- Truth in Television
Everyone has something they fix their future on, that little hope that
will cheer them up, make them think everything is right with the world.
Most Chicago Cubs fans dream of a world series. Some Republicans dream
of a Democrat impeachment. Me, the lottery would help.
Apparently, some people have fixed their life's dreams on knowing
who sired Cartman. Sure, it's a question unanswered. Curiosity grabs
you by the hair, yanks at your brain until it hurts. You can't sleep at
night. Cheesy poofs dance in your heads when you sleep. And let's not
even begin to discuss those dreams of Cartman's mom you had last week.
Agonizing weeks pass by, but then, LO! BEHOLD!(R) Salvation in
within the grasp of your remote control, the second coming of South Park
on your TV is soon! They said it would come, it must be true. Finally,
the long nights of watching your complete taped collection of the show
for clues and hints will pay off! You wander aimlessly through the day,
walking into posts and brick walls, ignorant of the cars running you
over in the street--the only thoughts are of the half-hour television
show at the end of the day.
Finally, it comes on the air, and your lip trembles as it fades to
black, showing the words "April Fools". Blasphemy! How dare they!
They said it would be revealed in four weeks, never mind it's five. The
TV Guide even said it would reveal Cartman's father! The TV Guide is
the pinnacle of truth in your world! It's a plot! They sold out! They
owe you big time! You'll never watch South Park again!Well, at least until episode #201 actually airs.
People, what we have here is the worshipping of a false god, namely
truth in television. Just because they said it would be four weeks, and
the TV guide said it was about Cartman's dad, it does not mean that it
will happen. South Park did the dignity of doing it only on April
Fool's day, when every other show and commercial on every network
commits this "treachery" on any day on the calendar.
If you are actually offended by the "big lie", please, turn off the
TV, join the Noam Chomsky fan club, or Greenpeace, and at least do
something productive with your frustration. TV is bad for you. Do not
operate heavy machinery while ingesting this product. TV is not
recommended for individuals with sensitive stomachs. Consult a doctor.
I will not even begin to guess at how many hours an "offended"
person spends worshipping at the altar of the cathode ray tube every
day. But I suspect that every hour that goes by, the little lies they
tell you are swallowed whole.
Trey and Matt did the unthinkable, and told you a big lie. Hold the
phones, now you realize the magic box has been used to betray the
truth! You just noticed it?! Save yourself. Stop watching TV before
you actually understand what is and isn't real. When I consider life, 'tis all a cheat;
Yet fooled with hope, men favor the deceit;
Trust on, and think tomorrow will repay.
Tomorrow's falser than the former day.
-- John Dryden (1631-1700)
Aureng-Zebe, act IV, sc. i- A Review of the Deeply Moving Critical Essays of the Newsgroup
On an almost separate topic, I'd like to say that yes, the T&P show was not South Park. Anyone who complains about that, just post messages that say "Hey, did you know that on a clear day, the sky is blue?" Those who dare to dig deeper in their complaints, say "This episode sucked! We should boycott Comedy Central!" Thank you for coming, here's some South Park Pez dispensers as a parting gift. Please rewind the tapes to the "Death" episode. Watch carefully. Take notes. Notice the slingshot in front of the television station. Observe how they use it. Use the word "irony" in a sentence. If your answer is "Strike while the irony is hot.", sit in the corner and consider your future in the fast-food industry.
- Oi, Canada?
There was a query on how the hosers north of the border will react to
the episode.
I fell off the couch laughing.
You have to understand that first and foremost, its a goddamn
miracle when any U.S. media notices Canada, let alone any other country
on the globe. Plus, it was a bonus that Matt and Trey actually seem to
be acutely aware of the weirdness that is Canada.
Yes, we have two Canadian football teams with the same name, the
Rough Riders. Anyone who goes into residence in college up here
worships the miracle food called Kraft Dinner (Macaroni and Cheese to
you folks down there)-- eat it cooked, uncooked, with wieners,
whatever. Good for breakfast, lunch, and if no pizza is left under the
bed from the night before, dinner too. And true, it is easy to take
over the country without anyone noticing. Bienvenue au Canada. And,
yes, that was our national anthem.
I couldn't help but laugh at the whole thing. No, it wasn't South
Park, but at least it wasn't Dharma and Greg either.--------------------------------------------- The opinions expressed in this posting do not necessarily reflect those of the owners of this company. --------------------------------------------- Write by DANIEL JANKOWSKI Design Owner