My back! My back!'' So I picked her up and took her to the hospital... Elaine: How is she? George: She's in *traction*. Elaine: I'm sorry >giggle<... George: It's not funny, Elaine!

% Well, actually, it is kind of humourous...

George: Her back went out, she's  gonna be there for a couple of days.  All
        she said on the way over in the car was ``Why George, Why?'' I said
        because it's there...
Jerry:  **Glamour**?

% Yeah, that's a sticking point with me, too...

George: I'll tell you this, though: I am *never* doing... *that* again. Elaine: What, you mean, in your mother's house, or all together? George: All together. Elaine: Oh, gimme a break...

George: Wait, wait, what, you don't think I can? Jerry: No chance! George: You think *you* could? Jerry: Well, I know I could hold out longer than you. George: Care to make it interesting? Jerry: Sure, how much? George: Hundred dollars? Jerry: You're on.

Kramer: Wait a second, wait a second... Count me in on this. Jerry: You? Kramer: Yeah. Jerry: You'll be out before we get the check!

Elaine: I wanna be in on this too. Guys: Oh, no... Elaine: Why? Jerry: Because you're a woman... Elaine: So what? Jerry: Well, it's easier for a woman not to do it than a man. We *have* to do it, it's part of our lifestyle. It's like, uh, shaving. Elaine: Oh, that is such baloney. I shave my *legs*... Kramer: Not every day.

% Fight the power, K-Man...

George: All right, look-- you wanna be in? Elaine: Yeah! George: You gotta give us odds. At least 2 to 1. You gotta put up $200. Kramer: No-- a *thousand*! Elaine: No, I'll put up 150. George: All right, you're in for 150. Now, how we gonna monitor this thing? Jerry: Well, obviously we all know each other very well.. I'm sure we're all comfortable within the confines of the honour system.

% They do some sort of secret handshake/honesty bond thing with their % pinkies and we cut to Jerry's apartment.

George: No, ma, I'm not going to see a  psychiatrist.  I don't  care if you
        *do* pay for it.  No, discussion over...  Yeah, all right, I'll see
        you  later.  Yes, of  *course*  I'm gonna come by.  All  right.  My
        mother wants me to see a psychiatrist now.  Why, because she caught
        me?  Y'know  if  everybody  who  did...  *that*  had  to  go  see a
        psychiatrist...
Jerry:  [Pause]  Yeah?
George: Whatever.

% A buzz at the door. It's Elaine. They continue their conversation.

Jerry:  How is she?
George: She'll  be fine.  I gotta go by the  hospital  to see her  tonight.
        Hey, what are you doing tonight?
Jerry:  Date with Marla.
George: Oh, the virgin.
Jerry:  Yeah...
George: Any progress there?  What's the latest?
Jerry:  Well, I got my troops massed along the border, I'm just waiting for
        the go-ahead.

% A rather animated Brute rushes into the apartment...

Kramer: Hey, look at this-- there's a naked woman across the street!

% I'm sure Jerry's thinking to himself that *finally* Kramer has burst in % with something of importance to say. They all go to the window.

Jerry: Where? Kramer: Second floor from the top. See the window on the left? George: Wow... Jerry: Who walks around the house like that? George: Maybe she's a nudist. Y'know those nudist colony people. Kramer: Yeah... [Pause] Yeah...

% Methinks the K-Man has left something on the stove in his apartment 'cuz % he gets up from the window and rushes out the door back to his apartment. % Start those stopwatches...

Jerry:  Hey, lemme ask you a question--  in these nudist  colonies, do they
        eat naked in the dining room?
George: I would imagine it's all naked.
Jerry:  What about the chambermaids, are they naked, too.
George: They're  naked.  The  gardener's  naked.  Bellhops.  It's  one  big
        Nude-O-Rama.

% Elaine comes in, not that Jerry or George noticed, or anything. They % don't even turn from their window view...

Elaine: Well, where's my money?   Who caved?
J+G:    Not me.
Elaine: What are you lookin' at?
Jerry:  There's a naked woman across the street.
Elaine: This is gonna be the easiest  money I've ever made in my life.  So,
        my  friend  Joyce is  teaching  an  aerobics  class.  I'm  gonna go
        tonight.
Jerry:  [Distantly]  Yeah, well, the waitress should have taken it back...
Elaine: So I got a call this  morning,  Y'know, I was  chosen  to go on the
        Space Shuttle!  [Pause]  We're goin' to Mars!
George: [Distantly]  Uh-huh..
Jerry:  Have a good time.

% 52 seconds from door close to door open, Kramer returns, and slaps % something down on the counter. This gets everyone's attention.

Kramer: I'm out!

G+E+J: What!?! Kramer: Yeah, I'm out, I'm out of the contest. Jerry: You're out!? Elaine: Well, that was *fast*

% You don't know the half of it, Lainey...

Kramer: Well, it was that woman across the street. Y'know you better be careful buddy, she's gonna get you next.

% The K-man exits, leaving only three.

George: And then there were three...

% I just said that. Anyway, cut to the hospital in George's Mon's room.

Mrs. C: I don't understand you, I really don't.  You have nothing better to
        do at  three  o'clock  in the  afternoon?  I go out for a quart  of
        milk, I come home to find my son  treating  his body like it was an
        *amusement* park.
George: Ma...
Mrs. C: Don't give me "Ma".  It's a good  thing I didn't hit the  table.  I
        could've cracked my head open.
George: Ma, people can hear you...
Mrs. C: Too bad you  couldn't  do  *that*  for a  living...  You'd  be very
        successful  at it.  You  could  sell  out  Madison  Square  Garden.
        Thousands of people could watch you.  You could be a *big star*!

George: All right, Ma, that's enough. Mrs. C: I want you to go see a psychiatrist. George: No! I am not going to see a psychiatrist! Mrs. C: Why not? Why won't you go? George: Because I don't want to... Mrs. C: I want you to go see somebody. George: Well, I am not going. Mrs. C: It's a good thing your father is in Chicago...

% George's cousin Shelly enters...

Shelly: Hello, Aunt Estelle.  How did this happen?
George: Is that important, really?  What is this?  A police  investigation?
        The woman's been through  enough, she has to relive the  experience
        now?

% A rather nifty-lookin' nurse enters the room and she addresses the other % patient in the room who is silhouetted on a sheet that divides the room. % That's the kind of set up that's needed for really good hand shadows. % Myself, I can do a bunny, alligator, elephant, the list goes on. Anyway, % like I was saying, the nurse goes behind the sheet and talks to the other % patient, and you can see their outlines perfectly on the sheet...

Nurse: Hi Denise. It's 6:30. Time for your sponge bath... Denise: Mmmm... Is it 6:30 already? I fell asleep...

% As they begin the sponge bath, you can see George gradually get more and % more distracted thanks to the "side-show" going on beside him...

Shelly: So.  George.  What are you doing  now?  I hear you got some sort of
        television writing thing.
George: [Distantly]  Yeah, television...
Nurse:  Here, let me help you off with  that.  Here, just slip it over your
        head--
Shelly: Well, it's  about  time.  We thought  you were gonna wind up on the
        street.

% George is understandably enthralled...

Shelly: So, what is it you're doing, exactly? Mrs. C: George! Your cousin Shelly is talking to you.

% Scott! George's cousin Shelly is trying to get you to transcribe % something! Quit gawking at that sheet! % % But, fortunately for me, we cut away from the hospital. Whew! Now I can % get some transcription done without distraction. Let's see. We cut to-- % Oh, my dear Lord... It's Elaine in her spandex workout aerobic wear % talking to another similarly-attired woman with her leg up on the % counter. Yeesh. Concentrate, Scott. You can do it. All you need is % discipline...

Joyce: So, when was the last time you took a class? Elaine: Oh, it's been a while... Joyce: Are you *psyched*!?! Elaine: Yeah, yeah... I'm really... psyched. Joyce: Well, you're gonna thank me for getting you in here. Elaine: Why is that? Joyce: See the guy with the dark hair in the red shorts?

% Yeah... Isn't that Tom Arnold?

Elaine: Oh my God! John F. Kennedy, Jr. is here!

% Hey, I was close...

Joyce: He's gonna be in your class today. Elaine: In my class? John Kennedy's gonna be in my class?! Joyce: I can get you a spot right behind him. He has got a great *butt*!

% Are you *sure* we're not talking about Tom Arnold?

Elaine: Yeah... butt... butt... Great butt... John John's butt...

% Cut to Jerry's car. He and Marla are steamin' up the windows, until:

Marla:  Let's slow it down a little...
Jerry:  Slow it down?
Marla:  Well...  Y'know...
Jerry:  Oh, yeah.
Marla:  You're okay with that, right?
Jerry:  Yeah.  Yeah.  Of  course.  What, you think I care about the  *sex*?
        What kind of person do you think I am?  That doesn't mean  anything
        to me.  I don't care about that.

% She must get it from the tabloids, Jerry.

Marla: So, I'll see you Saturday night, then? Jerry: Sure! Saturday night! Marla: All right, then. Good night. Jerry: Good night. Not *just* a good night-- a *great* night!

% Flash-forward a couple of hours to bedtime: % % Jerry tosses and turns in his bed, George is in his pre-Jurassic Park % Dino jammies seemingly counting holes in the ceiling, Elaine is almost % trashing her bed in a restless fit. Kramer, however, is sleeping like a % rock. % % A few hours later, at Jerry's apartment, a rather chipper Brute greets a % rather dishevelled Jerry.

Kramer: Good Mooooooooorniiiiiing! Jerry: Yeah, good morning. Kramer: Nothing like some good, solid sack time.

% He makes his way over to the window. Must want to see the sunrise...

Jerry:  She's not there.  She's doin' a wash.
Kramer: So, did you make it through the night?
Jerry:  Yes, I'm proud to say I did.
Kramer: So, you're still "Master of your domain"?
Jerry:  Yes, yes I am.  Master of my  domain.  But I will tell you  *this*:
        I'm going over to her  apartment  and I'm tellin' her to *put those
        shades down*!
Kramer: Wait, wait wait... Whoa, whoa whoa-- what did you just say?
Jerry:  I can't take it any more!  She's drivin' me crazy, I can't sleep, I
        can't  leave  the  house,  when I'm here I'm  climbin'  the  walls,
        meanwhile  I'm datin' a virgin,  I'm in this  contest--  somethin's
        gotta give!
Kramer: Do you  hear  what  you're  saying?  Can you  hear  it?  This  is a
        beautiful  woman walking  around naked, and you want to tell her to
        stop!?  That's  the  *dumbest*  thing I ever  heard.  I mean,  it's
        incomprehens-- I'm not gonna let you do it!
Jerry:  Well, I'm doin' it.  Get out of my way...
Kramer: No, you can't!  This is  something  that  comes  about  *once* in a
        lifetime.  When we were boys looking through our bedroom windows we
        would  think  "Why  can't  there be a woman out  there  taking  her
        clothes  off?"  And now that  wish has  come  true  and you want to
        >pffffft< throw it away?!
Jerry:  Look, I'm sorry...
Kramer: No, I'm not gonna let you do it--
Jerry:  Kramer, get out of my way!
Kramer: Don't do it...  Don't do it, for my  sake.  God  knows I don't  ask
        you for *much*!!  Now, come on, please, Jerry!  I'm *beggin'* you .
        Please, C'mon...  Please
Jerry:  All right...
Kramer: Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

% He gleefully makes his way over to the window again...

Jerry: She's not there! Kramer: Oh, I'll *wait*...

% At Monk's, J+G go over the previous evening's events...

Jerry: The nurse was givin' her a *sponge* bath? George: Every night at 6:30. The *nurse* was gorgeous. Then I got a look at the patient. Whoo, I was goin' nuts... Jerry: So, I guess you'll be goin' back to *that* hospital. George: Well, my *mother*, Jerry. Jerry: But, are you still Master of your domain? George: I am King of the County. You? Jerry: Lord of the Manor...

% Elaine comes in.

Elaine: John F. Kennedy, *Juniaahhh*.
Jerry:  What?
Elaine: He was in my aerobics class...
George: Really.  Did you talk to him?
Elaine: No, you don't  understand--  he was *working* *out* in front of me.
        So, listen.  After the class is over, I time my walk to the door so
        we would  get  there at the exact  same  moment.  And he says to me
        "Quite a workout"
George: "Quite a workout"?  What did you say?
Elaine: I said "Yeah".
Jerry:  [Pause]  Good one...
Elaine: So listen,  listen...  Then I showered and I dressed, and I saw him
        again on the way out.  So we're walkin' and talkin' and he asked me
        my name, and I  *think*  I said  "Elaine",  but I mean who the Hell
        knows, and so then he says to me "Do you wanna split a cab uptown?"
        And I said sure, even  though I was goin'  downtown.  So, we get in
        the cab, and I mean I have *no* idea where I'm goin,  right?  But I
        mean, this is John F.  Kennedy, Jr.  we're talkin'  about.  SO then
        he says to me "So,  where do you  live?"  and I was  close  to your
        block so I said your  building  so he dropped me off in front and I
        had to take a cab  all  the way  back  downtown  to my  house.  Oh,
        God...

% She cools herself off by taking her glass of water and pressing it to her % forehead. Yeesh-- I thought only I had that effect on women...

Jerry: The question is-- are you still Master of Your Domain? Elaine: I'm Queen of the Castle.

% At the hospital, George rushes into her Mom's room at 6:25. Coincidence? % Not bloody likely...

Mrs. C: You're back!
George: Of course, I'm back!  Why  wouldn't I be back?  My mother's  in the
        hospital, I'm gonna pay her a visit.
Mrs. C: I know, but two days in a row?  You didn't have to do this...
George: You're my mother!  What wouldn't I do for you?
Mrs. C: You know what you could do?  I haven't  eaten  lunch or  dinner.  I
        can't eat this hospital food.  Maybe you could run down to the Deli
        and get me a sandwich.
George: You got it, Ma...  A little later.
Mrs. C: Could you go now, Georgie?  I'm very hungry; I'm weak.
George: Wait a little while, Ma.  What's the difference?
Mrs. C: I don't understand, why you can't do this for me.
George: I just got here, Ma...  I'd like to spend a little time with you.
Mrs. C: But if you wait they  won't  let you back in!  Visiting  hours  are
        almost over!
George: Ten minutes!  Here, have some Tic Tacs.

% I understand those can be very refreshing...

Mrs. C: Get the Hell out of here! I'm sorry you came... Nurse: 6:30. Time for your bath... Mrs. C: George? I'm hungry George: Hang on, Ma... Hang on...

% Back at the aerobics studio, a rather gussied-up Elaine comes in.

Joyce: Hi! Elaine: Hi. Joyce: Did you get your hair done today? Elaine: No, I just... uh... fixed it a little bit.

% She checks her breath and primps her hair...

Joyce:  You-know-who  isn't  here.  He was in the early class  today, but I
        think you made quite an impression on him yesterday.
Elaine: What?   What?  Who?  Who,   me?  I   made   an   impression?   What
        impression?
Joyce:  Let me just put this back--
Elaine: No, no, now!  Tell me now!  What did he say?
Joyce:  He asked about you.
Elaine: He asked  about me!?  John  Kennedy  asked  about me!?  What did he
        say!!?!
Joyce:  He wanted to know your situation.
Elaine: What situation?  I have a situation?
Joyce:  I-I told him you were single.
Elaine: That was good.  That was very good...
Joyce:  He said you were just his type!
Elaine: Okay, you tryin' to hurt me?  You tryin' to hurt me?  You're tryin'
        to injure me, right?  You're tryin to hur me...
Joyce:  He also told me to tell you he'll be in your neighbourhood tomorrow
        around  9:00, so he's gonna stop in front of your  building  if you
        want to come down and say hello.

% Back at Jerry's place, Jerry is talking to his Mom on the phone...

Jerry:  All right, Ma, I'll talk to you later.  Nothin',  I'm, uh, watching
        "Tiny Toons" here on Nickelodeon.  I like kid's shows, they're very
        innocent, wholesome quality.  All right.  Talk to you later.  Bye.

% ...while Kramer is carefully scoping the lady across the way.

Kramer: That's  good.  That's  very, very  good.  Well,  it's hot in there,
        it's hot in there, so just walk  around.  Don't be  ashamed.  Don't
        be ashamed.  That's good...  That's good...

% Jerry is seemingly perplexed. He concentrates on "Tiny Toons" and he and % the K-Man engage in a sing-along...

Jerry: The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round... Kramer: The woman across the block has nothing on, nothing on, nothing on.. Jerry: The washers on the bus go woosh woosh woosh, woosh woosh woosh... Kramer: The woman across the block has nothing on, nothing on, nothing on..

% Bedtime again: % % George stares at the ceiling again, Jerry tosses, Kramer is stone cold % again and Elaine... saws logs!

George: All you got is instant coffee? Why don't you get some *real* coffee. Jerry: I don't keep real coffee in here, I get my coffee on the outside!

% The buzzer rings...

Jerry: YEAH!?! Elaine: It's Elaine... Jerry: COME ON UP!

% Before Jerry can return to the kitchen, George intercepts:

George: Where did you get those socks?!
Jerry:  I dunno...
George: I think those are *my* socks!
Jerry:  How are these *your* socks?
George: I dunno,  but those are *my*  socks!  I had a pair  just  like that
        with the blue stripe and now I don't *have* them anymore!!
Jerry:  Oh yeah, that's right, well you fell asleep one day on the sofa and
        I took them off your  stinkin'  feet, they  looked so good to me, I
        just had to have 'em!!!
George: Yeah, well, they're *MY SOCKS*!
Jerry:  They're my socks!!!

Jerry: What are we doin' here George: Do you believe this? We're fighting, we're fighting! Jerry: I haven't been myself lately, I've been snapping at everybody... George: Me too, I'm yelling at strangers on the street.

% Elaine creeps inside, not saying much. She looks... guilty.

Elaine: Hello...

% She starts slapping down those hundred dollar bills...

George: You caved?! Jerry: It's over!?! George: You're out?!? Jerry: Oh my God, the Queen is dead!

George: I figured you'd cruise, at least through the Spring...
Jerry:  What happened?
Elaine: It was, uh, John John...
G+J:    Oh, John John...
Jerry:  But you made it through the day before...
Elaine: Yeah, but  yesterday  he told Joyce the  aerobics  teacher  that he
        wants to meet me outside here at 9:00 tonight.
Jerry:  Why outside here?
Elaine: Because he thinks I live here,  remember when we shared that cab he
        dropped me off in front; he's pickin' me up.

% It's back to business for the boys...

Jerry: All right, Costanza... It's you and me. George: And then... There were two...

% But Elaine is distracted elsewhere in her own little world...

Elaine: Elaine... Benes... Kennedy... Junior...

% Flash-forward to Marla and Jerry getting it on on his couch:

Marla: Let's go in the bedroom. Jerry: Really? Marla: Yes. Jerry: You sure? Marla: Yes. Jerry: You really want to? Marla: I do, I'm ready. Jerry: Okay... Marla: I know how difficult this must have been for you... Jerry: You don't know the half of it... Marla: What do you mean Jerry: It's kind of silly, but--

% Cut to outside Jerry's building where Elaine is waiting for JFK, Jr. to % arrive. % % Back upstairs:

Marla:  Contest?  A contest!!  This is what you do with your friends?
Jerry:  Well, no, it was just a bet!  Actually, it all started  with George
        and his mother--
Marla:  I don't want to hear  another  word!  And to think how close I came
        to you being the one!  I must have been out of my mind.

% She leaves. Jerry grieves for oh, about three seconds. He takes a seat % by the window to check out what's going on across the street. Downstairs, % Marla bumps into Elaine.

Elaine: Marla! Hi! I'm glad I ran into you-- Marla: I don't want to have anything to do with you or your perverted friends... Elaine: Why Marla: Oooh, get away from me! You're horrible! Horrible! All of you!

% Elaine goes upstairs to see what's goin' on...

Elaine: What happened? Jerry: I told her about the contest... Elaine: Boy, she's a wacko!

% George comes in...

George: What happened? Elaine: What? George: I thought you were meeting Kennedy? Elaine: He didn't show. George: Yeah he did Elaine: What? He's out there? Oh my God... I gotta go... I gotta go... George: No no no, he just left. Elaine: What? George: Yeah, he was out there talkin' to Marla. Jerry: Marla!? George: Yeah, she was like, crying and he was consoling her, and she got in his car and they just drove away... Elaine: He left with *Marla* the *virgin*... George: Yeah. Elaine: They drove away? George: Yeah, drove away. Yeah, I said Hello to him, he's--

% Gang, you've got bigger problems... Jerry has notices something out the % window...

Jerry: Oh my God in Heaven! Elaine: Is that...? George: Kramer!??! Elaine: He's... waving!

% What excatly was he waving, is what I want to know... % % Later, at bedtime, all four are sleeping soundly, and as a bonus, the % K-Man is sleeping with the naked woman from across the way in his arms. % There is one other bedtime showing, however:

Marla: Oh John, that was wonderful...

% As Elaine would say: Marla... Deflowered... Kennedy... Junior... % % Closing monologue:

Jerry:  Men want to  see women naked.   Whatever it is  that you won't show
        us,  that's  what  we're  obsessed  with  seeing.  I mean, if women
        always  wore hats in public  all the  time,  you'd  see men  buying
        "Playhead"  magazine,  y'know, "Skulls of the Big Ten".  This would
        be all that we're  interested  in.  That's why I worry about  these
        cultures like in "National  Geographic"  where  everybody's  naked,
        y'know?.  What do the men in these cultures try to look at when the
        women  walk by?  How  could you have a strip  club in a place  like
        that?  Woman goes on stage,  y'know, takes off the necklace,  takes
        out the nose ring,  that's  it-- the show's  over.  A member of the
        audience is going "Did you see that little indentation there in the
        top of her lip?  I told you, man, this place is *hot*!"
===========================================================================
This episode  capsule is intended  solely for the private  enjoyment of the
readers of alt.tv.seinfeld  and the Vandelay  Industries  mailing list (and
others,  I  suppose)  and  is  provided  by  Scott  Simpson   through  many
life-endangering   hours  of  laborious   and  grueling   compilation   and
transcription.  The quotes  contained  herein are obviously the property of
Castle Rock  Entertainment  (or Jerry  Seinfeld, or someone) and any of the
above  text  should not be used for any  commercial  purposes  without  the
permission of the owners, lest they track you down and make you squeal like
a stuck pig...
---
 By day, [email], by night, rec.sport.hockey Ottawa Senators Contact
TODAY'S .SIG: [Pay heed, for this quote/word/fact may alter your very being!]
"(Chad) Erickson was a complete joke.  He will never play for us again.  The
 guy who drafted him should be dead." -- Cincinnati coach Dennis Derosiers
)-> In case it's not obvious, BNR and I may or may not share these views. <-(
Don HosekScott Simpson

Hey! There were some scenes/conversations which didn't focus on masturbation! Someone call Rev. Wildmon and tell him to call off his dogs!

-dh