Hello, America!

May 4, 199614 posts by 12 postersalt.tv.beavis-n-butthead
14 posts

Um, this group still sucks. Who the hell are all these buttknockers, anyway?

I like, went home to attend my grandfather's funeral? He had, like, lived out a natural life. Now he's a dead guy with a cool chain. Being dead is cool.

It was my first visit home in like, three years or something. My mom was really excited to see me.

Mom: "Son, when in the hell are you to finish up?"

Dong: "Uhhhhhh... I don't know, huhuhu huhuhuhu huhuhuhu....."

Mom: "You're the only son in our family. You know what that means."

Dong: "Uhhhhh, no? What is that, mom?"

Mom: "Dammit, son. I want my grand children!"

Dong: "Uhhh, okay, huhuhuhu... Uhhhh, what?"

Mom: "Just finish up whatever you're doing in America, get your ass back here, and get yourself a fine chick, son. And marry her, dammit!"

Dong: "Um, how the hell am I supposed to meet a fine chick, mom? I like, have no time at all! huhuhu huhuhuhuhu....."

Mom: "Don't worry, son. I have a long list of fine chicks right here. Let me fix you up one day. Just tell me when, all right?"

(Dong looking at pictures)

Dong: <blank stare> "Um, okay, huhuhuhu huhuhuhu... I'd like, this chick with big boobs? Why aren't they naked? Can I score with all of them, mom? That would be cool!"

Mom: "Dammit, son..."

(Mom beating up Dong)

Dong: "AAHHHHHHHHH... huhuhu huhuhuhu huhuhuhuhuhu..."

Mom: "By the way, how are your friends doing, son?"

Dong: "Um, who the hell cares? huh huh huhuhuhu huhuhuhuhuhu..."

Mom: "How's Bill? Is he still doing it with that dude dressed up like a chick?"

Dong: "Uhhhhh, oh, yeah. He is really messed up , mom."

Mom: "That's disgusting, son. How about Steve? Has he ever scored?"

Dong:"Um, what do you think, mom? huhuhuhuhu....."

Mom: "Uhhhhhh, oh, yeah, huhuhuhu..."

Mom & Dong: "huhuhuhu mheh m heh mhehehe huhuhuhhu....."

Mom: "What's Jay up to, son? Is he doing all right?"

Dong: "Um, he was on t.v. show with his mom. And it was cool."

Mom: "Oh, really? What t.v. show?"

Dong: "Montel Williams, mom."

Mom: "What was the topic?"

Dong: "'I'm a slut, and my son is a dumb ass', huhuhu huhuhuhhu....."

Mom & Dong: "huhuhuhu huhuhuhuhuhu mheh mhehehehehe hehehehe huhuhuhuhu...."

Mom: "And how is Scot?"

Dong: "Um, he's like, getting his wiener chopped off, mom. Cuz like, no chicks like him? huhuhu huhuhuhu huhuhuhu..... What a weiner, huhuhuhuhu....."

Mom: "Yeah, he's never gonna score, anyways. Good for him."

Mom & Dong: "huhuhuhuhu huhuhuhuhu mheh mhehehe hehehehe......"

Mom: "And what about Paul?"

Dong: "Dammit, mom. He was born even without nads!"

Mom: "Uhhhhhh, oh, yeah. I forgot, huh huh huhuhuhu..."

Dong: "Don't even bother asking about other dudes, mom."

Mom: "How come your friends are all like that? What a bunch of dumb asses!"

Dong: "Oh, yeah, huh huh... Everybody SUCKS! huhuhu huhuhu huhuhuhuhu..."

Mom & Dong: "huhuhu huhuhuhuhu mheh heh mhehehehe hehehe huhuhuhuhu....."

Mom: "Dong, you're the only real man. I'm proud of you, son."

Dong: "Thanks, mom. Now I go back to America, and I'm gonna score with all
       chicks over there! All at the same time! Nobody is gonna stop me!
       Kathy, CherylAnn, Mary, Michelle, Allison... Wait for me! Here I come!"
       (huhuhuhu.... "come"....)

Mom: "That's my boy, huhuhuhu huhuhuhuhu....."

Mom & Dong: "huhuhuhu huhuhuhuhu mheh mhehehehe hehehehehe huhuhuhuhu......"

In message , [email] (Dong-Ick Lee) wrote:

Oh, shit. SOMEONE CALL THE INS! QUICK!!!!! :>

They are Pam and Winona's thingies.

Cool. He can still yank his chain while he's dead!

She must be stoopid <tm> or something.

Yeah, Dong. Quit taking so long to finish jerking off!

It means you're the only one without a schlong.

She must be like, insestuous or something.

Yeah, stop wasting time with that plastic Pam Anderson doll in your basement and get out to the real world!

The Queen's a dude???? :o

That was a great episode too! Jay and his mom doing it on stage....too bad they lost the tape after it aired. :(

I've got a weiner the size of the Eiffel Tower now dude.

Oh, yeah, forgot about that. Hmm, well Dong. Since you've got two nads you'll never use, you can give them to Paul!

Like, welcome back and stuff. Your stories rule dude!

Scot J. Trudeau, Postmaster General of Buttland, One Adam 69 Charter Member atbnb Special Forces <tm> ************ Irrvmator Veritatis Follower of the Keeper of the "Keep your Damn Binaries out of here" vigil "Sacred Master of All That Is Cool" - Bestowed upon me by Sekhmet herself

<cool Oedipal thing snipped>

Um, hey Dong, long time no see or something. Um, do you have rabies? Cuz I've got another hot beef injection for you if you do. Did you tell your mom about the hot beef injections? Dude, if you want grandkids, just like go to the sperm bank and stuff.

Dong-Ick Lee ([email]) wrote:

IT'S DONG!!!! "Let's get out of here before he screws us all!!" Hey dude! Long-Dong time no see!! Glad to see you are back in the USofA!! Did they have Beavis and Butthead in Korean in Korea? That would rule!! Instead of eating nachos, they'd like eat that cabbage stuff.. Kimche?

em hehehe.. she was "excited" em hehehehehe...

Did you explain to her that in order to have Grand children you'd have to find a chick that would like "do it" with you? And how the chicks you have to give money to in order to "do it" don't count?.. em hehehehehehehehe...

He's sittin' around watching TV, and spanking his monkey! em hehehehehehe..

Yea, like he works a lot at Burger World and stuff... thankyoudrivethru...

em hehehehehe.. Look out, Dong's on the loose!!!

Steve

[email] (Steven Bradley Burger) wrote:

Or fried poodles and marinated kitty-cat! :-)

Glad you're back Dong - Kathy Diemer has missed you!!

-Dan (Sauron)

Samwise Member of PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals) www3.pgh.net/~hacksaw/mordor.html

Well, Dongster may not be the coolest nad in Buttland, but he's a damn sight better than those cross-posting, nad-knocking, butt- burglar "Meow" freaks. If everyone keeps coming back (mh-heh-heh-he-he-heh...coming), this place will REALLY start ruling! A golden-era for Buttland!

-Blindeye

On 6 May 1996, Steven Bradley Burger wrote:

Beavis: Yobo-say-o, Butt-Head....mmheh heh heh....neh.....heh heh mheh heh....

Butt-Head: Babo-siki-ya.....huh huh huh huh......

Dongless is back....this sucks almost as much as economics does.

Poodles and Cub Scouts beware.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Bill Sekscenski Postbac Premed Columbia University http://www.cc.columbia.edu/~wes10/

{snip}

Yeah, but like, umm, it'll be cool watching him make a turd of himself, and then like, watching you kick his ass...That'l rule....we= ll, at least it'll be better than reading about Hard-vard and like meow cats and stuff....uh, unless that "cat" wass CherylAnn .....= or a dead one on the side of the road....that would probably be cooler....

-Blindeye

<Dong's latest dream sequence snipped>

Dongless!~!

Long time no see! Welcome back to the states, it's been kind of lonely around here with out ya *Mike rolls his eyes* And for once you've said something intelligent, this place has gone to shit. But the forces of Stoopidity are trying HARD to RECTUMFY the situation.

Later,

Mike "Sir-Ass-Kicker of Buttland" Morris, atbnb Special Forces <tm> Keeper of the "Keep your Damn Binaries out of here" vigil Founder of The Institution for the Terminally Stupid (T.I.T.S.) Open but under construction: http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/2906/

Welcome to another episode of that wacky new sitcom, "My Son the Dong":

Yeah! Kick their asses Dong, and hurry up about it!

Oooh, Dong, lying to your mom! Umm-ba! If she knew you wasted your time here she'd kick your ass! ehemehe... yeah!

Umm, help. Or something.

emehemeh ehemehehe hemeheme ehehemehe... Woah. Waitaminute. Help!

-Michele La Wankstress

Help! Help help!

ehemehe... help!

:

[email] (Dong-Ick Lee) wrote:

Don't it though? We need to get all the original buttnockers back in here.

Welcome back, did you have to go all the way to, like, Seattle or something? That would be cool.

ETC>>>>>>

Uhh huh uh uhu huhuh hu Thawascool. huh huhu huhu.

Greg Dunn

Writen not too long ago, sent just now on a computer.

Just a bunch of cross posting wussies, yapping about dumb stuff like Courtney v. Al-Anus, plus the usual Haavaard dumbasses.

(funny Mom & Dong stuff given a vasectomy, or something like that!)

Ugh, like you're gonna have to get past me to get to Michele La Wankstress, dude!

Anyway, like welcome back and stuff. By the way, Dong,

1) Do you like know tae-kwon-do and stuff? We may have a spot for you as coach of the Buttland Tae-Kwon-Do Team for the Olympics i= n CherylAnn's hometown of Atlanta; and

  • Is Slut-Babe Debbie Lee related to you?

Later, Paul Minister of Sport CEO, Buttland Olympic Organizing Committee "Preparing to kick ass in CherylAnn's hometown of Atlanta"

Well yeah, being dead is like cool and stuff. I even already have like a cool resting place that I visit from time to time and stuff. Inherited from my cool Great-Grand parent and stuff. It rules!!! It rules to hang out in a cemetery and stuff...

Hey how about me??? Slut-babe, Debbie Lee??? I am always looking to score and stuff... Want to like make out or something????

de!

Yeah mom's like want there boys to be wussies and stuff and like never score and stuff... Most mom's and stuff do not like slut-babes like me talking to there boys and stuff and then it like gets really hard for me to like score and stuff and then it's like I get really frustrated and stuff and then it's like I have to like master and stuff....

I want a "Charms hard staff"

Hey baby...

Whhhoooaaaaa !!!! It's like my favorite guy.... the minister of sport dude... Maybe we could like do it at the speed of light and stuff....

Just a bunch of cross posting wussies, yapping about dumb stuff like Courtney v. Al-Anus, plus the usual Haavaard dumbasses.

(funny Mom & Dong stuff given a vasectomy, or something like that!)

Ugh, like you're gonna have to get past me to get to Michele La Wankstress, dude!

Anyway, like welcome back and stuff. By the way, Dong,

1) Do you like know tae-kwon-do and stuff? We may have a spot for you as coach of the Buttland Tae-Kwon-Do Team for the Olympics i= n CherylAnn's hometown of Atlanta; and

  • Is Slut-Babe Debbie Lee related to you?

Later, Paul Minister of Sport CEO, Buttland Olympic Organizing Committee "Preparing to kick ass in CherylAnn's hometown of Atlanta"