SP: THE PAHT PAHH EPISODE

{to the NG: pls. complete this episode, i can't get enough South Park}

SOUTH PARK: THE POT PIE EPISODE

(part 1 of 4)

[Kyle, Stan, Kenny are at Cartman's front door] [Stan rings doorbell]

[Inside, Cartman on sofa eating pot pie] [music to Terrance and Phillip show heard on the TV]

Cartman: "Maaaaaaaaaamm?" Mom: "Yes, dear?" Cartman: "K'dyou answer the door pleeeez?" Mom: "Why certainly, dear. How's your pot pie?" Cartman: "Shweeet..."

[doorbell rings again]

Mom: "Why Eric! It's your little friends!" Cartman: "Hey maaaaaaaaaaam? Can I have another paht pahh?"

[the kids come in]

Stan (to Cartman): "What's up dude?" Cartman (muttering to self) "...good paht pahh... nice paht PAHH!" Kyle (excited): "Hey look! Terrance and Phillip are on TV! But how could that be?" Cartman (with full mouth): "Ya, Kyle, how COULD that be? Didn't your fat bitch mother...?"

{Cartman starts gagging]

Cartman: "GAD...DAMMAT!" [choke, gag] Stan: "Cartman, I swear; you keep eating those things and your already fat ass is gonna get SO fat..." Cartman: "SCREW YOU!" Stan: "...you're mom's gonna have to find you guys an even bigger house for your FATTER ASS!"

[stove timer rings]

Mom: "That'll be your pot pie, Eric!" Kyle (amazed): "ANOTHER!??" Kenny: "*** * ** ***" Cartman: "Kenny if I wasn't sittin on this couch I'd kick yer..." Kenny: "**** *** ** ***** ** *** !" Cartman: "GAD DAMMAT KENNY! SCREW AFFF!" Kyle: "Kenny has a point. When WAS the last time you left that couch, Cartman?" Cartman: "SHADDAP, I'm trying to watch Terrance and PHILLIP!" Stan: "Yea dudes, save the fat-ass jokes for later." Cartman (to self): "Shweeeeeeet paht pahh...!"

[kids sit down on couch and watch TV] [Cartman finishes pot pie, throws it on the floor]

Cartman: "Mahaaaaamm?" Mom: "Coming dear! Here's your pot pie!" Kyle: "Hey, this isn't Cartoon Central. What's going on, Cartman?" Cartman: "It's satellite TV, dude. Satellite kicks ash." Kenny: "* *** ** * ***" Cartman: "The Best of Terrance and Phillip. Uncensored, of course." Kenny: "*** ** *** * * ***?" Cartman: "Neh Kenny, this is MAHH paht pahh." Kyle: "God dammit, Cartman, don't you know that Kenny hasn't eaten in THREE days?" Mom: "Eric? Would you like some cheesy poofs too?" Cartman: "Neh, maam, just make me another paht pahh!" Kyle: "Jesus Christ, fat-ass! How many of those things are you going to eat!?" Cartman: "SHADDAPP! I can't hear Terrance and PHILLIP!"

[on the television...]

P: "Why Terrance, isn't that a pot pie?"

[brief shot of Cartman smiling]

T: "Why yes Phillip. I hope it doesn't make me fahht!" P: "No, we wouldn't want that to happen now, would we?" T: "Oh-oh!" P: "What is it?" T: "I think I'm going to fahht!"

Kyle: "Hey, this wasn't one of the best Terrance and Phillip episodes. How could they call it the best of Terrance and Phillip if they're not going to show the BEST Terrance and Phillip episodes?" Cartman: "Put a rag in it Kyle, this episode kicked ash."

T: [farts] [Terrance and Phillip laugh]

[the kids laugh, except for Kyle]

P: "I think I'm going to eat a pot pie myself, Terrance!" T: "I sure hope it doesn't make you fahht!" P: "I sure hope not too! I wouldn't want to...."

[Phillip farts]

T: "But you haven't even eaten your POT PIE!"

Kyle: "Cartman, this epidose sucks." Cartman: "Then whah don't you go home to your fat bitch mother and tell her to DAHH already! This satellite TV ain't free, ya know."

[stove timer rings]

Mom: "Eric? Your pot pie's done!" Cartman: "Bitt MAAAH, I haven't even finished THIS paht PAHH...." Kyle: "I swear, Cartman, you are one serious fat- assed pig." Cartman (to self): "Shweet...paht pahh..."

[Cartman starts eating]

Kyle: "I SAID, Cartman, that you are one SERIOUS, FAT-ASSED..."

[Cartman chokes, gags]

Cartman:  "GAD DAMMAT KYLE SHADDAP I'M TRYIN TO ETT
MAH PAHT *PAHHHH*!"
Stan:  "Seriously, dude, you're gonna explode if you
keep eating so many..."
Kenny:  "** *  ****  *** **** ***  ***   **  *** **
*** ** ****  **   **** *** ***"

[a shocked Stan and Kyle stare at Kenny]

Kenny:  "****  ***  *****   *** *** ***  **** ****..."

[Cartman becomes enraged]

Kenny:  "...** ** ****** ** * *** ***..."
Cartman:  "F**K YOU KENNY YOU BASTARD!  GET ATTA MAH
HOUSE!"

Kyle: "Kenny has a point. When WAS the last time your mother...?" Cartman: "SHADDAP, I'm trying to watch TERRANCE and PHILLIP!" Stan: "Yea dudes, let's save the anal dildo jokes for later." Cartman (to self): "SHWEEEEEEEEET...paht pahh...!"

[Cartman finishes pot pie, throws it on the floor]

Cartman: "Mahaaaaamm?" Mom: "Coming dear! Here's your pot pie!" Kyle: "Holy CHRIST." Cartman: "Screw you, Kyle." Kyle: "So when did you get satellite TV, Cartman?" Cartman: "Why...that would have been the last time your mother had SEX, Kyle. Many years ago..." Kenny: "* *** ** * ***" Cartman: "Kenny, I swear..." Kenny: "*** ** *** * * ***?" Cartman: "NEHHHH, Kenny, this is *MAHH* paht PAHH!!" Kyle: "God dammit, Cartman, don't you know that Kenny hasn't eaten in FIVE days?" Mom: "Eric? Would you like some snacky cakes?" Cartman: "Neh, maaaam, just make me another paht pahh." Kyle: "Fat ass." Cartman: "Shuddup, I can't hear Terrance and Phillip."

[on the television...]

P: "Why Terrance, isn't that another pot pie?"

[brief shot of Cartman smiling]

T: "Why yes Phillip. I hope THIS one doesn't make me fahht!" P: "No, we wouldn't want that to happen again, would we?" T: "Oh-oh!" P: "What is it?" T: "I think I'm going to fahht again!"

Kyle: "This was NOT one of the best Terrance and Phillip episodes! How could they call it the best of Terrance and Phillip if they're not going to show..." Cartman: "This episode kicked ash, Kyle; deal with it."

T: [farts] [Terrance and Phillip laugh]

[the kids laugh, except for Kyle]

P: "I think I'm going to eat another pot pie myself, Terrance!" T: "I sure hope it doesn't make you fahht again!" P: "I sure hope not too! I wouldn't want to...."

[Phillip farts]

T: "But you haven't even eaten your FIRST pot pie!"

Kyle: "Cartman, this epidose TOTALLY sucks!" Cartman: "Then whah don't you go home to your fat bitch mother and tell her..."

[stove timer rings]

Mom: "Eric? Your pot pie's done!" Cartman: "Bitt maaam, I haven't even finished THIS paht pahh..." Kyle: "I swear, Cartman, you are one serious fat-assed pig."

[Cartman starts eating]

Kyle: "I SAID, Cartman, that you are one SERIOUS, FAT-ASSED..."

[Cartman chokes, gags]

Cartman:  "GAD DAMMAT KYLE SHADDAP I'M TRYIN TO
ETT MAH PAHT PAHHHH!"
Kenny:  "** *  ****  *** **** ***  *** ** *** **
*** ** ****  **   **** *** ***"

[a shocked Stan and Kyle stare at Kenny]

Kenny:  "****  ***  *****   *** *** ***  ****
*** *** ** ** ****** ** * *** ***..."

Cartman: "F**K YOU AND GET ATTA MAH HOUSE!"

Kyle: "Kenny has a point. When WAS the last time your pot-bellied pig...?" Cartman: "SHADDAP, I'm trying to watch...TERRANCE... AND...PHILLIP!!" Stan: "Yeah, save the analingus jokes for later."

[Cartman finishes pot pie, throws it on the floor]

Cartman: "Mahaaaaamm?" Mom: "Coming dear! Here's your pot pie!" Kenny: "* *** ** * ***" Cartman: "Shuddup Kenny." Kenny: "*** ** *** * * ***?" Cartman: "Neh, KENNEH, this is MEHH paht pahh!" Kyle: "God dammit, Cartman, don't you know that Kenny hasn't eaten in SEVEN days?" Mom: "Eric? Would you like some cheesy cakes too?" Cartman: "NEH, maam, just make me another paht PAHH!"

[on the television...]

P: "Why Terrance, isn't that a cheesy pot pie?"

[brief shot of Kyle, disgusted]

T: "Why yes Phillip. I hope it doesn't make me cheesy fahht!"

Kyle: "God dammit, Cartman..."

P: "No, we wouldn't want that to happen now, would we?" T: "Oh-oh!" P: "What is it?" T: "I think I'm going to cheesy fahht!"

Kyle: "Cartman you're not only a fat ass, you're a STUPID fat ass!" Cartman: "AND YER MAAM'S A BITCH WHORE!" Kenny: "*** * ***** ***" Cartman: "Yeah, and that too."

T: [farts] [Terrance and Phillip laugh]

[the kids laugh, except for Kyle]

P: "I think I'm going to eat a cheesy pot pie myself, Terrance!" T: "I sure hope it doesn't make you cheesy fahht!" P: "I sure hope not too! I wouldn't want to...."

[Phillip farts]

T: "Cheesy, Phillip!"

Kyle: "Cartman, this epidose sucks! Your LIFE sucks!"

[stove timer rings]

Mom: "Eric? Your pot pie's done!"

[Cartman chokes, gags]

Kenny:  "** *  ****  *** **** ***  ***   **  *** **
*** ** ****  **   **** *** ***"
Stan:  "Whaaaat!?"
Kenny:  "****  *** ***** *** *** *** ******* ***!!!"
Kyle (to Kenny):  "Chill, dude."
Kenny:  "** ***"
Kyle (to Kenny):  "Butt pump."
Kenny:  "*** ****"
Kyle (to Kenny):  "Ass plug."

[Cartman finishes pot pie, throws it on the floor]

Cartman: "Mahaaaaamm?" Mom: "Coming dear! Here's your pot pie!" Cartman: "And shuddup Kyle, we can't hear Terrance and Phillip."

[on the television...]

P: "Why Terrance, isn't that a snacky cheesy pot pie?"

[brief shot of Cartman smiling]

T: "Why yes Phillip. I hope it doesn't make me snacky cheesy fahht!" P: "No, we wouldn't want that to happen now, would we?" T: "Oh-oh!" P: "What is it?" T: "I think I'm going to snacky cheesy fahht!"

Kyle: "Cartman, your WHOLE life TOTALLY sucks."

T: [farts] [Terrance and Phillip laugh]

[the kids laugh, except for Kyle]

P: "I think I'm going to eat a snacky cheesy pot pie myself, Terrance!" T: "I sure hope it doesn't make you snacky cheesy fahht like it did to me!" P: "I sure hope not too! I wouldn't want to...."

[Phillip farts]

T: "But you haven't even eaten your CHEESY pot pie!"

Cartman: "SHWEEEEEEEEEET!" Kyle: "Cartman, for the last time, THIS EPISODE SUCKS AND SO DO YOU, YOU FAT ASSED DINGUS!" Cartman: "Then whah don't you and yer mother..."

[stove timer rings]

Mom: "Eric? You're pot pie's done!" Cartman: "Bitt maaaaam I haven't even finished THIS paht PAAAHHH...."

[Kenny DIES of starvation]

Kyle: "Oh my GOD Cartman! You KILLED Kenny! You fat-...ASSED bastard!"

Mom: "Here's your pot pie, dear." Cartman: "SHWEEEEEEEEET!"

[rats converge on Kenny]

T: "But that wasn't a snacky fahht, was it?" P: "How about this?" T: "No, that was a cheesy faht." P: "Just a minute..."

[Phillip farts]

[the kids laugh, except for Kenny]

["YOU'RE WATCHING COMEDY CENTRAL. STAY TUNED FOR MORE...OF SOUTH PARK."]

Let me just say that this has to be the WORST idea for an episode. You used the same lines about 50 times, and there was no plot what-so-ever. They didn't even leave Cartman's house. And the Terence and Philip segements totally sucked. I mean, you used the same damn lines for everything. Come on! Be more original! I've seen road kill that could do better than that. If you want to see something original, then look for my postings of South Park Kombat.

Kha0s

This is what happens when you let sick people play with powerful toys

Picky, picky, picky!!! Screw you!!! We should encourage these episodes since we don't have many 'real' ones to watch. I thought it was funny as hell and the Terrence and Phillip episode was on par.

KymBot, that fanfic kicked ass!!! Please write some more - you've got a talent for it!

	Gary M.   :^)

On Sun, 30 Nov 1997 14:28:26 -0800, "Gary M." offered this unto Shub-Internet:

<snip>

Gary, I want you to lay off the cough syrup. Seriously man, I'm worried about you.

Are you smoking something? The same concept repeated 7 times != funny. There wasn't even any variation. Just Cartman eating a pie, Kyle bitching at him, Kenny bitching at Kyle and Terrance and Phillip farting in the background. Over. And over. And over. Now I know how it feels to be a grandpa.

Bob the Soul Crusher wrote:

I'm assuming that the repetitions were _intentional_. That's what made it funny to me. It was so stupid, that it was funny, dammit! And don't start on the Terrance and Phillip stuff - all they _ever_ do on the real show is fart. ;)

On Mon, 01 Dec 1997 13:32:33 -0800, "Gary M." offered this unto Shub-Internet:

Terrance and Phillip, alright. But the rest was crap. If the _whole_ thing had been a T&P <heheh TP> episode, it would have been fine. But it wasn't, so it wasn't.

In article , [email] wrote:

Why? Did someone lock you in a room and play Enya too loud?

--Elocutus

[email] (tk-rad) wrote:

Eh...ya coulda just said 'it sucked.'

I did; they sucked. No Terrance, no Phillip. What's the point.

So put it away.

[email] (KymBot) wrote:

<&>[email] (tk-rad) wrote: <&> <&>> Let me just say that this has to be the WORST idea for an <&>>episode. You used the same lines about 50 times, and there was no <&>>plot what-so-ever. They didn't even leave Cartman's house. And the <&>>Terence and Philip segements totally sucked. I mean, you used the <&>>same damn lines for everything. Come on! Be more original! I've <&>>seen road kill that could do better than that. <&> <&>Eh...ya coulda just said 'it sucked.' <&> <&>> If you want to see <&>>something original, then look for my postings of South Park Kombat. <&> <&>I did; they sucked. No Terrance, no Phillip. What's the point.

Terence and Philip will be added (if you read all of the post) as soon as I make the new revisions. My game is totally original, and your fan fic was recycled lines, having the same thing happen over and over. So screw you, hippie.

Kha0s

To bring you to your knees and inflict massive unforgivable pain. That is the true meaning of terror. Your pain is my pleasure.

Goodness, I feel like I just sat through another showing of 'Waiting For Godot'. Cyclical action does have it's place in drama, but it isn't an instant key to humor.

[email] (MisinYou) wrote:

Certainly these boring replies to my orignal brilliant post are _far more_ humorous, as I am sure the rest of the group would agree.

C'mon, somebody make up a part 2 already.

Hint: Cartman gets so fat his satellite dish gets knocked out of alignment.

Hint: Stan smells real fahts coming out of Cartman's TV set.

Hint: Cartman guest stars on Terrance and Phillip.

Hint: y'all are boring as hell