The rumors of the last couple days are true. Beavis is BLACK!! This news has recently been confirmed by BUTTOCK REVIEW magazine after a surprising disclosure by Beavis's father during what had up to that point seemed like a run-of-the-mill interview.
For those of us who had speculated on the origin of Beavis's awesome "Pompadour of Splendor" and theorized about the flair with which he performed dances such as the "Double Inverted Fartknocker Nad Twist," the long wait is over. The same is true for the denizens of the Rev. Matthew Carey's favorite newsgroup, alt.tv.beavis-n-butthead.
One member of the group, who identified himself as "Ulf Bungmunch," had this to say when asked for a comment:
"This ought to put the old kibosh on those 'Who's Beavis's Daddy' threads. Now we can concentrate on those 'Virtual Stupidity' fartknockers."
And who is Beavis's father? None other than the celebrated Chicago Bulls power forward Dennis Rodman (Mheh heh heh. I said 'rod'), who fathered the MTV cartoon star on a wild weekend of passion while playing for Southeast Oklahoma State Junior College in 1981.
"What can I say? That boy's mama was the biggest slut I ever done it with," says the nipple-pierced Rajah of Rebound in this month's BUTTOCK REVIEW. "Even bigger than Madonna. And ugly? Woah! All I can say is that my Johnson ain't got no eyes."
"And it's not like I'm a racist or nuthin," continues the Tattooed Wonder, "'cuz I've got all sorts of kiddies, black, white, red, yellow, you name it. And I love em all. But any kid that this slut back then popped, ugh! Man, I just took off runnin' and I ain't stopped yet!"
(to be continued, and stuff...)