O.k. kids, in an salute to the chicks in our group, I will _try_ to give equal time here for male and female..
"Top ten ways to Know Your V.D. Sucked" or "Why I'd rather read alt.tv.beavis-n-butthead on Valentines day":
10. You landed a Vanlentine's Date with Beavis' mom, end up scoring and in a cruel, comic, ironic twist of 'life imitating art' fate, the next two weeks of your life follow the plot line of the "Tainted Meat" epichoad.
9. Your secret's admirers valentines cards have the return address of the Maximum Security wing of the local state prison.
8. Your boyfriends idea of a romantic Valentine date, involves a candle light dinner by the fry vat and burgerworld, and a nightcap of big gulps and nachos at the Maxi Mart. (Hey be glad you got out of the house)
7. You are moved by the romantic spirit of the day, and tell your special valentine that she has nice thingies, and she kicks you in the 'nads!
6. Your name is Reuben King, Greyfax, or Porkmatzoh, and for a valentine greeting every ten minutes your inbox received a 1.3 meg uuencoded binary dumb which orginates from an automatic, anonymous remailer.
5. Your new .signature file refers to an obscure late '70's punk rock band, and their song about love and how it is similar to a Cattle borne virulent plague.
- Your valentine springs a leak, and deflates...
3. You attend Harvard university, and will never drive a car, never fix up your room, and never, ever score!
2. Your left hand promises to respect your right hand in the morning, but doesn't.
1. Your idea of a big romantic evening involved candlelight, you, some M&M's and spanking your monkey..
Extra special bonus:
You cut out a red heart, tape it to your shirt and go around telling everyone that you have had a "heart on" all day long!!... and they don't get it....
Extra extra special bonus:
Your valentine buys you a bottle of spanish fly from the Maximart restroom.