Stan: Your dad got a job in Denver! But that's a really dangerous place! Their pylons are wobbly pieces of rock, 30 foot high! And there's loads of poverty and vandalism.
[The window winds down and someone leans out. The boys take a step back each.]
Stan: Uh-oh.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man inside car: I've got some puppies at home. Would you like to see
them?
Kyle: I've heard that one.
Cartman: Let's get out of here. This guy looks like the kind of guy from the FBI who shoots out a spray that knocks you out and then he kidnaps you.
[The man picks up a briefcase and opens it in the boys faces.]
Stan: Hey, is that...
[All four of them slump to the ground. The man picks them up and bundles them into the back of the car and drives them off to a remote underground building. When they come around, the boys see two men in the typical US government regulation suits and all that other crap.]
All four: Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh!
Kenny: Mmmm, hmmmmmm!
Man #1: It's OK, OK? You're in good hands.
Cartman: See, I told you guys.
Man #2: Told them what?
Cartman: I knew it was the FBI or something like that.
Man #1: That information is a threat to national security.
Cartman: Huh?
Man #2: Especially as you're such a big fat ass.
Cartman: AI!
Kyle: What are we doing here?
Man #2: You four saw the criminal Wendy Testaburger?
Cartman: Yeah and I wanna f****** kill her! She tried to get rid of Miss Ellen and now I'll never get to...
Kyle: Calm down, tubby.
Man #1: Get to what?
Kyle: If you don't tell them I'll give you this bar of chocolate.
Cartman (grabbing the bar and chomping it): Wow, COOL! <chomp, chomp>
Man #2: Don't chew that. It's chocolate that becomes exploding chewing gum.
In article , Drew Thomas writes with this very pen that he holds in his hands...
Man #1: You're here because we think you'll be the best people for the job we need to be done.
Cartman: What's that?
Man #2: We need to get the secret Iraqi plans for their silver rockets that contain people infected with biological agents. They're accidentally like the one's your Miss Ellen travelled in, but fortunately, she's not contaminated.
Stan: That's good. But be quick. I've got to be back by teatime.
Man #1 (laughing deeply): You won't be back for days. But we've taken care of everything. We'll just kit you up. And don't worry, Wendy's just had a nervous breakdown and is in a maximum security underground FBI mental home. She's been moved to the medium security one though, because she showed signs of improvement.
Kyle: Bet she's faking!
Man #2: Don't worry, she won't escape.
[Scene cuts to Kyle's house]
Sheila: Where's the car keys, Gerald? And where's Ike?
Gerald: I don't know. I left the keys in the car, but I think it's been stolen.
[Scene cuts to South Park Home For People With F***** Up Minds. The Broslofski's car crashes into the wall of the building. It cuts to inside the car and the airbag inflates. We see Ike snuggle down in the sleeping blanket, and Wendy in prison uniform.]
Wendy: All right, now for a crime spree!
[At the FBI bunker]
Man #3: Now, do any of you know how to drive?
Kenny: Mmmm hmmm!
Man #3: Good. Now here you go. <hands several documents to each of the boys> Fake driving licences, travel papers, VIP passes, ID cards and fifty thousand US dollars each.
Stan: Wow, cool!
Man #4: Plus a satellite phone and your very own red Lotus car, complete with gadgets.
Cartman: I saw a car like this on that film, Teen Agent, so I know how it works.
Man #5: You do? Good. Goodbye. Oh, I forgot, three pairs of special trainers that can stick to any solid surface.
[The boys thank the men, go over what they have to do and Kenny and Cartman go in the front, and Stan and Kyle go in the back. A giant steel door opens, leading up to the surface. The car drives out.]
In article , SaraJ writes with this very pen that he holds in his hands...
With a grade like that, I'd better continue. I'm not too sure about the rest of it, so I'm just making it up as I go along...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cartman: I saw a car like this on that film, Teen Agent, so I know how
it works.
Man #5: You do? Good. Goodbye. Oh, I forgot, three pairs of special trainers that can stick to any solid surface.
[The boys thank the men, go over what they have to do and Kenny and Cartman go in the front, and Stan and Kyle go in the back. A giant steel door opens, leading up to the surface. The car drives out.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kyle: Oh, boy. Some unusual things keep happening to us, but this takes the s***!
Stan: Yeah. Wait! How do you get onto the thing to Iraq?
Cartman: Perhaps we need to get a ferry. We'd never fit the car into a plane.
Kenny: Mmmm.
Stan: Look, there's something between the two front seats!
Kyle: It's an opening armrest, I think. Push that red button on the back of it. <pushes button>
[The armrest opens and inside is a watch and several other small objects. Stan picks up the watch and flips open a secret lid. Inside is a small screen and a face appears.]
Stan: That's one of the guys who talked to us in that bunker!
Kyle: You're right, dude!
Man on screen: What's up?
Kyle: How are we going to get to Iraq?
Man on screen: Where you headed for?
Kyle: Interstate 3.
Man on screen: Firstly, you have to go onto the interstate. Then you drive through Nebraska and drive to Washington. Then you go to Florida. I'll tell you more later.
Stan: WAIT! Have we got a road map of the world?
Man on screen: Open the passenger draw thing. That's got a road map screen at the back that tells you where to go, OK?
Stan: OK.
[Stan shuts the watch. Scene cuts to Wendy at her house changing out of the uniform of the mental institute into her normal clothes. Then They rummages in her drawers.]
Wendy: I never thought I'd need that drivers licence. Ah, here it is! <takes out driving licence> Now I just need the gun licence and steal one of my dad's hunting shotguns. Sawn off, of course.
[Scene cut to French classroom at mental institute.]
French teacher who speaks English in a Frenchy kind of way: Where eez my star pupeel, Vendy Testaburger?
[Silence.]
French teacher: Oh, bum. I'll have to resort to...
21 year old pupil: Duck and cover!
[Hell-like background. Red light shines below her face, making her look mad.]
French teacher: THE WORST FRENCH BOOK IN THE WORLD!!! And a machine gun.
21 year old: OK, OK, I'LL TELL YOU, DAMMIT!
French teacher: Well?
21 year old: Wait...oh, I forget.
French teacher: Maybe zees will jhar zour memora!!! Excusez moi? <points to 21 year old pupil> Comment tut apelle?
21 year old: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! OK, OK, They bust out when the Broslofski car crashed into the building!
French teacher: OK. I'll find her. And when I do, I'll force her to take triple French or she'll find a double zerving of zot lead where the waters break!
[Marches out of room and ties a red scarf round her forehead.]
French teacher (from outside): I AM NOW, *ZEE* FRENCH TEACHA! DO YOU UNDERSTAND! GOOD!
[Inside the red lotus car holding the boys.]
Kenny: Mmmmm hmmmm hmmmm mmmm?
Cartman: We're just entering Florida. According to this, it's forty minutes to the secret ferry port. It may be underground, I think.
Stan: Cartman! Why the hell did you have to eat all the chocolate freebies they put in that armrest?
Cartman: There's still twice as much left <BELCH>
Stan (picking up a chocolate): Oh yeah. <chomp, much>
Kyle: Cartman, get your BIG fat ass away from between the seats, so I can look out the windscreen!
Cartman: NO!
Kyle: God, DAMN! You're such a fat f***, Cartman...
Cartman: Ai! Not this again! I'm going to ignore this Jewish pig!
Kyle: SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU F****** TUB OF LARD THAT SPENDS ALL DAY GOING AROUND F****** UP PEOPLE'S S****!
Cartman: Hey! Stop it!
Kyle: Then don't belittle my people, you fat Nazi bastard!
Cartman: HEY! AI! SERIOUSLY!
[Stan looks out of the back window.]
Stan: Oh my god! I think someone's been following us for ages. Each time I look, they're getting a couple of miles closer! Now there's only about nine kilometres away!
Kyle: How can you see them?
Stan: The road curves on itself a lot, you can see about thirty miles back.
Cartman (looking over his shoulder): How fast are we going, Kenny?
Kenny: Mmmmhmmmm.
Cartman: I think they're doing about 90. Miles an hour.
Stan: Whoa!
Stan: And we're doing 75. they're getting 15 miles toward us an hour. Right, I need to think and use this calculator. 9 / 1.6 = 5.625 miles away. If They catches us up by 15mph, then 5.625 / 15 = 0.375 hours. 0.375 hours means 22.5 minutes. They'll catch us up in about twenty minutes.
Cartman: Kenny, hit the GAS!
[Kenny slams his foot down on the accelerator VERY hard. Then he changes to the fifth gear.]
Cartman: We're doing 80 now, 85.........just gone 90.....95 and it's stopped. But if Kenny pushes the extra TENTH gear button, we could go faster. No, Kenny, don't push the...too late.
[The car suddenly accelerates and the boys are pushed back into their seats for a second.]
Cartman: 330! Kenny, do second gear, QUICK!
[Kenny quickly changes gear. The car shudders and slows down to just forty miles an hour. Kenny pushes the clutch, the gearstick and the accelerator until the speedo says 70.]
Cartman (shaking): That'll do, Kenny, that'll do.
Stan: They're only about two miles off!
Kyle: They're going too fast for me to guess. Where's that laser speed measure thing?
Cartman (passing a handheld cylinder to Kyle): Perhaps it's this.
[Kyle picks up the cylinder and shoots. The display shows 130 miles an hour.]
Stan: Whoa, dude! 130! Now they're less than two miles.
Cartman: Kenny!
[Kenny changes to fifth gear and the speedo reaches 105.]
Cartman: We're in deep doo-doo.
Stan: They're only about a mile away, and they have a GUN!
[Dramatic chords.]
Cartman: Quick! Where's the rear rocket launchers?
Kenny (pointing): Mmmm!
Cartman: Oh, there!
[Cartman pulls up a control panel from his feet and looks for a button marked 'rear rockets'.]
Stan: Quick! I think it's Wendy! She's only a hundred and eighty metres away! <BANG! BANG! BANG!>
Kyle: She shot three times! Now she's reloading.
Cartman: Don't panic, I activated the body armour. All the car is covered in armour except for the windscreen for four minutes! <BANG! BANG! BANG!>
Stan: So they can't kill Kenny.
Kyle: Nuh-uh.
Kenny: Mmmm! <BANG! BANG! BANG!>
Stan: What about when the four minutes are up?
Cartman: I push it again, and they come up for another four minutes!
Stan: She's just sixty metres off!
Cartman: Rockets! <activates rear rockets>
[Scene cut to Wendy in her car. She sees the rockets.]
Wendy: S***!
[Wendy opens the car door, grabs her bag, and leaps out onto an embankment. Moments later, the car explodes.]
Wendy: Noooo!
[The boys' car drives on and the boys high five and yell YESSSSSSS!!!]
Cartman: Five minutes to the port. You can kinda see the sea!
[Fifty miles back, a certain French teacher is driving wildly on the tail, bombing at 140. The saga continues... :)]
In article , SaraJ writes with this very pen that he holds in his hands...
[At South Park Elementary, a crowd of children is all in a circle with one child in the middle. Pip notices and walks over.]
Pip: What's this?
Child #1: Oh, nothing.
Pip: No, what is it?
Child #2: You wouldn't want to know. You're not cool enough, apple Pip.
Pip: Oh. It looks like French cricket.
Child #3: How do you know, you Frenchy little frog?!
Pip (angry): Let me in there!
[Pip grabs the ball and throws the ball madly at the child in the middle.]
Pip: Gaaaaah!
[The ball shoots through the air and hits the kid in the middle. It knocks three children far out of the circle.]
Child #4: You're piggy in the middle.
Pip (going into the middle): OK.
[A child picks up the ball and throws at Pip. Pip leaps into the air. Another kid throws, then another, then another. Pip just keeps jumping and they all keep missing.]
Child #2: Oh, boy!
[On a ferry in the middle of the ocean...]
Stan: Wow! We still get to keep the cool car!
Cartman: It's shweet.
Kyle: How much longer is this?
Kenny: Mmmhmmm mmmm hmmm mmmm.
Stan: Oh, man. Well, at least Wendy can't get us out here. She's hundreds of miles away. She'd have to fly by Concorde to catch up with us in any reasonable amount of time.
[A Concorde flies overhead.]
Stan: I know what you're thinking. It's not Wendy.
Kyle: Well, at least they have good food.
Cartman: I wonder if our parents are worried about us?
In article , SaraJ writes with this very pen that he holds in his hands...
Stan: Good! the prices look pretty big. Got the fake driving licences?
Cartman: What for?
Kyle: Proof of age, dumb ass, Jeez!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kenny: Mmmm!
Cartman: What?
Kenny: Mmmmhmmmm hmmmm mmmmm mmmmhmmmm.
Stan: He's right, we need a translator.
Kyle: I only know 'Do you speak English' in fifty languages, and 'hello' and 'goodbye' in French.
Stan: Wow!
Kyle: I know Iraqi. Cartman's mum, I mean his dad, well technically his mum, but well, you know what I mean, anyway, he went to the Gulf War. He told me a while ago.
Cartman: Hey? How do you know that?
Kyle: Your missing mother/father (delete where appropriate) was my mum's cousin.
Cartman: How do you know that?
Stan: I told him. I used my family tree thing on my PC, Cartman. We both share the same great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather.
Cartman: Really? Hella cool!
Stan: The chances are only about 1 in 10,000!
Kyle: Yeah. I'll go to the desk and ask.
[Kyle goes up to the desk.]
Stan: I hope the person does speak English.
Cartman: When can we go home, so I can spend my $50,000 on some Chee-ee- ee-EEEEEEEE-sy Poo-oooooo-oooofs????
Kenny (shrugging): Hmmm mmmm hmmm.
Kyle (returning): He does! I booked four rooms for us. Here are the keys. It's three star, but what the heck? We get hotel rooms for TWO weeks and it only cost $700!
Cartman: Hooray!
Kyle: Come on, let's go to our rooms. Stan, you're 650. I'm 652, Cartman's 655, and Kenny's 667.
Kenny: Mmmm!
Cartman: Kenny and I can swap. I'd rather not sleep with you guys.
Kyle: Fine! Just swap! We'll go to our rooms now.
Cartman: Wait for us!
[At the Broslofski home.]
Sheila: Where's the car?
Gerald: Where's Ike?
Both: # Uh oh! #
[The pair run to the South Park Institute for People With F***** Up Minds.]
Sheila: Then where's Ike?
Gerald (pointing): My car!!!!!!!!
Sheila: What the? Oh my god, Ike!
[Ike is inside the car, which is sitting on top of a steep hill. The car starts to roll down.]
Ike: Cocor-shay.
[The car rolls down the hill and smashes into the swimming pool building. The car bashes through the wall and crashes into the pool. Everyone runs out of the pool, screaming. An enormous wave appears and washes the car up on the side.]
Ike: HAT NATER!
Sheila: How the hell did he get in there?
Gerald: He smashed through the walls.
Sheila: No, I mean into the car.
Gerald: I know I locked it. But I leave the wait, <clicks fingers>
[Gerald runs over to the car.]
Ike: Ni!
Gerald: How the hell did he get my keys, unlock the door, lock the door and switch on the ignition???
[Ike starts the engine and speeds off.]
Gerald (going into hysterics): He's the boy who made my car wet!
Sheila: Come on, Gerald. Let's go and find Ike!
Gerald: HE'S THE BOY WHO MADE MY CAR WET!
[Gerald stands there gibbering, while Sheila picks up a crowbar and smashes a bike lock. She grabs the bike and cycles off.]
Boy: My bike!
Gerald: HE'S THE BOY WHO MADE MY CAR WET!
Ike: Ga!
[Ike rolls onto the accelerator and falls asleep, while the car speeds on and on, along the perfectly straight road all the way to the Interstate. Sheila gives up long before there.]
In article , SaraJ writes with this very pen that he holds in his hands...
Stan: I don't know. Where would you find some stolen papers for a superweapon?
Kyle: That Ministry of Defence and Warfare just over the road?
Stan: Oh yeah! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The boys get settled into their rooms. Stan, Kyle and Kenny come to see how Cartman is getting on. They walk in and find Cartman eating every single chocolate bar in the mini fridge.
Kyle: Don't worry, dude, it's only a dollar a bar or so.
Stan: Oh, OK.
Kyle: Wow, the view looks good! I'm gonna look at it!
[Kyle runs to the window with Kenny. Stan runs up and knocks Kenny out of the window.]
Kyle: Oh my god, they killed Kenny!
[Kenny's head pops up.]
Kenny: Mmmm, mmmm hmmmm mmmm hmmmmhmmm mmmm.
Kyle: A balcony? Oh, yeah!
Stan: Cool!
Cartman: <much, slurp, chomp> Can we get some more snacks?
Stan (looking into the fridge angrily): Cartman, you musta run up a $100 million tab on here or something!
[Everyone looks in. There is just one old pear sitting in the corner, covered in ice.]
Stan (reaching in and taking it out): Wow, cool! It's totally frozen and it hasn't gone off!
Kyle: Gimme!
[Kyle tries to bite the pear, but it's quite solid!]
Stan (running to the window): I know!
[Stan waits for a passer by and drops the pair out of the window. It hits the ground just in front of the passer by and explodes. Ice and fruit flies everywhere.]
Stan (rolling on the floor, laughing): Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Kyle: Come on guys. We got to get those papers!
Cartman: OK!
[In moments, the boys are at the front door.]
Kyle: How the hell are we supposed to get in the door?
Stan: Yeah, there's two security guys just inside the door.
Cartman: There's an open window on the first floor. But how do we get up there?
Stan (pointing): There's a drainpipe!
All: Hooray!
[Stan shins up the pipe and peeks in through the window. No one was there. He threw himself in and gave the others the thumbs up. He saw a gun on a desk and armed himself. There was a safe in a corner of the room.]
Stan: Damnit! Hey, it's open!
[Stan flings the door open, only to be greeted by a man with a gun. Stan grabs his silver gun and pushes the trigger at the man's head. Nothing comes out, but the man drops dead and his head catches alight.]
Stan (firing at the wall): Wow, cool!
Cartman (from outside): Come on! It's getting cold up heyah!
Stan: Shut up, fatass!
[The wall catches fire. Stan quickly dashes out of the room into an empty corridor.]
Stan: Dude, this is pretty f***** up right here!
Kyle (shinning up): I'm going in too.
Kenny: Mmmm hmmm!
Cartman: Me too!
[Kyle goes up, then Cartman, then Kenny. Kenny shuts the window and follows Stan, Kyle and Cartman out.]
Stan: Come on! Where could you find it?
Kyle: Don't know.
Cartman: Why don't we split up?
Stan: Let's use the walkie talkies they gave us!
Kyle: We left those at the hotel.
Stan: Oh, yeah.
Cartman: Let's split up. I go with Kenny, and Stan goes with Kyle.
Stan and Kyle (shrugging): OK.
[Cartman and Kenny go in one direction, Kyle and Stan in the other. Cartman opens a door labelled Top Secret Storage.]
Cartman: Not very secret...oh.
[Cartman and Kenny see a blank corridor, but it has grey lines going across them. Laser beams. At the other end is fingerprint identification.]
Cartman: Damnit! Hey, look, Kenny! See that alarm panel? Do you think you could get through and disconnect it?
Kenny: Mmmmm?
Cartman: Because you're poor, Kenny! You have to be the worker! Now get in there, damnit!
[Cartman kicks Kenny over the first laser beam and Kenny lands safely.]
Cartman: Now get going!
[Kenny ducks and dives, but the rays get darker until you can't see them, but Kenny has picked up some goggles and puts them on. He walks safely through the beams.]
Cartman: Go, Kenny!
[Kenny opens the panel.]
Kenny: Mmmm!
Cartman: Oh, no! There are four wires in there, and they all come from two different places! Which box do we rip out? First or second.
Kenny: Mmmm hmmm mmmm hmmmm hmmm mmmm hmmm hmmmm.
Cartman: Then rip the two wires out at the same time!
Kenny: Mmmmm mmm hmmmm!
Cartman: Tough, so you'll get electrocuted, fuck you Kenny!
[Cartman searches his pockets and finds a conker and a rubber band and a paperclip. He pings the conker at Kenny and Kenny drops his goggles through the beam. The alarm goes off. Kenny picks up the conker and rubber band and pings the alarm panel. Sparks fly out of it and the power cuts. Cartman runs through the isle and the fingerprint system.]
Cartman: Nice one, Kenny! Let's look around in these filing cabinets.
[Kyle and Stan, meanwhile, have broken into a room with lots of computers and have both sat down to one of them, switching them on.]
Stan: I know how to use these.
Kyle: I think I do.
Stan: Hmmm, there's a laptop. I might need that if it has a password.
Kyle: Hey, Stan, I found a secret file under C:\US!
Stan: I'll punch it up...there's just one, and it's weapon blueprints. Double click....it's got a password!
Kyle: Laptop?
Stan: Laptop.
[Stan grabs the laptop and rips the network cable out of a computer and connects the laptop and computer together.]
Stan: Tap it in...hack the spellings...I'm glad Shelley showed me how to hack stuff. She hacked into the school computer and changed my average grade on my permanent record to A-.
Kyle: How?
Stan: She opened up the computer dictionary and set it to feed each word in to the password thing. It does 1,000 words per minutes and takes one minute!
[Voice from outside the door.]
Woman #1 (from outside door): I'll look in here and see if it could have set the alarm off....
Kyle: Ulp! How far, Stan?
Stan: 89.5%.
Kyle: Quickly...
Stan: 93%.
Man #1 (from outside door): Wait! Just come have a coffee with me. Then we can check it. It's our job, but we're entitled to a coffee a day.
Stan (whispering): 97%.
Woman #1: OK. I guess I could have one break for a minute or two before I look at the alarm panel.
Stan: 99%...100! It found a match under 'qanat'.
Kyle: I think Cartman and Kenny are in the room by the alarm panel!
Stan: Uh oh.
Woman #2: Don't skive, what if the boss comes?
Woman #3 (menacingly): Where you referring to me?
Woman #2: Ye...I mean, no... but....
Woman #3: Come with me.
Kyle: Hide!
[Kyle and Stan search quickly and duck under the tables. Seconds later, a woman enters the room, turns on a computer and pushes her feet under the table.]
Woman #1: Just check the files...then the alarm panel. Hey...access denied? Password incorrect? It's 'qanat'.
Kyle (under breath): I changed it to 'FatF***Cartman'.
Woman #1 (picking up Stan's equipment): Someone's hacked this, I think. I'd better put on a security alert on every computer. <leaves room>
[Kyle and Stan go out of the room and when the coast is clear, run towards the alarm panel.]
In article , SaraJ writes with this very pen that he holds in his hands...
Kyle (under breath): I changed it to 'FatF***Cartman'.
Woman #1 (picking up Stan's equipment): Someone's hacked this, I think. I'd better put on a security alert on every computer. <leaves room>
[Kyle and Stan go out of the room and when the coast is clear, run
towards the alarm panel.]
------------------------------------------------------------------------
[An alarm sounds and the boys rush ahead.]
Stan: I know!
Kyle: What?
Stan: Let's go up through that door! It says 'Maintenance'.
Kyle: So?
Stan (dragging Kyle in): I have an idea, c'mon.
[Kenny and Cartman in The Room Of Paperwork.]
Cartman: Got them!
Kenny: Mmmmm!
Cartman: Hoor...
[Cartman steps out and sees that the laser system has been re- activated.]
Cartman: Damnit! I'm not going. You're not Kenny, you can't even see it now. I'll just wait and eat Cheesy Poofs.
[In the maintenance room, Stan sees a fuse box.]
Stan: There! That's it!
[Stan pulls up a phone book, stands on it and reaches up to the box.]
Kyle: You can reach it without the phone book.
Stan: Uh, but then I'd be electrocuted.
[Stan rips the fuses out.]
Stan: Why aren't these things locked?
Kyle: I don't know.
[A car screeches outside. Out steps a French teacher with a red scarf around her forehead, holding a kicking, screaming Wendy. Stan looks out of the window and sees them.]
Stan: It's Wendy and she's being held by this mad woman!
Kyle: Shoot Wendy! She tried to kill us!
Stan: I...I can't.
Kyle: Damnit, I see them! They're walking in here?
Stan: Huh?
[Kenny and Cartman make their way out of the alarm system with the power off, so there is only dim lights. But then backup generators come on. Scene cut to laboratory.]
Boffin: Hooray! If the generator hadn't come back on, this tank would have exploded, killing everyone within five hundred metres with it's cancerous ooze!
[Scene cuts back. Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman rush out as the French teacher walks between them. Everybody crashes into each other and Wendy steals the plans and runs off. When Kyle realises...]
Kyle: Wendy stole our plans.
Stan: After her!
[Wendy is soon caught and the boys (with the teacher) tie Wendy to a pillar and leave her there with a gag in her mouth.]
Wendy (angrily): Mmmm hmmmm mmm hmmmmmm hmmmm!
Stan: Heh heh. That was easy.
[The group of five quickly leave. The boys go in to unbook their rooms, leaving the F teacher to look after the car. This is done quickly, but Wendy has somehow escaped and strapped herself to the bottom of their car.]
Stan: Now we just go off and catch a plane. My watch told me to dump the car or they could trace us back.
Cartman: Ah, weak!
Stan: We just drive to this isolated bit of coast a few miles away and put the car into first gear, with a brick on the accelerator.
Kyle: Fine. How long till we're back home?
Kenny: Mmm hmmm mmmm.
Stan: Reckon about two days or so.
Kyle: Oh. What about to the coast?
Stan: Any moment now.
Kyle: All righty!
F Teacher: What about me?
Stan: He said we have to kill you since you witnessed what we did. But I can't do that!
Cartman: I can! We leave the teacher in here, put on central locking, pour gas all over the car, set fire to it, and, and, and....
Stan: Well, I'm not doing it!
Kyle: I'm not.
Cartman: Memememememememememememememememe!
Stan: Oh, gawd, OK!
F Teacher: Gulp!
[The F teacher opens the door and leaps out. The car is driving along a pier and jumps from fifty feet high into six inch water with hard stones underneath. The car stops and the boys look out.]
Stan: Oh my god, they killed the teacher!
Kyle (to the shattered body): You bastards!
Cartman: Let's go! Everyone but me get out. I set fire to the car, switch on the ignition, just as it drives over the edge, BAMMMM! No more evidence!
[Wendy frantically tries to undo the belt that holds her to the exhaust pipe. She fumbles and the belt refuses to budge.]
Cartman: OK, guys, stand back. I'm gonna do this!
[Cartman enters the car and the boys stand back. Wendy makes the belt a bit loose, but she can't manage.]
Cartman: Match in the back seats! Ignition on, first gear, gently on the accelerator, brick. Now I just sit back and watch.
[Stan overhears.]
Stan: Quick, Kenny, save Cartman!
[Kenny runs over, and as the car goes over the edge, Kenny is still inside. BAMMMMMM! Cartman watches as a piece of molten metal flies at his feet. It burns through the pier.]
In article , Drew Thomas writes with this very pen that he holds in his hands...
[Fortunately, the ticket booth man understands English, so the boys and Wendy get on the train, reach the airport, fly home, etc. But Kyle stuffs the plans in his sock drawer and life continues as normal.]