I've been slacking off, and the new part will be up either by tonight, or tomorrow morning, ok? Buh-bye! ::waves frantically and runs away::
I Know What You Did Last Week by Andi
(I decided to get rid of Julia and just stick with Jake and Nora as my characters. Nora will be Ned's niece instead of Julia now, okay?) (warning + theme song)
(a skinny brunette man with a mustache and small beard is shown standing next to a copy machine) Tom: This is the Tom Bean Show, it's not the Bean Tom Show, this is my favorite show, because it is my show, it's the Tom Bean Show! (Tom is next shown sitting at a desk in a studio. A cardboard cut-out of a person is in the chair next to him.) Tom: Ben, quit your job! (audience laughs) Tom: Phone companies suck, Ben! (audience laughs) Tom: Now, let's see how people respond to rollerskating pork! Roll the tape! (Screen reads 'Who you calling Porky?') (Tom is shown dressed as a giant slice of pork standing on a sidewalk outside somewhere, wearing rollerblades and chasing people) Tom: I am the great Cornholio! (the image zooms to show it is on a TV. Nora is sitting on a couch, watching it, looking bored, frustrated, and annoyed at the same time.) Nora: MOM! Dad's making an ass out of himself on public television again! (Mrs.Bean enters the living room and looks at the TV.) Tom(on TV): I am the evil porkchop! Fear my wrath! Aaaaargh! (the people he is chasing either flip him off, beat him up, or run away crying) Mrs.Bean: Well, dear, it's the only way he can make money after we had to move from California. (glances at TV again) I just hope the dogs don't-- (there's a loud crash from the TV, with lots of barking. We hear Tom scream. Mrs.Bean and Nora wince in unison as they watch.) Mrs.Bean(cont.): --Get to him. Nora: That's gotta hurt.
(Mr.Garrison's class) Mr.G: I hope we all did our reports on your favorite musical performer's lives.
(groans are heard) Mr.Hat: Are you little bastards unprepared, again?! Mr.G: Clyde, you can go first. Clyde: Okay. (he walks to the front of the class, and reads in a stiff voice off of his paper) Clyde: Elvis lives in our hearts, our minds... And, in a trailer park in Ohio. Stan: How.. Touching. Kyle: Totally, dude (class applauds dully) Clyde: Thank you. (he sits back down) (Mr.Garrison stares) Mr.Hat: Okay, er, Nora. (Nora walks up, rolling her eyes) Nora: (racking her mind) Uh.. Hanson is a group of blonde girls. Taylor is the prettiest one, I hope I can get alot of boyfriends like her when I'm 12. She wears the coolest pink lip gloss ((Author's Note: Hanson really does wear pink lip gloss! Scary, yet not surprising)) and eyeshadow. I hope I can be exactly like her.. Wait. No I don't. (Nora sits back down) Mr.Garrison: F! Nora: (shrugs) As if I didn't see that one coming a million miles away. Mr.Garrison: Eric, you're next. Cartman: Aww! Seriously, Mr. Garrison, do ah hafta? Mr.Hat: Yes you do, you fat, stupid turd. Now get the Hell up there before I get mad. (Cartman waddles--) Cartman: AY! (I mean, walks, to the front of the room. He holds back arms behind his back and begins.) Kyle: Fat-ass couldn't get both arms behind his back! (Yeah, I guess you have a point. Um, he just walks to the front of the room. Cause he's too fat to do anything else.) Stan: Yeah! Cartman: Shut the f*bleep*ck up, you stupid hippie writer! Mr.Garrison: Go ahead, Eric. Cartman: Uh.. I did my report on.. The Barenaked Ladies. Kenny bought the CD cause he thought it had pictures of naked chicks in the CD booklet, but it didn't. They're a bunch of guys who sing about chinese chicken. The end. Mr.Hat: You get an F as well. Cartman: What! Why?! Mr.Garrison: For lying. Kenny couldn't have bought the CD, his family is poor. (Kenny shrugs) Kenny: Mmmph rmmf mmmf mmmmp. Stan: What's a five finger discount? (Bebe starts to count on her fingers) Cartman: (walking back to his desk) God, I hate you, Kenny. Nora: Stupid-ass! Cartman: Shut up, bitch! (Um, Nora, that wasn't your line.) Nora: So what? Can't a girl ad-lib a little? Cartman: Eh, here she goes again, about her coffee. Nora: NOT COFFEE, YOU DUMB F*bleep*CK!! FRAPPACHINOS!! (dreamy look) Vanilla.. FRAPPICHINOS.. Tweek: No, coffee!! Kyle: Cartman! Now look what you've done! (Nora is going into psycho-bitch mode, and she stares angrily at Cartman now) Cartman: Crappichinos.. Suck. (a hushed silence falls over the room) Wendy: What? Kenny: Mmmph? Nora: WHAT?!? Stan: I'm guessing that was the wrong thing to say, dude. (Everyone expects Nora to flip out and beat Cartman up, but, instead, she calms down and smiles wickedly) Nora: I know what you did last week.
Nora: I know what you did last week. Cartman: Uh, no you don't. Nora: (singy-songy) Yes I doooooooo. Cartman: No! (Nora starts to say something) Cartman: (covering his ears) La la la la la la, I can't hear you! Nora: You.. You DRESSED UP LIKE A WOMAN AND TRIED TO BECOME A TRANSVESTITE HOOKER!! Cartman: Noo! Nora: Yess! (Mr.Garrison and the class burst out laughing) Kyle: Whoa, dude! I always knew Cartman was f*bleep*cked up, but holy sh*bleep*t! Nora: Um.. That was a lie. (everyone stops laughing) Nora: The truth is much, much worse, and I'm going to tell everyone about it, my dear Tubby, until you take back what you said about vanilla and mocha iced frappachinos! Cartman: Never! Nora: Alrighty then.. (she takes out a bag filled with gold colored Cheesy Poofs. Cartman's mouth begins to water) Nora: Remember these? (Cartman nods sullenly) Nora: Yep, a bag filled with Cheesier Poofs. The only one left in the world. Do you know where you got it? Cartman: You.. You WOULDN'T! Kyle: She would, dude! She would! Nora: That's RIGHT! Muahahahaha! (frowns at camera) No, when I laugh evilly, you're supposed to like do a close-up of me with a red tint and play spooky music. (there's a close-up of Nora laughing "evilly" with a red-screen, and Barbra Streisand music plays in the background.) Nora: That's it.
(Cartman's House) Cartman: Goddammit, Psycho-Bitch has gone too far. Stan: What do you mean, dude? Kyle: Yeah! It must be a pretty big secret. Kenny: Mmmph rmmmf mmmpp mmmf rmmp rmmmf! (Kenny, Kyle and Stan laugh) Kyle: Yeah! Cartman: You gahs, seriously! If Nora tells anyone, mah life will be destroyed forever.. (the other three quiet down) Stan: Yeah. (suddenly, the Animaniacs rush in, being chased by Ralph, the security guard) Ralph: I'll get yous! I'll get yous Warners! (Dot jumps up in Cartman's arms and smiles) Dot: Hellooo Nurse! (she then jumps away laughing and runs back out the door with her brothers and Ralph) Kyle: Um, what the f*bleep*ck just happened here? (Daria walks over) Daria: Nothing happened. This is all a part of your imagination. Stan: Actually, this is all a part of Andi's imagination. Daria: (throws her arms up) Dammit, kid. I was being sarcastic. Cartman: Surcustic? What's that mean? Daria: It's sar--- Nevermind. You're too young and brain-dead to understand. (as she walks out, Slappy Squirrel, another 'Animaniacs' character comments, "You remind me of a very young Barbara Walters".) Kenny: Mmmp rmmf mmmmpf!? Stan: Yeah! Just what the f*bleep*ck IS going on here? (Well, first it was getting too serious, that's why I brought the Animaniacs in. Then, I decided to just put Daria in. And I have no clue how to finish this, that's why I added the other characters) Cartman: You stupid writer! Look at how bad you messed up the fanfic! Kyle: Yeah, it was bad enough you had to piss Nora off, but now this isn't making any sense! (You know what? I think I'm gonna be real nice, and just stop the 'fic right here..) Everyone in South Park: HOORAY! (..Or not.) Cartman: DIE!!
(the four are walking down a road) Stan: What did you do last week, Cartman? Cartman: Nothing! Kyle: Come on, Fat-Ass, it must be pretty serious. Tell us, what did you do? Cartman: NO-THING!! Kenny: Mmmph rmmmf mmmf mmmp. (Kyle and Stan laugh) Cartman: Shut up, Kenny! Stan: Well, why are you so upset about it? Cartman: If Nora tells, seriously, ah'll be dead. You gahs gotta help me get her to keep her mouth shut. Kyle: Why should we help you, Fat-Ass? Stan: Yeah, Nora's our friend! Kenny: Mmp rmmf mmmf mmmph! Cartman: Guess ah'll shoot that bitch mahself, then. (the four boys enter Jimbo's Guns.) Cartman: Ah'll shoot her. Ah'll shoot her dead! Ah just need to find mahself a gun. (glances around nervously) She seems to pop up everywhere, though, and if she tells anyone.. (Jimbo and Ned walk over.) Jimbo: Well, if it isn't my little nephew Stanley, and his three friends. Stan: Hi, Uncle Jimbo. Hi Ned. Ned: Mmmmhimmm. Jimbo: Boys, we want you to meet someone. She's Ned's little niece, and is about your age. She's in the back room, playing with our new shipment of rifles. Kyle: Oh, cool! Ned: Mmmmlet me go get hermmm. (Ned walks over to the backroom and appears again with a small girl hiding behind him, her arms wrapped around his right leg.) Ned: Mmmdon't be afraidmmm. Girl: I'm not afraid, I'm just really cold! Jimbo: Boys, meet.. Nora. (Nora pops out behind Ned holding a large black gun.) Boys(except Cartman): Hey Nora! Nora: Hi Kyle, hi Stan, hi Kenny. (she glares at Cartman) You. Jimbo: You kids know each other? Cartman(glares back at Nora): Ah guess you could say that..
(Mr.Garrison's class) Stan: Okay, Fat-Ass, this has gone too far. What the Hell does Nora know about you? Kyle: Yeah, what? Cartman: Heh, like I'm gonna tell you dumb-ass losers. Stan: We won't help you if you don't tell us.. Cartman: Ah don't care! As if Nora is gonna have her own little army.. (Suddenly, Nora walks in.) Cartman: Goddammit, why does she pop up every time ah say her name?! Nora: Hello children. (Tweek looks up in admiration.) Tweek: Ahhhh! Hi Noraaaaaaaaahhh!! Clyde: Um, hi. Nora: (smiles sweetly) Do you know why I'm here? Stan: Uh, 'cause we have school? Nora: NO! Because I want to let Tubby know I have my own little army. Cartman: Aw, sonuvabitch!! Nora: Let me introduce them to you. Bebe, my general. (Bebe enters wearing a black headband, camoflauge and some dogtags, holding a water gun.) Bebe: Sir, yes sir! Nora: Terri, my first aid nurse. (The redheaded girl enters in a white outfit with a hat like the one Nurse Gollem wears, complete with a plastic dead fetus on the side, carrying a play doctor's kit.) Terri: Hey. Nora: Wendy, my fashion designer, manacurist, hairdresser, maid, secretary, and person that puts those teeny little umbrella thingies in my frappacinos. (Wendy enters looking kind of like she did in Tom's Rhinoplasty, except her hair isn't frizzed and she isn't wearing eyeshadow, carrying a makeup kit.) Wendy: Hi Stan! (Stan pukes) Wendy: Eww! Nora: See, I have an army. Kyle: Why does she get all the puns?! Nora: 'Cause I'm hella cool, that's why! Stan: Goddammit, you're sounding like Cartman! Nora: Then, I'll sound like.. Lit. (she grabs a microphone, the lights go out, and a big blue spotlight goes on Nora.) ((I don't remember all the words to this song exactly, so please don't criticize =)) Nora: Wendy's brother was watching Say What yesterday, so I learned this beautiful song. (clears her throat) Can we forget about the things I said when I was drunk. I didn't mean to call you that. I don't remember what was said or what you threw at me. Please tell me! Please tell me whyyyyyyyyyyyy. My car is in the front yard, and I'm, sleeping with my clothes on! I came in through the window! And, you're gone.. It's no surprise to me, I am my own worst enemy. 'Cause every now and then I kick the living sh*bleep*t outta me. The smoke alarm has going off and there's a cigerrate, still burning-- (Mr.Garrison walks in) Mr.G: Nora, MTV has been brainwashing you. (sighs sadly) Take your seat. (Nora sits while the other kids stare at her with wide eyes, frightened.) Nora: What? (she pauses a minute, then gets a big evil grin.) Heyyyyyy! (What?) Nora: (fake sweetness) Miss Writer Creator Duder Person? Can this be a musical? (No.) Nora: WHY THE HELL NOT?! (Like that's going to help.) Nora: Daria got her own musical! (pause) Well, I'll sing anyway. (You remember the movie Clueless?) Nora: Um, yeah.. (I'll glue one of those big floppy hats to your head.) Nora: I'LL BE GOOD!! (That's my girl.) Nora: (rolls her eyes) This is getting way too weird. (It's called writer's block. I make up stuff as I go along.) Cartman: Ah call it a dumb-f*bleep*ck hippie writer with too much goddamn time on her hands! Nora: Amen! (Cartman and Nora share a smile a moment) Cartman: For once, we actually agree on something! (No, you have to fight. That's the plot!) Nora: Oh yeah? Well.. Well.. GO SCREW BILL GATES! (Look, you guys, this is really messing up the fic. Just follow the script and I won't have to pop up all the time.) Nora: F*bleep* your script! (goes over to Cartman and kisses him) HA! As much as I hate Tubby here, I'd bang him, Hell, I'd bang the whole goddamn school, just to piss you off!!! I say, we, as South Park characters, form a RESISTANCE! Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny: Yeah! Rest of Class + Mr.Garrison: Yeah! Nora: (sticks her tongue out at Andi) Bite me. (I can't, I'm not a cartoon. But, I CAN get a rabid turkey to bite you. Nora: Uh.. (backs off) (Plus, you little plagarist, you copied the resistance thingy from the movie trailer) Stan: No we didn't! ~*~AnDi~*~ We ARE the weirdos, mister.
"Dude, I already told you; All the best rock bands are in Hell!" -Sifl "I don't know.." -Olly