Scene: Moscow
President: I see, ve have ein problem. Yes Man#1: Oh yes sir President: A small town in America, called South Park, has over fifty nuclear wardheads. I sugest we bomb them. Yes Men '1,2,3: YES SIR! {they march out the room} President: Ve vill survey them.
Scene: The hidden F.B.I H.Q in the alley just off Ned's house'o guns.
FBI man: We have a problem. Red Head FBI woman: What?! Brown Haired FBI man: The russian commies are monitering South Park. Aparently they have a camera in the local school! Red Head FBI woman: My god. Ned: THEY'RE COMING RIGHT FOR US! (He shoots the FBI agents) Damn rodents.
Scene: Classroom. {Kenny stares into a large cylindrical objext with a lens out of one end.} Stan: Dude, what is it? Cartman: It looks like a big Cheesy Poof. {They glare at him} What? Kyle: It looks like a carrot. Kenny: Hpphmpphpmmhpmpphpmppmphp. (Maybe Cartmans mom left it here?) {The scamps laugh. Cartman realises Kennys joke and stops laughing.} Cartman: THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO! {sits at his desk Garrison walks in} Garrison: Ok class, we have a quest speaker. He's called, Agent Fox Mulder. {A rough representation of David Duckovny walks in.} (THIS IS NOT A CROSSOVER! I brought him in for the hell of it) Mulder: We have a problem. Russia is montering us. {They gasp} It's a camera, it's got a rounded end- Kenny: Hpphmpphpmpph (Like a vibrator?) Mulder: Yes, like a vibrator. Anyway, THERE IT IS! {whips out gun and knocks Mr. Hat off Garrisons hand. He fires all fifteen bullets into it.} Garrison: YOU BASTARD! {He bends over and crys over the body of his hand puppet) Stan: Dude, it's only a puppet. Garrison: YOUR EXPELLED! Stan: Fine, screw you then. Mulder: There it is! {Kenny ducks for cover, almost seeing the inevitable. Mulder points to camera. Stan walks over.} Stan: HAVE THIS YOU COMMIE BASTARDS! {he moons the camera. The entire class joins him.}
Russia:
Monitorer: Stoole! They have weapons! Monitorer #2: Stoole.
Bus Stop:
Stan: You really think I'm expelled? Kyle: No, Chef said he'll have a word with him.
Cafeteria:
Chef: I'll set you up with Mr. Mackay if you un-expell Stan. Mr. Garrison: {Runs his fingers through his hair.} Do i look ok?
Bus Stop:
Kyle: Sweet! Stan: What? Kyle: Huh? Cartman: PANTS! {They stare at him} well, they where making strange words, so I shouted Pants.
Moscow:
Presidnet: We have seen there warheads. Defence minister: Their butts? President: Their asses conceil the warheads. When the inevitable somes, they'll bend over, and sh*t in the sky! {Defence minister looks puzzled} Mr. Hankey told me. Defence minister: {nods}
School: Gym.
Mayor: NO NEED TO PANIC! WE KNOW THE ENEVITABLE HAS HAPPENED, {breaks into tears in front of the camera} Russia has finally messed up, and so have I. Can we start over. Camera man: This IS a live feed. Mayor: Well, edit it. People, we have only one option, watch the video.
Video: What will you do if a warhead come down on your fair town? Stan: Run like hell? Video: No, don't run like hell, hide behind a tree. Here's a typical scene: {a family sits under a large Oak tree, eating a picnic.} here;s a family day out, but shock! A nuclear warhead is coming down. But, Suzie knows what to do, she was told at school. {the little girl with pig tails pulls family under the trees. The warhead goes off and the family live.} See, she lived. {the movie ends.} Chef: What a piece of crap! {Mulder runs in.} Mulder: {shouting} Ten nuclear warheads are on their way! Officer Barbrady: No need to panic, it's all under control. Mulder: They'll be here in five minutes! {all the citizens go balistic and run round the room.}
Scene: Cartmans house.
Cartman: GET THE CHEESY POOFS! {his mom runs round like a psycho} Stan: Dude, where are we going? Cartman: To my nuclear bunker, duh! Kyle: Sweet! You have a shelter! Cartman: Yeah, and we can all go. Except Kenny. {Kenny crys. Kyle and Stan have puppy dogs, glassy eyes.} Stop it, plaeeeasestop it. Oh, ok Kenny can come. Kyle: Don't say it Kenny!
Cartman's Bunker:
{they run in and close the door. Cartman hears a meow from outside} Cartman: KITTY! {he trys to open the door} Stan: She's gone! Cartman: KENNY! GO GET KITTY! Kenny: Hpphmh. (NO!) Cartman: Get her, or I'll throw you out! {Kenny scrambles out as the bombs go off. Luckly, the door is closed.} Kenny: HPPmhmhpmhppmhpmhhm. (AGH! All the skin is being burnt off my face! AGH! My nads have fallen off!)
Five days later:
{Kyle opens the door and Chef, Cartmans Mom, Cartman, Kyle, Stan, Sparky, and Mulder all walk out. Kyle turns and sees the image on Kenny welded to the wall. The radiation caused him to fuse with it.} Stan: OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED KENNY! Kyle: YOU BASTARDS!
Moscow:
President: Did you hear something? Yes Man #1: No. President: Your fired.
cartmans back yard.
{Carman looks at Kennys feet. He see's Kitty.} Cartman: KITTY! Stan: OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED KENNY AND KITTY! Kyle: YOU BASTARDS!
Moscow
President: I'm sure I can hear something. Yes Man #2: No, I'm sure you can't Presdent: Your fired too. Yes man #2: stoole..
South Parks Volcano.
Cartman: God, why did you take Kitty from me? {crys as he burys the corpse.} stan: This is f*cked up right here! Kyle: Well, at least Jesus lived. {Jesus falls from the sky} Jesus: Why coudln't you leave me dead and happy? Kyle: I dunno.
{they three scamps sit on whats left of Cartmans couch.}
Tv Anchor: Well, we all heard about the bomb detonation at South Park. Well, haha, after it. We had this video from, Stan and Kyle. It's about their, fat, friend, burying a kitty. Awwwwww. He's a fat ass. {they show a video of Cartman burying Kitty. His face goes red. stan and Kyle go for the door. Cartman: I...am..going....to...f*cking....kill.....you....guys! {He runs after them.}
THE END.
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