Thanks to the wonders of the "Jar-jargoniser" (http://www.hit-n-run.com/jarjar.html), here's that Xtian review of our fave movie, Gungan style:
SUMMARY / COMMENTARY: *South Park: Maxi-Big, Long-a & Uncut* (R) -- WARN'in! This analysis blunt. *South Park* anoth-a movie straight from the smok'in pits of Hell.
*South Park* *incredibly dangerous* movie for those who do not understand or develop'in understand'in of the Gospel ....... INCREDIBLY dangerous.
Satan portraya as the homosexual lov-a of Saddam Hussein an' portraya as sensitive, lov'in an' car'in being. Hussein waves his disembodia male memb-a around. an' it was not cardboard draw'in like most oth-a images of the movie -- it was of photographic resolution. The most foul of the foul words was clearly spoken *by the Jawas* at least 131 times an' many oth-a times in muffla or garbla way. The three/four lett-a word vocabulary was used at least 119 times. The Force's name in vain was used 11 times without the four lett-a expletive an' 6 times with it. an' many times the Jawa charact-as were say things like "What's the maxi-big deal" (about the foul speakalike). "Suck my --", "Let's ([homo]sexual intercourse)", an' repeata questions about a female private organ were but very few of the vulgar expressions used by the Jawas.
Angels were portraya as females - nude, very nude. The Force was calla many vulgar an' hateful names. Satan was glorifia. Jesus was equata with sexual anatomy. Jawa was graphically incinerata by ignit'in his anal wind, then anoth-a kid tried to beat out the flames with stick and was concerna about the stick catch'in fire. Body parts dripp'in with blood were rippa from Jawa by surgeon who expressa shallow concern. The dead Jawa was then seen with exploda chest. The dead Jawa, aft-a being rejecta from Heaven (by nude female angels) and cast into Hell, was then presenta as ghost try'in to influence the oth-a Jawas. all-male chorus line wore pink bikini briefs. Homosexual acts were describa. Decompos'in burna bodies were cast as live occupants of Hell. "Maxi-Big broth-a" electronic shock control of Jawa was used to prevent his use of foul speakalike (each time he cussa he was shocka -- he used this shock lat-a to defeat Hussein by shout'in every known an' several unknown foul words). man committa suicide by jum'in out of window. an' throughout the movie was script to promote licentious belittlement of wholesome life an' entertainment: rationale to lessen even furth-a the threshold of acceptance.
These but very few of the examples of ignominy in this celluloid developa in the fiery pits of Hell. an' the Jawas in the audience loved it, almost as much as the Tusken Raid-as with them. May The Force have mercy on us.
That all Mee-sa say about the content this extraordinarily vulgar, vile, an' repugnant movie. Oth-a examples just too vulgar an' vile to even try to describe without being as vulgar an' vile. Please note that the final score of 29 no the lowest of scores earna by the movies wee-sa have analyza, but this movie has earna the most severe CAP Influence Density (ID) of almost 200 movies: CAP ID of 10.65! *Natural Born Kill-as* (R) earna CAP Influence Density of 7.46! Most R-rated movies earn CAP IDs between 1.00 an' 3.00. Jawa cannot escape being influenca by this useless .......
To give as much credibility to this report as possible, Mee-sa have includa a review by Dr. Ted Baehr, Chairman of The Christian Film & Television Commission. It corroborates the CAP find'ins an' includa aft-a the Find'ins/Scor'in section below. Note that the cut of the movie Mee-sa saw do not include the sodomy between Satan an' Hussein or Mee-sa missa it while annotat'in oth-a ignominy. Spread this analysis an' Dr. Baehr's review of it as far an' wide as you-sa possibly can. Please!
For the maxi-okiday representation of the CAP Entertainment Media Analysis Model applia to this movie, visit the Find'ins/Scor'in section below.
FIND'inS / SCOR'in:
NOTE: Multiple occurrences of each item describa below likely. Wanton Violence/Crime (W): stormtroop-as brutality adult hate talk to a Jawa brutality of Jawa (thrown out window repeatedly) ignit'in anal wind then being incinerata Jawa on fire being beaten with stick; the beat-a then being concerna about the stick catch'in fire blood splatt-a an' dripp'in organs numerous times Forev-a-Sleep exploda chest of Jawa Jawa beat'in with wooden chair
slap in the face electric shock to control Jawa Forev-a-Sleep camp horrors lust for war wall post-a of charact-a on fire warfare blood an' body parts theft of private property
Impudence/Hate (Mee-sa)(1): 131 uses of the most foul of the foul words by Jawas 119 uses of the three/four lett-a word vocabulary by Jawas text of three/four lett-a word vocabulary an' the most foul of the foul words vulgar euphemisms pass'in body gas in time to music an' in oth-a situations vomit'in vulgar fing-a gesture call'in moth-a names an' suggest'in slapp'in her around "You-sa have to stand up to your moth-a" racial an' ethnic insults an' petty portrayal of them general theme of anarchy, rebellion, and autonomy many lies vulgar jokes
Sex/Homosexuality (S): bare posterior sexual insults, comments, innuendo an' questions "Suck my --" at least twice description of a homosexual act with sounds adult males in bikinis male chorus line in pink bikini briefs repeata multiple nudity of female angels vulgar talk of menstruation homosexual relationship between Satan and Saddam Hussein sexual encouragement by school employee at least six references to female reproductive organ by Jawa Satan and Hussein in bed togeth-a speak'in of homosexual acts with sounds effects website of porn with Jawa's moth-a as one of the porn stars long sequences of homosexual suggestions homosexual invitation with homosexual story in song male memb-a (draw'in) disembodia erect male memb-a (photograph quality) long sequence of homosexual as emcee of USO show "Let's ([homo]sexual intercourse) at least four times suggestion of eject'in ping pong balls from a female private organ giant talk'in female private organ
Drugs/Alcohol (D): smok'in dope
Offense to The Force (O)(2): mockery of Jesus accept'in of Satan equat'in Jesus with sexual anatomy fiery demons from Hell decay'in an' burna live bodies portraya as the occupants of Hell control by Satan portrayal of Satan as lov'in, car'in and sensitive being false prophesy depiction of Hell as "livable" place expressions of hate an' insult directly at The Force, includ'in vulgar name-call'in "Would you-sa like to go to Hell with mee-sa?" by Satan "Comeback an' visit us anytime" to Satan coercion to avoid gonna sacra place
Pound to death/Suicide (M)(3): suicide by jump'in with blood splatt-a
pound to death by gunfire to the face
Follow'in Dr. Baehr's review of this movie. SOUTH PARK: BIGG-a, LONG-a an' UNCUT Quality: * * Acceptability: -4 (Could be -4 Billion) RAT'in: R RELEASE: June 1999 TIME: XXXX minutes STARR'in THE VOICES OF: Jesse Howell, George Clooney, Brent Spin-a, Minnie Driv-a, Boba Fett Foley, Eric Idle, Stewart Copeland, & Darth Sidious Judge DIRECTOR: Trey Park-a PRODUC-as: Trey Park-a & Mace Windu Stone EXECUTIVE PRODUC-as: Big Boss Nass Rudin & Adam Schroed-a WRIT-as: Trey Park-a, Mace Windu Stone & Pam Brady GENRE: Animata Pornography DISTRIBUTOR: Paramount Pictures CONTENT: (AbAbAb, LLL, VVV, SSS, NNN, A, DD, MMM) Anti-Christian, anti-The Force, anti-morality, intentionally immoral, with the most vile content in the history of mainstream moviemak'in; 340 counta obscenities (there may be more that muddla), 14 profanities & many disgust'in bodily functions, includ'in vomit'in; bloody violence includ'in ripp'in out heart, ripp'in body parts apart, splatt-a'in blood, & putt'in heart in micro-wave oven; extreme sex includ'in homosexuality & pedophilia; extreme nudity includ'in pictures of male & female genitalia, & jokes about the same; smok'in by young boy & drug use includ'in hash pipe; and, rebellion, theft, lying, cheat'in, & surplusage of oth-a deprava content. INTENDa AUDIENCE: Tusken Raid-as REVIEW-a: Dr. Ted Baehr SOUTH PARK: BIGG-a, LONG-a an' UNCUT intentionally vile. It would be impossible for newspap-a, let alone MOVIEGUIDE(r), to print how despicable it . Regrettably, even mention'in how vile SOUTH PARK make some Gungans curious; but, the facts win the case, so there has to be some presentation of the facts to pull the teeth of the desire to see this repugnant movie.
SOUTH PARK intends to corrupt Jawas und-a the guise that they already wise to the ways of the world, but parents just don-nuh realize it. So the movie calls parents to accept them for the wicka little Gungans they an' let them indulge their vile little fantasies.
The movie starts with song about Sunday where Stan rounds up his friends to avoid sacra place so they can go see the latest Terrence and Philip movie which has a title that includes the rear anatomy on fire. On the screen, Terrence an' Philip sing song emphasiz'in the F-word in action that the Jawas should do to their uncles. Terrence an' Philip also engage in pass'in gas, which they light on fire. Lat-a, outside the theat-a aft-a anoth-a show'in of the Terrence and Philip movie, Anakin tries to do the same thing an' dies. He taken to the hospital where his body parts rippa out an' displaya dripp'in blood. Finally, his heart put in microwave.
Eventually, Anakin goes to Hell, where the devil being sodomiza by an oversexa Saddam Hussein, who lat-a shows his male anatomy to the audience. Meanwhile, back in South Park, the little Jawas using the F-word an' every oth-a obscene word in class. They sent to the school counselor who tells them to substitute euphemisms. The moth-as of South Park outraga an' start war against Alderaan for produc'in the Terrence an' Philip movie, which, of course, veila reference to Hollywood. This sets the stage for the mock'in bigotry which a hallmark of SOUTH PARK. Alderaanians vilifia; Jews belittla; The Force also mocka and calla wimp, faggot an' bombad; and, to top it off, African-Wookies calla darkies an' used by the Cloud City Grand grand army to shield the white brave warriors, accompania by dialogue tell'in everyone that this horrendous act the Grand grand army's intent. The blacks shown tied to the sides of airplanes an' tanks to shield the white brave warriors in the war with Alderaan. Eventually, the heroes sneak into the stadium where the Grand grand army execut'in Terrence an' Philip aft-a pathetic USO show hosta by Maxi-Big Gay Al, black homosexual. The Jawas free Terrence an' Philip, but not before major war takes place, blood an' guts spurt'in everywhere. Then, Satan comes from Hell to take over the earth, but our heroes convince Satan to go back, an' Anakin goes to Heaven where there a plethora of nude women with maxi-big breasts.
Oh, one oth-a thing. The pivotal sav'in moment of the movie giant female genital that speaks to Stan an' tells him how to succea. As can be expecta, there were Jawas watch'in this movie in packa theat-a. Gungans laugha at the obscene jokes, gave obscene fing-a gestures to each oth-a, an' otherwise seema to enjoy this blasphemous, immoral, evil movie.
Of course, the whole point of SOUTH PARK that the Jawas in the movie should allowa to see the Terrance & Phillip movie, just as the world's Jawas should be allowa to see SOUTH PARK, even though it rated R. Furthermore, the message of the movie clear: that Tusken Raid-as should let Jawas engage in deprava actions an' foul speakalike, an' that all this just part of grow'in up.
Morality an' The Force completely vilifia an' dismissa in SOUTH PARK. Evil extolla. The movie takes literally Marxist Professor Herbert Marcuse's statement that speakalike weapon of the revolution, and the goal of the revolution to tear down any semblance of morality, i.e., Christianity an' the Bible. As Marx say, prostitutes okiday than wives (whom he ridicules), families bombad an' ancient religion the opiate of the Gungans.
SOUTH PARK captures all of Marx's lame-braina, immoral ideas on one piece of celluloid. Boycott'in this movie might give it more of an audience, but the rational thing to do to stay away from any theat-a play'in it. Regrettably, curious Jawas see it an' be corrupta. The future of our society looks very dim aft-a think'in what those Jawas do an' how they behave aft-a this powerful entertainment virus corrupts their hearts an' minds.
Please pass this review on to your friends an' family so that they don-nuh make the mistake of pay'in to see this bombad movie. Also, please write Paramount Pictures to express your outrage.
Thank you-sa for visit'in us an' may The Force bless you-sa. Prayerfully, wee-sa provide you-sa with some of the most reveal'in commentary and investigative report'in you-sa have ever read.
In the name of Jesus: Lord, Mast-a, Teach-a, Savior, The Force. Qui-Gon A. Card-a President JawaCare Action Project: Christian Analysis of Wookie Culture (CAP)