What's the funniest bit of spam you've ever gotten?

What with there being no new episode until next week, I've decided to start a new thread <fanfare, etc., etc.). Now I've gotten some pretty funny spam in my days (porn ads, unlocking your DSS, chain letters, chain scams, etc.), but here's the kicker (This isn't verbatim, I'm recalling from memory):

Wanted: Videos of Guys Being Tickled Please send me videos of guys being tickled by friends, girlfriends, families etc. No porn please, etc... I will give out money or computers for them, as I have a large collection...

I've gotten other ones, but this takes the cake.

How 'bout you guys?

I've gotten the very same one about 15 times...no shit! What in the name of all the is f**kin' holy are these people thinkin'?!

I'm always amazed at some of the spam I get, and by the lengths that people will go to try and scam a buck from ya!

Idiots...all of 'em!

Just my 2�...

Clayholio!

I've never had that one, sounds funny though! Clay D. Adams wrote in message ...

I got a message telling me to buy the "World's Greatest Cheesecake" before...then, I also got this one that was all like, "Are you being watched? Do you want to FIND OUT STUFF ABOUT PEOPLE? Do you suspect someone?" and all this paranoid stuff, that I found to be pretty strange...that's probably it, except I sometimes get stuff in other languages. And, this thing about an all-knowing book. I remember that tickling one..that was BIZARRE!

The Mighty Kyle "Candy Cane Eating" Broslofski wrote in article ...

That's a new one to me....I haven't gotten that one yet. I feel so unwanted, so unloved, so left out, so......oh, f**k it.....it's spam we're talkin' about! I'm just greatfull that there's at least ONE piece of s**t out there that I HAVEN'T got (at least 15 times)!

I get that one all the time, too....it kinda creeps me out! I alway hit the 'delete' key really quick when I get that one!

Dude, an "all-knowing book"?! I WANT THAT ONE!!!! (if you get it again, forward me a copy!....seriously!)

Spamedholio! (aka Clayholio!)

The funniest one I got, without question, was for Alex Chiu's Eternal Life Device. http://www.alexchiu.com/

I'm actually really glad I found out about the site :) I can't tell you the hours of enjoyment my coworkers and I have gotten out of it. It is just so damn funny, I am just in awe of that level of insanity. ------------------------------------------------------------------ www.rickb.com / Perceptive Scientific Instruments - www.persci.com "Hi, I'm Chester and I'll take you rollerskating...and I'll push dudes down to let them know where I stand...I'll scar 'em up." - Chester

WOW! :\

I made it to the second page...I'm just too creeped out to go on to "Alex Chiu's Online Teaching"!

Trey & Matt ought to get this guy in a South Park episode!

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Pumpjack
http://www.PumpjackRocks.com
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SouthJack ~ A Drunken South Park Parody
http://www.pumpjackrocks.com/southjack.htm
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In article , [email] (Richard Burgess) wrote:

Dude! This guy (Alex Chiu) also advertises in the back of Popular Science! How, exactly, does putting your toes in a vice-like contraption give you immortality (or does it make time seem to go a lot slower due to the discomfort <g>)???

In article , [email] (Dain of the Iron Hills) wrote:

No way! Have the ads been in there recently? I'll have to remember to look for it when I get the next issue. I just love that site, man, and it goes on FOREVER. The best part are his "scientific" explanations of things. He just recently updated his page after he discovered things were made out of atoms :) Check out my web site if you want to see what the rings are actually made out of. God it's so funny. ------------------------------------------------------------------ www.rickb.com / Perceptive Scientific Instruments - www.persci.com "Hi, I'm Chester and I'll take you rollerskating...and I'll push dudes down to let them know where I stand...I'll scar 'em up." - Chester

I'm just wondering if you get a refund if you die ? :) Aha, the "perfect" refund policy !

It's like life insurance... If you Die .. You WIN!!!

Covenant. A Man With Far Too Much Time On His Hands

Alt.Tv.Southpark FAQ: http://www.angelfire.com/oh/joesfaqforsp/index.html

Here's the wierdest one I've gotten recently (I'm going to give y'all the actual message): <start quote> http://www.stop-eating.com

JESUS' DIET: for your Sins!

HEAL THYSELF: for Christ's Sake!

BREATHARIANISM: the SECRET you've been looking for!

STOP EATING: Fasting and Elimination more important!

URINE: the FOUNTAIN of YOUTH! <end quote>

And all this time I thought the saying was "Jesus 'died' for your sins"! Now it all makes sense <g>! I've also been wondering about that last one. Does it mean I've been pissing my youth away <g>? I have a feeling it's a result of my hitting a couple of pagan related sites and deriding anyone who cracks on Paganism (usually calling it Satanism) and takes the stance that their belief system is the "correct" one (usually a Christian, not meaning to offend any Christians out there, I know a lot of y'all are open-minded about other folks' beliefs). I've also had a couple of folks try to "convert" me via e-mail (hoo-boy!). Haven't checked the site listed yet to find out if it's a serious site or merely a joke (but I have the feeling it's a "serious" site). Hmm, maybe I'll go there in a few...

Which is humorous if you have done any reading on those two 'religions' at all. Pagans believe in 'natural power' and deities, while Satanists are actually Atheists. They believe in nothing outside of themselves.

Sorry, just thought I'd share. =)

BitchMom ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ For all your SouthPark needs visit http://www.billzhouse.com or mirror site http://yoda.rh.rit.edu/billzhouse/ ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Visit #alt.tv.southpark on Dalnet Point your java enabled browser to: http://www.members.tripod.com/TheSilverRaven/sp_chat.htm or connect with mIRC or pIRCh Choose IRC Network Dalnet When you get connected, type in /join #alt.tv.southpark *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* remove MY to email me

In article , [email] (BitchMom) wrote:

Don't they believe in Satan?

[email] (Martin Hazelbower) wrote:

Nope. They chose the name 'Satanists' because in Latin Satan means 'opposer' and they are opposed to Christianity. Satanists don't believe in 'God' or 'Satan.' By all accounts, Satanists are just Atheists that are trying to piss of the Christians. =)

If you are talking about someone that 'worships' the devil (Satan) that is a Devil Worshipper and they are hated by Satanists because they give them a bad name. (Go figure, hehe)

And that is all for today's lesson in Alternate Religions 101 {:-)

BitchMom ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ For all your SouthPark needs visit http://www.billzhouse.com or mirror site http://yoda.rh.rit.edu/billzhouse/ ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Visit #alt.tv.southpark on Dalnet Point your java enabled browser to: http://www.members.tripod.com/TheSilverRaven/sp_chat.htm or connect with mIRC or pIRCh Choose IRC Network Dalnet When you get connected, type in /join #alt.tv.southpark *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* remove MY to email me

In article , [email] (BitchMom) wrote:

Bravo! I am impressed! There are so many folks who would've asked "Don't Pagans worship the devil?", this is like a breath of fresh air (not a pagan btw, but I do agree with a lot of what they believe). (Sorry to continue on the OT subject there y'all, I was just overcome by awe <g>)

[email] (Dain of the Iron Hills) wrote:

Thanks =) Now, do you know that Satanists don't worship any deity? (excepting themselves) Can you tell I had to do some research on this subject? {giggle}

BitchMom ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ For all your SouthPark needs visit http://www.billzhouse.com or mirror site http://yoda.rh.rit.edu/billzhouse/ ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Visit #alt.tv.southpark on Dalnet Point your java enabled browser to: http://www.members.tripod.com/TheSilverRaven/sp_chat.htm or connect with mIRC or pIRCh Choose IRC Network Dalnet When you get connected, type in /join #alt.tv.southpark *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* remove MY to email me

In article , [email] (Dain of the Iron Hills) wrote:

Well, the *entire* thread is off-topic, so you'r forgiven... :)

the_davester nirvanasongs @ yahoo.com http://www.geocities.com/~dgisoft/nirvana/ "Remember... sentience is overrated" -- Me "There is no progress / Evolution killed it all" -- Green Day Counting today, there are 355 days until Y2K.

Code Title 47, Sec.227(a)(2)(B); Sec.227(b)(1)(C). And I can pursue action under: Sec.227(b)(3)(C) - look 'em up.

Dain of the Iron Hills wrote in article ...

Kinda gives a whole new meaning to "The Last Supper," doesn't it?!

Clayholio!

I got one while John Glenn was doing his space mission... as much as I hate spam and junk emails, I thought it was pretty funny:

"You have exactly 1 week to get as many friends and relatives as you can to converge on New York City, then bury the Statue of Liberty up to her neck in dirt."

----- Lone Wolf My Kung-Fu is the best.

"That beaver eats Taco Bell!" - Primus, "Wynona's Big Brown Beaver"

"Unshrink you? Well, that would require some sort of a re-bigulator, which is a concept so ridiculous it makes me want to laugh out loud and chortle, and uh... but not at you, O holiest of gods, with the wrathfulness and the vengeance and the blood rain and the hey-hey-hey-it-hurts-me..." - Prof. Frink, The Simpsons Halloween Special VII

In article , [email] (Lone Wolf (Chris Baile)) wrote:

I got that one to, but with the added line "and wear ape masks."

On Mon, 11 Jan 1999 03:33:45 -0500, [email] (Dain of the Iron Hills) wrote:

Doh! I forgot that part! Thanks for reminding me.

----- Lone Wolf My Kung-Fu is the best.

"That beaver eats Taco Bell!" - Primus, "Wynona's Big Brown Beaver"

"Unshrink you? Well, that would require some sort of a re-bigulator, which is a concept so ridiculous it makes me want to laugh out loud and chortle, and uh... but not at you, O holiest of gods, with the wrathfulness and the vengeance and the blood rain and the hey-hey-hey-it-hurts-me..." - Prof. Frink, The Simpsons Halloween Special VII

I think it was "Call this number to get your own supply of Viagra! UK resident? Call this number and skip the waiting lists! Get your Viagra NOW!" kinda thing.

In article , "Tags" writes:

The HARD sale approach!
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