This is yet another of my Fanfics. The Beginning is made like the Star Wars Special edition thing at the beginning was made. This is basically a redo of one of my early fanfics.
Well, on with the show!
[Fanfic] Cartman becomes a pimp SPECIAL EDITION:
[Shots of various scenes of the fanfic]
Narrator: 20 years ago, George Lucas created Cartman becomes a pimp, and with the co-operation of Lucasfilm, McCormick sound, and Industrial light and magic, The special edition is made.
[Shot of George Lucas]
George: When I made Cartman becomes a pimp, I filmed it at the seat of my pants. I was not sure what to do.
Cartman: The script was like none other I had read before. This was very different.
Wendy: George borrowed from films like the wizard of oz, and disney.
George: I never got to finish it. There were parts I wanted in, like when Cartman meets the pimp. We had a stand-in for the pimp for whatever guy was going to be there. We also fixed shots of South Park too. You get to see more of the town. And we cleaned up the footage too.
Narrator: So sit back and relax, and watch George Lucas' difinitive version of "Cartman becomes a pimp"
[fade to black]
Not too long ago in a Piss-ant mountain town in Colorado....
[like the star wars title] SOUTH PARK
Episode 220
It is a great time of trouble. Pimps overrun the small town of south park. Oh well.
[Shot of the four boys and Alicia at the bus stop]
Stan: So what did you all do this weekend?
Cartman: I went to see my mom's friend, White Chocolate. He offered me a job.
Kyle: What is it?
Cartman: Pimpin'
Alicia: I knew it! You just admitted to your mom being a whore!
All: Ha ha ha ha!
Cartman: My mom ain't a whore!
Kyle: Yes she is!
[Bus comes]
Ms. Crabtree: Get on! AAAAAAAAAAA!!!
[They get in]
Cartman: eergh.. How about that that bitch Ms. Crabtree? She is soo ugly!
Ms. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Cartman: What the hell do you want?? Go away!
Ms. Crabtree: Oh.
[Later, Shot of classroom]
Mr. Garrison: And that is why Sweet Leaf is the best song by Black Sabbath. Any questions?
Stan: You retard! Everybody knows that Sabbath Bloody Sabbath is their best song!
Mr. Hat: What the hell do you know?
Stan: That Sabbath Bloody Sabbath is better than Sweet Leaf! Ask anyone!
Kenny: He probably likes it because it is gay like he is.
Mr. Garrison: GO SIT IN THE CORNER!
Kenny: Stupid faggot. Wouldn't know a good song if it hit him in the face.
[Shot of Kyle and Alicia]
Alicia: We have known each other for a while now. Wanna go on a date?
Kyle: I thought our love was platonic.
Alicia: But I don't want it that way!
Kyle: I guess so. Let go on a date!
[Shot of Stan and Wendy]
Wendy: Why aren't we like that anymore? Where has the romance gone in our relationship?
Stan: Huh?
Wendy: If we don't keep the romance, this relationship will end in divorce!
Stan: B-but..
Wendy: We are going somewhere! How does a movie sound?
Stan: Well...
Wendy: Good! See you 8 o'clock saturday!
[Shot of Cartman on his couch eating Cheesey Poofs]
Ms. Cartman: Ooh Eric! Your friend White Chocolate is here!
[White Chocolate enters. He is wearing white pants, autumn-coloured shirt, and a red hat]
WC: Hey homey! How are you doin' sucka?
Cartmn: Fine.
WC: So you wanna pimp.. come wit' me..
[They get into White Chocolate's limo. They drive to Kenny's neighborhood][
WC: This is the 'hood.
Cartman: Kick ass.
WC: Basically you whore chicks to guys who can't get some. These women get you great money. And if they don't you get to kick their worthless asses!
Cartman: Yes!
[Hours pass]
WC: And now, the wardrobe. A pimp is not a pimp if not dressed properly.
[WC dresses Cartman like a pimp. He looks like Rob Zombie in the White Zobie: Astro-creep 2000 cover. If you do not know what that is, find a picture of it]
Pimp Cartman: Lets pimp some hos.
[The next day. The kids are in class]
Kyle: Cartman, what the hell is that outfit?
Cartman: I being cool!
Kenny: You look like a pimp.
Cartman: That's because I am a pimp!
Alicia: Ha Ha Ha! You stupid ass!
Cartman: Shut up!
[Later. Kyle and Alicia are at the movies(It is friday)]
Kyle: So what is the movie?
Alicia: Britanic, Titanic's sequel. Starring Brad Pitt.
Kyle: Sequel?
Alicia: Britanic was Titanic's sister ship.
Kyle: But wasn't it a Hospital ship?
Alicia: But it still sank!
Kyle: It got shot down in WW1! All the people survived!
Alicia: Who cares? Maybe one died!
Kyle: (Grumbling) Fine. At least it's Brad Pitt and not Leo.
[Halfway through the movie]
Alicia: Kyle, Why don't you take off your hat? It looks like you get hot with that on all the time.
Kyle: But I look better with it on!
Alicia: I bet you have wonderful hair!
Kyle: I guess so.
[Kyle takes off his hat, revealing he has Red(!) hair]
Alicia: I *love* people with red hair!
Kyle: Really?
[Shot of Wendy and Stan in the theater]
Wendy: Where has the love gone? Why can't we be like them?
Stan: But wendy..
Wendy: Let's start over again! (Starts making out with stan)
Stan: Mmmmmphg mmgpg mmggpgg!!!
[Shot of Cartman at Kenny's house]
Cartman: ...and so, I wish to Turn this place into a whore house.
Kenny's dad: And what do we get out of this?
Cartman: Well, you and Mrs. McCormick get $1000, while Kenny gets unlimited free access to the whore house.
Kenny: Whoo-hoo!
Cartman: Though you have to bring your own lubricants and toys.
Kenny: I have these handcuffs from when dad was last arrested. (He is holding them up)
Cartman: That will do. Candy, Rachel, "Service" This gentleman.
Kenny: (To the girls) Mmmmrph mmmphh mmmrrrgh (Editor's note: This is so gross even I can't print it)
Rachel: Oh, you dirty thing! Come with me!
Kenny: Whoo hoo!
[Shot of Kyle and Alicia walking around town]
Alicia: That as a good movie.
Kyle: Yeah, it was a lot better without that rat-bastard Leo.
Alicia: Leonardo Diccaprio is an ugly fag. Women are only attracted to his money.
Kyle: Leo pisses me off.
[They get to Alicia's house]
Alicia: It's been nice.
Kyle: Goodnight.
[Kyle gives her a goodnight kiss. Kyle goes home]
Kyle: Whoo hoo!!!
[Shot of Cartman at the Whore House]
Cartman: I am making a whole shitload of money! Thanks WC!!
WC: No prob.
[Kenny comes out of a room. His clothing is torn. He is dizzy, and running in circles]
Kenny: That was good. Ooh man, I don't feel good.
Cartman: Kenny, are you all right? Kenny? Kenny!??!?!? WC, call an ambulance!
WC: Okay!
[At the hospital]
Cartman: Will Kenny live?
Doctor: Sorry, he has an advanced case of AIDS.
Kenny: Before I go, I wanna say that I have lived a full life, I have laid many a woman, and been through many a hell. And can you please ask that sexy nurse to show me her ti-
[He flatlines. Stan, Kyle, and Wendy appear]
Stan: Oh my god, they killed kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
Stan: Cartman, you need to stop pimpin'!
Cartman: But I love it!
Stan: You killed kenny!
Cartman: No I didn't!
Stan: You are still responsible for his death!
Kyle: We are taking you to therapy!
[A few days later. Cartman is sitting on a chair next to Mr. Mackee]
Mr. Mackee: Eric, you are screwed up. You gotta learn that Pimpin's bad, mkay. If you pimp, you're bad, 'cause pimpin's bad, mkay.
Cartman: This is fucking weak.
[Kyle, Alicia, Stan, and Wendy are by the door]
Stan: Hopefully he will stop.
Kyle: I hope I can forgive him.
Alicia: Hey, wanna go to the arcade?
All: Sure!
Stan: I call doom!
The End
This Fanfic is dedicated to my Friend, Dustin, who died of AIDS 6 months ago. And oh yes, Respond please.
-Viper1