Beavis Says: Invest in Turds Today!

All the financial experts are recommending that everyone start investing in turds.

A LITTLE HISTORY

At one time, people ate less fast food, nachos, burritos, and chili. People were thinner, and turds were rare. The value of turds was very high.

THEN WHAT HAPPENED?

Fast food exploded in the 70s. Everyone started to eat cheeseburgers, nachos, tacos, burritos, chili, and beans. People got much, much fatter. The amount of turds in the country increased heavily. The value of turds went way, way down, continuing to go down as we speak.

THERE IS HOPE

People are becoming more weight-conscious. A tax on fatty foods has been proposed. This could decrease the amount of turds and make them more valuable.

SO INVEST IN TURDS TODAY!

Here is what cartoon characters Beavis and Butthead had to say:

BUTTHEAD: So, like, uh, some guy came up to us and said that we could turn our money into turds and we might get rich in a few years.

BEAVIS: Yeah heh. We're gonna be rich! And there's gonna be Turds everywhere! And we're finally gonna score!

BUTTHEAD: Uuuuh huhuhuhuhuh. No, you won't, Beavis. But I will.

BEAVIS: Heh heh, Shut up Butthead...

Call Fecedelity Investments today at 1-800-TURD-PLOP for more information on investing in turds.

Goddammit with adverts like that the SEC are going to fine you! Remember:

X-> The values of investments may sink or float

X-> Past and current flatulence is no guarantee of future performance

X-> Market fluctuations may reduce the value of your excretions, you may not get back as much as you dumped.

A prudent investor would diversify his portfolio by reducing his exposure to single markets and buying into:

X->    Harlem69 HoIndex   The market for Ho's remain strong, despite the
AIDS crisis and the high profile collapse of Heidi Fliess Inc.
X->    Bogota Sniff400        Cocaine: Like the swiss franc and gold, always
a steady rock {heheheh] during financial instability
X->    TurdStock                Value seems strong despite the constant
attention of those turd burglars.

Generally, avoid Colonic Industries and your money is safe.

Thankyou, drive through...

Its about time my company gets recognized by the international stock trading community. Attention potential investors, its 'TURD' on the NYSE, and NUTSAQ. Gaa-ron-teed to triple in value over the next fecal year. Invest in Technological Universal Research and Development stock for a sound future for you and your family.

trading

future

I recently came across a highly regarded investors website, with featured stock profiles and continuous shareprice tickers, straight from NUTSAQ, below is a typical screenshot...

100
       __/\__            __/\__                  TURD6612� COLO55*  GM547651
75   /        \           /         \          __    *trading suspended
      /          \         /           \      _/    \
50 /            \ ___/             \__/
    /
0 /
J  F  M  A  M  J  J  A  S  O  N  D
Klum BouncenThingie GMBH

After little or no growth in the first 14 years of trading, there has been a decade of sustained growth in the Munich based stock. Two prominent peaks earlier in the year were provoked cold spells, which combined with a lack of support, provoked great interest in Klum BouncenThingie. Investor Tip is HOLD, or SQUEEZE in favourable markets

Thankyou, drive through...