Someone had to do it...

I was asked the other day how to score the game of craps. And I don't mean the one played with dice. I said it was simple.

For diarrhoea and 'cluster bombs', step out of the game and make the walk of shame. A small thin turd scores one. A short fat turd scores two. A long fat turd that makes an audible splash scores three. A long turd that breaks the waterline scores ten. A turd requiring hospitalisation scores twenty. A turd that falls in a loop, leaving the appearance of two parallel turds, totally obscuring the bottom of the bowl scores fifty and is known as a 'straight flush'.

I hope that clears it up.

TYDT

Every turd I drop in the bowl is an offspring of King Turd, so every flush is a 'royal flush' in the Kingdom I call home.

On another non-turd related note, today I went with Princess Turd to Target shopping for a new bra among other crap. I started touching a bunch on the rack and I quoted Butt-Head and told her that "someday, every one of these is going to be on some chicks boobs...so, the more bras I touch, the more chicks I sort of get to feel up!"

She called me an ass, but I could see she was trying not to laugh.

Princess Turd moved in with me a few weeks ago, and we just found out that we are expecting a Baby Turd!

"Hey Butt-Head, you know how those chicks got pregnant, right?" Mhehehee...Now I can prove I scored at least once!

King Turd

Turd Jnr?

Don't think of him/her as a child but as a protege, a turd apprentice or just someone who can go to the quickie mart and get nachos when you're too busy in your chair watching foxy boxing or something. In sixteen years, nine months you'll have adult turd competition in your very own house. Think of the pride the first time you have to call a plumber to clear your toilet with his 'rods'.

Play her a record by a miserable english band - The Smiths called 'Handsome Devil', featuring the words 'I want to get my hands on your mammary glands'. Genius. They also did a song called 'Some girls are bigger than others'. There is a line that sounds suspiciously like 'Some girls' udders are bigger than other girls' mothers''. You don't get than in modern music. Except Sir Mix-A-Lot.

Will you train your child to crap in the kitty litter?

TYDT

just

in

Exactly! DAMMIT TURD JR, GET ME ANOTHER BEER, THIS ONE IS WARM!

'Handsome

glands'.

There

than

I used to think that those Smith guys just whined alot and sort of sucked, but maybe I stand corrected. Any band that will sing about mammory glands is ok in my book. Modern music is lacking in that respect. They need to get back to the basics, like butts, boobs, scoring, fire, and death.

Likely so, probably easier than toilet training them. My cat is kind of territorial though, they may have to fight over who gets to use it first.

sort of sucked,

about mammory glands

respect. They need to

and death.

Damn right. And I don't remember The Smiths having ice cream vans in their videos.

cat is kind of

to use it first.

I think a cat is just the right level for the amateur crapper to begin with. Even so, there's a rumour that young canadian junior champions are left in the wild to be taught to crap by mooses or something (they also teach them their strange pronounciation). Maybe GCRU could put me right here...

TYDT

"Roy Batty" wrote in news:buf8vp$mea$1 @news8.svr.pol.co.uk:

You are correct, Sir! Many a Canuck has been taught to crap by mooses.

Moose crap is large and smelly, and can be flung over a large distance by hand or catapult.

It would be pretty cool to catapult some moose turds into Quebec! meheheh ;)

On Wed, 21 Jan 2004 15:38:02 GMT, Argy wrote:

WEE WEE

Argy wrote in message news:...

That would be pretty cool. Plus, it brings a deeper meaning to the term "bombs away." Then maybe you could launch some water balloons filled with uh, huh huh, "the number one."

I'd prefer to fill them with number 2. Dropping Turd bombs on yo ass, beeotch!

On Fri, 16 Jan 2004 12:33:29 -0500, "King Turd" wrote:

WHOA

Congratulations, dude!!

  :o)

That rules, KT! Congratulations!!!

Yeah! And you can start a poopy-diaper collection next year too!

    :-D

I think I'll add a shelf above my turd collection in the basement. "Baby's First Turd".

"frog baseball" wrote in message news:160120041511471041%[email]...

that

Thanks and stuff. One of the first life lessons Baby Turd will learn is how to blow stuff up, their proper education won't be neglected..

"King Turd" wrote in message news:...

Wow! I gotta stop getting abducted and stuff, everytime I go away something interesting happens. Congratulations King and Princess Turd!

I have a question: if you have a daughter does that mean there's going to be two Princess Turds? I think it's time your baby-momma gets bumped up to Queen.

"Who 'dat iz?" "That jus' Baby Turd mamma!". I hereby announce and proclaim and stuff that Princess Turd has been promoted to the status of Queen Turd at the suggestion of Whamee.

"King Turd" wrote in news:5dVNb.13016$[email]:

so, would those flushes count as abortions? uhuh just wondering ;)

uhuhuh chicks dig you ehehe

way cool... congrats :)