Just curious, guys, when you scratch your nads, do you use the up and down method, or the pinch and roll method? Girls, if you scratch your boyfriends/husbands nads for him, what method do you use? This is for a masters thesis, so please take this seriously...meheh....master....
King Turd A turd in hand is worth two in the bush.
huh huh I got my wife one of those wooden back scratchers and she uses it to scratch my gooch (that spot between your balls and your ass..huh huh) I use both methods quite often. I'm 29 and finally got a circumcision last week and now I walk like a cowboy and have at least 30 stitches around my Johnson..feels like I'm being attacked by piranahs or when that time Beavis got his weiner caught in a mousetrap and Butt-Head ate the cheese off of it later. 24 hours a day..thank LordBeavis for narcotics.
Butt-Munch
to
use
Ahhh, yes, the 'back scratcher' method...a fork works almost as well...though you might not want to put it back in the drawer afterward.
I'm 29 and finally got a circumcision last week
Beavis
it
mhehehe...!..mheheheheh!!! Uhhh..heheheh!!!!
Thats the coolest post of the week!
I don't think that she likes you that much, that could cause severe nad damage. Unless your one of those macho-kist dudes who's into stuff like that. But thanks for your input, I'll add the 'wire brush' method to my paper. She ever try sandpaper?
King Turd disturbingly wrote:
oh man, just how gay does THAT sound? ;-O
On Wed, 14 May 2003 15:26:15 GMT, Argy wrote:
You are just jealous of the King, nadsmacker. All hail King Turd!
"Argy" wrote in message news:[email]...
down
Ehh, not gay unless I was asking to do it... besides, I was trying to start a conversation, buttmunch... What the hell have you done around here lately?... just sitting around here, hanging out like a lazy turd, making all the rest of us do all the work! Dammit, Argy, my uncle didn't go to Vietnam so that you could sit around like a lazy turd, taking your sweet ass time, and do nothing! Now take this milk crate and get to work, dammit, and prove how cool you are.
On Wed, 14 May 2003 17:51:51 -0400, "King Turd" wrote:
I'm not cool. (although I did score once....I think) When I tried to join Todd's gang I got my ass kicked. That was pretty cool though. In 1972 I thought I was going to be drafted into the Army gang for Vietnam but I won that lottery. eheheh dammit, even THAT gang didn't want me. I used to write fanfics.......but they all sucked. ;O
I was at the beach one day, laying out to get some tan(tm). At one point, I noticed that there was an ANT walking around on the bikini top of the chick near me....
Me (to myself): "emehehhe...cool!"
<smart-ant stays on fabric so the chick won't feel him walking around>
I could SWEAR that it had a smile on it's little face, so I decided to check it out.... I crawled over next to the chick and sure enough, the ant was standing there, on her thingie, grinning from antennae to antennae. emeheheh I could also hear a faint, "uhhhh huhhuh huhuhuh huhuhuhuh" ;)
all of the sudden I hear, "AHEM..." I looked up to see the chick GLARING at me (arrgghh!!)
The chick: "And just WHAT do you think you're doing, CREEP?"
Me: "Uhhhhh, I was just looking at that ant on your thingie..."
<SLAP!, SLAP!, SLAP!!!>
Me: "OWWW, OWWW, OWWW!!!!!"
Then just about that time, the lifeguard\body builder\beach bully dude walked up... (uhhh, he was glaring at me too!)
Lifeguard: "Is there a problem here, miss?"
Chick: "Yeah, I caught this pervert staring at my boobs!"
Me: "Uhhhhhh....."
Then the lifeguard kicked sand in my face and THEN he kicked my ass and after he tired of this, he dragged me across the sand and threw me over the railing onto the boardwalk!
Me: "OWW, OWWW, OWWW, OWW!!!!"
Then I got on my bike and rode home. huhuhuh, that was a pretty cool day!
"Argy" wrote in message news:[email]...
start
Pretty funny, bunghole :)
That ant story ruled, now I have something to laugh about on the way to my suckass job this morning.
hahhaha You saw that word-change, eh? emeheheh :-P I didn't think (many or any) would notice that.
GT! (Gee Thanks!) Sorry about my teasing....it's *always* written in jest. My daughter often yells at me...."you can't say that stuff to ppl, Dad, they don't know you're joking like I do."
;-D
">
Like, its all in the details...or someting...like, when your looking at a picture of some chick, and you notice that she seems to be smuggling raisins in her top..all in the details.... :)
Sorry?? Never apologize for something cool! Only apologise when you steal stuff and get caught...and only then cause your trying to convince the cop not to take you downtown...
My daughter often yells at me...."you can't say that stuff to
Woah! You have a daughter! That means you must have scored, at least once! All atvbnb, bow in respect to Argy, not only did he score, his swimmers hit the mark! :) Mhehehe O~ o~ 0~ heheheheehe...
eheheh....I stole a $10 item from 7-11 once! arrgghhh! I walked in and saw a display about "internet access...pay by the minute" or something like that. So i was looking all around for the cd to sign up...I just wanted to check it out. I asked, and the employees didn't know where they were either. so we were all looking around the store for the cds.
After several minutes, I found them...they were behind something else right on the checkout counter. You know how internet sign-up cd's are always free? (like AOL cds) Well, that's what I assumed in this case too.
So I found it, held it up and told the 7-11 ppl, "OH here it is..Thanks!" and I just walked out with it. eheheh
I got home and threw it on my desk. The next morning, i started looking at it and that's when I noticed that it WAS NOT a free sign-up cd...it was like a phone-card thing and sold for $9.99!
OH MAN!!!!! ARRGHHHHHHHHH!!!!! >;-[]
I freaked out and immediately took it back to 7-11. They all laughed ant laughed....they didn't know it was free either.
But if someone there DID know, I could have been arrested for shoplifting. crap! "don't drop the soap!" ;-O
Whew! :-O
One thing we *do* know for sure... my wife scored once. huhhuh ;-O
"King Turd" wrote in news:rfewa.32026$[email]:
Now, as a medical doctor, I must caution the members of this newsgroup to be gentle when relieving itching in the nether region. It must be done in a way which doesn't cause harm to the genital organs.
Personally, I prefer the use of a Buttscratcher 2000 (TM) gently applied to the private parts to relieve such itch. Use only as directed.
Love
Dr. Mucus Welby, M.D. Gynecologist, Proctologist, Psychiatrist American Academy of Proctology (remove the TUMOR to reply by email)
On Fri, 16 May 2003 19:53:47 -0500, "Dr. Mucus Welby, M.D." wrote:
Dammit boy, that's nothing but a bent coat-hanger!!!
to
That's exactly what I was thinkin'. Damn shysters...
Yeah, can't trust these con artists. I haven't heard back from you about buying some TURD stock yet, sir. I accept cash and credit card numbers.
"King Turd" wrote in message news:YGxxa.2523$[email]...
I'm still pretty new to this internet thing, but is this what they call "Spam"? This feller keeps tryin' to get me to invest in his stock, and I don't want a damn thing to do with it. He just keeps tryin' and tryin', though, just like that frog. Flappin' his little froggy feet and flappin' some more. I guess you hafta admire his persistence, but I just want him to go away. Is this one of those things that you can report him to his IRS or IPS or whatever it is and they'll make him stop? Is it against any kid of law to use the name "Turd"? Seems like with kids on the internet, we wouldn't allow that kind of filth...
want
No, sir, its not Spam, its a valuable offer sent to you thats sure to make you *Get Rich Quick* and secure your financial future, unsolicited and commercial, of course! I also offer such fine items as porno, penis enlargement pills, morgage loans, bill consolidation, cologne to make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex, home equity loans, online casino gambling, herbal viagra, free travel to the Bahamas, pills that make you lose weight and still let you eat like a pig, and best of all herbal breast enlargement pills (for 'da ladiez). How many bottles of penis enlargement pills would you like, sir? Or perhaps you would like bigger boobs?
He just keeps tryin' and tryin', though, just
Yeah, one frog gave up, but the other one cut the cheese and didn't boil to death. So, I'll just keep cutting the cheese...mheheh...keep it up...speaking of which, how many bottles of herbal viagra would you like to order, sir?
Is this one of those things that you can report him to his IRS or
You can report such complaints to the UPS. In the meantime, a guy I know runs this oil company in Nigera and has $50 million dollars that was 'over invoiced' in a bank account, and needs someone in the US to help him get it out of Nigeria. He'll pay you $10 million to help out. Interested?
"King Turd" wrote in news:Nvzxa.1833$[email]:
My humble medical opinions on the above topics of unsolicited commercial email are as follows:
1) to lose weight, the most effective method to rid oneself of 10 or more pounds of ugly fat is to put one's head in a guillotine and chop it off.
2) to increase the size of one's bust, the classic mantra "we must! we must! we must increase the bust!" is a good psychological booster and is a good way to increase the volume of one's hooters. If that doesn't work, going to a gas station and hooking up one's nipples to the air hose is a viable alternative.
3) and as for increasing the size of one's tallywanker, I agree with my contemporary Austin Powers and advocate the use of a vacuum pump, Swedish of course. :)
As usual, this USENET post is not intended to replace the advice of your physician. Not responsible for what happens to your ugly fat, small boobs, or needle-like tallywanker. Use only as directed. Under 17 must be accompanied by a parent. Never leave child unattended. Always wear eye protection. May be too intense for younger children. Parental discretion is advised. Yadda Yadda Yadda.
Love
Dr. Mucus Welby, M.D., Ph.D., F.O.B., D.D., N.U.T.Z. Gynecologist, Proctologist, Psychiatrist American Academy of Proctology (remove the TUMOR to reply by email)
"King Turd" wrote in message news:Nvzxa.1833$[email]...
No, and I'm reporting you to the UPS right now! They've got me on hold, but as soon as I get the right person on the phone, you're going to be kicked off the internet forever! Damn spammers...
"Tom Anderson" wrote in message news:3ec80ae3$0$202$[email]...
$50
Once they pick up the phone, I'm sure they can also assist you in sending me the package of unmarked bills for the penis pills...mheheh....brown....
On Sat, 17 May 2003 16:53:29 -0600, "Tom Anderson" wrote:
Call the cops on him. Tell them to use the tazer!! And then give him a full cavity search!
On Sat, 17 May 2003 22:44:53 -0400, CyberButt wrote:
Hey Mr. Anderson, Isn't that what you like to call your little boyfreinds whilst you spank em' the hard way? Just wondering because I was hanging out at the VFW with Moose Thompson again and he mentioned something about you callin' ur boys Damn little spammers. You are a dirty dirty old fella' are'nt ya?
"Dave" wrote in message news:[email]...
I got the UPS on hold for you now, too, pervert!
My nads itch.
That happens every time I go swimming down by the nuclear plant. The water coming out of there is all warm.
My nads have turned bright orange too. It's pretty cool.
"CyberButt" wrote in message news:[email]...
Yeah, that is pretty cool. Like, I sure would want some glow-in-the-dark nads if I had the chance... Oh yeah, and how about yer turds? What colour are these?
On Mon, 26 May 2003 06:25:21 GMT, "aghasee" wrote:
Yes, aghasee, thank you for your concern about my turds. So many people don't even think to ask.
They are uh, bright green, same as usual when i eat a whole box of Froot Loops. It's not as cool as having diarrhea though. One time, I drank a bottle of kay-hoe-peck-taint, because it said on the bottle it was for diarrhea? But dammit, it didn't work! I didn't even poop at all for a whole week.
Then I pooped out this brick. I still have it. It's in my sock drawer.
Cyberbutt
You should sell it on ebay, after a good polishing of course. You could be rich!
On Tue, 27 May 2003 06:17:26 -0400, "King Turd" wrote:
Yeah, yeah!! I will invest it all in TURD stock!! For my portfolio!
<pulling T-shirt over head>
Would you like to see my portfolio? Do not make my portfolio angry!! I need cappucino!!
Get down the sperm bank now and make a donation. Mutant kids rule.
Thankyou, drive through
Especially mutant kids with no bunghole. Bungholio.
I use an orbital sander although my urologist advises against it. After the first or second blackout you don't notice the pain so much.
Thank you, drive through
"roy batty" wrote in message news:...
Congrdulations young Batty. I Siilus Delarge declare you the king of KO. You have been unconsious so many times that you will bow down to the almighty bunghole!