Accents have not been applied -------------------------------------------------
Cartman with mom (on couch watching TV(T&P(Dressed as male nurses)))
T: "Listen closely Phillip, here comes a liquid fart........aaah,mmf" P: " What does a liquid fart sound like?" T: (Farts)" Oh, like that Phillip. But, this one you can see to.....hahaha"
Cartman laughs (slaps own leg)
Cartman: "Haha, sweet!?
P: " Terrance you asshole, can't you change this patients' colostomy bag before you fart?" T: "Aah, mmmf, aaah (fart). O-oh, what if I fart again. Oops too late ...Huhuhuhuhu" P:"Nice call gas bag (fart) hahaha"
Cartman: "Ahahahahah...oh f*ck tha.." Mom: "ERIC?"
Cartman looking shocked
Cartman: "Uh, s-sorry mom" Mom: "Why Eric!" Cartman: "Please mom please don't wrap me up in tinfoil and hide me under the couch for three days " Mom: "Oh Eric, no hon. I was just going to say you shouldn't use words that you don't know the meaning of" Cartman: "But mom, I do know what that means......its......its when a train goes into a tunnel and all of the passengers get out.." Mom: "(Laughing).......oh, in that case sweety, you can say that just as much as you want"
TV Announcer: " Thats Right, its the 15th annual South Park International Airshow! Feel the heat! See the thunder! Don't miss thirty of the hottest jets in the woooorld. Tickets available now. Sponsored by Zoop."
Switch to Stans' house (Where TV is also on)
Stan: "Too sweet, I'm going!"
Switch to Kyles' house (They are all watching TV)
Kyle is open mouthed
K's Mom: "Close your mouth bubee, you'll attract flies" Kyle: " Mom, can I go to the Airshow" K's Mom: "Oh no, your father and I would never take you to see a such a display of flying gentiles"
Ike climbs onto the back of the couch
Kyle: "But mom, they're not flying gentiles, they're flying airplanes" K's Mom: "Well, you'll have to go with your little friends then - but only if an adult is going with you" Kyle: "Sweet!..........Ike!, get down from there!" Ike: "Its Neil Armstwong (Ike jumps)......owwww"
Switch to Kennys' house
Kenny: "Mm mmmm mmmm" -Translation "My nuts itch" Kennys' Dad: "Well put some more of that blue cream on them goddammit!"
Go to commercial. Scene switches Uncle Jimbos' truck. Cartman wearing a 'Stealth' T-shirt.
Cartman: ".....and then she stood up and the squirrel said 'Hm, hibernation ended early this year!"
Everyone laughs including Ned and Jimbo
Ned: "MMoh MMman, MMand IMM thought I MMwas a littleMM sick" Jimbo: "See what I mean Ned, I wouldn't have known what that meant 'till I was at least ten" Ned: "MMi MMnever was tenMM, iMM went MMstraight MMfrom nine MMto MMeleven...........MMhaha" Jimbo: " Hahaha" Stan: " How fars the airport uncle Jimbo?" Jimbo: " Not far now, Stan.....Hey!, what's that in the road up ahead?, a little kitten!?" Ned: " MMits MMcoming right MMfor us!"
Squiiish!
Stan: "You just ran that kitten over!" Kyle: "You f*ckin' bastard!?" Jimbo: " Hey!,...Stan, that furry little pussy with bulging eyes and great big ears could have easily pulled this truck over, brocken in here and sliced our throats with a buck-knife!"
The boys look confused.
Scene changes to the cockpit of a Lear jet flying over South Park.
Control: "Roger seven-Delta -X-ray- femfit -knobjob , you are cleared to land on runway two niner" Captain: "Copy that Jalepeno-knee-f*cknuts-six-eight, my 10-20 is 15.03 degrees by 161.8 degrees, do you copy? Control: "Wait!, go up, I mean down ..go down! Loose altitude now!"
Learjet crashes into mountain -catches fire.
Control: "No wait, I was right the first time...go up!"
Scene changes to the four boys,Jimbo and Ned standing alongside a military jet.
Kyle: "This is cool, I want to be a pilot" Cartman: "Well you can't be Kyle, it says so in the bible -No Jewish people can ever fly a plane" Kyle: "Shut up Cartman you goddam fat assed rat f*cker!" Cartman: "Hey, shuttup!, I'm not fat, I just haven't switched over to stealth mode yet". (Cartman holds his stomach in) (Mumbles to himself) "Yeah, thats it..yeah, thats a fine form. Hey girls, check me out over here one time" Stan: "This is cool, I wonder what all those skulls in a row mean up there" (pointing to side of plane, near cockpit) Kenny: "Mmm mmm mmmmmm mm mmmmm mmm mmm mmm" -Translation "Its the number of times he's had sex" Cartman: "You're right Kenny.............Hey!, this looks just like the F18 that I flew in Operation Desert Storm" Ned: "MMMwere youMM a MMwild Mweasel?" Cartman: "No, I was an angry little boy" Stan: "Don't listen to him Ned, he wasen't in Desert Storm" Kyle: "More like Dessert storm" Cartman: " Hey, shuddup you crack smacker!" Kyle: "F*ck off Cartman, you sword swallower"
Chef enters from the left. (With 2 'chef sluts')
Chef: " Hello boys, and how are my fine little crackers doin' today?" Stan: "Fine Chef....Chef?, how come your two daughters don't look anything like you?" Chef: "Oh, well Stan uh thats because..uhm thats because, oh never mind.......Hey were you all talking about the Gulf War?" Cartman: "Were you in the Persian Gulf too Chef?" Stan: "Give it up Cartman" Chef: "Oh no children, I wasn't in the Army, i was in a singin' group called the Four Blacktop Negro Brothers" Kyle: "Really chef?" Chef: "Hell yes children. But what we really did was make sweeet love to all the girl groupies that followed us around. I remember this one little Chinese woman, Lord I must have given her stretch marks on her c." Stan: "CHEF!" Chef: "Oh, ahemm , sorry children....Hey, you know what, you just reminded me of the number one hit song that we had way back when........
" Well I'm gonna stick my tongue in your ear,
Breath heavily while I lick it dear,
Now, we're layin' on down the satin sheets girl,
We're so hot - give it a whirl,
Your clothes smell all clean and like a flower,
Get on your knees and feel the pow-ow-ow-ow
owStan: "Chef!" Chef: "What, oh I'm sorry Stan, did I say that out loud?" Ned: "MMi MMremember that MMsong" Kyle: "Dude,...What are stretch marks?" Kenny: "Mmmmmm mmmmm mmmm mmmm mmmm mmmmm mmmmmmm mmm" -Translation "Little scars that girls with tight vaginas get" Kyle: "Cartman, do you have stretch marks?"
Everyone laughs, except Cartman.
Cartman: "Well screw you guys I'm going to get some food" Stan: " Cartman, you're so big, they can see you from space!" Cartman: (Leaving) "I can't hear you!"
Scene switches to space. On board the UN Super Secret Spy Satellite. Filled with multi-lingual crew members. Cartman is the only thing visible on their world map.
German: "Vas es shtock?" -Translation"What is that?" French: "Sac, sac de testicles" -Translation "I've no idea" Japanese: " ieeee, san schi Godzirra san" -Translation "looks like a big fat lazy American"
All crew members agree as to that fact.
American: "Hey, whats that Nip doing up here"
Scene switches back to the Airshow. Everyone is looking at a Wright Brothers replica with 'Zoop' logo on tail.
Chef: "Oh look children, here comes Ivan, he's our new mailman. Now boys, he has Terets Syndrome, so nobody laugh at him he doesn't mean anything bad. Stan: "Chef, whats Terets Syndrome?" Chef: "Well, Its when, for no reason he'll just start cussing or kicking out, or trying to slap imaginary white folks"
The boys smile
Kyle: "You mean like f*ck, sh*t , c***, c*** s*cker and ****" Chef: "Well....yes. Run that last word buy me one more time"
Ivan enters the scene.
Ivan: "Hello Chef....F*CKF*CK" Chef: "Oh hello Ivan, enjoying the show?" Ivan: "F*CK....yes....Hello boys" Cartman: "How the f*ck are you Ivan?" Stan: "Cartman!" Cartman: "What, thats how human being great each other" Ivan: "No, thats OK, I appreciate your understanding little boy.......F*CKF*CKF*CK" (kick)(punches air in front of him), Cartman: "Ivan could you stand next to Kyle ready for the next time you do that?......there thats it" Ivan: "Well I should head back to sit with my family - just wanted to come over and see my only friend in South Park ......oh, little boy (Cartman) say high to your mom"
Exit Ivan
Stan: "Wow, he's cool!" Chef: "I know what you mean Stan, he is cool...Well cool for a ...... you know what I mean" Cartman: "A retard?" Chef: "No, you little .....I was goin' to say white boy" Chef Slut #1: "Hey Chef, how 'bout that two foot SCUD you promised us?" Chef: "Ok ladies...right this way...by by boys" Kenny: "Mmmm mmmm" -Translation"Fuck fuck"
Go to commercial Scene changes to classroom the next day.
Mr. Garrison: "So you see children, thats why people in wheels chairs and who have other dissabilities should never ever get the best parking spots" Cartman: " Mr. Garrison?" Mr. Garrison: "Yes Eric, what is it?" Cartman: "But I thought we had ample parking for everyone?" Mr. Garrison: "......uhm, no Eric thats another subject. Is there anymore questions before we move on and find out why it's so terribly wrong to be any sort of oriental?" Stan: "Mr. Garrison?" Mr. Garrison: "Oh Christ, what now Stan?" Stan: " I don't think people should hate and neglect handicapped people. I think people should make an effort and be nice to people who are in anyway diff'rent. After all we're all human and we should do unto others as we would have others do unto us. Because we're all equal its just that some people are in wheelchairs, some people can't see and some of us maybe extremely fat . Like Cartman" Cartman: "Hey!" Mr. Garrison: "Oh look, you've made Mr. Hat cry - but, I don't buy it for one single slimy second. What are you going to say next- one big Religion and there'd be no wars?" Cartman: " Cartmanism?"
Kenny: " Mmmm mmmm" - Translation" Fuck fuck"
END.
Thanks, Ron