Ned is Cartman's dad! He has to be!!!!!!

Think about it.....we all saw how Mrs. Cartman was a wild tongue kisser. I'm thinking she dislocated Ned's vocal cords, and that's why he needs the old cancer kazoo. Plus Ned was the only one who was friendly towards Mrs. C in Volcano ("Hello, Mrs. Cartman how are you today?")

J.F. (Stands for Stupid Theories)

And she completely ignored him too during that exchange-I think you're onto something even though I'll still insist mr. hat is the father.