BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD AND THE HOLY GRAIL =======================================
Scene: Outside Castle. B & BH slop around in a large pool of very sloppy mud.
Enter KING ARTHUR
KA: Old Woman!
B: Heh Hehehe. Hey Butt-Head, check this guy out. Heh heh.
BH: Uh - huh huh - Excuse me sir, my friend is a dude, not a woman.
B: No way Butt-Head! He was talking to you! Heh EhHehehheheh! Old Woman! Yeah. Hehehhehhehhe.
{large mud pie land in Beavis's face}
KA: Sorry - Dude. What Knight lives in that castle?
BH: And like, he's not Old, he just looks old because he's been kept down too many years at {interruped by mud pie in his ear}.
{mud pie fight ensues - Arthur looks on in despair}
KA: Please good people, I am in haste! Who lives in that castle?
BH: Er, like nobody lives there, sir.
KA: Then who is your Lord?
BH: We don't have a lord, sir.
B: Yeah Really. Unless you mean Tracey Lord. Heh eheheh hehehe. Or Jack Lord who's in that Hawaii program that sucks. Heh hehehe.
{Beavis jumps up and plays his air guitar in a loud and
rocking version of the Five-O theme. Butt-Head pretends to
surf on the mud}.KA: Be Quiet!
{The mud-surfing party continues regardless}
KA: Be Quiet! I Order you to be Quiet!
B: [regarding Arthur's sword] Um, does that mean you'll kick our asses if we don't shut up?
BH: Err, I must warn you sir, that we are American citizens, and
if you kick our asses, we'll be forced to write to our
congressman, or something.B: Yeah. Yeah. We'll write to the President. Who does this English dude think he is, Butt-Head?
KA: I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
B: Um. Heh heheh Heh heh heh. King of the who?
BH: No, Dumbass {slaps Beavis}
B: Ow! Heh hehhe.
BH: King of the Who?? They were like that British band who sucked
because they were about 80 years old and talked about Their
Generation then smashed up their equipment (that was pretty cool).
This dude isn't Pete Town-Shed.B: Hehehehe heheh. You said 'equipment'. Hehheheh.
KA: King of the BRITONS.
B: Yeah. Shuddup Butt-Head! Not King of the Who. (kicks BH in the nads). (to Arthur) Ummm. Who are the Britons? Are they from like Canada?
KA: We are all Britons, and I am your king!
BH: Uh huh huh huh. No way!
B: (has one of his mysterious flashes of brilliance) I thought we were an autonomous collective. Um. Or a democracy. Or something.
KA: I see.
B: Kings suck.
BH: Huh huh huh. No, dumbass. Kings rule. Mr Buzzcut told us
that the King ruled America so when he said "Let them Drink Tea"
but the people wanted soda, they kicked his butt.KA: Yes I see.
B: Hmm. Sounds like they suck to me. Hehhehe. Ugch. Tea. heh heh heh.
BH: Yeah. They suck because they rule.
B: (Thinks very hard). Yeah. OK. They suck because they rule. Or something. Heh hehehe heh.
KA: Shut up!
B: Um, I'd like to get some nachos and marshmallows with that tea, waiter.
BH: Yeah, and I'd like a side order of crumpets with peanut butter and jelly with that, old chap.
KA: Be quiet!
BH: So anyway, Mr King, sir, how did you like get to be king?
KA: (heavenly chorus fades in). The Lady of the Lake, clad in the
purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom
of the water. THAT is why I'm your King!{B & BH are impressed. Their eyes are on stalks}
BH: Woah! That's cool!
B: Yeah! Cool! It's like that video where that chick rises out of the water almost naked, and some wuss in pantyhose gets to score with her!
BH: Hey, Beavis, do you think if we got some pantyhose and went down to the lake we'd get to score too?
B: Heh heh HEHeheh! Yeah, but I don't think I'd get to be king.
KA: Be QUIET!
BH: Hey baby. I can see you're all wet n'stuff - come to Butt-Head.
But like don't make me king or anything, or America might
kick my butt.B: I am King Cornholio! You will take off your shirt and come and drink tea with me while I dry you off with TP!
{Arthur has had enough, and wades down into the mud and starts to kick their asses}.
BH: Uch! Ooof! Don't make me have to kick your ass, sir. {Crunch}.
B: OWW! Heh heh heh. Are you threatening me?! AAAHH! You will never defeat the Great Cornholio!
KA: Bloody Yanks!
BH: There you have it, Dr. Beavis, {thunk}, I told you the monarchy was an inherantly {thwack} violent governmental philosophy.
B: Ieeeow! This sucks. Aaah! Change the channel Butt-Head!
{FZZZPT}
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Dave Shepherd