As a public cervix to broaden the cultural and literary horizons of the members of this newsgroup, I will be selecting books that will appeal to discriminating tastes.
This month's selection:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0439424690
huh huh *members*
"> This month's selection:
Did you read the plot? I want this book! I'm ordering it. Nothing as relaxing as putting on the velvet crack smoking jacket, packing up the pipe with the finest money can buy, having the servants bring me some scotch, and relaxing in the Turd study with a good book.
CyberButt wrote in message news:...
I don't know, it sounds like that might give me nightmares. I don't want my butt to read that and decide to go all psycho on my ass.
"CyberButt" wrote in message news:[email]...
horizons of
that will
I hope someone buys the movie rights. A movie about butt insurrections (I said erections huhhuhhuh) would be cool.
A theme similar to 'Pet Cemetary' would be great. The butts of dead people come to life and go around kicking the butts of living butts.
"Butt Cemetary", coming soon to a theater near you.
"King Turd" wrote in message news:a0IWb.39159$[email]...
cool.
butts of dead people
butts.
Like, the dead butts are close to taking over the earth and there's no hero that can stop them until the butt to end all butts arrives on the scene to send all the dead butts back to where they came from. Yeah!
Jennifer Lopez has been waiting for this movie all her life, she has a butt I can believe in.
TYDT
I think we're onto something here, but I think J-Ho is the wrong leading lady. Butts that suck, suck. We need someone with a better butt. Like Whamee.
"King Turd" wrote in message news:YadXb.65179$[email]...
and
all
back
life,
wrong leading
better butt. Like
I think you're confusing two different things, J-Lo is laughable singing and dancing and her face looks like she has been repeatedly hit with a steel bat. Butt hehehe in a saving civilization, good vs evil fight to death butt contest J-Lo is your girl. I know no better butt for the job. Dammit the girl looks like she's wearing nappies*
TYDT
*('Diapers')Ohhhhh, ok, I see where youre going with that. It not the Quality of the butt, its the Quantity of the butt. And in J-Ho's case, she would win, butts down. Her big ass would beat the crap out of hotter chicks butts, any day. We should do celebrity butt-match. We could be rich!
"King Turd" wrote in message news:52eXb.3453$[email]...
she
a
Quality of the
she would win,
chicks butts, any
rich!
Why sure, I mean a butt can be quicker, have more reach or better reflexes but it is still isn't going to have much effect on J-Lo's big fat ass. Celebrity butt-munch, sorry matches sounds like a good idea.
Live from the Butt Bowl, Butte Montana....
Super Heavyweight
J-Lopez vs Johnny Depps mum in 'What's Eating Gilbert Grape' (a bigggg mama)
Super Mediumweight
Oprah Winfrey vs Al Gore
Super Lightwieght
Calista Flockhart vs Celine Dion
As they said on Robocop 'I'd buy that for a dollar'.
TYDT
On Fri, 13 Feb 2004 22:18:51 +0000, Roy Batty wrote:
Diapers? I'm wearing diapers too! I'll do the job for you!!
Maatloooock!!!!!!!!!
Abe, why the hell are you so obsessed with Matlock? Do you want him to 'do the job for you'?
On Sat, 14 Feb 2004 17:21:31 -0500, King Turd wrote:
I'm old. I hate everything except Matlock. Ooo, it's on!
Maatlooooock!!!!!!!!
Matlock sucks. Old people suck. Old people just take up oxygen that I could be breathing, and always drive too slow, and take too long in the checkout line at the grocery store.. I hear that the Springfield Old Folks Home is really a gay swingers club. So, Abe, you swing on that side of the fence since your girlfriend left you after you lost your license to drive, huh?
Dammit, you old fartknocker, I can't be dead before I was born! Youre so old, you probably struck out with that Eve chick. I'll kick your ass out of the Stonecutters as quick as Snoop puts the smack down on some trick ass ho, G. Ask your underwear if youre a suck ass bunghole, then shake them around. Check the skidmark.
See. "Signs poing to yes".
You've obviously got me confused with some old dude who nukes stuff. I didn't steal your soul. In your old geezer forgetfullenss, you obviously forgot that you traded your soul for some nachos, a bottle of laxative, and the March issue of Spank at the quickie mart. Maggie, who by coincidence is the name of my Turd Dog with eleventeen nipples, shot MB, not ME. I'm getting old, but not that old yet. I wasnt there. It wasn't me. I was busy in Shelbyville doing it with the neighbor on the bathroom floor. It wasn't me. I caught diarrhea from that slut in Shelbyville, the doctor told me the pills would clear the diarahea right up in a week or so and the spots and itching would go away, and nobody would ever know.
What do you want to sacrifice?? I already sacrificed a keyboard by fire, what more does our God desire?
"King Turd" wrote in message news:qzcYb.63507$[email]...
were shot dead by
stolen my soul.
you've got
And no TP,
the time in the
nukes stuff. I
forgetfullenss, you obviously
of laxative, and
by coincidence is
not ME. I'm
wasn't me. I was busy
floor. It wasn't
doctor told me the
and the spots and
keyboard by fire,
Errr, sorry to interrupt while you're getting on so famously but have we swapped cartoons? I mean the simpsons sometimes has breaking things and fire but never turds or Henry Rollins videos. And you never got guest appearances from Tony Blair or Sting in Beavis & Butthead. That would have sucked, unless they were on fire or blown up or something.
Sacrifice sounds good though, maybe someone should be taken to lake titikaka, have a sack of 'Do The Bartman' records tied to his/her feet and then be sent underwater to 'dream with the turds'. If we do this, I want to be called 'Godfather Hulio, The ButtTown Don'. Yeah, I'm probably as fat as some of those Sopranos...
TYDT
Shelbiville.
The Stones are old. And they don't park cars in swimming pools anymore.
call a
Cigarettes, a certain kind of meatball and John Malkovich, all fags in the british vernacular...
the chicks like
I don't think it was his fatness that got Germy Ron the chicks, not the fatness of his waist anyway.
dickity cause
rascal to get it
highly dubious...
problem!
Nurse, nurse, morphine, nurse...
TYDT
The morphine is excellent today. Pass some over here, please.
"King Turd" wrote in message news:PGeZb.10880$[email]...
please.
Injection or suppositary?
TYDT
I dunno, which gives a better buzz?
"King Turd" wrote in message news:0buZb.21$[email]...
I'd skip both and take it in liquid form, washed down with 'The Edge'.
There aren't many times when it's clever to anaethetize your butt:
Michael Jackson sleepovers Showers in the federal penitentary 24 hours after you've swallowed your keys.
I remember a story about a man who injected heroin into his pecker, to get a 'special feeling'. I guess it was not a clean needle nor clean heroin as he got gangrene and had to have several arms and legs, toes and fingers (on the surviving arm and leg) amputated.
Of course he lost his pecker too.
In summary, my outlook is that its better to get a buzz from whatever part of your body you are most happy to lose. For me it is my brain as thinking hurts and gets in the way of important business of monkey spanking and crapping.
TYDT
After drinking 10 bottles of Keopectate and waiting to give birth to a weeks worth of brick-turd would be a good time to anaethetize your butt. Don't ask how I know. Oh, and anytime you have to go to the DMV and pay taxes on a vehicle you just bought, thats a good time too.
Thats what he gets for being a dumbass. I'd like to buy a substance of unknown origin, purity, and cut, and inject in into my weiner, please. God, what an a-hole. At least he can't breed now. He should have just went to the QuickMart and bought a 6 pack of Edge. That usually works just fine for me.
substance of
weiner, please. God,
have just went to
works just fine for
This was before the days of those 'Darwin Awards' books . He would have got a photo on the cover of the book, a trophy, a diploma and most likely be made Professor Emeritus of Dumbarse University, in the Department of Applied Dilholeogy . I don't know why they don't use him in the drugs awareness ads, having your pecker fall off is much more frightening than a telling off from Nancy Reagan. Unless she was naked, that would be scary...
I'm sure he got a buzz out of it for a while before the blood poisoning started. He must have wondered 'Is this a boner or rigor mortis...'
TYDT
"Roy Batty" wrote in message news:...
Yeah, J-Lo's butt scares me. My butt thanks you for your support, though.
Seriously, with your hands on my ass like that I don't have to worry about sagging *at all.*
"> Yeah, J-Lo's butt scares me. My butt thanks you for your support,
I'll be glad to help keep the effects of gravity for harming your butt. Baby.
"King Turd" wrote in message news:YFeZb.10878$[email]...
your support,
have to worry
harming your butt.
Goddammit, what is duct tape for?
TYDT
"Roy Batty" wrote in message news:...
Bondage...meh he heh
support,
have to worry
Scares, not excites? That's a disappointment....
TYDT
"Roy Batty" wrote in message news:...
No she's scary. She's probably the kind of chick who would put a snake on your weiner when your sleeping. She's a suck-ubus. She sucks--no, not like that. ...I guess I'm just not man enough to "handle" her.
would put a
suck-ubus. She
enough to
A snake on my snake? Isn't that gay or something? You kinky californicators confuse me...
"Roy Batty" wrote in message news:...
It's only gay if you're not a vagitarian.
"Jeni" wrote in message news:[email]...
message news:...
kinky
I'm very much a kitten lover. I have the scratches to prove it.