Some of you wanted it, some of you were bitterly opposed to it. But with so many people wanting to read the original, I decided to repost it. SO here it is.
WARNING: It isn't that good!
Fanfic- Cartman Becomes a pimp.
[Shot of Cartman�s house. AUTHOR�S NOTE: Jason is based on a person I know. Yes, he IS that retarded] Cartman: It is 3:00 AM, so the new Porno TV is on! Kenny: Yes! [An hour passes. Cartman gets a few Ideas] Cartman: Hey Kenny, I never noticed how sexy your hood is. Kenny: eh, stay away dude. Stan: Sick! Kyle: Get some help! Kenny: No Noo Noooooooooooo! [Cartman mounts Kenny] Stan: Oh my god, they raped Kenny! Kyle: You Bastard! [The next day. Kenny has a glazed look in his eyes, while Cartman is wearing a Pimp�s outfit] Mr. Garrison: Okay children, attendance. Bebe: Here. Clyde: Here Jason: Heeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! Cartman: Here, sucka. Stan: Here Kyle: Here Wendy: Here. Kenny: Err� here, maaan. [Later] Stan: Hey dude, I just got the new Porno password finder on my computer. Jason: Who the Hell do you think you are? Kyle: Relax, dude. Jason: How would you like to come to my house? Stan: Sure. Where do you live? Jason: On a farm, a few miles from town. [Bell Rings] Jason: Well, lets go. [The Kids walk off, Jason obviously has one leg longer than the other. Shot of Jason�s house] Kyle: God damn! This place smells like pee! Cartman: Aw, shit! Stan: Hey Chickens! I�ll bash one in the head with a metal bar! [Bashes one, and bends the bar in an L] Jason�s Mom: (Swigs a beer) Get the hell in the House! Cartman: Damn! We have found a bitch bigger than Kyle�s mom! Diabolical! [Later. Shot of Jason�s room. It has a bunk bed, a busted TV, a box of toys, and the odor of urine] Kyle: (Jumping around) This kid has a crapload of toys! Kick ass! Stan: (Jumping around) Yeah! Jason�s mom: Hey! Whoever is banging up there I am gonna bang on them! Kenny: (Laughs) Jason�s Dad: Shut the hell up Peggy! Peggy: Shut your hole! Supper! Cartman: Kick ass! [Supper is on the table. It looks like a mix of spinach and stewed crap] Kyle: What the fuck is this? Peggy: Supper! Eat! Cartman: I�ll just have one scoop. Jason�s Dad: eh, you could lose some weight, fatty. [Stan looks around. The family looks like they were test subjects on one of those islands where they test Nuclear bombs] Stan: Weak! Jason�s brother(Mark): Rhinoish. [Later. Cartman is feeling� sexy] Cartman: Hey, how is it going� Peggy: Not bad. Cartman: Oh really� (Porno music starts) [Cartman jumps on her, and whacks her. The next day, shot of Mr. Garrison�s Classroom] Kyle: Cartman, I never thought you could sink so low. Stan: I could understand thinking about it, but god damn! Kenny: What next, Mr. Garrison? Cartman: Not a bad idea! Mr. Garrison: Hello, children. Today I-AAAAAAARRRRRGGGH! [Cartman jumps to Him, and Jacks him, using Mr. Hat as the Jacker. A kitty walks by] Cartman: You�re next, kitty! [He jacks off with the Kitty, and takes a light bulb out the socket. He uses it as a Dildo.] Wendy: You sick fuck! Cartman: That reminds me. YOU�RE MINE!!! [He grabs Wendy, and Whacks her, and pukes up her snatch. He blows his wad on the Kitty] Cartman: How is that, hippie? Stan: Die, fat ass! Cartman: Take THIS! [Cartman whacks Stan up the ass. He then grabs Kenny, and whacks him again] Kenny: No!!!!! [Half-dead, Kenny grabs a screwdriver and shoves it up Cartman�s piss hole] Cartman: *Urk* [Shot of Hell�s pass hospital] Doctor: Well, we figured out the problem. It turns out that theta radiation got into his mind, turning him into a deranged whacker. Kenny, will die. He received too many whack wounds. [Sound of a flat line] Stan: Oh my god, they killed Kenny! Kyle: You Bastards! Doctor: Yeah, that was him. We cured Eric. He thinks the whole thing was a dream. Stan: I don�t see being whacked up the ass a dream. Doctor: It�s a long road to recovery, but with this big long needle, you will think it is too. [Sticks him with it] Stan: I feel better already! Cartman: What the fuck? [Fin]