NORA: [pissed; stomping foot on ground] Die, you cold, heartless, werewolf lover!! I shall rid South Park of them myself! Ahem. [looks at book again] Ahh, here we are. [reads] Koko nono.. Me love you.. Me go sleep.. Dance..? Boogie..?? [glances up] What the Hell?!
STAN: Dude, Nora.. You sound like a Furby!
NORA: No, I-- Hey, I kinda *do*, don't I? [giggles]
CARTMAN: Heh, Furbies suck ass.
VOICE: [O.S.] I resent that, Tubby!
CARTMAN: Hunh? [spins around, angrily] Who the Hell said that?
[Cartman shines a flashlight all around, and all he can see is trees.. But then his flashlight lands on a pink Furby. Cartman shrugs and turns back around. Nora is running her finger down a page in the Voodoo book.]
NORA: A-ha! Here we go now! This is the real thing this time, I promise! [clears throat] Chamomile ascorbate herbal--
KYLE: [whispered] I could just picture Kenny laughing pervertedly at this right now.
NORA: Celestial ascorbic botanicals--
WENDY: [whispered] Somehow this doesn't sound right.
KYLE: [whispered] You're telling me!
STAN: [whispered] Yeah, dude, she sounds like she's reading the back of a cough drop bag.
((ME: It *is* from the back of a cough drop bag.))
STAN: [rolls eyes] I should've known.
NORA: Anise star, menthol, pectin, sage! OK, now.. RISE!
[Dramatic riff. Silence for a few moments.]
NORA: Um.. HELLO! I said RISE! So, RISE!
[Silence.]
NORA: RISE, DAMN IT! [starts kicking the shit out of the doll]
KYLE: Whoa, dude!
CARTMAN: AY, you leave Polly Prissy Pants alone, ya ass-licking hippie!
NORA: [exasparated] Look, Fatty, do you wanna kill the werewolves or not?
[A loud howl is heard. Cartman, about to punch Nora, shrinks back.]
CARTMAN: Y- y- yeah.
NORA: Okay then.
[Both Nora and Cartman jump on Polly Prissy Pants, pulling at her arms and hair, and scratching at her. Wendy, Stan, and Kyle look on with shocked expressions.]
WENDY: Oh my God, I don't believe Andi would do something so.. So..
KYLE: ..Stupid?
STAN: [shrugs] I wouldn't put it past her.
((ME: Hey!))
CARTMAN: Take this, Polly Prissy Pussy! [punches her]
NORA: [pulls him off the doll] Whoa, Cartman! We wanna get her to rise, not shred her to pieces!
CARTMAN: [panting] Ah guess, damn..
[Another sharp, piercing howl echoes through the night. A couple more follow, coming closer and closer.]
WENDY: Uh.. I'm guessing that's not good?
[Clyde in werewolf form jumps out from behind a bunch of scattered trees next to the apartments. A tan colored werewolf wearing a shredded orange parka follows suit.]
ALL: KENNY!
[Kenny looks up with sad eyes at the mention of his name, but quickly shakes off this emotion and extends his claws to attack. He glances at all of his possible victims, then decides to go after Cartman. He slowly walks toward him, claws outstretched.]
CARTMAN: Wah is it that ah'm always the one the werewolf chooses to kill?!
[Kenny rolls his eyes and steps closer. Cartman closes his eyes and backs up against a nearby tree. Kenny's about to bite... WAM! A silver bullet is shot at Kenny's head, narrowly missing him. Kenny and Clyde take back off into the woods in panic. The mysterious werewolf shooter steps up.. Chef.]
WENDY: You saved us, Chef!
[Wendy, Nora, and the remaining scamps rush over to hug Chef.]
STAN: How did you find us?
CHEF: Well, when I went off earlier, it was because I noticed a couple of werewolves heading off to a particular place in the woods. I followed them and after they attacked a couple of townspeople, I saw them rush off towards you children..
[Meanwhile, the pink Furby that Cartman saw earlier is quickly and quietly crawling over to the group, holding a butcher knife. Cartman turns just in time to see it and starts screaming.]
KYLE: Dude, *what?*
CARTMAN: Th- The- The evil Furby is gonna kill us..
CHEF: [pauses] Now that's one crazy cracker!
NORA: An evil killer Furby?? Yeesh!! And I thought Info-mercials were scary!
STAN: Be serious, Cartman. Alot of innocent people are gonna die tonight if we don't get rid of these werewolves!
CARTMAN: [whining] Buuuut--
CHEF: No buts, children! We gotta get ourselves outta here and start trying to kill werewolves!
[Cartman relucantly obeys, and follows the group as they start to walk off. We see the pink Furby following close behind. Cartman quickly spins around and sees the Furby. He points at it and starts screaming again.]
CARTMAN: Aghhh, the evil Furby is going to murder us!
[The others turn around, annoyed. The Furby has stopped moving, and it appears that Cartman had placed it there to scare them.]
WENDY: You are soo immature, Cartman! How the Hell is a pink Furby gonna scare us?
FURBY: Like this, bitch!
((The evil Furby is voiced by Mr.Brad Dourif himself, who does the voice of Chucky! You know, from the Child's Play movies?))
[The knife-weilding psycho Furby tries to toss the knife at Wendy, but luckily, he has bad aim. It ends up going through werewolf Kenny's heart, who had started to sneak up on the gang.]
STAN: Oh my God! He killed that werewolf!
KYLE: Umm.. Yay?
[Everyone looks very frightened and ready to run. Nora, on the other hand, is ecstatic.]
NORA: Muahahaha! My creation worked! Oh well, maybe the Furby thing is a little creepy, but Polly Prissy Pants ain't much of a prize, either! [leans down next to the Furby and grins] Hello, little one.
FURBY: Umm.. Hi..
NORA: [sweetly] Do you know why you are here?
[The others watch this conversation in disbelief.]
KYLE: Dude, Nora's freaking me out.
CARTMAN: Nora *always* freaks me out.
STAN: Point taken.
[Back to Nora and Mr.Furby..]
FURBY: ..Uh, to kill a bunch of people because I'm evil... And stuff? [blinks]
NORA: Ehh, not quite. But, you *are* here because of ME! Your almighty creator! SO BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP WITH VANILLA FRAPPUCINOS!!
[Furby blinks again, confused.]
FURBY: Uh.. Pardon?
NORA: [sighs] Nevermind the worshipping stuff, that can wait for later! Anyways, I brought you here because our little pissant white bread mountain town is being invaded by werewolves! And we, like, need another evil force to kill them.
FURBY: You lost me on the werewolf part there. All I know is that I'm a dead serial killer named Charles Lee Ray, and for four movies, I possessed the body of a red-haired Good Guy doll, and.. Hey, Tiff, is that you?!
NORA: [getting irritated] Ugh, no, will you listen to me?! My name is Nora Bean, and I'm an overly hyper eight year old psycho bitch, not some blonde goth slut! This is my Halloween costume, and if you have a problem with that, well, then.. Then.. Then you have a problem with that! Our town is being invaded by werewolves and we need you to kill them for us!
FURBY: [smugly] Why should I?
NORA: Have you looked in the mirror lately, buddy? [holds out a compact]
FURBY: [looks] AGHH!!! I'm a Gremlin!!!... Ugh, and a *pink* one, at that!
NORA: Umm.. That's right! You're a gremlin! And if you don't do what I say, I have a bathtub full of boiling hot water waiting for you..
FURBY: Grrrr! Okay, okay! [starts to walk off; mumbles] Get some fucking prozac..
NORA: [O.S.] I HEARD THAT!
[Caption: Two hours later]
[The kids and Chef are sitting tiredly outside of the elementary school, surrounded by the bodies of dead werewolves. The Furby is running around with a butcher knife.]
FURBY: [panting, out of breath] There, I think I killed all of them.
NORA: So I see.
FURBY: Well... [impatiently] Can I go now?!
CHEF: Not yet. [he pulls out a small portable TV and turns it onto the news]
NEWSCASTER: [on TV] After Barbra Streisand finished stomping over the small town in Tokyo, she ate a poisoned jelly donut left out by the police, which returned her to her normal size. Ms.Streisand is currently being held in jail, and noone will bail her out. I sure as Hell don't blame them. And now in local news, the residents of small, pissant mountain town South Park are all going through puberty. Live, we have a necrophiliac clown.
NEC. CLOWN: [on TV] Thanks, Bob. It appears that in South Park, puberty just doesn't stop at the age of fifteen. People of all ages are apparently going through puberty all over again. Symptoms include growing long canine teeth, lots of gross, thick hair, and sharp Guiness Record Book nails.
[On TV: Shot of werewolves running around, killing people.]
NEC. CLOWN: [on TV] Frisky, ain't they? Back to you, Bob.
[Chef turns off the TV.]
FURBY: And your point is?!
CHEF: My point is, if you had killed all the werewolves, you would've killed the main werewolf, and all the other werewolves would've turned back to normal!
FURBY: [mumbles something about not getting paid enough]
[A faint barking is heard in the distance.]
WENDY: It's another werewolf! It *must* be the main one!
[The Furby sighs and prepares to kill--]
STAN: SPARKY!
OTHERS: Huh?
[Everyone's favorite gay dog bounds out towards Stan, happily.]
STAN: Where have you been, boy? Did you see any more werewolves?
CARTMAN: Like he's really gonna talk back.
[Chef frowns dissaprovingly at Cartman. Wendy and Kyle reach out to pet Sparky. Nora is trying to put a leash on the Furby.]
NORA: Hold still, damn it!
FURBY: [pissed] NO! No more, I say!
OTHERS: [pause] Oookay!
((And then suddenly, up there in the Fanfic Writer World, Andi spoke..))
((ME: You know, I don't like where this is going.))
CARTMAN: Really?!
((ME: Uh huh.))
KYLE: So much that you decide to discontinue the fic??
((ME: Oh, no no no! I could never do *that*.. It would break your poor little hearts!))
STAN: [sarcastic] Yep, it sure would.
((ME: Keep quiet down there! Anyway, I was thinking..))
ALL: WHAT?
((ME: Umm.. Maybe to put in another celebrity guest, since Mr. I'm-so-great-because-I'm-battery-operated [gives Furby evil eye] isn't doing jack!))
FURBY: Hmmph!
((ME: Everyone.. Please welcome Mr.Tom Everett Scott! [dissapears]))
[Tom Everett Scott falls from the sky and lands on Furby, squishing him.]
STAN: Oh my God, he killed Furby!
KYLE: Aw, who cares, it was just a dumb toy, anyway!
STAN: Yeah!
TOM: What the Hell is going on? [when he stands up, a squished Furby is stuck to the back of his butt]
FURBY: [groggily] No.. More.. Frappucinos! [dies]
WENDY: [dreamy stare] Tom Everett Scott!
TOM: [confused] Uh, yeah. That would be me. [realizes Furby is stuck to his butt; peels it off and looks at it] Ewwwww! I *really* didn't need to see that!
KYLE: [grossed out] Me either!
NORA: Aghhhh, you squished my.. My.. My Furby thing! You stereotypical sell out from *Hollywood*!
[Everyone gasps. At Nora's remark, Tom Everett begins to cry.]
WENDY: Nora! Now look what you did!
NORA: [crosses arms] I don't care. He killed my potential slave.
STAN: [warningly] No-ra..
NORA: [stomps foot angrily] And don't even think about me apologizing! Hell, I refuse to apologize! There you have it.. I won't apologize! I won't, I won't, I won't!
[Tom begins to cry even harder. He walks away, but not before pausing to blow his nose *really* loudly.]
NORA: Um.. Ew.
WENDY: Hey, you're the one that made him cry!
KYLE: Yeah, and now we're basically screwed! The Furby thing is dead, Tom Everett Scott is gone, and we're out of silver bullets!
NORA: Well what the Hell was Tom Everett Scott gonna do anyway, sing "That Thing You Do?" and get the werewolves to start moshing?!
CARTMAN: [offended] Hey, that's a cool song!
CHEF: [brightens up] Say, children, would you care to hear *my* version, called "You're The Thing I Do"?
NORA: [crossly] No. [pausing to think] Besides the fact of that sounds really, really gross.
CHEF: [sulks] Oh.
CARTMAN: Well, this is just wonderful! What are we gonna do now?!
[Tom Everett Scott quickly dashes back into the scene.]
TOM: Uh, you know.. I used to be a werewolf.. Or played one in a movie, actually.
CARTMAN: [annoyed] So?
TOM: So, you need someone who knows a little something about werewolves. And I happen to be that someone.
NORA: [sarcastically] Ooooh!
TOM: You know, I can't decide which one of you is more ignorant!
STAN: Mr.Scott, ignore them. Keep telling us about the werewolves.
TOM: [sighs] Well, okay. [sits down on the ground]
CARTMAN: [to Nora] That guy's gay!
NORA: Heh, yeah!
((A loud boom of thunder is heard. A pissed off Anderz looks down again, dissapointed.))
((ME: Cartman, I have had it up to *here* with your childish remarks--))
NORA: Um, we *are* children. Duh.
((ME: Oh, shut up, you little figment of my imagination! [Nora rolls her eyes] Anyway, Cartman dear, if you can't play nice I may just have to send you back to Capeside..))
[Cartman starts screaming, Nora laughs histerically. Everyone else looks confused.]
CARTMAN: Ah'll be good!
((ME: Okey dokey. [dissapears once again]))
STAN: I've said this before, and I'll say it for the millionth time.. Andi is messed up!
KYLE: Amen!
((ME: [appears once again] I'm not afraid to make you two into 7th Heaven cast members!))
STAN/KYLE: AHHH!!! NOOOOOOO!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!
((ME: God, I love being a fic writer. Heheheh.. Heheheh.. [coughs] Heheheh..))
TOM: [puzzled, pauses] Alright then, the first you thing you gotta do is try to stab them with a silver dagger or shoot them with a silver bullet.
CHEF: We've tried that already, Mr.Scott!
TOM: [slightly confused] Okay, moving on.. Have you sang "The Bum Bum Song"?
WENDY: [nods] "Mmmbop", too.
TOM: Oh, no! This is worse than I thought! I almost forgot.. Every Halloween, the werewolves become stronger than usual. That means they can fight terrible music.
[Sparky whimpers, Stan pats his head.]
STAN: And the worst part is, that we've killed almost every werewolf in town and yet we *still* haven't killed the main one!
TOM: Now *that* is a problem. But sometimes, the main werewolf can get very strong on a night like tonight, Old Hallow's Eve. It then receives powers such as shape-shifting.
KYLE: [confused] Shape-shifting?
CHEF: Yes, shape-shifting, children. That means it can turn itself into other objects.
TOM: In the werewolf's case, though, only dogs..
[Everyone except Stan turns to look at Sparky.]
STAN: Wh- Why are you guys looking at him all funny?
NORA: Stan.. You *do* realize that Sparky--
STAN: You're not saying that he's the main werewolf, are you? He can't be! [laughs nervously] I mean, who ever heard of a gay werewolf?
[Sparky is starting to grow bigger by the moment, and long fangs slip out of his mouth. ((Heh, who didn't see that one coming?)) The *real* Sparky runs out of the woods towards the confused group, barking like crazy.]
STAN: [bewildered] Sparky?
[Sparky licks Stan's hand and growls at the other 'Sparky'.]
CARTMAN: But if he's Sparky, then what's *that*? [points to the werewolf]
[Everyone gasps and backs away.]
WEREWOLF: <Heheh, that's right! I'm BAAAACK! [grins evilly ((Once again, don't ask me how a werewolf can grin!))] And you [pokes Tom Everett Scott in the chest] are *also* right.. It is Halloween, which means I have become stronger! And if you don't destroy me before midnight, all of your precious townspeople shall come back from the dead and remain as werewolves FOREVER.. As well as I! And you meddling faggots will be locked up in my dungeon, and I shall have my first full course meal as Werewolf King..>
CARTMAN: NOOOOOO!!
WEREWOLF: <You know what, Tubby? Screw waiting 'till I'm King. I'm hungry, and you're fat, so let's do lunch..>
KYLE: The perfect motto for McDonalds.
[Suddenly, the 'dead' Furby leaps back to life and swings in on a rope Indiana Jones style, knocking over the werewolf.]
FURBY: Hiiiiiiiiyah!
NORA: Woohoo!!! My slave isn't dead! Take that, Tom Everett Scott!!
[The Furby raises an eyebrow, but shrugs and goes back to kicking werewolf ass. The kids, Chef, and Tom cheer him on wildly. He eventually finishes beating the living snot out of the werewolf.]
WEREWOLF: [wearily] I'll get you next time.. [coughs] Austin Powers.. [dies]
[Everyone continues to cheer as townspeople turn back into their normal selves. Clyde turns back and rushes over to Wendy, hugging her tightly.]
CLYDE: You saved my life!
WENDY: Uh, not really, but thanks.. I guess..
[Clyde is about to kiss Wendy, but Stan glares at him angrily.]
STAN: [pissed] A-*hem.*
CLYDE: Oh, uh.. [lets go of Wendy, smiles nervously]
[Kenny comes back to life and runs over to the overs as well.]
KENNY: <Oh my God, guys, this kicks SO much ass! I mean, I stay alive one out of about twenty episodes! Thank you!>
NORA: Don't thank us, thank him. [smiles, points to Furby]
[Kenny looks all around for the one who saved his life, and his gaze lands on Furby. He rolls his eyes.]
KENNY: <Um, yeah, Nora. A pink Furby saved us all. You know, you are a pretty cool chick, but GET HELP!> [walks off]
NORA: Fine, don't believe me! Hmmph! [walks off as well]
[Meanwhile, Cartman is lamenting with the Furby.]
CARTMAN: You know, you didn't do all that bad a job saving the town..
FURBY: Ya think?
CARTMAN: ...For a hippie furby.
FURBY: You know, kid, I'm starting to get in a bad mood. And now wouldn't be the best time to piss me o--- Did you say "Furby"?
CARTMAN: [nods] Of course, dumb-ass, what the Hell did you think you were, a Gremlin or something? [laughs histerically]
FURBY: [glances at white circle, the candles that are still lit, and the Polly Prissy Pants doll.] I'd take that back if I were you, Fat-Ass.
CARTMAN: Ah'm not fat! And what the Hell are you gonna do to me? Dance? BOOGIE?? [laughs harder] You stupid gay Furby!
FURBY: [getting steamed] I am *not* gay!.. How the Hell can a Furby have a sexual preference, anyway?
CARTMAN: Homo Furby, homo Furby, homo Furby!
FURBY: GRRRRRR!!
[Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Wendy are sitting nearby on a log, eating some candy corn that Chef had given them.]
STAN: Y'know, I think I've learned something today.
KYLE: Yeah. Stay away from fanfic writers who drink alot of coffee.
STAN: Well, that too, but.. [sentimental music starts playing] I learned that on Halloween, instead of worrying only about candy, and going out and getting dressed up in costumes, you should take the time to be grateful for all the friends and family you have that love you, and take the time to love them back, and thank them for everything, and.. [pauses] I'm not making any sense, am I?
[The others nod.]
KENNY: <This is turning into an episode of Full House!>
KYLE: Totally, dude.
VOICE: [O.S.] Yes, and I've learned something too..
[The four kids whirl around to face Nora.]
STAN: Oh, boy, here we go again..
NORA: It really kicks ass to steal the author's CDs on kareoke night! Lights, please! [lights dim]
KYLE: Nora, from our point of view, this is getting an--
NORA: [pissed] Well, excuuuuse me! I'm TRYING to see things from your point of view but I can't my head that far up my ass!
STAN: You copied that off of a keychain!
NORA: So what?? Some of the best insults are on keychains! Now, can you please SHUT UP? [silence] Thank you.
[Funky ska music starts up]
NORA: [singing] ...Just a moment of weakness; I should examine my heaaad! Just a moment of weakness; I never meant a word I said! I'm sick with the vision flu-- [fades into the background]
KYLE: At least everything's back to.. [glances at Nora] Uhh, normal.
[The others look at each other uneasily, then shrug.]
STAN: [yawns] Well, guys, I'm getting kinda tired.
KENNY: <Yeah, me too.>
WENDY: [eats another piece of candy corn] I just wanna go home, crawl into bed, and forgot this whole thing ever happened!
STAN: Me too!
KYLE: Let's go then. [yells] We're leaving, Cartman! [silence a moment; pauses, then yells louder] Cartman! C'mon!
CARTMAN: [O.S.] Gahs! Get the Hell over here now!!
STAN: Where the Hell are you, dude?
WENDY: I dunno, let's just follow the sound of his voice!
[Nora, oblivious to it all, is still singing and running around. She grabs a frightened Tweek's arms and drags him around with her. The group continues to search for Cartman. They hear his familiar screechings coming from behind a bush. Kyle looks at the bush.]
KYLE: Cartman?
CARTMAN: [O.S.] Duh! Now get me outta here, you stupid hippie Jew!
KYLE: Bite me, Fat-Ass!
CARTMAN: [O.S.] Shut up--
WENDY: Stop!
[Wendy parts the middle of the bush to look for Cartman, but he isn't there. Instead, lies his Polly Prissy Pants doll.]
KENNY: <What the fuck is going on?>
WENDY: I have no idea.. [crawls around the bush] Cartman?! Where are you?!!
CARTMAN: [O.S.] What the Hell do you mean, hippie bitch? Can't you see me??
KENNY: <It'd be impossible to miss you.>
[Kyle, Kenny, and Stan laugh.]
CARTMAN: [O.S.] AY!
[Chucky, the Furby, has come behind the group during their confusion.]
FURBY: Hey.
STAN: Hi. We can't Cartman anywhere!
FURBY: Cartman? Ohh.. The fat one, right? [grins evilly]
CARTMAN: [O.S.] STOP IT ALREADY!! SONS OF BITCHES!!
KYLE: [ignoring Cartman] Yeah, that's him.
FURBY: Oh, um.. He wanted to hang around back here with me for awhile, and play a game..
STAN: Oh, should we tell his mom that, then?
FURBY: Sure.
CARTMAN: [O.S.] HE'S LYING!! DON'T LISTEN TO HIM YOU, GAHS!
KYLE: [ignoring Cartman again] Alrighty, that's good enough. Let's go, guys!
[Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Wendy, and a hyper-active Nora dragging Tweek along leave. Chef follows closely behind, seeming very tired. We can't see Cartman, but we can hear him still screeching.]
CARTMAN: Ah can't believe you did this to me.
[The Furby starts snickering. Pan over to the Polly Prissy Pants doll. It moves its lips, as if its speaking. It moves in sync with Cartman's speech! *gasp* Dum dum DUM!!]
FURBY: Behold! The BRIDE OF FURBY!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [laughter echoes]
CARTMAN: [dejectedly] This is fucking weak.
The End.
Yes, I know, it sucked. =) So, anyone wanna dish me out some comments? Criticism? Frappucinos with whipped cream on top?
~ * ~ AnDi ~ * ~ See ya next time, eatin the pudding..
"Here's a quarter, call someone who cares." -Jen, Downtown
"How come we have to make macawoni pitchaws?" "'Cuz thats what squirts do, now shut your pie hole!"