Todd in the bar

[Scene: Todd is in the town bar nursing a beer. Sitting next to him is a blind dude with a white cane & a backpack.]

Dude: <urp> I gotta go to the can, man. You keep an eye on my stuff for me?

Todd: Whatever dude.

[Dude gets up off the stool and stumbles towards the men's room.]

Todd: You sure you don't need your stick man? [Takes up the cane.]

Dude: Nah, I know my way to the john....

[Todd is still holding the cane when a voluptuous out-of-town broad comes over and sits near him. Todd stealthily checks out her humongous boobies.]

Chick: Bartender, gimme a daquiri.

Todd: Hey there. New in town?

Chick: Yeah, just got in. God, this town is a dump.

Todd: Yeah....

[Bartender brings her the daquiri. She downs it and orders another one.]

Chick: Mmm, that was a goooood daquiri.

Todd: You must've been thirsty. Let me buy you the next one.

Chick: OK, sugar! Hey, yer cute!

Todd: Mm-hm....

Chick: Do you have much trouble getting around, being blind and all?

Todd: [sizing up the situation] No, not at all. You'd be surprised how many people think I'm a retard just 'cause I'm blind, though.

Chick: Oh, really? Such as?

Todd: Well ... the other day I was waitin' at the intersection for the light to change, and this twerp comes over and asks me if I need help crossing the street.

Chick: [gulping 2nd daquiri] Oh yeah? What'dya do?

Todd: Told him to leave me the hell alone. Bartender, another round.

Chick: Tee hee, you're funny.

Todd: [still checking out her boobies] 'N' then, when I was crossin' the street, this asshole makin' a right drives his car almost right into me, stops in the middle of the crosswalk 'n' says, "Do you need help pushin' the button?"

Chick: Ooooo. What happened?

Todd: Told him, "No, I need you to get the hell out of my way." Then I whomped his car with my cane and told him to get the hell out of there before I stomped a mudhole in his back. 'N' then he gets out of his car and starts yellin' 'bout somethin', so I pulled my gun out 'n' said, "Keep talkin', I'll find ya."

Chick: You have a gun??

Todd: From my days 'for I went blind.

Chick: [gulps 3rd daquiri] But how do you know where to shoot?

Todd: Like I said, "Keep talkin', I'll find ya." He got in his car and drove off. Guess he didn't want t' find out if I could or not.

Chick: You know, I don't believe you're blind at all. You've been starin' at my boobs for the entire time we been talking.

Todd: Well, I may have been starin', but I haven't seen anythin'.

Chick: [takes his free hand and places it on her boobs] You mean you haven't seen these?

Todd: Hey girl, is this sexual harrassment? If it is, I don't mind.

Chick: Tee hee! Let's go get a booth.

Todd: Okay.

[They walk off, Todd touching her elbow and doing a pretty good imitation of a blind guy as she leads. They sit down in a corner booth.]

Todd: You got a nice set there, babe.

Chick: You wanna see them again.

Todd: Sure.

[She takes his free hand and places it on her right booby. Todd fakes non-eye-contact.]

Todd: Hmmm. [He slips his hand into he blouse and under her bra. She giggles.] Hey, this is pretty amazin'.

Chick: What is?

Todd: The bumps on your nipple halo read like Braille. Don't see that too often....

Chick: [giggles] What's it say?

Todd: Um, "Go to 530 East Lemon Avenue in Monrovia for an easy handout."

Chick: [giggles] It does not...

Todd: Yeah it does. Wait, there's more ... "...continued on other boob."

Chick: Well, you'd better keep readin' then.

[Todd fumbles under her blouse and "reads" her other nipple halo.]

Todd: Says here your name is "Marie Blackwell." But I can't make out what the rest is. Maybe I better try to improve it.... [starts rubbing her nipple in a circular motion]

Chick: Why, my name is Marie! You can't really tell that from ... ooo ... my boob, can you? Mmmmm....

Todd: Yeah, and you address is 118 West Ventura Street, Las Vegas, Nevada ... brown eyes, brown hair ...

Chick: Mmmmm, honey, you're good ... oooo ... don't stop ....

[Time passes. She has another daquiri and Todd rubs both her boobs some more and continues with the bullshit. Finally she gently stops him and starts to rearrange her blouse.]

Chick: Hon, you're sweet, but I gotta catch my bus. If yer ever in Vegas, you be sure to look me up. Just remember, 118 West Ventura Street.

Todd: Sure, girl. You have a good trip now.

[She stands up, nearly falls down, and stumbles out of the bar.]

[Todd orders another beer. The blind dude stumbles back to the bar.]

Dude: Hey Todd! Where'd ya go?

Todd: Over here, man.

[Blind dude comes over to the booth & sits down.]

Dude: Man, I passed out an no one did anything for me.

Todd: Well, dude you're always saying you don't want any help.

Dude: Yeah ... so, what kept you here?

Todd: Dude, you would not believe the last hour. This chick came is, thought I was blind since I had your cane and the shades, and she had this tremendous rack, and I convinced her I could read Braille on her boobs.

Dude: Whoa! How the hell did you get her to fall for it??

Todd: Easy, dude. Her purse was open and I checked out her ID.

[End.]

eheheheh...that's a cool story! But have-ANT I read this before??? Just for that, I'm going to repost "Labor Day" in a couple of weeks. eheheheh ;) Maybe I'll include a "scene" that was cut from the original and never read before....

Gary M.

On Sat, 21 Aug 1999 21:52:53 -0400, "Gary M." wrote:

LOL!

CB

Prob'ly, but there were less than ten posts here.

ehehheh...I remember in the semi-old days, lots of ppl used to get all mad and stuff when it was said the Beavis ant Butthead were gay. eheheh...dammit, I was one of them - I thought you guys were being serious! heeheheh

Gary M.

Gary M. wrote:

Damnit! Beavis and Butthead are not gay! Ooh yea. Pork! Heh m heh!

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emeheheheh...I'll bet the one on the bottom is "Beavis Piggly-Wiggly"

Gary M.

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Gary M. wrote:

Umm? Is this a well hung parrot? Heh m heh!

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On Wed, 25 Aug 1999 20:44:58 -0400, "Gary M." wrote:

                                    ~~~~~~~~~

Uh, you mean you were one of the gay boys?

CB

Arrgghhh!!!! DAMMIT!!! BUNGHOLE!!!!! eheheheheh ;)

Gary M.

In article , Gary M. writes

Yeah dammit, those were the days.

BTW, surfing teletubby - http://www.sunscreen.cx/ it's there somewhere.

In article , "Gary M." wrote:

Too bad Mike Judge did not think of this.

Michael

Yeah, heheheh what a dumbass!! eheheh ;)

BTW, in the "previously not shown" clip from the movie where Beavis needs TP.... Does anyone know what (the hell) Butthead is doing in the bathroom? He's checking out the urinals and he moves over to the next one and kind of waves his hand in front of it... What is he trying to find out??? ANTeeone know?

Gary M.

Oh yeah, ant I WILL repost that Labor Day story on Labor Day weakend since there are some new ppl here. Now I need to think up a 'previously not read' part to add to the end.

Gary M. wrote:

I guess you never used one of those urinals that flush them selves. I learned thiswhen i was working at HP. I went to take a wiz and when i was done (shaking hands with the president. Heh m heh!) i noticed there was no handle, so i spent a good 10

minutes trying to figure out how to flush the damn thing, and decided to just walk off and have some one else to figure it out. And just then it flushed its self. It was kewl. It has this sensor in it so you have to stand in front of it for a few seconds and just walk off and it flushes its self. Not sure if the sensor was watching me or my schlong. Heh m heh!

Whoa! That's pretty cool! No, I've never seen these before! eheheheh

              ^^^ ^^^^^^     ^^^^^^^^       ^^ ^^^^^^^

;O arrgghh!! eheheheh

Today's *posts* were brought to you by Gary M.� ;)

In article , LongMcDong wrote:

(shaking

spent a good 10

just walk

its self. It

for a few

It is probalbnaly desinged to wastch your head. I have seen such urinals before,and they are located so the infrared beam isd reflected from the head oif the user.

Michael

On Wed, 25 Aug 1999 20:54:26 -0400, "Gary M." wrote:

Well, they've just arrived in Washington, and this is shortly after they were in Yellowstone Park, where they were fascinated by the urinals in the visitor center, which flushed automatically when you moved your hand in front of them. He's trying to recreate that experience with the cool urinals, but these don't seem to work that way. It's pretty weak humor--another good reason for cutting the scene.

On the other hand (huh huh), we're dying to know what happens in the scene cut from Labor Day, after the build-up on it.

CyberButt

Thanks for that info... I missed the Yellowstone part.
                                     ^^^^^^^^^^^
                                     ehemnehheheh  ;)

<teletubbies> "EH-OH!" </teletubbies> I've got one week to think of something! ;O

Gary M.

In article , "Gary M." wrote:

wrote:

Butt-head was trying to find out if the urinal flushes.

Michael