{Fanfic} The Quest for Originality

Warning: This really sucks ass! started Aug 18 The Quest for Originality <Christmas day Cartman's house> -Cartman is opening his gifts the room is completely stocked full of gifts kitty is trapped under one- Ms. Cartman: Go ahead hun open your next present. -Cartman rips off the wrapping paper to reveal a PC- Cartman: Swweeeeeeet!!!...........What is it? Ms. Cartman: It's a Computer, hun. We'll install it this afternoon. Cartman: Ooooooh............Hey mahm. I'm gonna call mah friends to have them come over. Ms. Cartman: Sure hun. -Cartman throws the wrapping paper off the couch and sits on it. He dials- <Stan's house> -Stan has accomplished un-wrapping his presents. The phone rings and Stan answers it- Stan: Hello? (Screen spits into two with Cartman on the left and Stan on the right) Cartman: Hey Stan, want to come over? Stan: Sure. Cartman: Oh Yeah! Bring your favorite thing you got for Christmas. -They hang up- (Screen goes back to Stan as he picks up a football) <Kyle's house> -Kyle is opening his one present it's a gameboy with 6 games- Kyle: Sweet!! -Kyle's mom enters- Sheila: Kyle your little friend is on the phone. -Kyle picks up the phone- Kyle: Hi Cartman. Cartman: Kyle. Bring your favorite present over here kay? Kyle: Fine just promise you won't steal it. <Kenny's house> -Kenny only has one gift and the Christmas tree is a stick. He unwraps the plain paper to reveal a doorknob- Kenny's mom- Oh great our last doorknob... -The phone rings and Kenny answers it-(Author's note: Kenny's phone is on of those real old phones that you see in reruns of Lassie that call directly to the operator)- Kenny: mpnmn?(Hello?) Cartman: Uh hi Kenny... What would you say if I got the porn channel for Christmas? Kenny: Mpmnmmnnpm!?!(You did!?!) Cartman: Hold on a sec I got another call... -You can hear Cartman cracking up in the distance. Kenny looks pissed- Kenny: mpnmmmp n mnmp?(What do you want fat ass?) Cartman: Look just bring your favorite present over. -They hang up. Kenny looks at the doorknob, he shrugs- <Later at Cartman's house> -Stan, Kyle, and Kenny enter- Stan: Hey Cartman we're- (Camera zooms out to reveal a whole city of buildings made out of legos) Kyle: What the? Stan: Holy shit! Cartman: Hi you guys! Stan: Where the hell are you Cartman? Cartman: Take the highway over. -They notice the road of legos leading into the city. They start walking) Cartman: You guys over here! -Cartman is in an observation tower- Cartman: Hold on I'll be down in a sec! -Cartman exits the tower- -Cartman's mom peeks out from the side of a building- Cartman's mom: Ok hun the computer's all hooked up. Cartman: Sweeet!!!! Kyle: You got a computer Cartman? Cartman: Yeah! It's totally sweeet! Kenny: mnpnmpnmpp?(So how do we get out of here?) Cartman: We just take the Main road and take a right at the mini-mall. Stan: Oh yeah...I knew that... -They exit the lego city- -They enter Cartman's room- -Cartman turns it on- Cartman: What shall we do first? Stan: Do you have the Internet? Cartman: Are you kidding? You can't get a computer and not get the Internet! -Kenny looks pissed- -Cartman logs on to AOL- AOL: skkkkrrggrrgrggrg�. AOL: Welcome! AOL: You've got mail! Cartman: Sweeet! -Cartman opens one of the emails- Now limited time! Download the official cheezy poof game! DOWNLOAD NOW DOWNLOAD LATER Cartman: Kick ass! I'm going to download it! Stan: Wait I've head that some E-mails can have viruses in them. Cartman: Shut up you guys I'm not gonna get sick. -Cartman downloads the file- -All of a sudden there's a flash of lightning and they get sucked into the computer- -They fall through a huge tunnel and fall into a small white room- Kenny: mnmhvvvfp?(What the hell?) -A door opens up and light fills the room- Dan: Good your all here.(Author's note: Who could this handsome fello be? hint.hint.) Kyle: Who are you? Dan: I'll tell you later, follow me. -Dan leads them to a large room sort of resembling a lobby- Cartman: Is there any food here I'm hungry. Stan: Cartman! You just had lunch a half an hour ago! How are you hungry now?! Dan: Nonsense you've had a long trip, we'll go to a restaurant. -Dan leads them to a place called "Stu's"- Stu: Hey Dan. Dan: Hey Stu. We'll have 5 chocolate shakes, please. Stu: Coming up. -Stu types up the order then the shakes come through a small door on a conveyor belt- Dan: Thanks Stu. See you tomorrow. Stu: Bye. -They take a seat at a table- Stan: Don't you need to pay for these? Dan: Not here. -long pause- Cartman: We're dead aren't we! We're dead and this is heaven! Kyle: Of course we're not dead!(pause)Are we? Dan: No you're not dead. -sighs of relief- Dan: You're in the Internet. -Dramatic music- Cartman: What?! Kenny: MNP?(HUH?) Stan: How can that be? Dan: We'll that file you downloaded was what got you here. I knew Cartman would take the bait. Cartman: Nu-uh! Stan downloaded it! He's the one who loves to eat! -They laugh at Cartman- Kenny: mpnmmmmnpmnn?(We'll who are you?) Dan: I am Dan keeper of the South Park sites. Stan: You mean like the travel guides? Dan: Not exactly... Kyle: So why are we here? Dan: Well...(flashback)Five months ago Saddam Hussein stole a piece of expensive equipment from Russia, when he learned it had incredible powers... -Shot of Saddam bribing a Russian guard and taking the equipment- Kyle: What does it do? Dan: All we know is that it can bring a man's worst fear to life! Cartman: Weak! Stan: So how come he didn't use it already? Dan: Fortunately it can't be used in reality. But he didn't know that. He was about to give up and sell the machinery to Comedy Central... Cartman: Ehh! Dan: But then when he found out about here, he captured all the Webmasters and fled here and demands a ransom. Kyle: Webmasters? Dan: Let's see...Juz from Sweet.com, Melissa from Park South, Jay and Matt from the Hell Hole, the Beef-Cake.com trio, and SnowCalico. Kyle: SnowCalico! Cartman: That bitch! Stan: Well it's a good thing that we don't have any money! Kenny: nmnmp!(Yeah!) Dan: There is a second option... If one of you can get through the room where Saddam has installed it, it would be deactivated and we could rescue them. Kyle: Isn't there someone else that can do this? <Where ever the hell South Park is made> (Trey and Matt are cutting up construction paper) Trey: (completely absorbed in cutting paper) Hey Matt? Matt: (completely absorbed in cutting paper) Yeah Trey? Trey: (completely absorbed in cutting paper) Did you ever get sucked into the Internet and be forced to battle Saddam Hussein? Matt: (completely absorbed in cutting paper) Nope. Trey: (completely absorbed in cutting paper) Me neither. <Internet> Dan: Nobody really comes to mind. Stan: Ah crap! Dan: Well we better get you suited up. <Intermission> Author's note: It's bad isn't it? It's gonna get worse. <Saddam's battle area> Dan: O.K. Now that you're all suited up you are ready to go out there, and Kenny has volunteered to be the first to go. Kenny: Mpnm?(Huh?) -Dan pushes Kenny into the room and shuts the door behind him- -Kenny starts to walk to the other end of the room, when the whole room transforms into a stage. A microphone grows out of the floor in front of Kenny- Announcer: Now... Live on HBO... Kenny doing stand up for the last time! <Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Dan> Stan: That's his fear? Doing stand up? Cartman: Wuss. <back to Kenny> Kenny: (Sweating like he was stuck under a whale in the dessert)mpnmp npmnmp pmnppmnpp mpnpm pnp mmph!(Author's note: I'm to lazy to think up a joke, let's just say it's a raciest joke) Audience: Boooo! You suck! etc. (They start throwing fruit at Kenny. Someone throws a whole armored truck at him and kills him.) <Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Dan> Stan: Oh my god! They killed Kenny! Kyle: You Bastards! Dan: Well your next Stan! Stan: What why me? Dan: Because you're next. Stan: Can't I at least get a gun? Dan: Nope. -Stan is shoved into the room- Stan: Weak... -All of a sudden the lights go out, all you can see is Stan's eye's.- Stan: Aaaah! Dan: (Over the walkie-talkie) Stan, use your flash light! Stan: Right! My flashlight! Of course Yes! -Stan turns on his flashlight, it flickers for a moment then burns out.- Stan: Aaahh! I'm getting out of here! -Stan runs out and practically plows through the door.- Cartman: Super wuss! Kyle: Shut up! Fatass! Cartman: Ay! I'm not fat! I'm just wearing an under shirt to keep me warm! Dan: Well Fatboy it's your turn. Cartman: Me? (whining) But it's Kyle turn! I don't whana! -Cartman grabs onto Dan's leg and start's whining like in the first episode- Dan: It's your turn Cartman! -Dan attempts to walk to the door with Cartman dragging behind him- Dan: Damn! You're heavy! -Dan chucks Cartman into the room. He slides to a stop and gets up- Cartman: This is serious bullshit!!! -Cartman starts walking to the other end. Cartman stops when he hears the sound of the visitors.- Cartman: No... It can't be! -All of a sudden hippies appear- Cartman: It's worse!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dan: (Over the walkie-talkie) Quick Cartman kill the animals! -Cartman spots a bunny and starts stomping on it until it's dead- Hippy1: Nooo! Our furry friends! Dan: (Over the walkie-talkie) It's working Cartman kill more! -Cartman approaches a blue whale and spears it oil leaks out- Cartman: Take that you stupid fish! Hippy2: Stop it your sending out totally negative energy! Cartman: I'll show you negative! -Cartman starts breaks off an elephants tusks and stabbing it with them- Hippy3: Noooooooo! We're meltiiiiiinnnggggblbgln..... Dan: (Over the walkie-talkie) Quick Cartman! Destroy the equipment! -Cartman runs to the other end and smashes the equipment- Cartman: That's what you get for making hippies! -Dan, Stan, and Kyle run to Cartman- Dan: You did it Cartman! Kyle Stan: Hooray for Fatass! Cartman: Yeah! Hooray for Fat-AY!!! <Later in the dungeon> -All the webmasters are freed exept SnowCalico- Cartman: Do we have to free her? Stan: Just do it Cartman! -Cartman mumbles angrily as he unlocks the locks- Kyle: What about Saddam? Dan: Oh he's gone now don't worry. Stan: Huh? You mean he just left? Taison: I guess. Kyle: He didn't have a plan B? Matt: Nope. Cartman: Well I guess were heroes now and we'll get some huge cash reward huh? -The webmasters and Dan start laughing- Stan: What's so funny? Melissa: I can't believe they fell for it! Kyle: You mean it was a joke? Dan: It was the best I've done in years! Juz: To bad Kenny never got the punch line. Stan: Huh? Oh yeah that... Cartman: I hate you all! You all suck ass! Dan: Well don't worry you'll be seeing more of me... Cartman: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! ~{Fin}~ Well what did you think of it? I can picture you saying "It sucks" but it's much better than my first one, that I didn't even finish because it sucked so much. Oh yeah. Sorry to any webmasters or South Park creators that might be offended because I used them in my fic (As if they took the time to read it.) We'll I'll come out with another soon. Comments can be E-mailed to: [email]

< story snip >

        BRAVO!
        I would've loved to see Kyle's secret fear.  Cartman's was almost common
knowledge.  Stan's might be typical for an 8 year old, but Kenny's was unexpected
and great!
        Using the othe fanfic writers as hostages was genius.
        Keep up the fanfics!!

dave. no tag line, because I don't need one.

Loved it. My favourite part had to be the Trey and Matt sequence.

"Hey Matt?" "Yeah, Trey?" "Ever (some long thing I can't remember)?" "No, can't say I have." "Oh."

Marguerrite, Hunter of the Infamous Matt and Trey (they call me Kim, but I know better) Aka Crabtree-Norn "Sit down and shut up!" "&^*$ Censorship!"-originated on alt.tv.southpark

Wallace355 wrote:

<*excellent* fanfic snipped!>

I *loved* it! This was very creative and very, *very* hilarious!!!!! :) You get a zillion cookies!!!! :)

~Kyle Broslofski~ Now Officially Known As "The South Park Girl"!!! (hey, I've earned that nickname--everyone at school calls me that, and so does a bunch of other people! I'm so proud!)