Yet another 'fic. This tells you how Kyle met Alicia. Hope you enjoy it. An Bitchmom, please put this up on the fanfic site. (soon to be put on the .creative ng) [Fanfic- Kyle�s Bar Mitzvah]
[Shot of the kids at the bus stop, Wednesday. Kyle looks very happy.]
Stan: (to Kyle) What are you so happy about?
Kyle: It�s my Bar Mitzvah on Saturday!
Cartman: What�s that?
Kyle: A huge party about me becoming a man! I get to have a band at it, and there is dancing, and I get to do all sorts of stuff!
Stan: Wow, cool!
Cartman: I guess there is an upside to being a dirty Jew!
[Kyle cracks Cartman a sweet one across the face.]
Kyle: Shut the fuck up fat boy! (Lightening up) Well anyway, It�s at 6, at the concert hall, so don�t miss it!
Stan, Kenny, and Cartman: Okay.
[The bus pulls up]
Ms. Crabtree: Sit down! We�re running late!
Kenny: Shut up, you stupid whore!
Ms. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!?!?!
Kenny: I said, mphmpmphhpmmhppmhhmphmphpmhmphmppmh!
Ms. Crabtree: Oh. Okay.
[They get on]
Kyle: Well, here are the invitations. (hands them out)
Stan: Hey, did you all hear that Soulfly song on the radio?
Cartman: Yeah, that kicked ass! (faking a Max Cavalera voice) Umbabarauma! Homen gol!
[The bus stops at the school]
Ms. Crabtree: Get off! AAAAAAA!!!!
[Shot of Mr. Garrison�s classroom]
Mr. Garrison: �and now children, we will learn more about the demon entity that is known as MTV. The rat-bastards say that metal is dead!
Mr. Hat: That�s right, Mr. Garrison! Those bastards should be killed, and have their brains dug out with a rusty spoon! Children, call MTV and demand your metal! Demand your Slayer, Rob Zombie, Sepultra, Black Sabbath, and Pantera! To hell with these pussy-whippin� Ideas!
[short pause. Mr. Garrison/Hat continue teaching]
Wendy: (to Kenny) Kenny, are you going to the party?
Kenny: Uh huh.
Wendy: Do you have any� better clothes to wear?
Kenny: Hey, this is a good parka! My mom just washed it in the river yesterday!
Wendy: ugh. After school, come with me. I�ll take you shopping for something to wear.
[shot of Cartman. He is looking at a girl beside him. You can tell he is in love by his big smile]
Cartman: Ahh� Kristin Sharp� I want to spank you�
[He starts to daydream. It is filled with Midgets and Formula 1 race cars. It is raining floppy discs. "baby one more time" by Brittany Spears plays in the background. Cartman is sitting on a leather desk chair drinking tang. Kristin is sitting by him]
Cartman: Hey wait a minute! Brittany Spears sucks ass! Play something better!
["Silent Scream" by Slayer starts to play in the background]
Cartman: Much better. Now, to you, Kristin. Come to me�
[Kristin starts making out with him. The daydream ends, because Mr. Garrison is yelling at him]
Mr. Garrison: WILL YOU LISTEN, AND NOT DROOL ALL OVER YOUR DESK!?!?!?!?!?!?
Cartman: Whoops, sorry Mr. Garrison. (to himself) Asshole.
Mr. Garrison: What was that?
Cartman: nothing.
Mr. Hat: Now children, there is Hanson, and they-
[the bell rings]
Mr. Garrison: Well that�s it, have a nice long weekend.
Wendy: (to Kenny) C�mon! we�re going shopping!
Stan: (to Kenny) be afraid, be VERY afraid, dude!
Kenny: Er.. Um.. �kay.
[Cartman goes to the cafeteria, for some advice from chef]
Cartman: Chef? I need your help!
Chef: What is it Eric?
Cartman: Girl problems.
Chef: What is it?
Cartman: I like this girls, but she doesn�t know I exist!
Chef: Oh boy. Sit down, and I�ll tell you something.
Cartman: What?
Chef: To be liked by a girl, you need to reveal something to her.
Cartman: Oh. Okay! That helps a lot! Thanks, Chef!
Chef: Let me sing a song for you.
To be liked by someone, you need to be seen! Oh baby! You need to be alive, so I can make love to ya all night long, and lick your female body! The bed snake is comin� for you! It says boo! And-
Cartman: Chef!
Chef: Huh? Oh, yeah. Well, I hope you have good luck!
Cartman: Thanks Chef!
Chef: No problem!
[Shot of Kenny and Wendy at the mall]
Wendy: Now Kenny, you can choose anything! It�s on me!
[Kenny picks out a hooded sweater with the Korn logo on it]
Wendy: Figures. Now, you gotta get some good pants and shoes. The orange look is out. Way out. Here is some track pants, and some Nikes.
[He goes and tries them on. He looks� stylin�]
Kenny: I like it, but my nipples hurt like hell.
Wendy: Oh that happens to everybody. Now let�s pay for this!
[They go up to the checkout place]
cash register guy: 40 dollars.
Wendy: 40 dollars? Only?
CRG: Yeah, it�s "everything is 70% off" Day.
Wendy: Cool!
[Shot of Kyle walking through the streets]
Kyle: (singing) I�m a Jew, a lonely Jew, on Christ- hey! This isn�t Christmas! (singing again) Finished with my woman �cause she couldn�t help me with my mind! People think I�m insane, because I am frowning all the time�
[Somebody is heard in the distance]
Voice: Hello? Who is that?
Kyle: Kyle Broslofski. You?
Voice: Alicia Richards.
Kyle: Hmm�
Alicia: Come here�
[Alicia has dirty blonde hair, and she wears a turquoise-colored coat, and has light green pants and gloves]
Kyle: hi.
Alicia: Oh yes, the infamous Kyle Broslofski.
Kyle: �infamous�?
Alicia: Yeah, everybody knows about you, Kenny, Stan, and Cartman!
Kyle: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah, really! And I bet about 3 million people watch us every Wednesday, and you can T-shirts and other merchandise with us on it at Spencer gifts!
Alicia: Well, no. That�s kind of crazy.
Kyle: Yeah.
Alicia: Want to go to happy burger?
Kyle: sure.
[Friday. Shot of the girl�s locker room. Cartman sneaks in there]
Cartman: Well, this is it. The moment of truth.
[he takes off all of his clothes]
Cartman: and to rub the ol� general for good luck�
[He rubs the� you know. Wendy is spying on him]
Wendy: The bastard! I�ll teach him!
[She steals his clothes, and runs away. Cartman gets to Kristin]
Cartman: Oooh Kristin! I have a suprise for you!
Kristin: What is it Er-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!! (she faints)
Cartman: Fuck! Well I�d best get dressed.
[He can�t find his clothes]
Cartman: well shit!
[He streaks out the door, getting to Mr. Garrison�s classroom.]
Mr. Garrison: �and that is why Poison sucks total ass. Any questions?
[Cartman walks in]
Mr. Garrison: And� AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! (he faints)
Mr. Hat: Oh baby come to me!
Clyde: Nooo!! Make it stop!
Stan: Holy shit!
Wendy: Fuck! Sweet Jesus Cartman!
Bebe: Mmmm!!!
Kyle: Blaauugh!
[Police Sirens]
Cartman: oohh, shit.
[The bar Mitzvah. The kids are there. They have hip clothes on. Cartman has a black eye. There is an Adam Sandler-type guy singing]
Kyle: Holy crap Cartman, what happened to you?
Cartman: The cops beat me up, and said that Kristin slapped something called a "Restraining Order" on me! It says I can�t get within 100 feet of her, and I can�t show her my fireman anymore!
Stan: Woah that sucks dude!
Cartman: I know. My mom say they pulled a "Rodney King" on me.
[Alicia walks up]
Alicia: hey Kyle!
Kyle: Hey� wanna dance?
Alicia: sure.
[They dance]
Cartman: Oh, what a happy ending.
[a brick falls on him]
Cartman: Something is not right here� wait, this is a Fanfic writer! Nooooo!!!!!
[The end?]
Now PLEASE RESPOND!!!