King Taco

I was browsing through the sports section of the TV guide when I came across the words 'King Taco Racing'. It had me wondering. How fast is a Taco? How well does it corner? If a Taco raced a Burrito, who would win? And King Taco, is that 3000cc and above or with a special sauce?

After I sobered up a little I discovered that this was a round of Nascar racing and American motorsports often have unlikely sponsorship. One speedway event is listed as 'Turkey Night', which sounds a little dangerous unless they adapt the controls.

I'll never find out what is all about as the racetrack is in the crispy part of California and the race is cancelled. I'll have to watch those turkeys instead...

Thankyou, drive through...

Thats how I got my name. I ate a 3000cc King Taco then immediately headed to the bathroom and dropped a King Turd. The King Taco's are really fast, it went through me in no time flat. But, to address your inquiry, its not a NASCAR race, its a T.U.R.D (Technological Universal Racing Division) sponsored event, the participants have to eat a King Taco, and its a race through the digestive tract with the winner taking home the honor of the Turd Trophy. The Turkey Night is similar, only the racer's eat turkey nuggets and have to wear restrictor plates to keep things fair.

"Roy Batty" wrote in message news:bo9eqm$aun$[email]...

across

dangerous

part

participants

the

Sounds like an exciting sport, American sports like American Football and Baseball take too long and have too many numbers. This sounds like something I can understand. I hope there is strict testing for unfair ingredients like laxatives, prune juice and amoebic dysentry. If not I'll be on the phone to the boffins at Colonic Industries right away...

TYDT

something

like

to

Nope, the rules are pretty standard in Turd Racing, any person taking any of the above banned substances has their turd racing license revoked and is blacklisted from the sport for life. They test the turds following the outcome of the races for any illegal modifications.

of

Those 'homeowners' you mentioned in your Britney defence have an unfair advantage although only in the final few inches of their alimentary canal - I would be refering to their bored out bungholes. To prevent serious cheating you need to ban those homeowners, people recently incinerated in penis-tentary and anyone who has had a cavity search in the last week and a half.

I'm sure as I ponder this weighty matter more potential abuses will come to light. Like being Roseanne Barr, who I'm told, can digest a '77 Mercury in just under an hour.

Thankyou, drive through...

"Roy Batty" wrote in message news:...

I'm confused.

When you say "bored out bungholes" do you mean bored like they have nothing to do or bored like someone took a drill and dug out their hole? And if so, how does one apply for that job?

Also, why do you want to ban those homos? I thought this was about the serious issue of illegal turd enhancement in conjunction with the fine sport of Turd Racing.

Finally, is potential abuse the same as mental masturbation and is that illegal too?

Bored out as in having a higher than average diameter rectum for expelling digested (or semi-digested) Tacos. Regulations in sport have to consider every possible abuse. Besides which it is unlikely competitors are going to be comfortable, squatting with arses bared when "homeowners" are present.

I'm not sure about mental masturbation. You're sort of suggesting that I potentially abuse myself every minute and a half,. rising (rising huhhuhhuh) to every twenty seconds when there's a woman with big thingies on the TV. Which leads me to ask, how are your thingies at the moment, we haven't heard much from them lately...

Questions answered, not get back into those woods with the petrol and matches, California won't catch fire, all on it's own...

Thankyou, drive through...

Oh, oooh. Ah-ha!

Um, no. I'm asking for, um, another reason.

My thingies are fine, thanks.

Yeah, and it looks like it never will, it started raining damnit!

"Jeni" wrote in message news:[email]...

expelling

I'm sure you'd agree, that would be cheating!!!

Do you want to make a confession? Besides which I don't think 'mental masturbation' is illegal. Maybe in North Korea or something.

TV.

heard

What could be possible go wrong with them?

Just like England, for nine months of the year...

"Roy Batty" wrote in message news:...

Definetely! That's why I never trust anyone with a rectum that's larger than normal.

No! No confession here.

Why, what have you heard?!

....yeah.....

***???!!!*** I think you are shirking your duties as head chick on this newsgroup

I once looked at some pictures of boob jobs that went wrong. The common ones were nicknamed...

Breadloaf:    The flap of skin in the cleavage gives way and you end up with
one continuous boob
Snoopy Nose:    Boob looks like...
Double Bubble:    Boob keeps changing direction...

I assumed every chick in California has had a boob job.

Thankyou, drive through...

Butt-Head said that in California every dude looks like Kato and all the chicks will do it with you. Is that true?

"King Turd" wrote in message news:aDzub.4895$[email]...

You mean KATO from the Pink Panther films???

Poor Bert Kwouk has fallen on hard times. Worse than playing a drug dealing general in 'Air America', a local comedian has him on his show, dressed as a chicken and singing a song about eggs.

It shouldn't be allowed.

TYDT

Nah, that Kato Kalin (or however ya spell it) dude that lived with OJ Simpson when OJ snuck back home with his cutlery.

dealing

a

Nothing like that should be allowed, regardless of who it is. Now, if he were dressed as Howard the Duck, that would be ok. Kwock quack.

"King Turd" wrote in message news:...

Yeah, it's pretty cool, you should check it out sometime. It's nothing but a sea of plastic boobies and chicks that will offer you sex for money.

[email] (Jeni) writes in article dated 4 Dec 2003 09:14:44 -0800:

So the men pay the women. The women pay the plastic surgeons. The plastic surgeons pay ... the surgery institute?

So to go to the top of the food-chain in Cali, you need to become a trainer of plastic surgeons.

-- spud_demon -at- thundermaker.net The above may not (yet) represent the opinions of my employer.

"Jeni" wrote in message news:[email]...

news:...

I did check out CA, I was looking for you standing in the ocean, but all I saw was hippie looking dudes sitting on the sand and a couple of drunk bums staggering around. I did meet some dude who rode a bike like mine who was all old and apparently rich and drove a BM--W and he had some hot 20 year old foreign chick who he said was his wife. Ewwww...old balls....hehehe.... Then I went to Hooters and saw plastic boobies, but none of them offered to pay me money for sex as I expected they would. What chick could resist? They must have all been thesbians. The chick that brought us our beer and food and stuff did overcharge us. Dammit. Maybe her boob payment was do. I wonder if they repossess those if you miss a few payments?

"Roy Batty" wrote in message news:...

Check it out, I'm the "head chick." What exactly are my doodies as Head chick? Is that like the morning wood fairy?

1)    You have to wear a uniform
2)    You have to inspect the other girls
3)    You have to find us some other girls.
4)    And talk about your thingies.

It is nothing like the morning wood fairy. Sometimes I want wood at 3.15pm, just after my siesta...

TYDT

"Jeni" wrote in message news:[email]...

news:...

'mental

this

Mmmmmm, well, sort of, but not really. Your doody is to please big daddy King Turd. Baby.