Okay, this is my first fanfic like.... ever. So it may be a bit... what's the word... crap / stupid / dumb / politically incorrect / all of the above. I'd like some responses on this as it's my first effort, just do that 'reply to newsgroup' thing that everyone else does. Oh, and by the way, it's unbleeped! <gasp>
Bill Gates Is A Nice Man Really... by DAN MARTIN
[Mayor's office. She's on the phone]
Mayor: Yes. <listening> Yes. <listening> Wow! Sure, I'll be right on it! And good day to you sir!
[She puts down the phone]
Mayor: <to herself> At last, publicity! P-U-B-L... oh never mind.
[Chef walks in]
Mayor: Now, Mr Chef, what are you here for? Chef: I'd like to serve Fried Yoghurt and Bacon Sandwich Delight at the school canteen every Wednesday, but it's illegal in 29 states! Mayor: <obviously preoccupied with the phone call> Yeah, sure whatever. Chef: Thank you Mayor, the little crackers are gonna love you for this.
[The bus stop. Everyone's there]
Cartman: Hey you guys, guess what? Kyle: What? Kenny: You fucked your mom again?
[laughter]
Cartman: No not that, you poor bastard. Stan: What is it dude? Cartman: I heard Mr Garrison is teaching us about Bill Gates today. Kyle: So? Cartman: ...eh...Shut up Jew boy, it's Bill Gates, for chrissake. Stan: Who the hell is Bill Gates? Kenny: I heard he makes porno movies and eats kebabs for breakfast. Stan: Wow, I bet he weighs 400 pounds. Kyle: 'Kay.
[The bus pulls up]
Miss Crabtree: Come on, we're running late! Stan: Whatever, you fat hoare! Miss Crabtree: What did you say?!? Stan: I said 'I just repainted my back door.' Miss Crabtree: Oh, well so did I.
[The scamps get on the bus]
[Mr Garrison's Class. The room is in a state of dissaray]
Mr Garrison: Settle down class!
[No response]
Mr Hat: Now you little fuckers sit down, before I hit you over the head with this bottle of vermouth! <holds up bottle>
[Everyone settles down]
Mr Garrison: Now today class, our friend Mr Hat is going to tell us all about everyone's favourite bedtime story, 'Bill Gates and the Voyage to Uranus' Cartman: Stupid puppet. Mr Hat: That's right, Mr Ga... Mr Garrison: Eric, do you need to go and sit in tiem out for a minute? Eric: No Mr... Mr Garrison... I... was just... clearing my throat. Mr Garrison: oh OK. Mr Hat: Now class, Bill Gates and the Voyage to Uranus is an epic fairytale, written by Jack Nicholson, of how one man built a space craft, and took three friends, Ellen Degeneres, Boris Yeltsin and Captain Kirk of the Starship Enterprise to Uranus and back again.
[Mr Hat waffles on in the background, we focus on the scamps]
Stan: This sucks. Kyle: School always sucks Cartman: You guys, my mom said you can come over to my house and watch Terrance and Phillip if you want. Kyle: Cool dude Stan: Yeah. Mr Garrison: ...and that's how Bill Gates took over Jack Nicholson's spirit in The Overlook hotel and built a multi-billion dollar computer corporation.
[Bell rings. everyone leaves for lunch]
TO BE CONTINUED...