Here's my latest fanfic, based on the game show, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? I can't take the credit for the Who Wants To Be Killed On Air parody, as this was created, (as far as I know) by Adam & Joe of the Adam & Joe Show on Channel 4. I have just developed the idea, and used the SP characters. It once again has Kenny's Niece, Zo�, in it. So without any further gubbins here it is:
**************************************************************************** ********** (Show begins in Cartman's house. The boys (and girls, Zoe's there) are all watching Terrence and Philip) Philip: Terrence, do you want some Kroff dinner? Terrence: Oh, I don't know Philip. It makes me fart. Cartman: I bet I know what happens next! Terrence: Oh, I feel something! Burrrrppp! (Terrence burps) Stan: What the fuck?! Cartman: What the hell?! He burped! He didn't fart! (The TV loses the picture) Kyle: Woah dude! What the hell is happening tonight? (Advert comes on) TV Announcer: Coming soon to a TV near you! Who wants to be killed on air! You could win up to a million dollars, but if you answer a question incorrectly then you will be killed live on air! To register for this amazing new show, dial this number now. 144-56749! Call today, and you could b a millionaire. You're host for this new show will be Quentin Tarantino! Call now! Same Announcer but in lower voice: Calls will be charged at 5 dollars a minute. Calls last ten minutes. Who wants to be killed on air can be in no way held responsible for the death of any person while appearing on the show. Full rules and instructions for play can be found on teletext at page 546. Stan: Dude! Did you hear that? Kyle: Yeah! I want to win a million pounds! Kenny: (Yeah, but if you get a question wrong they kill you.) Cartman: So? You die every week anyway! Kyle: Come on! Let's all try and win. (Cut to South Park elementary. Next day) Cartman: Hey you guys. I called that line about twenty times. I bet I'm on the show. Stan: I looked at that teletext page. The show works like this: You have three lifelines: Phone a friend, Ask the audience and 50:50. Once you reach 1000 dollars, you keep that. If you get to 32,000 dollars you keep that. However, if you answer a question incorrectly, Quentin comes up with a way to kill you. You can leave the show at any time, with all the money you had won so far. There are four possible answers to each question and you can only answer once. Phew! Kyle: Woah! That must have been the longest speech ever on South Park! Cartman: Yeah, Stan, you trying to show off to Zo� with you reading. Stan: Shut up fatass, it's you who fancies her. Cartman: I'm not fat, and you're just a tree-hugging hippy who's missing Wendy. Zo�: Lads, lads. I'll shag you both if you want. Just shut up before I beat the shit out of both of you. Kyle: Cartman, do you remember what you said about girls kicking your ass? Cartman: Yeah! If a girl ever tried giving me crap, I'd be all like Ai! Bitch! You get over here, before I kick your ass that hard, your pussy's comes out on of the top your forehead! Zo�: That's it Cartman! (Zo� kicks Cartman round the back, knocking him to the ground, before doing a Boston crab on him.) Zo�: Are you going to say anything about Girls again Cartman? Cartman: (Having trouble breathing) No! Please, please get off me. Zo�: Ok. (Zo� gets off him, leaving Cartman nearly stone dead on the floor) Cartman: Ah, screw you guys, I'm going home. (Garrison walks in, not noticing Cartman, and steps straight on his back.) Cartman: You fucking bastard! Mr Garrison: What did you say? Cartman: I said, Zoe's a sucking bitch! Zo�: You fat fuck Cartman! Cartman: Screw you, you poor assed whore! Zo�: I'm going to kill you after school! Cartman: (finally getting up) Yeah, just try it you scrawny slut! Zo�: (whispering) Stan? Come over here. (He gets up. She kisses him.) Cartman: I don't believe that fucking bitch! Mr Garrison: Okay class that's enough bullshit for today, let's start class. (Everyone sits down) Mr Garrison: Ok class, today we're all going to learn about the Japanese. Now the Japanese, who you look like this, (Pulls down picture of a Jap smiling with his two front teeth out.) are extremely clever. They make all the best electronic equipment in the world, including Sony, Aiwa and Lucious Lisa who vibrates when you.... (Kids are staring at him) Mr Garrison: What the hell are you staring at? (silence) Mr Hat: Well that's just fine! You go to hell, you go to hell and you die! (Silence) Mr Garrison: Oh, screw you guys, I'm going home. (leaves) Kyle: Woah dude!
End of part one.