BUTTLAND OLYMPIC TEAM FOR ATLANTA!

Fellow citizens of Buttland,

Her Royal Highness, Queen Allison of Buttland has just appointed me to the new position of Minister of Sport. One of my key responsibilities is to help assemble the team that will represent Buttland in this summer's Olympics in Atlanta. Queen Allison is sending me to Atlanta late next week to meet with CherylAnn to make preliminary plans for the Buttland Olympic team, including housing and transporting the team members in and around Atlanta, making sure that team members will have ample access to nachos and stuff, et cetera, et cetera. As Coca Cola is a worldwide sponsor of the Olympic movement, not to mention the fact that they are headquartered in Atlanta, they will provide all the drinks that our team will need. Budweiser will provide free beer to all members of the Buttland Olympic team. Anheuser-Busch's Eagle division will be the official nacho chips for Team Buttland. NIKE will be the official shoe and sportswear sponsor of the Buttland Olympic team. However, we will be looking for more sponsors; for example, the Buttland Wrestling Team needs sponsorship help--can anyone out there contact John duPont? I understand that he is a big wrestling fan! During my visit to Atlanta, CherylAnn and I will attend the USA National Indoor Track & Field Championships to scout and interview prospective members of the Buttland Track & Field team, of which I will be the head coach. By the way, CherylAnn will play a very important role in making sure that the Buttland Olympic team is competitive--she has told me that she does'nt want to see the Buttland Olympic team embarrass itself in her hometown of Atlanta. In the weeks and months to come, the Queen and I will be counting on the citizens of Buttland to help assemble the best team possible for the Olympics.

Some questions I have:

1) As Dr. Bill is the team physician of the Buttland Olympic Team, will he be able to obtain steroids and other performance enhancing drugs along with masking agents for the team? Will he be able to find people to take urine tests in place of some of our druggie athletes?

2) As Michael Jordan, Dennis Rodman, and Charles Barkley won't be playing on the Dream Team, will we be able to add them to the Buttland Basketball Team?

• What sport do you suggest we get Mr. Buzzcut to coach?

4) How can we best utilize Beavis and Butt-Head on the Buttland Olympic Team?

5) Is there anyone out there who wants to help assemble Buttland teams in some of the various Olympic sports? Maybe we can make Ophelia Bush head of the diving team.

• What chicks can we get to play on the Buttland Beach Volleyball team?

7) Parade uniforms for the Buttland Olympic Team when it marches into the Olympic Stadium? What should it be?

8) What should the National Anthem of Buttland be? We have to have something when one of the Buttland athletes gets a gold medal--maybe Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back" (I like big butts and I cannot lie...)?

• Who wants to design the national flag of Buttland?

10) For you Brits out there, I understand that Linford Christie won't be running for Great Britain in the Olympics. Can we put Linford on the Buttland Olympic Team?

11) Any suggestions on qualifying standards for the Buttland Olympic Team?

I am looking forward to the challenge of being Buttland's Minister of Sport as well as being the head of the Buttland Olympic Team, and the coach of the Buttland Track & Field squad. With the help of the citizens of Buttland, we can "Just Win Baby" in Atlanta this summer and make the Queen proud.

Paul Minister of Sport CEO, Buttland Olympic Organizing Committee

PMERCA wrote in a cool article:

I say Winger t-shirts :) uhhh...maybe not. How about cat costumes with Meow Meow painted on them?

And everyone can just stay at CherylAnn's place, I'm sure she won't mind.

On Sun, 25 Feb 1996, Mike wrote:

Think those are taken by the Haaavaaad figure skating and synchronized swimming teams.

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In article Mike writes:

["Hello, I love you won't you tell me your name?"] CherylAnn

Uhhhh... no, everyone can come to my house and crash! Everyone could eat nachos and scratch and stuff... That would be cool! emehehehehehehe....

Welcome to my humble abode in the 'burb's of Atlanta, GA. Everyone is welcome -- well, except maybe that dillweed who keeps on posting those binaries! On second thought, all of you come to my house (including mr.binary) and we'll just take turns kicking his ass!!! emehehehehehe

Come On Down!!! emehehehehehe

CherylAnn iloveeverybody

Beavisette wrote:

Snatch?? Oh wait that's an "r", Damnit I'm never gonna score! I'm going to have to live my whole live spanking my monkey reading the latest issue of "Wet Hooters". Well, not like that's an all together bad thing :)

I'm first, I'm first!! I want to lick (oops, had a "Matt Bruce moment) KICK his ass.

Yea, tell him to give the Chinese Womyn's Swimming team a call.. I think they are personal friends of Ophelia Bush...

Beavis is pretty good at Team Hand-Ball em hehehehe.... And Butthead can do the De-Crap-alon.. That's where you have to take 10 dumps in two days.. And Beavis can be on the Greco-Roman Manhood Wrestling team.. Since he's always wrestling with his manhood, and usually wins. And then they both can enter team couch fishing... And the Clean-and-Jerk, and Snatch in weightlifting.. Opehlia can participate in the Snatch as well.

Hey, can we get the chicks on the Buttland Olympic Swim Team to wear those Thong bikini's?

Black shorts ,and shoes, and Metallica tshirts for everyone..

Naw, it should rock... er umm I said ROCK!!! Like Kick Ass!! How 'bout AC/DC's "For those about to rock, we salute you"?

I like Jason Passmore's idea of a butt with a tattoo of a butt on it.. in the middle of a field of blue, with gold fringe.. and stuff..

Must have seen at least 1 Moronathon....

Hey I volunteer to be coach and team captain of the Buttland Olympic Swim and Waterpolo teams..

**************************************************************************
** Steve Burger                 ** "Jesus built my car.                 **
**                              **  It's a love affair.                 **
** [email]              **  Mainly, Jesus and my hotrod."       **
**                              **               -Gibby                 **
** http://www.bga.com/~stevebb  **               The Butthole Surfers   **
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[email] (Steven Bradley Burger) wrote:

Beavis also is a fine javelin catcher mhehehmheh....

In article , Steven Bradley Burger wrote some cool stuff about the Buttland Swimming and Water Polo teams, including:

Steven--I have duly recorded your suggestions, and formally appoint you the head coach of the Buttland Swimming and Water Polo teams. Yes, the chicks on your team can wear thong bikinis!

Later,

Paul Minister of Sport CEO, Buttland Olympic Organizing Committee

PS--The pool in Atlanta is nice! Now question for you--would they restart a race if someone took a dump in the pool in the middle of a race? Just wondering...

On 25 Feb 1996, PMERCA wrote:

I'll consult with my veterinary colleagues way down Mexico way about those....ummmm....things. Perhaps our athletes could conveniently forget how to urinate? (Note: step 2 is NOT contraindicated)

Better living through chemicals....

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[email] (PMERCA) wrote:

First of all, greetings from the frozen wastes of Northern Wisconsin! It's pretty damn cold here and the snow is up to my butt but hey, it's great to be home.

Now for business. I would be honored to be the designer of our national flag. It'll be a week before I'm back at my pleasure machine with all of my paint programs, but I'll get it done. As for the content I figure a big butt with a tattoo of a butt would have to be on it of course. Any other suggestions?

Turdmaster General of Buttland <*PooP!*>

Just wondering...would we want to put the Olympic rings on the Buttland logo, or would we want the rings tatooed?

On 27 Feb 1996, PMERCA wrote:

Tattooed on the butt. With the almighty bunghole as the center ring.

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I'd like to volunteer to coach the Buttland weight-lifting team. Any sport that has the terms "snatch" and "jerk" as part of the terminology rules.

And maybe the torch could be lit by Queen Allison holding a match to the assembled ("ass"embled... ehe ehehhemeeh eh) athlete's simultaneous farts. "And now... let the games... begin!" PRPRPBPBPBRPRPRBP!

-Michele La Wankstress

Jason--You like rule and stuff! Keep up the good work on the flag and stuff, and I will see that the Queen considers you for a Buttland Olympic Order Medal upon completion of the project--I can see 75,000 fans at the Olympic Stadium proudly waving their butts and flags as the Buttland Olympic Team marches into CherylAnn's hometown of Atlanta!

Later, Paul Minister of Sport CEO, Buttland Olympic Organizing Committee

"Butt-town" by Iggy Pop. Is Butt-town the capital of Buttland or what?

Perhaps we can get J. E. Trump for the Buttland 'rhythmic felching' team. He's definitely a gold medal contender.

You said 'member', like, a whole lot. That's cool.

-eric 69 Poop-in-the Street Butt-town, Buttland 90210

Turdmaster General of Buttland wrote...

p> It'll be a week before I'm back at my pleasure machine

Mhehehe... pleasure machine Mhehehehe hm hm

I've found another British dude for the Buttland Olympic Team :

Jeremy "Master" Bates - (Tennis, 1st-Serve-velocity : 186 mph)

Speaking of tennis, I remembered from a past BnB epichoad the dillweed duo talking about a female tennis player from Germany, Steffi "Stiffy" Graf...emehehehehehe!

Put her on the squad!

Later, Paul Minister of Sport CEO, Buttland Olympic Organizing Committee

PS--Remember, 11:30 PM eastern time on Friday 29 March--stop what you're doing and do the Monkey Boy!