(watching TV)
TV: How would you like to own a BRAND NEW HOUSE? Interest rates are LOWER THAN EVER! Get homes with pools, pool tables, bars, ping-pong, bidets, huge kitchens, bedrooms, bathrooms, and TONS OF OTHER OPTIONS! Interest rates are cheap, so COME NOW to Highland Real Estate TODAY!!!
BEAVIS: Hey Butthead, do you, like, think that if we got a new house, more chicks would like us?
BUTTHEAD: Beavis, you just gave me the greatest idea in the world. We gotta, like, get a house with huge bedrooms. Maybe they have cheap impotence rates too. Let's go to that, umm, "meal state" place on TV.
(real estate office)
ADLER: Hi, I'm Agent Joe Adler. What can I do for you today?
BUTTHEAD: Ummm, we want a new house.
BEAVIS: Yeah, heh. With cheap "impotence rates", or something.
ADLER: Yes, our interest rates are great. What kind of house are you looking for?
BUTTHEAD: We wanna umm, like, get chicks.
ADLER: Sure. We have a house not too far from your old one. It's got two master bedrooms. The last owners were psychologists who designed it to appeal to chicks.
BUTTHEAD: Whoa!
BEAVIS: But we don't wanna masturbate in the bedrooms! We want CHICKS!
BUTTHEAD: (smack) Dumbass.
ADLER: And not only that, but it's 100% Feng Shui Certified, and receives a "D-cup" rating from the Indian Kama Sutra Association.
BEAVIS: That seems pretty cool. I like Asian chicks.
BUTTHEAD: Ummm, that sounds cool. So, like, how much?
ADLER: What's your monthly income?
BUTTHEAD: You mean, like, from Burger World?
ADLER: Okay. Well, we can give you the house with a 1% interest rate. It's the end of the month, so you'll receive your first bill next week. Then you get billed for the end of every month. Just sign here...
BUTTHEAD: Whoa! We're there, dude.
(both sign paper)
WEEK #1:
(house)
BEAVIS: Whoa!
BUTTHEAD: This is the coolest house in the entire world!
BEAVIS: Look, there's a pool outside too! And Ping-pong tables! Wanna check it out, Butthead?
BUTTHEAD: No, fartknocker. We need to get chicks first.
(the streets)
BUTTHEAD: Umm, hey bebe. Wanna go back to my place?
BEAVIS: Yeah. We got Ping Pong tables.
CHICK 1: Go away, losers!
BUTTHEAD: You dumbass, chicks don't give a rats ass about Ping Pong tables!
BEAVIS: Oh, yeah. heh. Sorry.
BUTTHEAD: So, like, wanna come to my place? It has these huge bedrooms, and stuff.
BEAVIS: Yeah. And it's Feng Shui Certified, for ultimate pleasure.
CHICK 2: Nah, I'm looking for a guy with a *different* huge thing.
BUTTHEAD: Maybe we need to find, like, an Asian chick. She'll know about all that Feng Shui stuff.
BEAVIS: Yeah, heh. She'd understand.
BUTTHEAD: There's one.
(walks up to Asian chick)
BUTTHEAD: Umm, hey bebe.
BEAVIS: Yeah heh.
BUTTHEAD: So we, like, have this huge house. It gets a D-cup rating from the Indian Kama Sutra Association.
ASIAN CHICK 3: What the...? My family has been in the Kama Sutra business for years, and I've never heard of such a thing.
BUTTHEAD: But the "real state" guy said it's 100% Feng Shui certified.
ASIAN CHICK 3: That's Chinese, you moron. Kama Sutra is Indian. I hate how they take advantage of idiots like you.
BEAVIS: Hey! That Adler dumbass ripped us off!
WEEK #2
(house)
BEAVIS: I just wrote a check for that 1% Interest Monthly Mortgage Bill.
BUTTHEAD: Hey Beavis, umm, we're still not getting any chicks.
BEAVIS: Yeah, heh. We just have to try again.
WEEK #3
(house)
BUTTHEAD: What the hell is wrong with this house? Uhuhuh No chicks like us.
BEAVIS: Maybe we should, heh, throw a pool party, and stuff.
BUTTHEAD: That's a great idea, Beavis. uhuhuh
WEEK #4
(house)
BUTTHEAD: Dammit, where are all the chicks? Beavis, didn't you send out invitations?
BEAVIS: Yeah, heh. I didn't know the chicks' addresses though, so I could only invite Stuart. (Butthead slaps) AAH!!! (slap) AAH!!! (slap) AAH!!! (slap) AAH!!! (slap) AAH!!! (slap) AAH!!! (slap) AAH!!!
STUART: This is an awesome house! Lets hang out in the pool!
BUTTHEAD: Sorry, Stuart, it's like, out of order, or something.
STUART: Okay. Let's play some ping-pong and pool then.
BUTTHEAD: Dammit, Stuart, Get the hell out of here before I beat the crap out of you!
WEEK #5
(house)
BEAVIS: Hey, I got the mortgage bill.
BUTTHEAD: Ummm, okay. (opens the letter) 40% Interest? What the hell?
BEAVIS: Yeah!!! This Sucks!!! The guy ripped us off!!! It was supposed to be 1%!!!
BUTTHEAD: Maybe it means that, like, if we waited 40 days, we would pay 1% interest after 40 days.
BEAVIS: Yeah, heh, good thinking Butthead.
BUTTHEAD: Yeah. Lets go try again for chicks.
WEEK #9
(house)
BUTTHEAD: I still can't get any chicks. What the hell is wrong with the house?
POLICE: Your bill is overdue. We're gonna have to seize the house.
BUTTHEAD: What the hell?
BEAVIS: Yeah! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE 1%! ASSHOLES!
POLICE: According to the contract, the interest rate was variable, and could change at any time.
BEAVIS: NO! NO! THIS SUCKS! WE DIDN'T GET ANY CHICKS YET EITHER! AAAH!!!
POLICE: Get the hell out of the house, now! (throws B&B out)