Presenting...the TV Trouble story (part 1). START HERE:
[Kyle knocks on the door of Cartman's house, holding a six-pack of cola and yells.]
Kyle: Hey, Cartman, are you there, dude?
Cartman: Wait there! Stan and Kenny are here! Why the hell are you late? I wanted cola, goddamnit!
Kyle: Well, sorry, man! Lemme in!
Cartman: I said wait, for god's sake, now wait there while I find the key!
Kyle: (under breath) Stupid fat-ass.
[Ike suddenly pops out his head silently from a bush. He giggles and ducks his head back under the leaves.
Kyle (nervously): What the heck was that?
[Cartman opens the door, smiling.]
Cartman: Welcome in...
Kyle: Oh, man, there's something out there!
Cartman: Is there? Are you sure? I heard there's an escaped psycho from the mental hospital!
Kyle: Oh my god!
Cartman (hauling Kyle in and slamming the door shut): Quick, get in!
Kyle: You know what always happens to Kenny, don't you!
Cartman: You're not suggesting...
Kyle (nodding 'yes'): Ah-huh.
Cartman: Well, I'll take you into the living room.
Kyle: OK.
[Cartman helps Kyle into the living room, where Kenny and Stan are already sitting on a large sofa, sharing an extra-large box of popcorn.]
Cartman: I stole the popcorn from the cinema, but let's do something cool!
Stan: Let's play with Cartman's Playstation!
Kenny, Kyle and Cartman: Yeah!
[Suddenly, there is a rattling sound from the conservatory. Cartman starts shuddering.]
Cartman: Help, there's a psycho on the loose!
Stan (voice slightly scared): S-s-ycho?
Kyle: I'm gonna go look!
Stan: I'll come too. Cartman, you and Kenny stay here, okay?
Cartman and Kenny: Yes!
Ike: I jump up.
[Ike has snuck round the back and crawls through the cat flap, hiding under a large, empty box, as the boys come in.]
Stan (looking briefly around the kitchen): Right, there's nothing here, let's go.
Kyle: Yeah, let's just lock the back door and draw the curtains.
Stan: You do that, I'll go.
Kyle: Uh...o-kaaay...
[Stan runs off, but Ike runs along under the box, which moves out of the room and up the stairs. Stan yells.]
Stan: AAGH!
Kyle: What is it, Stan? WHAT IS IT, STAN????
[Stan shakes for a few seconds and runs, screaming. Kyle shuts the blinds quickly and runs into the living room, calmly.]
Kyle: I'm watching this!
[Kyle snatches the control and changes over to Sky One.]
TV announcer: Heyyy...kids! Would you like to be a muscle man, instead of just a puny skeleton?
Stan: Yeah! I don't wanna be a puny little skeleton!
[Ike jumps out of the mid-stairs windows, landing in some plants and runs around to the front door.]
Kenny: Mmmmmem, mmmm, mmmm, mmm, mmmmmmm, mmmmmmmm, mmmmm, mimmmm, m, mmm, mmmm, mmm, mmmm!
Kyle: If you drink that, you might not be so accident-prone?
Kenny: Mmm hmmm.
Kyle: Get out of here.
Kenny: Mmmm, mmmm...
[Kenny is interrupted by a loud banging sound.]
Cartman: That's the door. I'm not getting it. I'm comfortable where I am, watching Sad Bastards Caught On Camera on the TV.
Stan (lazily): I'd rather eat my balls than get the door.
Kyle: Well then, eat them!
Stan: NO way, dude!
Cartman: Kenny shouldn't. The neighbourhood psycho, I think he's Jeeves, is gonna come along and kill him, no doubt!
[Kenny shudders.]
Stan: Yeah, Kenny, stay here.
Kenny (sighing): Mmm-kay.
[Cartman gets up and opens the door. Ike bounces in and knocks Cartman to the ground by crashing into his belly.]
Kyle: How the f*** did he get in here?
Ike: Ha ha ha!
Stan: Move away from the screen, you little s.o.b!
Kyle: WHAT? Don't call my brother an s.o.b My mother ain't a bitch!
Stan: Yeah, yeah, yeah...
[Kyle is enraged. Kenny sits down between Kyle and Stan. Kyle turns round, meaning to punch Stan. Instead, he punches Kenny by mistake, as Cartman starts to get some of the cola, a can each.
Kenny: AAAARMPH!
[Kenny goes flying into Cartman, who makes the cans go flying, which smashes the windows open. Stan picks up Ike, who is thrown out of the windows by Stan.]
END PART ONE
Well, that's part one!