The Revenge Of Kick The Baby
(Part 2 of The Case Of Mr.Hat~ South Park meets Daria)
by Andie(Theme song, then the scene is Mr.Garrison's class.) Kyle(to Stan): Hey dude, did you hear about the Terrance and Phillip movie coming out tomorrow? Stan: Really? Sweet! Why don't we all go? Cartman can supply the food, cause his Mom's got to own the Cheesy Poof factory, look how *beep*ing fat he is! (him and Kyle laugh) Cartman: Ay! I'm not fat, I'm big boned. Kenny: Mmmph rmmf mmp mmmf rmph. (Stan and Kyle laugh again.) Cartman: Shut up, Kenny. (Wendy walks over to them, and Stan gets that weird look on his face) Wendy: Hi guys (Stan barfs) Wendy: Ewwwww!! Um.. Anyway, I wanted to know if you guys wanted to go see the Terrance and Phillip movie with me. Kyle: Kick ass! We're going tomorrow. We'll all go together then. Wendy: Cool.. What's up with Stan? (Stan's still staring dreamily at Wendy) Kyle: He's spazzing out. Cartman: (whispered to Kenny) Being the hippie lover he is, he's probably dreaming about screwing her. Kenny: Mmmph hmmp. Wendy: Oh. (she walks in front of Stan, waving her hand at him.) Hello? (Stan almost throws up on her, but she ducks, and it gets on Pip.) Kyle: Sick, dude! Pip: Oh, dear. This is not rather appropriate matter. Cartman: Shut the hell up, Pip! Pip: Right-o. Wendy: Ewww! Gross! (she walks back to her seat) (Stan becomes himself again, and Mr.Garrison walks into the room. He notices Pip, and rolls his eyes.) Mr.Garrison: Stanley, please refrain from throwing up on other students. Stan: Sorry. Mr.Garrison: Anyway, today we are going to continue learning about peer pressure. One way to deal with it is thinking of nice thoughts. Mr.Hat: That's right, Mr.Garrison. You should think of your favorite shows, colors, and activities. Does anyone know of any others? (Cartman raises his hand.) Mr.Garrison: Yes, Eric? Cartman: You should have at least three boxes of snacky cakes every hour. Stan: God, Cartman, can't you think of anything else besides eating? Cartman: Yes. I can think of pretty rainbows.. Not the kind that crawl up your ass; and bubble baths, and silly clowns, and the smell of fresh morning dew early in the air.. Ay!! (the class laughs) Cartman: Damn hippie. Mr.Hat: Anyway, class, we are going to be doing a little project on peer pressure. I will pair you up with a partner and you will both record things you do every day that are good for you, and ways to deal with situations like drugs, gangs, and so on. You will present it to the class, and YOUR WHOLE GRADE FOR THE YEAR WILL DEPEND ON THIS SO DON'T MESS UP OR I'LL FAIL YOUR SORRY LITTLE ASSES! Stan: Whoa, dude! Mr.Garrison: Now, Mr.Hat, calm down. Mr.Hat: I'll try. Mr.Garrison: Here are our groups; David and Joey, Sally and Brad, Bebe and Nora, Tim and Jake, Kyle and Kenny, Stanley and Clyde, Wendy and Rachel, and... Eric and Pip. Cartman: DAMMIT!!! Pip: Oh, Eric, I do hope we get to be good chums over this project. Cartman: Weak!! Mr.Garrison: Our Lawndale students should be coming in just a few minutes. Here's who will be joining us today- Charles Ruttheimer, Kevin Thompson, Jane Lane, Andrea Rowel, and Mack Canfield. (Jane, Kevin, Mack, Andrea, and UpChuck walk into the room.) Mr.Garrison: Okay, kids, they're here. (he turns to the teenagers) Now, could you five watch the class for me for about ten minutes so I can get a beer-- I mean, get some paperwork done? Jane: Sure, Mr.Garrison, while you get drunk, we'll watch the helpless little eight year olds who are somehow still being taught by an old man with a puppet on his hand. Mr.Garrison: Um, thanks.. I think. (he gets ready to leave, when Jane calls back) Jane: Isn't a little hard, and *embarrassing*, to drink with a puppet on your hand? (Mr.Garrison blushes, and reluctantly throws Mr.Hat in his desk drawer. He grabs a coat and walks out the door.) Clyde: What are you guys here for? Bebe: Dammit, don't you listen to anything Garrison says? Clyde: Uh, no? (Bebe rolls her eyes.) Andrea: We're here, to teach you about drugs and how they help you with problems. They're very, very good for you, and let you see pretty mushrooms, and colors.. Stan: Dude, that's not what we're supposed to learn about! Cartman: How come I have the strangest feeling she knows Mr.Mackey? (Stan shrugs) UpChuck: Actually, we're here to teach you about sex appeal, and how it will get you EVERYWHERE and EVERYTHING! Wendy: Really? Wow! UpChuck: What might yoooooour name be? Wendy: Wendy. UpChuck: That sounds like a.... Sexxxxxxxxxxy name! Jane:(to Mack) Ha! Hitting on third graders? He's getting more desperate by the minute. Mack: Really. (Kevin suddenly speaks up) Kevin: YO, Mack Daddy! Why don't we tell 'em about the star quarterback of the Lawndale Lions.. Mack: Oh, gee, so modest. Kyle: Star quarterback? Kevin: Like, yeah, little dude! I won all of our games! (Mack grumbles. The words "subtle", "prick", and "cheater" can be heard.) Kevin: Why the long face, Mack Daddy? Mack: Can you PLEASE stop calling me Mack Daddy? Kevin: Okay, Bro! Mack: Ahhhhhhhhh!!! (he runs out of the room, screaming. Kevin follows) Kevin: Yo! Bro! Bro? What's the matter, Bro?
(Scene: Playground.) (The gang are all sitting on swings) Kyle: Dude, it sucks you're partners with Pip. Stan: Yeah. Cartman: Well, I'll find a way out of it. Don't you worry! Kenny: Mmmph rmmp mmp! Cartman: Shut up, Kenny! Yo family is so damn poor that you hang out near the Salvation Army buckets on Christmas so you can steal a few pennies off of those Santa Clauses! (Kenny is about to make a rude and perverted comment about Mrs.Cartman, when they see Wendy walking around, giving her birthday invitations out.) Wendy: Okay... Let's see, here's Joey's, here's Bebe's(she hands them out as she says their name), here's Sally's, here's Brad's.. (she stops when she sees the four on the swings) Oh, hi guys. Kyle, Kenny, Cartman: Hi. Kenny: Mmmf rmmp mmph? Wendy: Just handing out party invitations. Cartman: Are we invited? Wendy: Yep. Cartman: Sweet. (she hands them their invitations, and looks at Stan. She cautiously hands him his, hoping he won't throw up on her.) Cartman: Will there be cake? Wendy: Yup. Kenny: Mmmph rmmph mmmf rmmp rmmf? Wendy: Um... There won't be any hookers there, Kenny. Kenny: Mmmf. (Stan suddenly throws up on Kenny after Wendy ducks, with such force that it blows Kenny against the jungle gym, slicing him up in the bar cracks.) Wendy: Oh my God! Stan threw up on Kenny, knocking him against the jungle gym and killing him! Kyle: You bastard! Stan: Sorry, dudes. Wendy: You need a pill.. (Ike bounces up to them, giddy and excited) Ike: I don got no ner!! Cartman: What the hell? Ike: Pah-ty! (Wendy picks him up) Wendy: He's cute. Kyle: Dude, you don't know how annoying Ike can be. Wendy: Bring him to my party! (she's talking baby talk to Ike. Kyle slaps himself in the face. Ike babbles excitedly) Ike: Cookie monster! Wendy: At my party we can play kick the bucket! Ike: DON'T kick the baby! Wendy: Huh? Kyle: Oh, kick the baby is a fun game me and Ike play. (he sets Ike on the ground.) Ready? Kick the baby! Ike: DON'T kick the baby! Kyle: Kick the baby! (he punts Ike) Ike: Ahhhhhhhhh!! Wendy: Why did you send him flying on his ass all the way to North Park? Stan: Oh, um, babies LOVE flying on their asses all the way to North Park! Wendy: Okaaaay. You know what? Um, I think I hear my Dad calling me home, I better go now. (she leaves) Kyle: Dude, didn't her dad move to California?
(Scene: Mesphasto or however the hell you spell it, Kevin, and Chef are standing outside, wearing shields.) Chef: So what happened to this adbonimable snowman? Mephasto: I think it ran away to the borderline of North Park.. I'm not sure. Chef: But if we *do* catch it, how will we get rid of it?-- (They hear voices and duck under a bush. Jodie, Brittany, and Quinn approach. Jodie's wearing a coat over her outfit, Brittany's wearing an even skimpier version of her cheerleading outfit in winter format, and Quinn is wearing a faux fur coat.) Quinn: This, like, sucks. I thought there might be some cool winter trends here, but noooo. Everything has to go wrong, and Sandi's going to still be the Prez of the Fashion Club! Jodie: It isn't so bad. We get out of class, and I think this town is kind of nice. You know, peaceful. Brittany:(Overly hyper~maybe she had her daily sugar dose already) Yeah!!!!!! But, I can practice my cheering peacefully here!!!! Gimme a S! Gimme an O! Gimme a U! Gimme a.. Um, Jodie, how to you spell South? Jodie: S-O-U-T-H. Brittany: Oh, yeah!!! Gimme a T! Gimme an H! Gimme a P! Gimme an A! Gimme an R! Gimme a K! Gimme a SOUTH PARK!! Gooooooooooo South Park!!! Yay!! (she bounces around, doing cartwheels. She's in the middle of her big finish, a double split, when she gets stuck in the snow) Um, guys??? Could you help me out?? Jodie: Gimme a GO! Gimme a TO! Gimme a HELL! (Quinn nods. They walk away.) Brittany: Guys?!?! (Chef and Mestapho and Kevin get out of the bushes. They exchange glances.) Chef: I guess Richard Simmons came to town..
(Scene: Empty Classroom.) (Mr.Garrison walks in. He whispers to the desk.) Mr.Garrison: Um, Mr.Hat? (Silence) Mr.Garrison: I'm sorry, Mr.Hat, that I abandoned you. (More silence) Mr.Garrison: I can understand why you're not speaking to me.. (A few more quiet seconds. A blank stare.) Oh, GODDAMMIT, talk!! (he flings open the desk drawer and gasps.. Mr.Hat is gone.) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
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(Corny Soap Opera Organ Music) What will happen next?!
Will Quinn and Pip finally die?
Quinn: Oh my God!! No way! If I die, Sandi will still be the prez of the fashion club!! Die, Sandi, DIE!!
Will Mr.Hat be found?
Mr.Garrison: Dammit, I hope so, it sucks carrying a paper bag on your hand.
Will Ike get his revenge on Kyle for all those tortured years of Kick the Baby?
Ike: Cookie monster!
Will Chef and Mestapho be able to find and stop the adbonimable snowman?
Snowman: RAWWWWWWWWWR!!! (throws a snowball at the camera) Chef: Now that's one fudged up cracker.
What the HELL is Kevin supposed to be?
Mestapho: Dammit! Why, he's a-- ::scratches head:: How the Hell should I know?
All this and more in the final chapter.. PART 3 of the South Park meets Daria series!