What if Butthead Scored?

Apr 25, 2009, 8:52 PM ET4 posts by 3 postersalt.tv.beavis-n-butthead
4 posts
AzzMaztaalt.tv.beavis-n-butthead

Imagine a future where Butthead scored. It might look something like this:

(BUTTHEAD has hands in pocket)

STEVENSON: Hey Buuuuuuuuttheaaaaaaaaaaaad!

BUTTHEAD: Go away Peggy! Can't you see I'm playing with myself?

STEVENSON: But Buuuuuttheaaaaaaaaaad, you never have sex with me!

BUTTHEAD: Because you look like a crossdresser in a Winger T-shirt and red wig, and you wear way too much lipstick!

STEVENSON: OOhhhhhhhh BUuuuuuuuuttttttttttheaaaaaad!!!!

BUTTHEAD: Shut up, Peggy! Before I kick you in the nuts!

STEVENSON: Buuuuuuuuuutttttthhhhhead, how was work today?

BUTTHEAD: It sucked. There was this hot chick with big thingies, and she needed some shoes. But then this other fat chick came in and made it all a waste of time.

(TANQUERAY comes down the stairs)

TANQUERAY: Hey Daddy!

BUTTHEAD: Uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh, hey Pumpkin, huhuhuhuhuh

TANQUERAY: Oh, stop, Daddy! I have to work on this paper for school on the History of the Navy. So I'm going down to the dock to find some sailors.

BUTTHEAD: Uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuuhuhuh, any way you want it, Pumpkin

TANQUERAY: Thank you Daddy!

(TODD comes downstairs)

TODD: Hey Guys! I Got a Date!

BUTTHEAD: Uhuhuhuhuh, Congratulations Todd. You are a Man Now. So uhhh, like, who's the lucky girl n' stuff?

TODD: She's right here in this box!

BUTTHEAD: uhhhh, so, you're like, dating a midget?

TODD: No, Dad. It's a blow-up doll!

BUTTHEAD: Dammit Todd, you need to go out and find some real chicks. When I was your age, I was just like you. I never scored. Then I found Peggy Stevenson here and fell in love.

STEVENSON: So you'll finally have sex with me, Buuuuuuttttheaaddd?

BUTTHEAD: No! Shut up, fartknocker!

TODD: See what I mean, Tanqueray?

(door opens, BUZZCUT and BEAVIS)

BUZZCUT: Hey Butthead!

BUTTHEAD: What do you want, Chicken-munch?

BEAVIS: Yeah heh. Marcy Chicken-munch.

BUZZCUT: Shut up Beavis! What is wrong with my driveway? It's all destroyed. Did you drive a tank into it?

BUTTHEAD: No, ummm, that was, ummm, the other guy. Tom Anderson.

BEAVIS: Yeah heh. Tom Anderson did it. Marcy Buzzcut Chicken-munch.

BUZZCUT: (smack BEAVIS)

BEAVIS: Dammit Chicken-munch, knock it off!

BUZZCUT: Shut The Hell Up! (smack!)

BEAVIS: HEY!!!! STOP!!!! DAMMIT!!!!

BUZZCUT: (smack! smack! smack!)

BEAVIS: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! CHICKEN-MUNCH!!! KNOCK IT OFF!

BUZZCUT: ...Anyway, all my organic mushrooms and tomatos are torn up, and there's nachos everywhere.

BUTTHEAD: No, that was, umm, Tom Anderson too.

BUZZCUT: Okay, then, let's go over there and kick his ass. Beavis?

BEAVIS: (staring at TANQUERAY) heh heh heh heheehehhehe eheheh...

BUZZCUT: (smack) DAMMIT BEAVIS! I'M YOUR WIFE!

BUTTHEAD: Yeah, stop staring at my Pumpkin, dillweed.

BUZZCUT: Let's get out of here.

(BUZZCUT and BEAVIS leave)

Penachew Azz Pizz Institute Washington, DC

[email] wrote in news:11ed6d22-051f-4cb4-a8dc-43e53967ce47 @f1g2000prb.googlegroups.com:

I've been getting up early for some reason lately, and that's the only time they show Married With Children reruns now. When talking about fan fiction recently I thought it would be good with B&B characters as Married With Children.

Penachew Azz Pizz Institute Washington, DC

On 26 Apr 2009 22:54:04 GMT, Penachew wrote:

Um, yeah really... that fanfic ruled! It got my mind all twisted in knots or something. I mean, I guess I could believe that if Butt-head was married to Peg Stevenson he might have actually scored once or twice. But if Beavis was married to Buzz-Cut he would never score... he'd just get his ass kicked every night.

CyberButt