Reservoir Park - Let's Go to Work DAN MARTIN
[NOTE: This contradicts everything that South Park has ever taught you, or at least I hope it does, or I might look like a bit of a twat. It is based more on the film and only has a passing reference to South Park. In that respect, those of you who haven't seen the film may like this fic more than those who those who have seen the film. Regular characters may die, oft-dying characters may not. Enjoy the fic]
Dedicated to Keith Robert Jones, who died June 2nd 1999.
CAST LIST:
CHEF - JOE CABOT ? - NICE GUY EDDIE KYLE - MR BROWN PIP - MR BLONDE CLYDE - MR BLUE STAN - MR WHITE KENNY - MR ORANGE CARTMAN - MR PINK
[South Park's little-known-about Old Abandoned Warehouse. Everyone is in black suits, like in the film. Chef is wearing his apron over his suit. Everyone has their normal hats on so we can tell them apart, except for Clyde, who doesn't have a hat anyway]
Chef: Here are your names: <points to Kyle> Mr Brown, <points to Stan> Mr White, <points to Pip> Mr Blonde, <points to Clyde> Mr Blue, <points to Kenny> Mr Orange, <points to Cartman> and Mr Pink. Cartman: Why am I Mr Pink? Chef: 'Cause you're a fat little cracker!
[Everyone laughs, minus Cartman]
Cartman: AY! Why can't we pick our own colours, you guys? Chef: No way, children. I tried that an old cafeteria. You get four crazy crackers all fighting over which one gets to be Mr Black. Just be grateful your podgy little butt ain't called Mr Yellow. Kyle: Yeah, but Mr Brown? That's a little to close to Mr Shit.
[Laughs]
Wendy: I'm a girl, why do I have to be called Mr Blonde? Chef: Uh... Cartman: Why don't you call her... Mrs Hippie! Stan: Shut up Car... I mean Mr Pink.
[Look, this is a fucking fic, it's not fucking real, neither are you. Now stick to the fucking script before I kill off all your asses]
Cartman: But... Mr Pink sounds like Mr Pussy.
[Kitty walks on screen]
Kitty: Meow. Cartman: No kitty, this is my................ old abandoned warehouse. Kitty: Meow. Cartman: No kitty! That's a bad kitty!
[Everyone stares at Cartman]
Cartman: Tell you what. let me be... Mr Purple, that sounds good. I'm Mr Purple. Stan: <under his breath> No, you're Mr Fatass!
[Everyone laughs, minus Cartman]
Chef: <to Cartman> Listen, you fudged-up little chracker. You're not Mr Purple! Some fat kid in some other cafeteria is Mr Purple, you're Mr Pink! Stan: <to Cartman> Who cares what your name is, dude? Who cares if you're Mr Pink, Mr Purple, Mr Fatass... Cartman: AY! That's easy for you to say, Mr White, you have a cool freakin' name! Kyle: As opposed to Mr Pink.
[Everyone laughs, minus Cartman]
Cartman: Shut up, Mr Shit! Kyle: Mr Pussy! Stan: Mr Fatass
[Everyone laughs, minus Cartman]
Cartman: <to Stan> If you think being "Mr Pink" is no big deal, you wanna trade? Stan: No dude, I don't wanna be some Mr Pink dude... otherwise, I'll be... Mr Pink, the... fatass homosexual. Cartman: AY! Chef: Listen children. Nobody's trading with anybody! Look, this ain't a goddamn motherfudgin' cafeteria, either stay here and keep your fudgin' name, or get the fudge out of my cafeteria. Stan: This isn't a cafeteria, dude. It's a warehouse. Chef: I know that! It's an expression. Kyle: 'Kay. Cartman: Jesus fuckin' Christ Joe, forget it. I'm Mr goddamn Pink, let's move on...
[The camera pans round the whole warehouse. Our group is in one corner, with a blackboard, showing a layout of the bank. We fade to black, and see the warning, and the theme song]
TO BE CONTINUED...