Psychomania By Mike Jakeman.
[insert legal waffle and copyright crap]
Another spoof fanfic from me - I personally say this is the best one yet but please tell me if you disagree! ------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Kyle's house)
KYLE: Mom?
MRS BROSLOFSKI: Yes Kyle?
KYLE: I don't think I need a babysitter tonight when you and Dad go out.
MRS BROSLOFSKI: Well I think you do. Now please, do something useful!
KYLE: Mom?
MRS BROSLOFSKI: Yes Kyle?
KYLE: I'll be really sensible and I'll even look after Ike and-
MRS BROSLOFSKI: Good! I'm glad. The babysitter will appreciate that.
[Kyle walks out of the room fuming]
(Bus Stop next day)
KYLE: Guess what!
STAN: What?
KYLE: My Mom and Dad are going out tonight and I'm not having a babysitter! I'm gonna have the whole house to myself!
CARTMAN: Sweet! We can watch the Fantasy Channel on cable!
KYLE: No we can't!
CARTMAN: Son of a bitch!
KYLE: My mom said that I wasn't allowed anyone around!
STAN: Dude, your mum sucks.
[Bus arrives]
KENNY: Yeah, your mom's a stupid bitch.
MRS CRABTREE: What did you say?
KENNY: I said that Kyle's mom sleeps in a ditch!
MRS CRABTREE: Oh. Well, that's alright then. It'd be a bit uncomfortable though. She ought to try sleeping in a bed sometime.
[Silence]
And keep the noise down back there!
CARTMAN: Yes ma'am!
(School)
MR GARRISON: Before I forget children, Mr Hat and I have arranged a school trip for you next Friday.
MR HAT: That's right Mr Garrison, we're going to the White House!
MR GARRISON: So I want those forms back in tomorrow.
[Cartman puts his hand up]
Yes Eric?
CARTMAN: Will we get to see the bed where the President made sweet love to-
MR GARRISON: No Eric we won't.
CARTMAN: Why am I wasting mah time going to the White House then?
MR GARRISON: Because Eric, you're American. And Americans are very proud of their history. And just to prove a point I am going to randomly pick a person from the class to sing the National Anthem to prove to you Eric that everyone else is proud of their country. Up you get Stanley.
[Stan stands up]
Now I want you to sing the National Anthem. And for God's sake put some passion in it.
[A spotlight zooms in on Stan and all of a sudden the tune to Tubthumping by Chumbawamba starts up.]
STAN: His pants go down! But they go up again! Whenever Hillary's around!
His pants go down! But they go up again! Whenever Hillary's around!
MR GARRISON: Stanley! That was horrendous! See me after class!
(Broslofski house)
MRS BROSLOFSKI: Damn it! Where is that babysitter?
KYLE: Maybe she decided she had better things to do?
MRS BROSLOFSKI: Don't be cheeky Kyle. Okay, now your father and I are going to have to go so let the babysitter in when she arrives. Okay?
[Silence]
Okay Kyle?
KYLE: Yes mom.
[Kyle's parents leave]
[Doorbell goes]
[Kyle doesn't move]
[Doorbell goes again]
[Still Kyle doesn't move]
[Doorbell goes a third time]
[Still no response]
[Babysitter walks away]
KYLE: Kick ass!
IKE: No, kick the baby!
KYLE: Kick the baby!
[Ike goes flying through the back window]
TV ANNOUNCER: Due to the developments in the Zippergate scandal there will be no Terrance and Philip this evening. Thank you.
KYLE: Damn it! Now what am I going to watch?
[Kyle walks over to the video collection]
KYLE: Ike's 1st Birthday party, Kyle's 2nd Birthday, Kyle's 3rd birthday party, Our Wedding, hang on what's this at the back? Psycho? Kick-ass!
[Kyle puts the video on]
KYLE: Aaaagghhh! ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Does it suck?
<bends down on knees and hopes that it doesn't suck>
It will get better as this part was mainly introducing stuff!