Saving the World, One Cartoon at a Time [Part 1... Terrance and Phillip get their Axe] by the_davester ([email])
My latest Fanfic, this one will be a two-parter. Look for the conclusion soon. As always, I'm looking for feedback. :)
---------- Stan's House ---------- (Stan and the rest of the gang are sitting there, watching (What else) Terrance and Phillip) Terrance: Hey, Phillip, that dog bit me in the ass. Check to see that there isn't a rip there. Phillip: I don't see any rip, Phillip. What are you talking aboot? (Fart. They start laughing) Phillip: Oh, Terrance, you've just ruined my face! (Scamps laugh) Cartman: Hah ha ha! I wanna be just like those two! Kyle: You already are, Cartman. You must be from all of that Cheezy Poof intake. Cartman: Ay! I can go a whole day without eating Cheezy Poofs! Kyle: Yeah, right, dude! Stan: Now wait a minute... maybe he can... Kyle: Dude, what are you saying? Stan: Maybe we should bet him. Cartman: Oh no, you're not going to pet me, you sickos! Kyle: He said *bet*, you stupid fatass! Stan: You don't eat Cheezy Poofs for a whole day, and we'll not call you a fatass for a whole week. Cartman: And if I lose? Stan: You'll have to admit that your mom is a whore. Cartman: Goddammit! My mah is not a whore! You're on! Kenny (muffled): He he he! He won't last five minutes! Mrs. Marsh: Stanley, it's eight o'clock. It's time for your friends to go home. Stan: Okay, Mom. Bye guys. Cartman, we're gonna pump your stomach in the morning, so you'd better not eat anything. (The three other scamps leave)
---------- Cartman's House ---------- (Cartman enters the door) Cartman: May! Hey ma! Mrs. Cartman: Yes, sweetikins? Cartman: I made a bet with Stan and Kyle and Kenny, so don't let me have any Cheezy Poofs! Mrs. Cartman: Not even for your field trip tomorrow? Cartman: What field trip? Mrs. Cartman: The one you've been talking about for weeks. Remeber, dear? Your class is going to go to Canada, and you're going to see the place where they make Terrance and Phillip?
[Author's note: I know that in 'Death,' the adults went to New York to protest Terrance and Philip, but Cartoon Central only *broadcasts,* not makes, Terrance and Phillip, OK?!!!]
Cartman: You're damn right, davester. Mrs. Cartman: So, no more Cheezy Poofs for you. I think I can handle that. Cartman: Mom, can I have some Cheezy Poofs before I go to bed? Mrs. Cartman: No, you may not. Now get to bed. Cartman: Fine!! (He marches up the stairs)
---------- Kyle's House ---------- Mrs. Brofslofski: Kyle, bubble, time to go to bed. Kyle: Just a second, Mom, I need to call Cartman. (He picks up the phone and dials) (Cartman's house. Cartman is in bed. The phone rings.) Mrs. Cartman: Hello?... just a second. Eric, dear! Telephone! It's one of your little friends! Cartman: Goddammit! Okay, just a second! (He turns on a light and picks up a phone beside his bed. The screen splits into two, with Cartman on the right and Kyle on the left) Cartman: Hello? Kyle: Okay fatass, just remember, we're gonna be checking you in the morning! Cartman: Well, screw you! I'm gonna show you how under control I am!!! Kyle: Whatever, fatass. (Cartman hangs up on Kyle, and the screen returns to Cartman) Cartman: Yeah, I'll show him! (He closes his eyes. A few seconds later, he opens them) Voice: Cartman... Cartman: Huh? Voice: Cheezy Poooofs... Cartman: No! I'm not gonna admit anything bad about my ma! Voice: Eaaat theeeemmmm... Cartman: Screw you! No way in Hell! Now leave me alone. (He covers his head with a pillow) Voice: Eaaat Cheezy Poooooofs! You want me to sing the song. Cartman: I'm not listening!! (singing) COME ON OVER, AND DO THE TWIST... Voice: Eat damn you! Cartman: Goddammit! (Even louder): OVERDO IT, AND HAVE A FIT! (A light appears on the neighbor's house through the window) Neighbor: Hey! Shut up, kid! (A bunch of dogs start barking) Voice: Eat! Eat! Eat!!! (You can picture this sleepless scene. A voice in his head, dogs barking and the neighbor yelling)
---------- Bus Stop, next day ---------- (Stan, Kyle and Kenny are standing there.) Stan: (regards his watch) It's almost time for the bus to come. Where's Cartman? Kyle: He's probably stuffing his face with Cheezy Poofs! Stan: Okay, then. I'll go check on him. Kenny: But Stan, the bus is almost here! Stan: I know, but I don't wanna not insult Cartman. (Stan leaves and approaches Cartman's house. He knocks on the door. Mrs. Cartman opens the door) Stan: Hey, isn't Cartman gonna come to school? Mrs. Cartman: Well, I'm afraid he's not feeling well. But he does have something for me to give to you. They're these stomach X-rays. Stan: Uh, OK. Thanks. (Stan starts walking back. He sees the bus start to pull away). Stan: Noooo! (The bus pulls away fully). Stan: Goddammit. Now I have to do the 'makeup work.' And I can't go on the field trip all because of Cartman! He's probably just faking so that we can't check him.
(Quick scene of Cartman. He's white as a sheet, and broken out in hives). Voice: Eaaaaatttt!
---------- Bus Ride ---------- Kyle: Dude, Kenny! Stan didn't catch the bus! Kenny: He was checking on Cartman, remember? Kyle: So now he doesn't get to see Terrance and Phillip being made. (Pip turns around) Pip: Hello there, Kyle. Kyle: Go away, Pip. I'm mad now.
(Commercial)
---------- School ---------- Mr. Macky: This class will be for all students who didn't sign up for the field trip, *M-KAY?* (Only Stan is seated there). Mr. Macky: Yes, all *one* of you. You have some makeup work to do, so be sure to get it done. Are there any questions? Stan: What if a fatass made a bet with you and you couldn't get on the bus because you were checking to see if he'd cheated? Mr. Macky: Well, that's too bad. Stan: Dammit.
---------- Near the US/ Canada Border (Somewhere in Montana) ---------- Mr. Garrison: And over there, Children, is the house of a great torturer. He used to write stories of four boys that got into all sorts of horrible situations. Kyle: Man, what a dumbass. Mr. Garrison, I have to go to the bathroom! Mr. Garrison: Well, too bad. We just stopped back there in Darby. Kenny: Mmmmf mmmf mfff mm m! Kyle: Sick Kenny! No, I just have to go to the bathroom, really bad! Mr. Garrison: Kyle, please read rule four of the bus rules. Kyle (reading): "If you want to pee, do it out the window, 'cause we ain't stopping." Kenny: Hee hee hee. Pip: I have to go to the bathroom, too, Mr. Garrison. Wendy (From up front): Me too, Mr. Garrison. Mr. Garrison: Uh, Miss Crabtree, could you turn here? Ms. Crabtree: AAAAA! We have to make it on time. DO you WANT to interrupt the SCHEDULE?! Mr. Garrison: Just pull over, you old hag! (The bus pulls over) Mr. Garrison: Now hurry back. Kyle: Yeah, whatever.
---------- Cartman's House ---------- Cartman: God, I want Cheezy Poofs... But the day isn't halfway through. (Phone rings) Mrs. Cartman: Hello? Just a second. Eric, dear! Your friend is on the phone! Cartman: He probably called to rub it in. (Cartman picks up the phone) What the hell do you want?! Stan: Cartman, this is Stan. I just called to say that because of your stupid bet I have to stay at the school and do a f[bleep]ing research report! Thanks a lot! Cartman: Oh, now? Whos fault is it? Who *Thought* of this bet?! Stan: Uh- Cartman: Ah-ha! So don't call me! I'm sick from your bet! Stan: But Cartman, I- Cartman: Enough of this! (He hangs up)
---------- The bus, still at the rest stop ---------- Mr. Garrison: Is everybody here? Kenny: Pip, have you see Kyle? Pip: I think he's still in the bathroom. Kenny: Uh-oh! We're starting to leave! (The bus, indeed, begins to pull away. Kyle comes running out of the restroom) Kyle: No! Wait! Goddammit! Now I'm here in Montana, without any friends! At least the bus won't be staying over night.
---------- Canada ---------- Mr. Garrison: Great news, kids! I just got off the phone with Principal Victoria! We can stay overnight here! (Kids): Woooo-hooo! Kenny: Does that mean we'll miss some school tomorrow? Mr. Garrison: Tomorrow's a Saturday, Kenny. God, why are all poor people so stupid? Pip: Hey Kenny, because we have to be parters and all for the tour, do you want to be my partner? Kenny: Sure, I guess, since none of my friends are here. Mr. Garrison: Okay, children, we're here. (The kids get off of the bus) Pip: Look, Kenny! Terrance and Phillip tee shirts! Kenny: I see them. Pip: Gee, Mr. Garrison. Why is a tee shirt $2.37? Mr. Garrison: Well, that's because of inflation- Kenny: Hee hee heee. Mr. Garrison: -so the Canadian dollar isn't worth as much as the American dollar. Pip: Why? Mr. Garrison: Because Canadian people are poor. Pip: Even poorer than Kenny? (Kenny looks pissed) Mr. Garrison: Yes Pip, nobody can be as poor as Kenny.
---------- Terrance and Phillip Studios ---------- Tour Guide: And this is the room where animators draw Terrance and Phillip. (Kenny stops) Pip: Kenny! The group is moving along! Kenny: Just a second, asshole! I found a penny here. (He struggles to get it for a few seconds. When he finally gives up, they both notice that the rest of the group is gone). Kenny: I think they went this way. (They walk to a door and open it). Pip: Kenny, should we be here? Kenny: It's this way, you wuss. (They pass a desk) Kenny: What have we here? (On the desk are papers. The cover one says 'Plan for world domination.') Pip: What is it? (suddenly, footsteps are heard approaching) Kenny: Quick, under the desk! (The door creaks, and a guy walks in) Guy: So, they think they can demote me from cheif animator the assistant animator? I'll show them. By inserting subliminal messages in Terrance and Phillip cartoons, I will take over the WORLD! BWA HA HA HA! Kenny: Holy sh*t! Guy: What have we here?! Spies! Pip: Oh, dear! (Ominous music)
---------- Rest stop ---------- Kyle: Well, what can I do... hm... maybe they have a phone. (Kyle goes into the gas station) Kyle: Hey dude, do you have a phone? Counter Guy: Uh, no. But the Merc does. It's in Corvallis, just down that road there. Kyle: Thanks dude. (He goes outside and reads the sign, which says "CORVALLIS - 3 MILES") Kyle: Better start walking. (He crosses a street, and a car comes out of nowhere, barely missing him) Kyle: Oh my god! They almost killed me! You bastard! [NOTE: This will have to do for the 'killed Kenny' line, because We left Kenny and Pip the last section. Rest assured, Kenny will die in part two...] (The car backs up. A mean-looking guy leans out the window.) Mean-looking guy: What did you say? (The car slowly backs up) Kyle: *gulp*.
TO BE COUNTINUED...
[Cue end credits, with 'happy' music.]
Will Cartman win the bet? What will happen to Kyle and Pip? Can Stan stay awake in class? What about Kyle? Stay tuned for the answers to these questions and more in part two of "Saving the World, One Cartoon at a Time."
I'll do part two when I get some time. So, what do you guys think?
the_davester - [email] Visit my website, yada yada yada http://www.geocities.com/~dgisoft/nirvana/ Proudly Daving one Dave a Dave-- er... day. --MEEEEE! "We could plant a house, we could build a tree I don't even care, we could have all three, she said..."