according to deja.com, my first post to alt.tv.southpark was two years ago yesterday
http://x28.deja.com/[ST_rn=ps]/getdoc.xp?AN=326398570&CONTEXT=951111883.21 37587767&hitnum=2
I've seen many trolls here over the past two years, Jerry's Spirit is nothing, anyone here been here that long or longer
My first post to a.t.s was on Sept. 3, 1997.
http://x22.deja.com/=dnc/[ST_rn=ap]/getdoc.xp?AN=270230335&CONTEXT=951246606.1926889477&hitnum=24
Nearly 2 1/2 years ago.
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[email]
(Hammer nail here--> <-- for a new monitor.)
Seinfeld FAQ http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Set/7217/faq.html
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*NOTE* I am not responsible for equipment damage due to reeeealy
dumb children with no parental supervision, and access to a hammer.Cool.Let's try to ban trolls.
Hey, To decide all this bickering about fanfics, I'm posting what I feel is my best one. Everyone in the group comment on whether they like it or not. If you don't like it, I'll retire as I don't really have the time now anyway. But if you like it I'll keep going. It's up 2 you people. (By the way, Zoe is a character created by me)
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New Year's Eve In South Park Stan: Your mom's pretty sweet letting us stay in your basement tonight Cartman. Cartman: That's right! Kyle: She might be a shit eater but she's really nice! Cartman: That's righ..Ai! Zo�: I don't think we should be down here guys. They reckon that tonight could be Armageddon. Stan: Rubbish. The Millennium Bug is the only thing we have to worry about. Kyle: Yeah. They reckon that nuclear bombs could be launched accidentally. Cartman: At least if they do launch, it will warm the place up a bit. Stan: Cartman! If they launch they'll destroy everything! Zo�: I bet more dangerous things have probably come out of Cartman's ass! Stan: Yeah. Remember when he farted fire? (Flashback to Cartman Gets An Anal Probe. We see images of Cartman farting about 6 different times.) Kyle: That was a pretty sticky situation! Kenny: <Let's not start on that again> Stan: Anyway, what food has your mom given us Cartman? Cartman: Well, here we have some Cheesy Poofs, Beefy Logs, Snacky Cakes & Pineapple Chunks on sticks. Kyle: Kick ass. Music? Zo�: Barber's Adagio For Strings, Imagine, Wonderwall, Parklife and The Millennium Prayer.... Stan: The Millennium Prayer!? That bullshit by Cliff Richard? Zo�: It's better than that fucking Rewind record. Kyle: True. Kenny: <Put on Imagine. I love that song.> Cartman: Yeah. So do I. Stan: What?! You like Imagine? Cartman: What's wrong with that? Stan: Nothing. It's just we thought you'd like Britney Spears like my sister or something. Zo�: Calm down you guys. This is the start of a new dawn. A new Millennium. And hopefully an end to all boy bands. Kyle: Let's hope so. Kenny: <Put Imagine on.> (Cartman puts it on. John Lennon starts to sing. Lennon: Imagine there's no heaven..... Stan: I wonder how many more times they'll re-release this. Kyle: Probably so many times we get fed up to the back teeth with it. (Door opens.) Liane: Would you like some more Cheesy Poofs? Cartman: No Mom. Bring down some more Pepsi Max. Zo�: Trying to loose weight Cartman? Cartman: No. I only weigh 90 pounds. Zo�: (Rolls eyes) and 90 pound isn't overweight for a kid. (Imagine is still playing in the background.) Lennon: Imagine all the people.... (Time passes. 5 minutes till Midnight. Cartman is asleep on the floor, snoring loudly.) Kyle: 5 minutes till 2000. Stan: Have we got Auld Lang Syne? Zo�: Yep. I'll put it on when Wonderwall finishes. Stan: You know, this century has seen the most deaths in war since the beginning of time. It's time the World leaders actually tried to do something about world peace. Kenny: <Yeah. And it will only be so long until this planet is totally inhabitable. We're destroying the rainforest's at such a rate that soon all the species that need them to survive will all be extinct.> (Wonderwall is still playing) Liam Gallagher: Backbeat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out... Kyle: Two minutes. Stan: I'll wake Cartman. (Starts shaking him.) Stan: (Bellows) CARTMAN! Wake up! It's nearly time. Cartman: Fuck off! (rolls over) Zo�: Lovely. His language is getting better. Kyle: Leave him alone. Minute to go. Zo�: I'll put Auld Lang Syne on. (It begins.) Kyle: 10 seconds. All: 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0! Happy New Millennium! All: ...For Auld Lang Syne! (Boom!) Kyle: What was that!? (Lights go out. The stereo goes dead. Silence) Zo�: What the hell just happened? Kyle: I don't know. Stan: Listen. There's not any noise at all. Kenny: <Let's go outside and see.> Stan: Yeah. Come on. (Scamps go to leave) Zo�: No wait. What if a nuke did just go off? Kyle: If it had, it would have blown the whole of the house away with us with in it. I bet it was just a really big firework or something. Zo�: What?! That blew all the electricity! Kyle, you're such a retard! Kenny: <Calm down. It's not the end of the world.> Zo�: What if it is!? They'll be nobody left! We're all going to die horrible lingering deaths from nuclear fallout! Our bodies will turn inside out! Our body parts will fall off and our brains will disintegrate! What are we going to do! Ah! (Door opens) Liane: Are you ok? Something exploded. The electricity's gone off. Kyle: Zoe's gone crazy but apart from that we're ok. Liane: Come up here and we can find out what happened. Stan: Fat ass, I mean Eric's asleep. Liane: Oh, just say you've got cheesy poofs. That should wake him up. Cartman: Uh. Cheesy poofs? Where? Kyle: Woah. (Kids leave the basement and go up into the house.) Zo�: What's that red haze outside? Stan: It's probably a fire. Zo�: A fire?! We'll be burned alive! Roasted! Kyle: Oh god! She's going mental again. Stan: Come on. Let's see what it is out there. (kids go outside) Kyle: Holy shit! (Fires are burning everywhere. Tom's Rhinoplasty has been gutted along with the rest of the buildings along the front.) Zo�: What the hell caused this? Stan: I dunno. Definitely nothing to do with the Millennium Bug though. Kyle: We've got to see what's left of the town. Zo�: Not much by the look's of things. Kenny: <I think this was caused by a group of people.> Stan: Look over there! Someone's moving! Kyle: Oh my god! It isn't?! Please god! Stan: It is! It's.... Cliff Richard! Zo�: With a fuck-off flame-thrower! Stan: He's finally snapped! Kyle: Probably started listening to his own music! Cartman: Holy crap! I think he's seen us! (Cliff snarls and starts walking towards them) Stan: Run! Run! Cartman: Where's Rik Mayall when you need him! Kyle: Split up! Hide anywhere! (Kids run off into many different directions.) Cliff: Grrrrr! (Cliff follows Cartman towards his house.) Cartman: Nooooo! Dear god! Let me live and I'll lose weight! Seriously! I won't call you a pigfucker again! (Cliff catches up and....) Zo�: Oh my god! Cliff killed Cartman! Kenny: <You bastards!> Zo�: Talk about roast pig! Kenny: <Keep running!> (Meanwhile, Stan & Kyle are having fun with a payphone) Stan: Quick dude! Phone Officer Barbrady! Kyle: As if he's going to be able to help! Stan: He may be our only chance! Ring! (Kyle dials the number) Barbrady: (Recorded Message) Hello! I'm afraid I can't come to the phone right now, because I've locked myself in my car. Wait a few seconds and you will be forwarded to somewhere else. Kyle: Come on, come on. Lady: Good afternoon and welcome to the Spam helpline. Here we are dedicated to giving out recipes, how to use the fat as a lubricant, and helping dumb pigs that get stuck in cars. How can I help you? Kyle: Cliff Richard's destroying everything with a flame-thrower! Lady: Please hold. Cliff: Congratulations and celebrations... Kyle: Aaah! They've even got his music on hold. Come on dude, we're going to have to deal with him ourselves! (Back over on the other side.) Zo�: We've got to find somewhere to hide. Kenny: <Over here, let's get behind this car.> Zo�: Dude, are you fucking stupid or something? If he shoots at that we'll be blown to high heaven! Let's try driving it. Kenny: <The key's are in it!> Zo�: Thank god we live in this redneck Podunk white trash kick ass mountain town! Everyone's so drunk they leave their keys in their cars. Kenny: <Quick! Jump in!> Zo�: You push the pedals! I'll drive. (Zo� turns on the engine. The radio comes on. The Millennium Prayer is on) Cliff: Our father who.... Kenny & Zo�: Aaaaaahhh! (Back to Stan & Kyle) Stan: Let's go to my Uncle Jimbo's gun shop, there's bound to be something left we can use. Kyle: Kick ass dude! All the stuff is more less untouched! Stan: No sign of Uncle Jimbo though. Kyle: We'll look for them afterwards. We've got to destroy this monster. Let's just hope a load of old women don't come and try to get us if we kill him. Stan: Hey! Look at this! They've got a grenade launchers & AK-47s. Kyle: Come on. We've got to find Zo�, Kenny & Cartman. Stan: I just hope we're not to late. (The car Zo� & Kenny hijacked comes crashing in through the remains of Jimbo's Shop.) Zo�: Hurry. Cliff's just behind us. Kyle: Me and Stan will drive from here. Grab the Grenade Launcher. (Cliff is starting to loom into the background.) Stan: Dude! Hurry, that evil singing bastard is just behind us! Zo�: Put it in gear you twats! Kyle: Don't call me a twat, you bitch! You're the one who crashed into the shop! You women drivers are all the same... Stan: Dude! Just put the fucking thing in gear! He's still coming! (Finally they manage to reverse the car out and they accelerate away) Cliff: Oh no you don't! (He starts running towards the car in fast strides.) Zo�: He's gaining on us! Stan: Launch a Grenade at him! Zo�: I don't know how too! Kenny: <Give me it here.> (He takes it off her, slips a Grenade in, sticks it out the window and fires. it misses him) Kenny: <Shit!> Zo�: Do it again! (Cliff is now just behind the cars bumper) Zo�: Quick! (Kenny launches it again. Cliff bats it away with his flame-thrower. He grabs onto the car and pulls himself up) Zo�: Again! Again! Stan: You're starting to sound like a teletubby! (Kenny doesn't have time to launch it again. Cliff breaks the back windscreen and clobbers him with his flame-thrower) Kenny: <Oh no!> (He goes flying through the side window and keeps going write through into what was the Broslofski's front room. He lands on top of a dreidel. Stan: Oh my god! They killed Kenny! Kyle: You BASTARDS!! (Cliff is still hanging on) Kyle: Zo�! Catch! (Kyle lobs the AK-47 into the back of the car.) Zo�: Cheers! (Zo� quickly figures out how to work it.) Stan: Zo�! I've just worked it out! His weak spot is his mouth! Zo�: Yes! (Zo� shoots about 10 bullets straight into his mouth) Cliff: Agghhh! You got me! (Stan hits the brakes) Kyle: Look! He's burning up to nothing! (Cliff's body disintegrates) Stan: Phew! I'm sure glad that's over with. Zo�: Yeah. But you know, I think I've really learned something today, The Millennium shouldn't be thought of just an excuse to have a huge party, it should be thought of as 2000 years since our saviour, Christ's, birth. Kyle: Yeah. And that people's music should be appreciated for what it is. Even if you don't like, it someone else is bound to. Stan: Except for Westlife. Everyone hates them. Kyle: True. Zo�: However long is it going to take to sort all this mess out? Kyle: I don't know. Lt's try to look for our parents. Mr Hankey: Howdy Ho! Kyle: Mr Hankey! Mr H: Gosh you're looking swell. Who's this beautiful girl? Kyle: That's Zo�. Kenny's Niece. Zo�: Pleased to meet you Mr Hankey. Stan: Can you help us turn everything back to normal Mr. Hankey? Mr H: Sure. anything for Kyle. (Mr H jumps up onto a roof. He twirls everything round.) Zo�: What the fuck is he doing? Stan: Don't worry. He'll sort it out. (Everything stops twirling. All the houses are back to normal. All the Moms and Dads run out.) Mrs Broslofski: Boobala! What happened? Kyle: Cliff Richard attacked us all taking the piss out of his song, but we killed him and Mr Hankey turned everything back to normal. Stan: Hey look! Cartman & Kenny are OK. Cartman & Kenny : Hey you guys. Stan: Well everything turned out alright again. Cliff Richard's finally dead, and the Millennium passed over safely. Kyle: But something feels unfinished. Zo�: What's that noise? (A nuke lands on Kenny squashing him flat) Stan: Oh. Cartman: Come on you guys, my mom will make us flapjacks! (End fic)
SWEET!!!!!COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1