New FANFIC HERE

Enjoy

My first, please send your laurals and darts.

legal intro:

scene: Four Scamps sitting on couch at Cartman's House, eatting cheezy poofs and watching Terrance & Phillip.

Phillip: Hey Terrance!

Terrance: Yes Phillip?

Phillip: Have you ever farted in the States?

Terrance: You mean like this? [takes an american flag, rubs it between his legs, and farts on it]

T & P laughter

Stan: Cool!

TV Announcer: Comming up, viewer information on the Terrance and Phillip USA tour. Find out where you can get tickets to a taping....

Cartman changes channel to watch Fat Abbot

Abbot: Hey Hey Hey...(fades into background)

Kyle: Dude! What the hell do you think your doing Fat Ass!

Cartman: I'm watching Fat Abott, and God Dammit, I'm not Fat!

Stan: Turn it back to T&P!! They are coming to the States! They might be coming to South Park!

Cartman: Yeah right!

Kenny: mmmm{And they'll be bringing special cheezy poofs to stuff Cartman so he'll fart on their show!}

Cartman: Special Farting Cheezy Poofs?! Why me?

Stan: Because your so Plump!

Cartman: Aye! Weak, very weak! I'm gonna get a snacky cake. {Gets up and goes to the kitchen}, or two or three or more

Kyle: Dude! hurry up and change it back.

Stan: There.

T & P: All right fans, we will be in Boston on Jan 3, New York, Jan 4, DC Jan 5...

Stan: hurry up! come on!

T & P: ...Denver on Feb 28, LA on Mar 1 and San Francisco on Mar 2. Hope to see ya's all there! [ Terrance Farts ] [ T & P laugh] Phillip: and don't forget to bring your gas mask!

Kyle: Awe! There not coming to South Park.

Stan: But Dude, they'll be in Denver! Uncle Jimbo can take us!

Kenny: mmmm {there's no way i'm getting in that hummer with Ned!}

Stan: Why won't you go if Ned's there?

Kenny: mmmm {Because I saw him playing with his fireman while watching Crack Whore TV!}

Scamps: HA HA HA HA

Kyle: Was Cartman's mom on the episode?

Cartman returns with lips covered in chocolate and snaky cake in hand: Aye! What are you doing talking about my mom?

Stan: We were just saying that your mom can take us to Denver to see T & P live!

Catman: Sweet!! Do we get to miss School?!

Kyle: Think So!

Catman: HellaCool! I'm gonna see T & P! I'm gonna see T & P!

Stan: Maybe T & P can tell you who Ike's real Mom and Dad are Kyle!

Kyle: Yeah! How big could Canada be anyway?

Kenny: mmm {Oh, about the size of Cartman's fireman!}

Cartman: What?! Don't go making fun of my Fireman!

Kyle: That's because you don't have one Sally Struthers! Kenny keals over in laughter Cartman: Screw you guys!

Stan: Come on Cartman, go ask your mom if she can take us to Denver to see T &P. Cartman: No! I said screw you guys Stan: We'll buy you a case of snacky cakes! Cartman: Change it to Cheezy Poofs and you got a deal Stan: Deal! Cartman goes to kitchen Kyle: You don't really plan to buy a case of Cheezy Poofs do you? Stan: No Way Dude! Kyle: I knew it.

Cartman finds his mom washing a hugh stack of dishes. Cartman in his whinny tone: Mom, can you drive me and my friends to Denver to see T & P live?

Ms Cartman: When is it honey?

Cartman: It's, Kyle, when is it?

Kyle's voice: Feb 28

Cartman: Feb 28

Ms Cartman: That's a school day hon, you can't miss school!

Cartman whining a little louder: But maaaam!

Ms Cartman: But Eric, school is more important than TV.

Cartman: No it's not! God damn it!

Ms Cartman: Here, have another box of cheezy poofs for you and your friends to share.

Cartman strats eating Cheezy Poofs while whimpering. Cartman returns to the living room.

Stan: So what did she say?

Cartman: She said we had to go to school that day.

Kyle: Maybe we can convince Mr. Garrison.

Stan: No way, Mr. Garrison sucks, he would never do anything like that!

Kyle: No, but did you see how he was when Mr. Hat was gone?!

Stan: Yeah!

Cartman: Oh! You guys want to steal Mr. Hat and use him as ransome!

Stan: But what about Mr Twig!

Kenny: mmm{Don't worry, Mr. Garrison couldn't take him up the bum, no more Mr. Twig!}

Scamps laugh!

Stan: cool lets do it!

End Part 1

David Jackson wrote:

Looking to be a good one, the kidnapping Mr. Hat ransom sounds interesting...

the_davester

Funky music, scene of the school house.

Classroom. Mr. Garrison sitting quietly at his desk, starring at the Children, Children staring him back.

Mr. Garrison: OK, I guess we will just have to sit here until Mr. Hat returns. You know, Mr Hat and I go back a long way...(rambles on about his personal history with Mr Hat)

Kyle to Stan: Where did you hide it?

Stan to Kyle: I put it in the Cafeteria, in the fridge under the Salisbury Steak.

Kyle: Dude! Today is Salisbury Steak day!

Stan: Oh Crap!

Mr. Garrison: ...and that's when Mr. Hat and I first fell in love over someone.

Children: eeeeewww!

Knock at the door:

Mr. Garrison: I hope it's Mr. Hat, come in!

Chef enters holding a steak sause covered Mr. Hat.

Chef: Garrison! What the Fudge you think your doing with Mr. Hat in my Salisbury Steak!

Children: Ewww! Clyde and Wendy throw up!

Cartman: Well! looks like more Salisbury Steak for me!

Garrison rushes over to claim Mr. Hat. Grabs Mr. Hat and puts him on.

Mr. Garrison: Mr. Hat!! What were you doing in Chef's Salisbury Steak?!

Mr. Hat: That Fat Ass Eric Cartman put me there so he could gross out all the other children and get to eat all the Salisbury Steak!

Cartman all bug eyed: What!

Mr. Garrison: Looks like a months detension for you Eric.

Cartman: No Way! it was all Kenny's idea so he could brib you into buying him tickets to see T & P live in Denver because his family is poor.

Kenny: mmm {Shut you F***ing Fat flabber mouth Eric! You know it was all Kyle's idea!}

Kyle: No way dude! I was just listening to what Stan had to say!

Stan: Dude! What are you doing! I had nothing to do with it!

Mr.Garrison: OK children, settle down, Mr. Hat has spoken and Eric has detention and won't be going on the school trip Mr. Makey and Principal Victoria organized to take you to see T & P!

Class: woopy!! Sweet!! Yeah!!1

Cartman: What!! Sweet son-of-a-bitch! Eyes close in angry Cartman fashion, head on desk, pounds desk with hand and whinnes and cries.

Stan: Sucks to be you Fat Ass!!!

Cartman in a high pitched squeel: I'm not Fat Muther F****er!

Scene change: Principal Victoria's Office Victoria at her desk

Victoria: It was Oooh, nice of the Ooouh, Mayor to gives us Ahhh money for the trip to Aaaaah Denver!

Mr Makey's head pops up between the desk and Victoria: You can say that again, mm`k! You're little kittens soaked his mittens Principal Victoria mm`k?! mm`k.

Head disapears again under the desk.

Victoria: Ohh, that's it Makey, who can we get for supervisors for the trip? Ahhh!! Give her Makey...Ahhhhh!!!

Mr. Makey's voice: how `bout Chef, you, me and the Mayor mmm`k? She gave you the money mmm`k and it would only be nice if she could now use it mmm ok.

Victoria: And we could all share a hotel room together!

Scene Change to Bus Stop

Scamps standing around with bags packed and Cartman arrives:

Cartman in his sarcastic tone: Well you guys, I guess we'll be seeing Terrance and Phillip today!

Stan: What do you mean we?! You have detension Dumb Ass!

Kyle: Yeah! Serves you right! Maybe next time you'll keep your mouth shut when we play a practical joke on Mr. Garrison.

Kenny: mmm {Is that all you can think about is Ham and Steak?}

Cartman: Kenny, when you're not poor and starving, you'll get to appreciate the taste of Roast Sugared Pinnaple Ham with glaze sause.

Kenny punches Cartman in the stomach only to have his fist disapear like it would into a soft pillow.

Cartman: You guys just never learn do you!

Kyle: What do ya mean?

Cartman: My mom's springing me out of detension and driving me to Denver to met up with you guys to see T & P, so, I'm not going to school today!

Stan: Cool!!

Kyle: What did it take you to do that? A Hissy Fit?

Cartman: No it didn't, I just looked her square in the face and said "Awe! That Son of a Bitch Garrison has his lacky Mr. Hat give me detension for something I never did. Now, I'm gonna sit on kitty and fart on her until you agree to drive me to see T & P, or I'll whip you sorry Bitch Ass!"

Scamps look all astonished!!

Stan: Dude! And what did she say to that!

Cartman: Well she didn't want a crap smelling kitty sleeping with her tonight so it was an easy choice! Screw you guys, I'm going home.

Bus pulls up and scamps get on all we hear is Ms Crabtree scream.

End Part 2

Part 3 soon.