Nachos

Aug 31, 2002, 10:37 AM ET6 posts by 6 postersalt.tv.beavis-n-butthead
6 posts
Gary M.↩ Richard Keslaralt.tv.beavis-n-butthead

Yeah, they do....but be warned...they can ruin your love life. (repost of old nachos story):

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A Nachos Story - by Argy
Last Friday, as I was waiting for Beavis-n-Butthead
to come on TV, I realized that I was hungry.  Hadn't
eaten all day... So, I walked up to the nearby 7-11
to buy some nachos...
        ................................................
          If you don't live where there is a 7-11, you
          are missing some great nachos. You buy the tray
          of chips, then you can put on the meat sauce and
          cheese - as much as you like!  All for $1.99!!!
        ................................................

Anyway, I bought some, then went home and started watching the show. As I was eating, I noticed that there was a pea-sized black spot in the meat sauce. Always curious, I dug into the sauce to check it out. The black spot had 6 legs on it. Cool. I dug more and discovered that the 'spot' was a dead fly!

My first thought was, ' Awww, SICK!, there's a fly in my food.'

I was, like, tempted to throw it away and stuff, but then...a light-bulb appeared over my head . . . I thought to myself, 'Self, the meat sauce container had a lid on it and everything came out of the pump. Therefore, they must have intended for this fly to be in the sauce . . . it must be for flavor or something (!?!) Maybe like a bay leaf, you only need one to flavor the whole sauce.

So, I kept eating. Two or three chips later, I scooped up the fly in a bite, and you know what??? - that was the BEST tasting nacho in the batch!!!!!!!!! Like, the rest of them were good, but that ONE really kicked ass!!!!

So anyway, later that night, my girlfriend stopped over, and I told her about the nacho stuff and she just got up and left! She wouldn't even kiss me goodbye or anything. WTH?

I figured that she was just mad and stuff because I had this great meal and didn't save her any. So, the next day, I called her up and invited her to dinner . . . 'I'm going to make the WORLD's GREATEST NACHOS for YOU!'

Remembering the 'fly' secret ingredient, as the sauce was cooking, I tried my best to find a fly to add to it. There were no fly's. (They're everywhere until you really want one.)

THEN, another 'light-bulb' appeared over my head . . . I thought . . . wait a minute, why would a fly make such a difference? Then I realized - flys sit on pOOp all day before they land on your food . . . . the 'secret ingredient' MUST be dog pOOp - not the fly itself!

..............................................................
        Meanwhile, outside in the yard...
A fly zooms in for a 'carrier-style' landing on a fresh pile
of doggie pOOp. Another fly is already there . . .

Fly 1: 'Oh, hi Bill. How's the stuff?'

    Fly 2 (Bill):  'Hey Fred, what's up? This pile is great!
                    You don't get any fresher than this!'
    Fly 1 (Fred):  'Yeah, like, I was just flying around, and
                    I noticed the steam, so I figured it must
                    be really fresh!'

Fly 2 (Bill):'Yeah, the dog is still over there' (he points)

    Fly 1 (Fred): (After mushing his legs deep in the pOOp)
                  'Well, gotta run, Bill.  Got lots of good
                   pOOp on my feet, time to go walk around
                   on some human food just to  piss them
                   off, hehhehmehehhheh'
    Fly 2 (Bill):  'Meh hehheh - yeah, people are dumb-asses
                   - hehheh mehehheh'
                Fred flys off to the nearest open door...
............................................................

Anyway (back to my story). So I figured that dog pOOp was the REAL secret ingredient. Since I couldn't find a fly, I went outside and found a fresh dog pOOpie. I scooped up a teaspoon, or so, then went back in and added it to the nacho sauce.

Later that night, my girlfriend and I were having dinner. (I even had candles lit and stuff). Halfway through the meal, she told me how this was, like, the best dinner that she ever had. I thought to myself, 'Whoa, I should score tonight...YES!!!!'

Beaming with pride, I decided to tell her the secret recipe. After I finished telling her, she just looked at me weirdly, dropped the nacho chip that was in her hand, and got up from the table.

Then she, like, broke up with me or something (permanently) and then she left. I was really upset, but I DID have more nachos for myself. I guess she just couldn't handle having a boyfriend that knew how to cook. Some chicks have to feel needed, or something.

So anyway, I'm alone and stuff now...looking for a new girlfriend - someone that can appreciate a dude that can cook and take care of stuff...know anybody that might be interested?

  BTW, the 'secret ingredient' is also good in spagetti sauce!
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        Argy   :^)