SP: PAHT PAHH, part 2 (of 70)

SP: part 2 (of 70) of the PAHT PAHH episode

[the kids, including Kenny, are in school]

Mr. Garrison: "...and children, that's why Pat Robertson hasn't been committed to an institution."

Mr Hand: "The Wall Of Separation is *that* high?"

Mr. Garrison: "Unfortunately, for people like Kyle, yes it is Mr. Hand."

Cartman: [laughs at Kyle]

Kyle: "Hey! Kenny's okay again!"

Kenny: "** **** ** ***** ** ****  * ***."

Stan: [surprised] "Really, Kenny?"

Kenny: "***** *** ** *** ** * * ***** ** *** *!"

Cartman: "And for that, Kenneh's gonna burn in Hell, with all the Shodomites, alcoholics, and black people."

Mr. Garrison: "Now just a moment, Eric..."

Cartman: "This is a free country; I can say what I want about the Shodomites!"

Kenny: "*** ** ****!!!"

Cartman: "Yeah. Sure Kenneh. We all believe ya."

Mr. Garrison: "Now class, this is a perfect example of someone exercising his right to free speech. Although I totally disagree with every bit of what issues forth from young Eric's foul little potty- mouth I would still defend his right to bear arms."

[the kids look confused]

Mr. Hand: "So that somebody might gun down Eric Cartman one day for being such a prick?"

Mr. Garrison: "No, Mr. Hand, that's not what I meant to say. I meant to say that I would defend his right to say whatever he wants, no matter how horribly sordid it may be."

Cartman: "Mishter Garrishennn??"

Mr. Garrison: "What is it, Eric."

Cartman: "Is it really true that Chef is making paht pahhs for lunch every day from now till Christmess?"

Mr. Garrison: "Unfortunately, yes, Eric. Now if I may be allowed to resume teaching, I'd like to show you what the freedom of speech allows each and every one of us to do by playing a little videotape for you."

[the kids cheer]

Mr. Garrison: "No, it's not an episode of Terrance and Phillip..."

[the kids groan]

Mr. Garrison: "...whom without there would be no such thing as global warming as we know it. Now, just watch this tape..."

Kenny:  "*** ** ***  * **?"

Mr. Garrison: "No, Kenny, the Anal Adventures of Cindy Brady Part Four hasn't been released yet."

Kenny:  "*** *** ** *** *?"

Mr. Garrison: "No, I've already asked them."

Kenny:  "*** ***** *** *** **** **** *** *** ***
*** *** ******* *** ***?"

Mr. Garrison: "No, she's the figure skater who won a silver medal."

Kyle: "Mr. Garrison!"

Mr. Garrison: "What, Kyle."

Kyle: "I thought COWS were the number one contributor of greenhouse gases."

Wendy: "He's right! And automobiles too!"

Cartman: "I thought JEWS were the number one contriutor of greenhouse gashes. Up until about...1945. Heh..."

[Kyle is too enraged to respond]

Mr. Garrison: "No, children, It has been scientifically proven that those two little dingalings known as Terrance and Phillip..."

Cartman [quitely, to Stan]: "Geez, Mr. Garrison is SO gay."

Mr. Garrison: "...have dramatically increased the chances that the polar ice caps will melt and drown us all before any of you are old enough to vote."

Wendy: [credulously] "My gosh! That really is a horrible show! It really should be taken off the air!"

Mr Garrison: "Not so fast, Wendy. Wait till you see what ELSE the First Amendment permits people to do..."

[Mr. Garrison puts tape in VCR]

"WELCOME to the 700 Club. And here's your host, Pat Robertson!"

Cartman: "What the hell is THIS shit?"

Mr Garrison: "Quiet, Eric."

PR: "Y'know, the Sodomite Cabal known as the Liberal Media just...DOESN'T get the message. BILL Clinton, as foretold in Isaiah 12:22 IS the antichrist incarnate, and why anybody would vote for him simply dumb...FOUNDS me. The GAYS and the JEWISH LIBERALS just can't see..."

Cartman: "Mr GerriSHENN!??"

[Mr. Garrison stops the tape]

Mr Garrison: "Question, Eric?"

Cartman: "Why are there so many Jews on teleVISHINN???"

Kyle: "Cartman, I'm gonna kick your FAT ASS!"

Mr Garrison: "Quiet, Kyle, the fat-assed little genius next to you has raised a very important question. Should I tell the children Mr. Hand, or should you?"

Mr. Hand [angrily]: "There are so many Jews in the media because the antichrist WANTS it that way! Now shut up and let Mr. Garrison PROCEED with his video PRESENTATION!"

Mr. Garrison: "Thank you Mr. Hand. Any questions, children?"

Wendy [in tears]: "I WANNA GO HOME!"

Cartman: "Whatsamatter, Wen-DEE? Afraid that you're gonna burn in Hell for all eternity with the Jews and the Gay Shodomites?"

Wendy: "YOU'RE going to burn in HELL, fat-ass!"

Cartman: "OH? And why is that?"

Kyle: "For being such a fat-assed DICK, Cartman."

Cartman: "Jew."

Kyle: "Fat-assed dick."

Cartman: "Jew."

Kyle: "RETARDED fat-assed DICK."

Cartman: "Jew."

Mr. Garrison: "Oh, well, I guess there's little point in me playing the rest of Mr. Robertson's sorry attemmpt at performance art. Suffice it to say that in America you can say whayever the F**K you want to say until the day somebody puts a bullet in your head."

Kenny:  "* ***  *** ** **?"

Mr. Garrison: "No, Kenny, that doesn't apply to poor people."

Cartman: "Yeah, Kenneh. He-heh."

Stan: "So can we watch Terrance and Phillip instead of this boring preacher-guy?"

Mr. Garrison: "Oh why the hell not. I need a cigarette break anyway."

[Mr. Garrison puts in another tape]

Mr. Hand: "But cigarettes KILL, Mr. Garrison!"

Mr. Garrison: "Oh, is that a fact."

Mr. Hand: "Why yes, Mr. Garrison..."

[sound of 'Terrance and Phillip' theme song is heard]

Mr. Hand: "...it's a known fact that cigarettes may cause birth defects."

Mr. Garrison: "You mean if I keep smoking I might start to look like Eric?"

[the kids all laugh]

Cartman [mad]: "Get outta the WAY; I can't see Terrance and PHILLIP!"

[on the TV...]

T: "Hey, Phillip! Why don't you smoke a cigarette while *I* faht!"

P: "Fabulous Idea, Terrance!"

Cartman: "NOoooooo, Terrance, don't fahhhht...!"

<*BOOM*>

[the kids all laugh]

Cartman: "This show rules. I can't wait till lunchtime."

Stan: "Cartman, how could you be thinking about lunch when Terrance and Phillip are on?"

[brief interlude of Eric dreaming about pot pies]

[another explosion is heard on the TV set]

[the kids all laugh]

T: "Why, Phillip! This time *you* fahted!"

P: "But I haven't even finished my cigarette!"

[T & P laugh]

Wendy: "This has got to be a horrible, HORRIBLE, dream."

"YOU'RE WATHCING COMEDY CENTRAL. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE...OF SOUTH PARK."

this 1 sucks even more than your last paht pahh thing.

As for the little insertion you did about free speech:

shhhh----

can you hear that----

listen real close, and maybe you can hear the world's smallest violin playing "CRY ME A FUCKING RIVER".

And to think...I actually encouraged this fanfic... I'll bend over now so everyone can kick my ass! Mr. Hand????? Gimme a break!!!

Gary M. :^O

okay children lets all point and laugh at gary m okay

hahahahahahahaha

Gary M. wrote in article ...

Bwwaahhhhhhahahahahahahaha.

-Laura

On 8 Dec 1997 03:10:03 GMT, "Frank Rizzo" offered this unto Shub-Internet:

To be fair, the second part was better than the first. Granted, it wouldn't take much to be better than the first one, but better it was.

?????? Are you trolling here, Bob? Surely, you didn't REALLY find the 2nd part better than the first (which I thought was kinda funny).

Hmmmmm, I suspect that Bob the Soul Crusher might well be the Anti-Gary M.

	:^)

On Tue, 09 Dec 1997 21:29:09 -0800, "Gary M." offered this unto Shub-Internet:

The first part couldn't have sucked enough. Just Cartman eating pot pies, Kyle insulting him, T&P and them bitching at each other. Sure, that sounds like a normal episode, but it was only about 20 lines of dialouge repeated over and over with minimal variation. The second part at least had changes in scenery and speech.

Hmmm, that's a new one. Never been called the Anti-Gary M before.

"Gary M." wrote:

*wham* *whack* *biff* *boink* *ka-pow* *ouch* Hell yeah. What'd I tell you? I'm never wrong (73% of the time)

Kha0s

To bring you to your knees and inflict massive unforgivable pain. That is the true meaning of terror. Your pain is my pleasure.

You forgot to add in how the Christians are responsible for everything that's wrong with the world, KymBot. Bad! Bad!

It's Mr. Hat! Not Mr. Hand! --- See ya, Richard Hunt

"Move it povs, I'm an American!!!" Eric Cartman "My weinies won't cook!" Also E.C.