Yuppers! Here it is! Methinks this is the conclusion! And, I'm gonna do a bit more with fanfics this long weekend. I have Friday and Monday off, as well as Saturday and Sunday, which totally kicks ass!
I still need to catch up with posting and emails--I have this thing with writing fanfics before doing anything else.
Hope ya like it! :)
<insert legal stuff here>
****************************************************************************************
[Broslofski House]
[About 5:00 in the morning]
[Stan, Kyle, and Cartman are all asleep on the couch. Sheila is still awake, eating coffee beans. The phone rings. Sheila goes over to answer the phone]
Sheila: Hello, you've reached the Broslofski residence. You better have a good reason in calling here at this time.
Evil Voice On Phone: Ahahahaha! Umm, do I sound ominous enough? No?
Ahem!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!--Ok, that's
better! Since
you haven't given up your search for the truth, I
am coming to
get all of you!Sheila: [terrified] WHOAREYOU???
Evil: You cannot escape! I am coming to kill all of you right now!
Well, not right
now. Maybe in an hour or two. There's a really great Hallmark
Hall Of Fame
movie on right now that I really wanna see, so I'm gonna come to
mutilate all of
you bastards when that's over. So, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! You
shall be my
revenge on everyone! There's no way to escape! YOUR FATE IS
SEALED!!!!! 13
is having vengeance![Evil voice hangs up on other end. Sheila stares into space and blinks. Then, she totally freaks out]
Sheila: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAHHHH! AAAAAHHHH!! AAAAHHHH!!!!! WAKE UP!!!!!! OHMYGOD!!!! WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!!!! AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!
[Stan, Kyle, and Cartman look up, still half asleep]
Sheila: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
Stan, Kyle, and Cartman: [scared totally awake] AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
Cartman: Sheila! Are you all right?
Sheila: No! None of us are! That evil dude that has something to do with that 13 thing and Kenny's permanent death just called here! He's gonna kill us when the Hallmark movie is over!
Stan: Dude! What are we supposed to do?
Kyle: Hey, what if we try to get in touch with Kenny? Those movies are pretty long, so maybe Kenny will be able to help us in time!
Cartman: It had better work. No way am I gonna let some guy with a
goatee march on in
here....umm, and....make us step in a bucket....that's filled
with....cottage
cheese.....and....squish it between our toes...as he
shoves....mangos....up
our asses.....Kyle: What?!?
Cartman: I'm just saying he's an asshole, that's all.
Kyle: Oh.
[About a half an hour later]
[Everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. There's a crystal ball and a telephone in the middle of the table. Sheila is dressed up like a fortune teller, and she's chewing on more coffee beans. There's a little smoke machine near the table, and magenta smoke is coming out of it. The room is completely decorated like one of those fortune teller places]
Stan: Sheila, don't you think you're overdoing it, just a *little*?
Sheila: Hey! Do you wanna die? No? I thought so! So, shut up and listen to me! I *know* what I'm doing here!
Kyle: What exactly are you doing?
Sheila: How the hell should I know? OK, Stan, get the lights.
[Stan turns off the lights]
Sheila: You are getting sleepy, very sleeeeepy!
Kyle: What?!?
Sheila: Oopsie! Ok, *now* I know what I'm doing.
Sheila: [in one of those German-ish fortune teller accents] Eeeeverybooody join hands. Clooooose zyour eyes. Look at zee creestal boool!
Kyle: What did you say? I can't really understand you!
Sheila: [normal] Geez!! Everybody join hands. Close your <bleep>ing eyes. And look at the <bleep>ing crystal ball! Oy!
Stan: Dude! How could we look at the crystal ball if our eyes are closed?
Sheila: Oh, right. We don't *need* the crystal ball. I'm not telling fortunes, I'm holding a seance. Forget the <bleep>ing crystal ball.
[Sound of glass breaking]
Sheila: Ok. Everyone join hands and close your eyes. Meditate on Kenny. Picture Kenny. If you concentrate enough, he'll hear our thoughts and appear to us.
Cartman: If I meditate and picture some Cheesy Poofs, will they appear to me?
Stan and Kyle: *Cartman*!
Cartman: Well, I was just wondering, you know?
Stan: Our lives are in stake here, and you're thinking about Cheesy Poofs?
Cartman: If I had a choice of dying hungry or dying with a full stomach, I'd prefer to die with a full stomach! And, what about steak?
Kyle: Shut up fatass!
Sheila: Kyle! *You* shut up! I'll put a hex on you! If I could figure out how to.
Stan: Sheila, I never knew you were a witch or something.
Sheila: I'm not. I really have no idea what I'm doing or what I'm
talking about, but
it's worth a shot, even though we're probably hopeless and
nothing is gonna
become of this!Stan: Oh.
Sheila: OK! Everyone concentrate on Kenny. Envision him. Let all our
thoughts become
one. Let Kenny hear our calls on the Telephone Of Destiny.
Have him call us
on the Telephone Of Destiny.Kyle: Telephone of Destiny?
Sheila: Yeah! That's why I put that telephone on the table. It's the Telephone of Destiny.
Sheila: Now, *CONCENTRATE*!!!
[Silence]
Stan: Dude! I think it's sorta working. I can see Kenny! Wait a minute! What's that thing! A box of Cheesy Poofs?!?! *CARTMAN*!!! Cut it out, fatass!
[Cartman whines]
Kyle: Yeah, Cartman! You're screwing everything up here! Sheila, tell Cartman to cut it out!
Sheila: Cartman, I know you want some Cheesy Poofs now, but the Seance
Spirit Dudes
don't really have any. So you can't get Cheesy Poofs by
summoning them during
the seance. How about this? If you wait until after the
seance, *I'll* give
you some Cheesy Poofs, and a little something else as well, if
you catch my
drift here...Cartman: Heh heh! *SWEET*!
Kyle: Excuse me while I *BARF*!
Sheila: Kyle, shut up. OK. Now, let's take it from the top. Think of
Kenny. Talk to
Kenny in your mind. Page him over the PA System of the
Afterlife. Use the
Megaphone of the Mind to tell him to get his ass over here!
Use the Telephone
Of Destiny![Silence for a bit. All of a sudden, an inhuman orange light appears above the table. The room is lit up with the light. Everyone has an orange glow to them. Kenny appears, floating above the table! Kenny is still his 8-year-old self.]
Stan: Oh my God! We summoned Kenny!
Kyle: We're awesome!
Sheila: So, Kenny, where have you been? Why haven't you returned? And why didn't you call us on the Telephone Of Destiny?
Kenny: {It's a curse!}
Cartman: I'm sorry I cursed at you, Kenny!
Kenny: {Not *that* kind of curse, you stupid fat <bleep>!}
Sheila: Don't push your luck, little man! No one says you can't die twice!
Kenny: [sarcastically] {Gee, what a wonderful welcome I get! Dead for 20 years, and already I feel so welcome here!}
Stan, Kyle, Sheila, Cartman: Sorry, Kenny.
Kyle: Well, what kind of curse? And what the hell is "13" supposed to be?
Kenny: {Well, you know that paper you found in my hood?}
Stan: Yeah.
Kenny: {OK. That paper is the cause of the curse!}
Sheila: But, who put the curse on the paper? And, why a piece of paper in a jacket?
Kenny: {Well, it started out a long time ago, with a young man, with
many dreams and
ambitions. This young man would look with wonder at the little
slips of paper
in his clothing--the inspection slips that are put there to say
clothes are of
good quality. He'd see, "Inspected by 4" or "Inspected by 11"
and he'd think
"Hey! I wanna do that! That would be a kick ass job!" So, he
set out to be
a clothing inspector. But, there was only 12 inspector
positions available,
and he didn't get one. So, with his dreams and hopes crushed,
he basically
went psycho and called himself Inspector 13. Since he was so
pissed off, he
got into black magic and curses and that kind of shit, and he
started his *own*
Inspection Service, of which he was the only member. And, to
show his
vengeance, he put a curse on every item of clothing he
inspected. And,
knowing the infamous McCormick Luck, *my jacket* was the only
item he got
around to inspecting and labeling with the Inspected By 13
paper. After that,
he was found out by the real inspectors, and thrown in a loony
bin. And, the
curse was released when the Inspected By 13 paper was ripped
when I took off
my hood--the ripping of the paper put the curse into effect.
So, the curse
caused my immortality to no longer exist, you guys to forget
about me, and
basically every weirdass thing that has happened lately to
happen. Now,
Inspector 13 is out to get you guys, since he doesn't want the
curse to be
broken, as that would totally destroy the only mark he ever
made in the
inspecting business. If he gets rid of you guys, there
wouldn't be anyone else
around that could end his little reign of terror, which
basically only effects
me.}Stan: So, how do we get you to be your normal immortal self?
Kenny: {By breaking the curse. And, you can only doing that by getting rid of Inspector 13!}
Kyle: Well, I guess we'll just have to wait until he gets here, when that dumbass Hallmark Movie is over.
Stan: Dude, Kenny! You probably have a lot of catching up to do around here!
Kenny: {Oh, I know what's been going on. I'm able to see what's going on with you guys all the time. It's one of those afterlife things!}
[Cartman and Sheila look at each other]
Sheila & Cartman: [quietly] Uh oh...
[There is a loud knock at the front door]
Inspector 13: Hello! Your fate knocks! You must answer the door!
Sheila: Yeah? Well, this time we're ready! Get your ass in here so we can kick it!
Kyle: Umm, Sheila? Don't push your luck here! Don't piss him off any more than he already is!
[The evil inspector enters the room. He's wearing a black suit with the number "13" painted on the back in white]
Inspector 13: Well, well, well. I see you all now know the whole story. But, not for long! The curse will stay, and the rest of you will die!
Sheila: Well, we'll see about that!!!!!
[Inspector 13's eyes start to glow an evil shade of red. He waves his arms around, and gathers a fireball in his hands. He tries to hit Stan with it. Stan jumps out of the way]
#13: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! *That* was just my warm-up!
[#13 gathers another fireball, this one is really, *REALLY* huge]
Kyle: AAAHHH!!!
Stan: AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
Sheila:AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
[They all shut their eyes in fear]
Sheila: Kenny! You're the dead one! You can't be hurt, so help us out here!
Kenny: {I can't! The curse! I can't move!}
[Inspector #13 laughs an evil laugh. He gathers more energy to the fireball. He is about to release it]
Stan: Well, dudes, it's been really nice knowing you!
Sheila: Ok, everyone, when we're dead, let's all meet at the Java Cafe Of The Afterlife. Adios, amigos!
[Inspector #13 winds up for the pitch. He doesn't see Cartman sneaking up behind him with the rolling pin. Cartman whacks the evil inspector with the rolling pin]
Cartman: TAKE THAT, YOU GODDAMN <BLEEP> <BLEEP> <BLEEP> <BLEEP> <BLEEP>. NO WAY ARE *YOU* GONNA <BLEEP> <BLEEP>ING <BLEEP> YOU STUPID ASSHOLE SON OF A BITCH!!!!!
[The Inspector is unconscious. After a while, he starts fading, and disintegrates into thin air.]
Sheila: Dude! *CARTMAN*!!! YOU SAVED US!!!!!
[She runs over and hugs Cartman. They smooch]
Stan: Dude! Cartman! Thanks!
Kyle: Yeah, you know, for a fatass, you're really not all that bad after all!
[There's a flash of light. Then everything goes black]
[Flash of light. We are now back in time to the day when Kenny is supposed to take off his hood. Everyone is their 8 and 9 year old selves again]
Stan: So, Kenny, are you gonna take off your hood now? You said you would!
Cartman: Yeah! I wanna get on home and eat some Cheesy Poofs, as I said before.
Kenny: {You guys! You saved me from the curse! We did it! Woohoo!}
Kyle: Kenny, what are you talking about? What curse?
Kenny: {Don't you remember? Inspector 13?}
Sheila: No, dude! Are you insane?
Kenny: [thinking] {Hmm, I guess they just don't remember. When the
curse was broken, we were transported back to the day the curse
was activated. I guess we get to relive our lives, but just
without the curse. This totally kicks ass! I seriously
*hated* not being with my friends all that time. But, I'm so
grateful to them for how they helped me. Too bad that the
returning to a curse-less life caused them to forget. But,
maybe it's for the better. I think if they're living
right now in the present, knowing the future, that would sorta
suck, and be really confusing. So, I guess things worked out for the
better!}Stan: Kenny? Are you there, dude?
Kenny: {Yeah! Sorry, just thinking a bit!}
Kyle: So, are you gonna take off your hood?
Kenny: {Hmm, on second thought, I think I shouldn't. I wouldn't want to disrupt the powers that be, or something!}
[Everyone looks at Kenny, confused]
Kenny: [sighs] {Oh, well!}
****************************************************************************************
Well, how was it? That's the end! I hope it was good! :) Comments, criticisms, etc. *ALWAYS* welcome, please! :)
~Kyle Broslofski~