Old people

Should be culled. They're slow, smell funny and get in the way. WHY DON'T OLD PEOPLE HURRY UP. Let's face it, time is not on your side.

It's needn't be painful, although it would be more fun if it was. I'm not suggesting broken glass in the honey mush or mining the approaches to K-Mart and then annoucing a 50% discount on all trousers with waistbands that reach the armpits. That would be cool though...

Most people (not including my doctor) say to me 'you'll be old one day', and I should lighten up. No, on the contrary old people freak me out. Why if I was staring death in the face I wouldn't be dribbling down my chin and debating if the MTM show was better than 'I love lucy'.

TYDT

"Roy Batty" wrote in message news:c1e5g6$qft$[email]...

Old people smell like cabbage. And time is most certainly not on your side, Abe. You may drop dead any minute. Do you have any money? Do you have any chores you need done, I'll help you for free cause I'm nice like that. Can I be in your will?

No, I'm English, polite and stuff, with manners hehehehe

so after, errr, after you, I insist.

TYDT

"Abraham Simpson" wrote in message news:[email]...

please?

breathe your last

You are not nearly as insincere, obsequious or condescending enough to become english. But nice try.

I have full control of my bladder and rectum (while sober) I still have most of my own teeth I have not personally met any of the presidents now commemorated in monument valley. I don't sit around bus shelters arguing that the Louisana purchase cost too much. I never saw a Clara Bow film on it's first release. I can get an erection without electric shocks, spider bites or medication.

So expire away, the pleasure is all yours...

TYDT

Rather good old chap, what... Except for 'How I'm Doing'. That made you sound like you've got a green card and married that Andie MacDowell chick or something.

Italy. I don't speak Italian. If I did I'd be trying to talk to italian chicks like that Monica Belle-oochi and that Maria Grazed-Terracotta or something rather than incontinent old men. What is your first language? English is my third. The first two are groaning noises I make when Heidi Klum is on the TV.

So like, go dream with the fishes or something. Unless you live miles inland. You'd have to buy a pool first. And some fish.

TYDT

That Joan Rivers chick is too young for you. Who are you kidding? You might have misread that date, it said 19.. not 18.. As a guide if she can remember President MacKinley getting shot she's probably about your age...

Cindy Crawford.Yes, nice but what happened to her? Do you keep her in the trunk of your Fiat Strada?

tube and look at

Avoid Westminster Tube station. You can't fall under the trains there...

Springfieldish.

Just because it has guards doesn't mean it's a castle. Castle walls aren't soft on the inside.

incontinent

pinup girls they are

All the more reason to check out, punch your cards, or ummm. die.

is

japanese.

[TRANSLATION] 'I have done most dishonourable actions in my nappy'

you

some

is well built by

you keep her in

it is named

No, we call it the boot, b-o-o-t, the bonnet is what the americans call the hood. So, a rough American-British dictionary would go

Bonnet->Hood Trunk->Boot Freeway->Motorway Garth Brooks->Whining wuss in a stetson. Easy

Castle walls

with elegant

With straps on the arms?

ummm. die.

??? Someone call immigration.

my nappy'

nappy" but

Not in UK English. We say dishonourable, colour, defence, centre etc. Other useful words are cull, euthenasia and merciful release.

TYDT

Each of God's creatures has to go eventually. Some are very overdue.

more civilised

Does that mean you have to pay and stuff? Is that why you drive so slow, to make your money last longer?

No. And CrownKrusty? You're talking like Yoda. He was 400 years old too.

defence,

important the

Todd when drunk

We drive on the wrong side of the road very well. In particular you don't see us on Live TV getting chased around and shot. Which sucks come to think of it, it would be better than some of the crap they expect us to watch.

release.

rolls and

Today people just

and no respect to

Euthenasia, the process of weeding out dead wood (wood hehehehehe) An appointment with a Dr Kevorkian will explain all. He has a special machine that will make you feel better. It's like a soda syphon, but with a mask...

TYDT

have to push

This would be a good time to do that 'lie down in the road and die' thing.

400 years old too.

younger than me.

That's a little tenuous, I'm on totally the wrong drugs to get that sort of thing. Or wear Calvin Klein. In fact his adverts kind of scare me. The spaced out kids in them remind me of 'The Stepford Wives'. And those perfume/after shave names, 'Embolism' and 'Colostomy'. Who buys that stuff?

without touching

cool. Now if

laser. Lasers rule.

Being on another planet from your monkey would be seriously bad for your health. Ask John Wayne Bobbitt. And he was only a few miles from his. I saw it on a video, his wife threw it out of the car window while on free/high/motor-way. In the video it hit Lemmy from Motorhead. It sounds like a lucky coincidence. It would have been a better one if it had hit a consultant urologist carrying a bag of ice and a tube of superglue.

down. And give

Nurse. Nurse! The head is empty and the diaper is full...

I wore an onion

Dr Ewokian also

denture. This

Dr 'Death' Kevorkian uses good old fashioned natural ingredients, mostly carbon monoxide.

TYDT

Dammit, will you two get a room or something?!

"King Turd" wrote in message news:mG70c.37722$[email]...

Trying to talk an old man into killing himself should be an olympic sport. If more people did it there would be shorter queues at the post office and more kidneys available for transplant. I figure if persuasion doesn't work, the exertion of dealing with my bullshit might...

As for 'rooms' you seem to have a Jett Tillack on your arse. I hope it's not contagious.

TYDT

Ahh, I see your motivation now. Good call. Its likely that my liver will need replacing soon, so carry on with the plot for the extermination of old people.

I think I had that once, it was nothing a quick trip to the doctor for a shot of penicillin didn't cure right up.

that my liver will

extermination of old

I might be wasting my time. Like a withered old fungus growing on a five day old Turkey TV dinner under the couch, he seems to have a suprising will to live. My Turkey TV in now three years old and a vibrant organism that I call 'Mike'. Unlike Mike I don't think Abe is going to improve with age. The trouble is that the last incontinent old fart to die in the old peoples' home get's the remote control, the least stained chair and a double helping of the honey mush.

What I forgot is that old people just want to talk rubbish, that's why they sit next to you in the park and talk about being poked with sharp sticks by the japanese or given barium enemas by the doctor. Maybe if I leave him to count his war bonds in peace he might finally kick the bucket.

arse.

the doctor for a

Best hope that the doc doesn't 'forget' the painless pharmaceutical treatment and go for the Jett-Tillack-ectomy.

TYDT

and make sure there are no cameras.... okay that was dumb...

"Jett Tillack" wrote in message news:40410cde$0$71585$[email]...

I would not want to see anything to do with Batty and Abe in a video. Thats just messed up, dude.

Two bulls, one young and one old, are standing on a hilltop looking at a herd of cows down in the valley. Young bull: Hey, let's run down there and do a couple of those cows. Old bull: Why don't we *walk* down there and do them all? heh heh

Suddenly, Mr.farmer shows up and shoots both bulls in the head ...thereby making the whole previous conversation worthless.

At least the farmer got some meat that day. The next Sunday afternoon, the Billow family grilled some hamburgers. And Mrs. Palby cooked her family a nice steak dinner 3 months later, Andy bought a new leather coat Janet bought some new leather shoes

The cows down in the valley never suspected a thing...they just continued to eat grASS ant produce 5 gallons of milk per day.

Mr.Kitty just read this and asked me, "MEOW?"

I must go for now.....I think I'm freaking out!@ eheheh ;-D

"Argy" wrote in message news:[email]...

hilltop looking at a

those cows.

heh heh

head

worthless.

hamburgers.

just

day.

;-D

Profound stuff. I think I now understand the meaning of life. Hamburgers and steaks. And farmer's wives.