Stan: Come on. Let's see what it is out there. (kids go outside) Kyle: Holy shit! (Fires are burning everywhere. Tom's Rhinoplasty has been gutted along with the rest of the buildings along the front.) Zo�: What the hell caused this? Stan: I dunno. Definitely nothing to do with the Millennium Bug though. Kyle: We've got to see what's left of the town. Zo�: Not much by the look's of things. Kenny: <I think this was caused by a group of people.> Stan: Look over there! Someone's moving! Kyle: Oh my god! It isn't?! Please god! Stan: It is! It's.... Cliff Richard! Zo�: With a fuck-off flame-thrower! Stan: He's finally snapped! Kyle: Probably started listening to his own music! Cartman: Holy crap! I think he's seen us! (Cliff snarls and starts walking towards them) Stan: Run! Run! Cartman: Where's Rik Mayall when you need him! Kyle: Split up! Hide anywhere! (Kids run off into many different directions.) Cliff: Grrrrr! (Cliff follows Cartman towards his house.) Cartman: Nooooo! Dear god! Let me live and I'll lose weight! Seriously! I won't call you a pigfucker again! (Cliff catches up and....) Zo�: Oh my god! Cliff killed Cartman! Kenny: <You bastards!> Zo�: Talk about roast pig! Kenny: <Keep running!> (Meanwhile, Stan & Kyle are having fun with a payphone) Stan: Quick dude! Phone Officer Barbrady! Kyle: As if he's going to be able to help! Stan: He may be our only chance! Ring! (Kyle dials the number) Barbrady: (Recorded Message) Hello! I'm afraid I can't come to the phone right now, because I've locked myself in my car. Wait a few seconds and you will be forwarded to somewhere else. Kyle: Come on, come on. Lady: Good afternoon and welcome to the Spam helpline. Here we are dedicated to giving out recipes, how to use the fat as a lubricant, and helping dumb pigs that get stuck in cars. How can I help you? Kyle: Cliff Richard's destroying everything with a flame-thrower! Lady: Please hold. Cliff: Congratulations and celebrations... Kyle: Aaah! They've even got his music on hold. Come on dude, we're going to have to deal with him ourselves! (Back over on the other side.) Zo�: We've got to find somewhere to hide. Kenny: <Over here, let's get behind this car.> Zo�: Dude, are you fucking stupid or something? If he shoots at that we'll be blown to high heaven! Let's try driving it. Kenny: <The key's are in it!> Zo�: Thank god we live in this redneck Podunk white trash kick ass mountain town! Everyone's so drunk they leave their keys in their cars. Kenny: <Quick! Jump in!> Zo�: You push the pedals! I'll drive. (Zo� turns on the engine. The radio comes on. The Millennium Prayer is on) Cliff: Our father who.... Kenny & Zo�: Aaaaaahhh! (Back to Stan & Kyle) Stan: Let's go to my Uncle Jimbo's gun shop, there's bound to be something left we can use. Kyle: Kick ass dude! All the stuff is more less untouched! Stan: No sign of Uncle Jimbo though. Kyle: We'll look for them afterwards. We've got to destroy this monster. Let's just hope a load of old women don't come and try to get us if we kill him. Stan: Hey! Look at this! They've got a grenade launchers & AK-47s. Kyle: Come on. We've got to find Zo�, Kenny & Cartman. Stan: I just hope we're not to late. (The car Zo� & Kenny hijacked comes crashing in through the remains of Jimbo's Shop.) Zo�: Hurry. Cliff's just behind us. Kyle: Me and Stan will drive from here. Grab the Grenade Launcher. (Cliff is starting to loom into the background.) Stan: Dude! Hurry, that evil singing bastard is just behind us! Zo�: Put it in gear you twats! Kyle: Don't call me a twat, you bitch! You're the one who crashed into the shop! You women drivers are all the same... Stan: Dude! Just put the fucking thing in gear! He's still coming! (Finally they manage to reverse the car out and they accelerate away) Cliff: Oh no you don't! (He starts running towards the car in fast strides.) Zo�: He's gaining on us! Stan: Launch a Grenade at him! Zo�: I don't know how too! Kenny: <Give me it here.> (He takes it off her, slips a Grenade in, sticks it out the window and fires. it misses him) Kenny: <Shit!> Zo�: Do it again! (Cliff is now just behind the cars bumper) Zo�: Quick! (Kenny launches it again. Cliff bats it away with his flame-thrower. He grabs onto the car and pulls himself up) Zo�: Again! Again! Stan: You're starting to sound like a teletubby! (Kenny doesn't have time to launch it again. Cliff breaks the back windscreen and clobbers him with his flame-thrower) Kenny: <Oh no!> (He goes flying through the side window and keeps going write through into what was the Broslofski's front room. He lands on top of a dreidel. Stan: Oh my god! They killed Kenny! Kyle: You BASTARDS!! (Cliff is still hanging on) Kyle: Zo�! Catch! (Kyle lobs the AK-47 into the back of the car.) Zo�: Cheers! (Zo� quickly figures out how to work it.) Stan: Zo�! I've just worked it out! His weak spot is his mouth! Zo�: Yes! (Zo� shoots about 10 bullets straight into his mouth) Cliff: Agghhh! You got me! (Stan hits the brakes) Kyle: Look! He's burning up to nothing! (Cliff's body disintegrates) Stan: Phew! I'm sure glad that's over with. Zo�: Yeah. But you know, I think I've really learned something today, The Millennium shouldn't be thought of just an excuse to have a huge party, it should be thought of as 2000 years since our saviour, Christ's, birth. Kyle: Yeah. And that people's music should be appreciated for what it is. Even if you don't like, it someone else is bound to. Stan: Except for Westlife. Everyone hates them. Kyle: True. Zo�: However long is it going to take to sort all this mess out? Kyle: I don't know. Lt's try to look for our parents. Mr Hankey: Howdy Ho! Kyle: Mr Hankey! Mr H: Gosh you're looking swell. Who's this beautiful girl? Kyle: That's Zo�. Kenny's Niece. Zo�: Pleased to meet you Mr Hankey. Stan: Can you help us turn everything back to normal Mr. Hankey? Mr H: Sure. anything for Kyle. (Mr H jumps up onto a roof. He twirls everything round.) Zo�: What the fuck is he doing? Stan: Don't worry. He'll sort it out. (Everything stops twirling. All the houses are back to normal. All the Moms and Dads run out.) Mrs Broslofski: Boobala! What happened? Kyle: Cliff Richard attacked us all taking the piss out of his song, but we killed him and Mr Hankey turned everything back to normal. Stan: Hey look! Cartman & Kenny are OK. Cartman & Kenny : Hey you guys. Stan: Well everything turned out alright again. Cliff Richard's finally dead, and the Millennium passed over safely. Kyle: But something feels unfinished. Zo�: What's that noise? (A nuke lands on Kenny squashing him flat) Stan: Oh. Cartman: Come on you guys, my mom will make us flapjacks! (End fic)
I reckon that's probably the best I've written so far. Are the Fanfic awards still on by the way? Not that I've got any chance of winning... Thanks for reading, Geeno.