Not as long as my other one, never mind
Shelia Ruins Another Holiday
<Insert Leagel Crap here>
Aditorium
Cartman: This Easter trip is going to kick ass! I mean, a chocolate factory, the home of Snacky Cakes!
Stan: Maybe you should go on the army trip, loose some pounds!
Cartman: My mom says I'm thin for my age.
Kyle: An age for a thirty year old sumo wrestler!
Cartman: AY! AT LEAST MY MOM DOSEN'T RUIN CHRISTMAS!
Kyle: THAT WASN'T HER FAULT!
Cartman: Says you hippy! (They walk into two lines. Cartman goes to the one on the right.)
Stan: What are you doing fatass? This is the que for the Easter trip!
Cartman: No, it's this one.
Kyle: Easter trip on the left, Army trips on the right.
Cartman: See it says 'Sign Up here for' I can't read the rest. Ah well, I'm at the front of the que. My Name is Eric Cartman. (Closes eyes and dreams of chocolate.)
Guy At Desk: WELCOME TO THE SOUTH PARK BOOT CAMP WEEEKEND! YOU SHALL BE SHIPPED OFF TO THE TRAINING CAMP IN CAMBODIA.
Cartman: What!? Cambodia?! We're going there for the easter trip!
Guy At Desk: NO YOU TUB OF GOO! WE'RE GOING TO CAMBODIA FOR THE BOOT CAMP. HAUL ASS!
Cartman: Huh? We're going to the Chocolate factory now? Oh well, see ya later losers! (is dragged out.)
Stan: Think He'll be okay?
Kenny: For his sake I hope the homosexual rumors are all fake.
Kyle: Isn't that prison?
Kenny: School, Boot Camp, Prison, same thing.
Stan: Stan Marsh
Kenny: Kenny McCormick
Kyle: Kyle Broslofski
Women At Desk: Well hello there young people you've signed up for the Easter Trip right now haven't you. Tell your mom's and dad's that your going to the factory tomorrow.
Stan: Cool!
Kyle's House
Kyle: MOM! MOM! MOM!
Shelia: Yes boopy?
Kyle: The school is having an Easter trip to go to a chovolate factory and we get free samples and -
Shelia:What What What! Did you say easter???
Kyle: Yeah, isn't it cool!
Shelia: NO! IT'S DISGRACFUL! We're Jewish and Easter is christian!
Kyle: SO, chocolate is chocolate
Shelia: But you're JEWISH!
Kyle: So, are you saying I should have seperate trips from everyone else?
Shelia: What an excellent idea!
Kyle: (Groans)
Shelia: I'm going to go and complian to the mayor and the school. Your father and I are off. (The door slams shut.
Jesus: Hello caller, I'm listening.
Kyle: Hi I'm Kyle and I'm
Jesus: Jewish
Kyle: Yeah, My mom
Jesus: She hasn't gone and ruined Easter?
Kyle: Not yet.
Jesus: GET OFF MY SHOW YOU SPAWN OF SATAN!
Kyle: Well screw you too!
School
Stan: Dude, it really sucks that your mom has gone and f*cked up Easter for you.
Kenny: No offence Kyle, but your mom is one BITCH
Kyle: For once, I agree with you.
Mr. Garrison: Come on children, time to go on the bus. Kyle, your a dversion we've told your mother that you hanging off the roof so we can get away.
Kyle: Thanks Mr. Garrison
Mr. Hat: Now run off to the councelour, he'll take care of you.
Kyle: Mr. Mackay? He's got an abnormally huge head!
Mr. Hat: Yes and we'ved payed for it to be propped up.
Kyle: Propped up? Why?
Mr. Garrison: Because it is so large he has trouble balancing. (Kyle and Stan laugh) OK, bye bye Kyle.
Kyle: Yeah, whatever. (Walks off to mackays office.)
Mr. Mackays office. He sits there with wooden poles supporting head.
Mr. Mackay: I hear your here to make up for your mother banning you from going to the chocolate factory.
Kyle: Yeah
Mr. Mackay: Do yopu have any feelings for her?
Kyle: I think she's a complete bitch.
Mr. Mackey: WHat sparked these emotions?
Kyle: She's screwed up the last two holidays for me, and at Hanaka, I got eight Dredels!
Mr. Mackay: What the hell is a Dredel?
Kyle: I'm going on the trip! (Gets up.)
Mr. Mackay: Hey, were are you going? (Stands up. Poles have wheels on.)
Kyle: (Kicks away poles and Mackay falls to ground and strains to lift head up. Kyle grabs poles and throughs them out the window.) I'm going! (Runs for bus.)
Outside school
Kyle: HEY! CRABTREE! (The bus pulls to a halt. He scrambles on.)
STan: Hey dude, aren't ypou meant to be with Mackay?
Kyle; He fell and he can't get up.
Stan: Seriously!
Kyle: Yeah dude! (They go to the back with Kenny. Kyle looks out the back and his mother walks out. She spots him) CRABTREE! MOVE MY MOM'S COMING!
Mrs. Crabtree: That bitch? Hold on kids, we're movin'! (Bus schreechs off.0
SHelia: BOOPY! (Starts to run. SHe begins to catch up.)
Stan: Your mom may be overweight but damn can she move! (Shelia pulls out two mascaras from purse. She runs faster.)
Kyle: MOVE!!!! (She dives and embeds them into the back of the bus. It swerves right and she rolls off.) Phew!
Stan: Whoa dude! Your mom is one super bitch!
Later on bus
Mr. Garrison: Since we are going to do a play about christmas, we need some ideas. (Everyone's hands go up.) Kyle
Kyle: Rivers of flowing chocolate! (Everyone cheers.) ANd, chocolate eater bunny! And chocolate edible set pieces so we can eat them after!
Mr. Garrison: What a splendid idea/ (Pulls out cellphone) Yes, Chef? We want you to make up a bunch of chocolate sets. Thanks. (Hangs up.) We've arrived, everyone get out in an - (everyone runs over him) And we'll all get in.
Cambodia:
Cartman: AY! Mr. Warden!
Warden: What lardass?
Cartman: When are we getting to the factory?
Warden: WE ARE AT A BOOT CAMP! FOR THAT QUESTION YOU SHALL RUN A TWENTY MILE RACE AGAINST OUR HORSE! GET MOVING!
Cartman: But I'm tired.
Warden: FORTY MLIES!
Cartmna: WHAT!?
Wardne: EIGHTY!
Cartman: Screw you you sonofabitch!
Warden: A HUNDRED AND SIXTY! IF YOU KNOW WHATS GOOD FOR YOU YOU'D SHUT UP!
Cartman: Yes sir. (runs off.)
Later
Cartman: Sir...I've run for...ages
Warden: It's been a quater of a mile, GET MOVING!
Chocolate factory.
Tour guide: And over there we have the mixing vat. Oh no, there's a towel above there, I'll get somebody.
Mr. Garrison: No, one of my class will get that. OK, Ky-Kenny get that.
Kenny: Me? (Gulps. Walks up ramp and grabs towel. He trips and falls in.)
Kyle: KENNY!
Tour Guide: He'll be OK, can he swim?
Stan: No, his family are too poor to afford swimming lessons. Twenty bucks is like selling their souls.
Tour Guide: Ok, he'll be sucked up the pipe and he'll be pulled out at the making plant.
Making plant.
Guy #1: HEY! Check it out, those two birds are doing it!
Guy #2: Really! (A warning goes off, he cancels it. Kenny zips by)
Kenny: AAAAASSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
Testing area
Kyle: How old is this chocolate again? (Munches happly on a tray.)
Tour Guide: Five minutes little boy.
Wendy: Mr. Garrison, I've got some orange fabric in mine.
Kylde: I've got a glove and an eyeball. (Stan picks a piece of thread out his teeth. Kyle pulls out a wad of skin. He throws it into a growing pile. Everyone picks out orange fabric. They lay it out on the floor and make a rough representaion of Kenny. Kyle and Stan crowd round)
Kyle: OH MY GOD! WE ATE KENNY!
Stan: YOU BASTARDS!
Mr. Garrison: (looks at watch) OK, we better be going because we've been here two days.
Stan: Two days!
Mr. Garrison: You've speant the last two days eating chocolate. (Pip lays white and shivering on floor.) I think he's had enough.
School.
Kyle: That kicked ass!
Stan: (Blinks.) Is that you cartman!
Cartman: Yes it is. (Is thin)
Kyle: This is f*cked up right here. I mean, cartman, thin? Average weight? Somethings wrong.
Cartman: Nothing is wrong.
Stan: We saved you a chocolate. (Cartman eats it. His stomach rumbles and expands. He stands there, usual weight, obese.)
Kyle: Nope, still as fat.
Chef: Come on chlidren, we've got to city hall, the mayor has called a town meeting.
City Hall
Mayor: OK, after Shelia has complained again, we've got to figure out was doesn't offend and what does offend people.OK, first item. Flowers. (Someone sticks up hand) Ok, easter bunnys. (Hand goes up) Lights. (Hand goes up.) The christian way of the holiday. (Kyle's mom and dad stick up their hands.) SO, we can't have christian, hindu, Bhuddist, catholic or Jewish celebrations? Right?
Guy: Yeah.
Auditorium
Mr. Garrison: OK children, we can't have anything to do with chocolate because it offends diabetics. So, we're going to a presentation on amoebas. What Eric?
Cartman: Why can't we have chocolate?
Mr. Garrison: Because Kyle's bitch mother complained.
Cartman: AY! Your mom is a stupid bitch! I would sing the bitch song but I forgot the words!
Kyle: For once fatass, I agree with you.
Cartman: Huh! Mr. Garrison, what's an amoeba?
Mr. Garrison: OK, we'll do...nothing we'll sit in a circle and say we couldn't do anything because Kyle's mom is a stupid bitch.
Kyle: Kick ass Idea!
Class: (Cheers.)
Play Night
Shelia: This better have a leading role for my boopy! (Curtain raises. The class sit in a circle. Stan stands up.)
Stan: This is a tribute to Shelia Broflofski, the stupid trumped up bitch she is.
Shelia: WHAT WHAT WHAT!
Stan: Here's chef to sing a song.
Chef: Kyle's mom's a bitch she's a big fat bitch she's the bigest bitch in the whole wide world, she's a stupid bitch, if there ever was a bitch she's a bitch to all the boys and girls.
Shelai: WHAT WHAT WHAT!
Chef: On monday she's a bitch, on tuesday's shes a bitch, on wednesdays and saturday's she's a bitch. Then on sunday just to be differnet, she a stupid duh duh duh maya maya (Author Note: Couldn't translate)
Shelia: This is an outrage!
Chef: Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom? She's the bigest bitch in the world, she's a mean old bitch and she's got a stupid hitch, bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch, bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch she's a stupid bitch, Kyle's Mom's a bitch and she's a dirty bitch, Kyyyllleeess Mom is a biiiiiitcha! (Everyone cheers.)
Kyle's dad: Don't talk to my wife like that!
Chef: It was Kyle's idea! (Ike jumps off Shelia's lap and runs at Kyle. Kyle kicks him and he rebounds into Kyle's dad who falls onto the power leads and frys.)
Kyle: OH MY GOD! I KILLED MY DAD!
Shelia: YOU BASTARD! (They blink at her) My husaband died. I can swear.
Kyle You told me if I sweared that the hand of Jehovah will come down and strike death upon me.
Shelia: It's a load of crap, and while I'm on the subject, your adopted.
Stan: Whoa, tough break dude.
Kyle: So who are my parents?
Shelia: We found you. Ike is ours though.
Kyle: I HATE YOU! (Kyle and mom continue their fight. Stan, Cartman and class walk away.)
Stan: You know, I've learnt something today.
Mr. Garrison: What's that dear child?
Stan: Kyle's mom should be shot on sight.
Cartman: Totally.
END CREDITS
By:
Stumpy "The All Out Multi-Purpose Super Ninja Cultural Grasshopper Nuku Nuku 98 It's Gotta Defraggor To The Extreme!" T. Grasshopper