Kenny Strikes It Rich. By Mike Jakeman. Copyright � 1998 Mike Jakeman
All the characters and locations are copyrighted to the producers of South Park. This piece is written using those characters with respect to their copyright owners. This piece was not written for profit or sale to anyone other than those who hold the rights to purchase such works. This piece is copyrighted to Mike Jakeman in text and content only.
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[The four are sitting by Stark's pond, bored]
STAN If we can't play catch a fish and make Cartman eat it, how about we play truth or dare?
KYLE Sounds good to me!
KENNY Yeah. Maybe we'll find out exactly how much Cartman weighs!
[Cartman thumps Kenny]
KENNY Ow! That hurt, you hippie!
CARTMAN You deserved it, butt-licker!
STAN Has anyone got a bottle?
KYLE There's one, over in the pond! Oh, you go, Cartman, since you were saying how great you were at swimming!
CARTMAN I don't feel like swimming today, get Stan to do it!
STAN Cartman can't swim! Cartman can't swim!
CARTMAN I can too!
STAN Yeah right! Anyway I'll go but I choose who goes first in the game!
KYLE Cool.
[Stan gets the bottle]
STAN I pick Kenny.
KENNY Doh!
CARTMAN Truth or dare Kenny?
KYLE And if you don't answer the truth you have to do the dare!
KENNY Truth!
CARTMAN Is it true that you once wanted to go out with Wendy Testaburger?
STAN Waaa?
KYLE Thought it would be best if we didn't tell you mate!
KENNY I a'int saying anything!
KYLE All right then, a dare.
STAN I got one! Go into the quicky mart and buy two Powerball lottery tickets, if you are sent out cos the guy doesn't think you're old enough you've failed the dare, and then you have Cartman sit on you!
CARTMAN Hey!
[Kenny goes off to the quickie mart]
KYLE The guy in there will never serve him.
CARTMAN Not a chance.
[Cut to scene in the shop]
KENNY I'll have two Powerball lottery tickets please.
SHOP ASSISTANT You don't look old enough to me, how old are you?
KENNY And one for yourself.
SHOP ASSISTANT Thank you very much. Lovely weather isn't it?
KENNY It's very nice.
[Kenny doesn't quite have the money so he goes back out to borrow some]
KYLE You didn't get them did you?
KENNY I need 10 cents.
CARTMAN I found this on the floor earlier.
KENNY It's a fake!
CARTMAN Makes the dare better!
KENNY All right, I'll try!
[Kenny goes back into the shop, the assistant doesn't check the coin and walks out with the tickets]
KYLE Let's see the tickets then, if you've got them.
CARTMAN He hasn't.
[Kenny shows them the tickets]
KYLE Cool Kenny! Your turn to spin.
[Kenny spins and it lands on Cartman]
KENNY Truth or dare?
CARTMAN Truth.
KENNY Was your mum telling the truth when she told Kyle that you used to still wet the bed when you were seven?
CARTMAN Screw you! I ain't answering questions like that! I'm going home!
STAN Cartman wets the bed! Cartman wets the bed!
CARTMAN Will you shut up? Just shut the hell up, no-one gives a rat's ass!
KYLE Great. This is no fun with just three people.
STAN Yeah, I'm going to see Wendy!
KENNY I'm going to watch the lottery and see if my numbers come up!
KYLE So it's just me then.
KENNY Catch you later, dude.
[Cut to the McCormick household]
KENNY'S MOM I really can't believe you, Kenneth, I am so ashamed, if you wanted to enter the lottery you should have asked me to buy them! Do you realise you've broken the law?
KENNY I'm sorry, mom. The lottery's about to start.
KENNY'S MOM I've got a mind to send you to your room!
KENNY Please mom, please can I watch the lottery?
KENNY'S MOM Hmmm, all right, but I hope you realise what could have happened if you'd been caught, you could have been put in jail!
KENNY Thanks mom. Look the first number, 18 I've got it! And the second one, I only need one more to win fifty dollars! And 27, and I've got number four, I've got four out of four...
So will Kenny win the lottery? Find out tomorrow in a part that's loads better than this one!
"Hey Mr Hat, what's it like not having an ass?" Cartman from Cheesy Poofs Kart
Mike Jakeman mike(at)jakeman(dot)demon(dot)co(dot)(uk)