MOUNTAIN TOWN
STAN There's a bunch of birds in the sky And some deers just went running by Oh, the snow's pure and white on the earth rich and brown Just another Sunday morning in my quiet mountain town
The sun is shining and the grass is green Under the three feet of snow, I mean This is a day when it's hard to wear a frown All the happy people stop to say hello
(Get outta my way!)
Even though the temperatures low It's a perfect Sunday morning in my quiet little mountain town
DIALOGUE:
STAN'S MOM Well, good morning, Stan.
STAN Mom, can I have $8 to see a movie?
STAN'S MOM A movie? But I thought you were going ice skating.
STAN But this is gonna be the best movie ever! It's a foreign film, from Canada!
STAN' MOM All right, all right. Here you go, but be back for supper.
STAN Thanks, mom!
STAN'S MOM Oh what a picture perfect child Just like Jesus he's tender and mild He'd wear a smile while he wore a thorny crown What an angel with a heart so sweet and sure And a mind so open and pure Thank God we live in this quiet redneck mountain town.
STAN Hi. Is your son home.
KENNY'S MOM I think so. HEY! KENNY, WAKE UP! Kenny, dammit, come on!
KENNY (OK, mom!)
STAN Kenny! The Terrance and Phillip movie is out! You wanna come?
KENNY (mumbles an answer)
KENNY'S MOM Where do you think you're goin'?
KENNY (The Terrance and Phillip movie!)
KENNY'S MOM You can't. You have t' go t' church!
KENNY (But mom, I want to see this movie!)
KENNY'S MOM Well fine, go ahead and miss church, and then when you die and go to Hell YOU CAN ANSWER TO SATAN!
KENNY (Okay.)
STAN You can see your breath hanging in the air You see homeless people but you just don't care It's a sea a smiles in which we'd be glad to drown
KENNY (mumbles two lines)
STAN That's right! It's a Sunday morning in our quiet little, white bread, red neck mountain town
DIALOGUE
KYLE Okay, Ike, let's try this one more time.
IKE (Ike baby-talks)
KYLE Okay Ike? Kick the baby!
IKE No kick the baby.
KYLE Kick the baby!
STAN Kyle! We're going ot the Terrance and Phillip movie!
KYLE Oh my GOD, dude!
KYLE'S MOM (SHEILA) Kyle, what's going on?
KYLE Nothing. We're going skating now.
SHEILA Oh. Well, take your little brother out with you.
KYLE Aw, mom! He's not even my real brother! He's adopted!
SHEILA DO AS I SAY, KYLE!
KYLE Okay, okay! I'm sorry!
KYLE'S MOM Look at those frail and fragile boys It really gets me down The world is such a rotten place And city life's a complete disgrace That's why I moved to this red neck, meshuggenuh, quiet mountain town
DIALOGUE
CARTMAN M�m, somebody's at the d��r. M�m, somebody's at the d��r, I said!
CARTMAN'S MOM Coming, hon!
CARTMAN I can't see the TV!
ANNOUNCER It's been six weeks since Saddam Hussein was killed by a pack of wild boars, and the world is still glad to be rid of him.
CARTMAN'S MOM Oh, look Eric, it's your little friends.
CARTMAN What're you guys doin' here? Sweet, dide! YES! YES!
ALL KIDS Off to the movies we shall go where we learn every that we know Cuz the movies teach us what our parents don't to have time to say And this movie's gonna make our lives complete Cuz Terrance and Philip are sweet (CARTMAN: Super sweet!) Thank god we live in this quiet little, redneck, podunk, white-trash (KENNY mumbles Kick Ass!) U! S! A!
STAN Can I have five tickets to Terrance and Phillip "Asses of Fire," please?
TICKET GUY NO!
UNCLE FUCKA
TERRANCE Shut your fucking face, Uncle Fucka Your a cock sucking, ass licking Uncle Fucka You're an Uncle Fucka, yes it's true Nobody fucks uncles quite like you
PHILLIP Shut your fucking face, Uncle Fucka You're the one that fucked your uncle, Uncle Fucka You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn You just fuck your uncle all day long
FART DANCE SOLO
CONSTABLE What's going on here?
FART DANCE SOLO CONTINUES
CHORUS Fucka, Fucka, Uncle Fucka, Uncle Fuka Fucka, Fucka, ooooooo ooooooo.
TERRANCE AND PHILLIP Shut your fucking face, Uncle Fucka
PHILLIP Uncle Fucka!
TERRANCE AND PHILLIP You're a boner-biting bastard, Uncle Fucka
TERRANCE You're a uncle fucka, I must say.
PHILLIP You fucked your uncle yesterday!
TERRANCE AND PHILLIP Uncle Fucka, That's U - N - C - L - E, FUCK YOU! Uncle Fucka! You are!
PHILLIP (Suck my dong)
IT'S EASY, MMMKAY
MR MACKEY There are times when you get suckered in By drugs and alcohol and sex with women (mmkay?) But it's when you do these things too much That you become an addict and must get back in touch
You can do it, it's all up to you, mmmkaaaaay? With a little plan you can change your life today! You don't have to spend your life addicted to smack Homeless on the streets giving hand jobs for crack. Follow my plan and very soon you will say It's easy, mmmkay
Step 1 instead of 'ass' say 'buns' Like "Kiss my 'buns'" or "You're a 'buns' hole"
Step 2 instead of 'shit' say 'poo' As in "bull 'poo'," "'poo' head," and "This 'poo' is cold"
Step 3 with bitch drop the T Because 'bich' is Latin for generosity
Step 4 don't say 'fuck' anymore Because 'fuck' is the worst word that you can say So just use the word 'mmmkay'!
KIDS AND MR MACKEY We can do it, it's all up to us, mmmkay? (Mmmkay!) With a little plan we can change our lives today! (You can change today!) We don't have to spend our lives shootin' up in the trash Homeless on the streets giving handjobs for cash Follow this plan and very soon you will say It's easy, mmmkay.
Step 1 instead of 'ass' say 'buns' Like "Kiss my 'buns'" or "You're a 'buns' hole"
Step 2 instead of 'shit' say 'poo' As in "bull 'poo'," "'poo' head," and "This 'poo' is cold"
Step 3 with bitch drop the T Because 'bich' is Latin for generosity
Step 4 don't say 'fuck' anymore Because 'fuck' is the worst word that you can say Fuck is the worst word that you can say! You shouldn't say fuck, no we shouldn't say fuck Fuck no! (Let everything go!)
We don't have to spend our lives shootin' up in the trash Homeless on the streets doing handjobs for cash Follow this plan and very soon you will say It's easy, mmmkay. (It's easy, mmmkay.) It's easy, mmmkay. (It's easy, mmmkay.) It's easy, mmmkay. (It's easy, mmm, it's easy, mmm, It's easy, mmmkay.) (Mmmkay! Mmmkay! Mmmkay.)
BLAME CANADA
KYLE'S MOM Times have changed, our kids are getting worse They won't obey their parents, they just want to fart and curse
STAN'S MOM Should we blame the government
CARTMAN'S MOM Or blame society
DADS Or should we blame the images on TV?
KYLE'S MOM NO! Blame Canada!
PARENTS Blame Canada!
KYLE'S MOM With all their beady little eyes And flappin' heads so full of lies
PARENTS Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
KYLE'S MOM We need form a full assault
PARENTS It's Canada's fault!
STAN'S MOM Don't blame me for my son Stan He saw the darn cartoon and now he's off to join the Klan
CARTMAN'S MOM And my boy Eric once, had my picture on his self But now when I see him he tells me to fuck myself
KYLE'S MOM Well? Blame Canada
PARENTS Blame Canada
KYLE'S MOM It seems that everything's gone wrong Since Canada came along
PARENTS Blame Canada Blame Canada
SOME GUY They're not even a real country, anyway
KENNY'S MOM My son could have been a doctor or a lawyer, rich 'n' true Instead he burned up like a piggy on a barbecue
PARENTS Should we blame the matches Should we blame the fire Or the doctors who allowed him to expire?
KYLE'S MOM Heck no!
PARENTS Blame Canada Blame Canada
KYLE'S MOM| With all they're hockey hullabaloo
CARTMAN'S MOM And that bitch Anne Murray, too
PARENTS Blame Canada Shame on Canada For the smiling must stop They're tracking the trash [??] The laughter and fun must all be undone We must blame them and cause a fuss Before somebody think of blaming US!
KYLE'S MOM'S A BITCH
CARTMAN Welll...
Kyle's mom is a bitch, she's a big fat bitch She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world She's a stupid bitch, if there ever was a bitch She's a bitch to all the boys and girls!
On Monday she's a bitch On Tuesday she's a bitch And Wednesdays through Saturdays she's a bitch Then on Sunday, just to be different She's a super King Kamehahmehah beeeyatch!
Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world She's a mean old bitch, and she has stupid hair She's a bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch... Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch She's a stupid bitch (Whoa!)
Kyle's mom's a bitch And she's just a dirty bitch!
Talk to kids around the world and it might go a little bit something like this!
(Weird ass shit)
Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world She's a mean old bitch, and she has stupid hair
She's a bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch... Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch She's a stupid bitch
Kyle's mom's a bitch And she's just a dirty bitch! I really mean it Kyle's mom She's big fat fucking bitch! Big old fat fucking bitch Kyle mom........ yeah .....cha!!
WHAT WOULD BRIAN BOITANO DO?
STAN What would Brian Boitano do If he was here right now? He'd make a plan and he'd follow through That's what Brian Boitano'd do.
KYLE When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics Skating for the gold He did two sowcows and a triple lutz While wearing a blindfold
CARTMAN When Brian Boitano was in the Alps Fighting grizzly bears He used his magical fire breath And saved the maidens fair
ALL So what would Brian Boitano do If he were here today? I'm sure he'd kick and ass or two That's what Brian Boitano'd do
CARTMAN How I want this V-chip out of me It has stunted my vocabulary
KYLE And I just want my mom To stop fighting everyone
STAN For Wendy I'll be an activist, too Cuz that's what Brian Boitano'd do
ALL What would Brian Boitano do? He'd call all the kids in town And tell them to unite for truth That's what Brian Boitano'd do
When Brian Boitano traveled through time To the year 3010 He fought the evil robot king To save the human race again
CARTMAN And when Brian Boitano built the pyramids He beat up Kublai Khan
ALL Cuz Brian Boitano doesn't take shit from anybody
So let's put all the pieces together And unite to stop our moms And we'll save Terrance and Phillip, too Cuz that's what Brian Boitano'd do And we'll save Terrance and Phillip, too Cuz that's what Brian Boitano'd do Cuz that's what Brian Boitano'd do
UP THERE
SATAN
*sigh*
Sometimes I think When I look up real high That there's such a big world up there I'd like to give it a try
But then I sink Cuz it's here I'm s'posed to stay But I get so lonely down here Tell me why's it have to be that way?
Up there, there is so much room Where babies burp and flowers bloom Everyone dreams, I can dream too Up there Up where the skies are ocean blue I could be safe and live without a care Up there
They say I don't belong I must stay below alone Because of my beliefs I'm supposed stay where evil is sown
But what is evil anyway? Is there reason to the rhyme? Without evil there could be no good So it must be good to be evil sometimes
Up there there is so much room Where babies burp and flowers bloom Everyone dreams, I can dream too Up there Up where the skies are ocean blue I could be safe and live without a care Live without a care Live without a care If only I could live up there!
I want to live, I want to live Up there! Oh, baby! Oooo!
I want to live up there
LA RESISTANCE
GREGORY: God has smiled upon you this day The fate of a nation in your hands And blessed be the children Who fight with all our bravery 'Til only the righteous stand
You see the distant flames They bellow in the night You fight in all our names For what we know is right And when you all get shot And cannot carry on Though you die, La Resistance lives on!
GREGORY AND CHILDREN You may get stabbed in the head With a dagger or sword You may be burned to death Or skinned alive or worse And when they torture you You'll have nothing indeed to run for Though you die, La Resistance lives on!
PARENTS Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
KYLE'S MOM Because the country's gone awry Tomorrow night these freaks will fry!
SOLDIERS Tomorrow night our lives will change Tomorrow night we'll be entertained An execution! What a sight! Tomorrow night!
SATAN Up there there is so much room Where babies burp and flowers bloom Tomorrow night up there is doomed And so I will be going soon!
TERRANCE AND PHILLIP Shut your fucking face, Uncle Fucka You're a boner biting bastard, Uncle Fucka
TERRANCE Looks like we may be out of luck
PHILLIP Tomorrow night, we're pretty fucked!
STAN AND KYLE Why did our mothers start this war? What the fuck are they fighting for? When did this song become a marathon?
SATAN I want to be up there!
KYLE'S MOM When Canada is dead and gone They'll be no more Celine Dion!!
(OVERLAP) SOLDIERS Tomorrow night our lives will change Tomorrow night we'll be entertained An execution! What a sight! Tomorrow night!
GREGORY AND CHILDREN They may cut your dick in half And serve it to a pig And though it hurts you'll laugh And dance a dickless jig But that's the way it goes In war you're shat upon Though you die, La Resistance lives on!
SATAN I want to be up there!
PARENTS Blame Canada! Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
EYES OF A CHILD
The eyes of a child So innocent and pure A child's heart is full of song Take that tiny hand and lead them to the light As adults, we see pain in the world And it sometimes don't seem right
But through the eyes of a child The world seems magical There's a sparkle in their eyes They've yet to realize the darkness in their soul
The beauty of their smile Adventurous and wild Life is kind of gay But it doesn't seem that way Through the eyes of a child
So don't give up Even when the road seems long Just find that child inside of you (Yeah, you gotta find you) Spread your wings and fly To the brightest star If you want I can even get my friend Steve to detail your car For like, twenty bucks
But through the eyes of a child The world seems magical There's a sparkle in their eyes They've yet to realize the darkness in their soul
The beauty of their smile Adventurous and wild Sure, life is kinda gay But it doesn't seem that way Through the eyes of a child
I've gotta eye on my hand I've gotta eye on my hand I've gotta eye on my hand But still I can't find you Eye on my hand Where have you gone, girl? Eye on my hand I'm coming up behind you Eye on my hand Don't turn around, now Cuz I'm right there I'm coming up behind you
(pause)
Through the eyes of a child The world seems magical The sparkle in their eyes They've yet to realize the bastards they really are The beauty of their smile Adventurous and wild Sure, life is kinda gay But it doesn't seem that way Through the eyes of a child
Sure, life is kinda gay But it doesn't seem that way Through the eyes of a child
I CAN CHANGE
SADDAM HUSSEIN Some people say that I'm a bad guy They may be right They may be right But it's not as if I don't try I just fuck up Try as I might
But I can change, I can change I can learn to keep my promises I swear it I'll open up my heart and I will share it Any minute now I will be born again
Yes I can change, I can change I know I've been a dirty little bastard I like to kill, I like to maim Yes I'm insane, but it's okay Cuz I can change!
*sigh*
It's not my fault that I'm so evil It's society Society You see my parents were sometimes abusive And it made a prick of me
But I can change, I can change I can learn to keep my promises I know it I'll open up my heart and I will show it Any minute now I will be born again
SATAN But what if you never change? What if you remain a sandy little butt-hole?
SADDAM HUSSEIN (Hey Satan!) Don't be such a twit Mother Theresa won't have shit on me Just watch Just watch me change Here I go, I'm changing!!
(Ahhhh!)
(whistles)
(Heyyyyy, Satan!)
I'M SUPER
BIG GAY AL Bombs are flying People are dying Children are crying Politicians are lying, too
Cancer is killing Texaco's spilling The whole world's gone to hell But, how are you?
I'm super! Thanks for asking All things considered I couldn't be better I must say
I'm feeling super And nothing' bugs me Everything is super when you're Don't you think I look cute in this hat?
I'm so sorry Mr. Cripple But I just can't feel too bad for you right now Because I'm feeling so insanely super That even the fact that you can't walk can't bring me down
CHORUS He's super, thanks for asking All things considered, he couldn't be better He must say
AL I'm super No, nothing bugs me Everything is super when you're Don't you think I look cute in this hat These little pants This matching tie I got at Merv's
I'm Super!
CHORUS [Stuff I can't make out] (Stick 'em up!) [Another line I can't make out] (Skittles!) Yes, he's super and he's proud to be gay (Okay?) Everything is super when you're gay When you're gay!
MOUNTAIN TOWN (REPRISE)
CHEF Everything worked out With a happy end Americans and Canadians are friends again So lets all join hands and knock oppression down
ACCOMPANIMENT Before we all fall
KIDS Don't you know our little lives are now complete
MOMS Cuz Terrance and Phillip are sweet
KYLE'S MOM (SHEILA) Super sweet!
EVERYONE Thank god we live in this quiet little, piss ant, redneck, over-run, drink-water, [rainymore?], one-horse, slime-hole, mechamah, right-wing, whistle-stop, wry-bell, truck-driving, old-fashioned, Main Street, pea-brained, underbred, ride-the-day, out-of-touch, white trash,
CARTMAN KICK ASS!
EVERYONE Moun...tain... town!
WHAT WOULD BRIAN BOITANO DO? PT II (Credits music) (semily stolen from melissa's site)
Performed by DVDA
What would Brian Boitano do If he was here right now? He'd make a plan and he'd follow through That's what Brian Boitano'd do
When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics Skating for the gold He did two sowcows a triple lutz Wearing a blindfold
When Brian Boitano was in the Alps Fighting grizzly bears He used his magical fire breath To save the maidens fair
So what would Brian Boitano do If he was here today? I'm sure he'd kick an arse or two That's what Brian Boitano'd do
When Brian Boitano traveled in time To the year 3010 He fought the evil robot king And saved us all again
And when Brian Boitano built the Pyramids He beat up Kublai Kahn Cuz Brian Boitano doesn't take shit