Announcer: After 1,000,000 years of fanfic writing, writers at the #alt.tv.southpark IRC chatroom are now bringing you revolutionary fanfic technology, guaranteed to change your lives forever. Now, introducing the first-ever full-length fanfic written entirely on IRC, after an idea by Dave Benson took flight! Now, introducing, "TANGAGEDDON!" written by Dave Benson and Kyle Broslofski.
[In a flash of light, Sheila appears, like Cartman does in the SP movie trailer]
Sheila: That's right, dammit! Gimme my Tang or I go Psycho Bitch!
[Needing no special effects or glamorous entrance, Dave Benson walks into view.]
Dave: Ignore her, she's having a Shortness day.
Sheila: HEY! I'm not short!! I'm altitudely challenged!!
Dave: Same difference. Anyhow, lets begin......I'm ruler of the world so fear my wrath as a tyrant without peer!
Sheila: What the fuck are you doing, this is about our fic, not your obsession with world domination! <thinking> Besides everyone knows *I* rule the world in all my Pinwheel-ness.
Dave: Oh, my bad. let the show begin!!!!!
Your comments are welcome, encouraged and really wanted so don't be afraid to let Kyle and myself know what you think of this fic!
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TANGAGEDDON!
[Scene: Kyle's house.]
[The kids are watching the Teletubbies on TV.]
[Sheila, Cartman, and Kenny are eating Cheesy Poofs. Stan and Kyle are out of frame.]
Cartman: [staring at screen] Nooo...the horror...it...is...freezing...my...mind....Captain!...Save us! Aaahhh!
Stan: <voice only> Is there anything to drink in here???
Kyle: <Voice only> Look in the pantry.
Stan: <Voice only> There's nothing in here but Tang!
Sheila: T...T...TANG? Did someone say.....*TANG*?!?! <jumps up>
Kyle: Oh, man! Quick dump the Tang down the sink!!
[Stan tries, but Sheila tackles him.]
Sheila: DON'T YOU *DARE*, YOU STUPID...TANG KILLING DILDO!!!!
Stan: Kyle, get your freak ass cousin off of me!!
[Kyle tries but Sheila is Tang enraged.]
Sheila: NO, DAMMIT!!! I'M NOT BUDGING UNTIL I GET MY TANG!! SO, SCREW YOU!!!
[The container rolls away from Stan and Sheila. Kyle picks it up and sees the warning label. "In case of Tang induced rage call 1-800-LUV-TANG.]
Kyle: <on the phone> Hello? Is this really NASA? My cousin is killing my friend because of Tang!!!!
NASA Guy: We can help; we'll be there ASAP.
Kyle: <hanging up the phone> That asshole called me a sap!
Sheila: KYLE! Who were you calling?????
Kyle: <looking around nervously> Hehe, no one, um, I mean . . .
Sheila: YOU WERE PLOTTING AGAINST ME AND MY TANG, WEREN'T YOU?!?! *WEREN'T YOU*!?!? It's...it's a CONSPIRACY! And, my cousin is the head spatzel! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!!! You will not take my Tang or my life from me! Die Communist bastard spatzel scum! *DIE*!!!
Kyle: <looking around for help> Cartman will you get in here and calm down Sheila!!!!!
Cartman: Is there a Snakey Cake in it for me??
Kyle: Well......yeah, there is. <thinking> One made of dog food, you stupid fatass.
[Cartman enters, wearing a grass skirt and a coconut shell bikini top thing.]
[The Oscar Meyer Song comes on over some invisible speakers, and Cartman tries a seductive dance.]
Sheila: <as Cartman catches her attention> OOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! SHAKE IT, BABY!!!!!!!!!!
Sheila: Screw the Tang for now! I'm getting myself some sweet love!!!
[Kenny hears that and starts mimicking Cartman's dance.]
[Sheila then notices Kenny dancing by, right besie Cartman. At first, she looks pissed. Then, in her Tang-withdrawal state, she sees Kenny (who, quite conveniently, is orange just like TANG!) slowly morph into a big container of dancing Tang. Sheila's eyes go pinwheely.]
Tang In Her Vision: Hello, Sheila! I am the dancing Tang!! Happy happy joy joy!
Sheila: TANG! GIMME!!!!!!
[Sheila jumps at Kenny and starts ripping him apart, thinking that he's Tang.]
Sheila: DAMMIT, BEELZEBUB!!! GIMME THE TANG!!! How do I get to the center? WHERE THE TANG IS!?! [starts ripping Kenny apart] IT'S HERE SOMEWHERE! The spatzels! They dare to defy me? THEY HIDE THE TANG!!! I *WILL* FIND IT! [pulls Kenny's head off]
[Soon, there's nothing left of Kenny, except for an arm and a leg in a bloody mess on the floor.]
[Stan, Kyle, and Cartman watch and wonder when Sheila became addicted to Tang.]
[Flashback to a younger Sheila roller skating through the kitchen. She bangs into a cupboard and yells "Damn, these roller skates!!". A container of Tang falls and bangs her on the head. She falls face first into the spilt Tang and when she wakes up, she realizes she snorted some of it. End flashback.]
[There's a knock on the door. Kyle answers it and sees a man in a white lab coat and a NASA security badge.]
Kyle: Wow, that was fast.
NASA Guy: NASA has to act fast! If word got out that Tang was addictive, we'd be in trouble for endorsing it.
[There is a spaceshuttle in front of the house with a sign that reads "Uranus Flowers".]
[All the kids, along with Kyle, dragging a protesting Sheila, enter the spaceship, and it takes off vertically, like a helicopter.]
Kyle: Do all shuttles do this?
NASA Guy: Yep, what you see on TV is just for ratings.
Cartman: I knew it!!
[Scene. Kennedy Spacecenter.]
[Sheila is in a room marked "Tang Rehab" with several astronauts. Stan, Kyle and Cartman are looking at them through a one way mirror.]
Sheila: [psycho, eyes pinwheely] Must...have...Tang! Cannot...resist...much...LONGER! GIMME TANG YOU ASSHOLES! NOW!
[Cartman starts doing a little dance.]
Stan: Cartman, what are you dancing for?? This is serious!!
Cartman: AY!!! POTTY BREAK!!!! <waddles away quickly>
[We see Cartman wandering around NASA, looking for a bathroom. He has his hands between his legs, and he's screeching because he can't find a bathroom.]
Cartman: These goddamn astronauts must wait to pee all over Mars or something! Why the hell aren't there any bathrooms here? Must...find...bathroom...or...fireman...will...explode!!!
[We see him wander outside and up to the boarding tower. Minutes later he's standing outside the hatch to a space shuttle. There's a sign next to him.]
Cartman: <reading sign> Men's Room! YES!!! Those years in Germany back in the '60's paid off! <enters space shuttle>
[Translation of sign runs across bottom of screen--"Blast off--1 MINUTE! So, get your asses onboard NOW!"]
[Cut to view of Cartman inside shuttle. He enters the command deck and sees the astronauts.]
Cartman: AY! I thought this was the bathroom, not the MTV music awards!!!
[Astronauts stare at Cartman.]
Cartman: AY! Did you see that Marilyn Manson girl here anywhere? I wanna kick that hippie squa' in the nnnuts!!!!
[The shuttle door closes.]
Cartman: Ay! What's going on here??
Astronaut #1: Ah, control, we have a fat loud boy in here with us.
[Cut to Rehab room.]
Counselor: So how long have you been addicted? Whats you first memory?
Sheila: <getting a far away look in her eyes> ERIC ISN'T FAT!!!!!!!
[Cut back to the shuttle.]
Control: <voice only> Tough shit, we have a schedule to keep.
[The engines start to roar and Cartman straps himself in.]
Cartman: EEEEEEEEE!!!! I'm hungry! And I wanna watch TV! Get off your stupid asses and don't be such dildos!!!
[After a bit....]
[Cartman is sitting in a seat, looking out at space. He gets a look of torment on his face]
Cartman: AAAAAAAARGGHHHH!!!! Must...go....bathroom...NOW!!! Hafta....go...pee-pee!!! Gimme....toilet.....NOW!
Astronaut #1: Calm down, we'll be at Mir in a second.
[The Mir spacestation looks like a big pinwheel. The shuttle docks and Cartman pushes his way off and finds a bathroom.]
[After a bit...Cartman exits.]
Cartman: Ahhhh....much better!
[We hears a loud rumbling. As we look around the spacestation, we can tell the astronauts heard it too. They're panicking.]
Astronaut #1: AAAHH!!! WE'RE DOOMED AND STUFF!! AAAHHH!!
Astronaut #2: THE TANG METEORS ARE HERE!!!! WE'RE GONNA BE ALL PUMMELED INTO BLOODY PULPS AND DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH! OH, THE HUMANITY!
[We now see a view from the porthole thingies of the spacestation. Giant orange meteors are raining down, very heavily.]
Astronaut #1; Oh, my God! We're under attack from Tang!
Astronaut #2: Those orange flavored bastards!
[A meteor pierces the hull and pops Cartman on the ass.]
Cartman: Ay! What the hell are we standing here for!
Astronaut #1: We can't leave without the hamsters that were studying.
Cartman: What?
Austronaut #2: We're studying the effect of weightlessness on hamster mating sessions.
Cartman: That's just sick!!
Astrnaut #1: Not as sick as mating an elephant with a pig.
[Kennedy Space Center.]
Therapist: We're going to be issuing all of you a Tangpatch. The Patch will slowly let you come off of Tang with out going into withdrawal. Any questions?
Sheila: Can I have more than one?
[Outside the room.]
Kyle: Is she going to be all right now, Doctor Fixit?
Doctor: That's Plixit and yes, she should be fine after the first 20 years of treatment. The next 30 will just be regular check-ups.
[All of a sudden, a siren goes off in the control room]
Computer Voice: Urgent! Mir Space Station is being hit with Tang meteors!!! Warning! Warning! Warning!!!
Sheila: <eyes turn orange and go pinwheely> TANG! SOMEONE SAID TANG!!! I HEARD IT WITH MY OWN EYES!!!
[Sheila gets out a pinwheel and explodes the door to the rehab room. She blows the smoke away from the top of the pinwheel and storms over to the control center computer screen.]
Sheila: <staring at the computer screen> Cartman! Tang! Cartman! Tang! Cartman! WHAT?!?!? CARTMAN?!?!?!?!?! What on earth, or in outer space, even?!?!
Sheila: [ripping off Tang patch] This is an OUTRAGE!!!! WHO THE HELL PUT CARTMAN IN OUTER SPACE?!?!?! AND, TANG TOO!! EVERYONE IS CONSTIPATING AGAINST ME!!!! PUTTING *EVERYTHING* IN OUTER SPACE, WHERE I CAN'T REACH!!!! AAAARGH!!!! I AM *SO* TOTALLY GONNA KICK ALL YOUR ASSES!!! EVERY LAST ONE OF YA!!!!!
[Sheila gets out another pinwheel and disappears in a flash of lasers, and re-appears in Psycho Bitch gear.]
Sheila: Defender of goodness, justice, and all things Cartman! I right all wrongs with the power of the pinwheel! I AM <dum, dum, DUMM!> PSYCHO BITCH!!!!! [strikes pose, and falls down] DAMN THESE SHOES!!!!!
[Stan and Kyle enter and see Psycho Bitch.]
Kyle: Ah, dammit, not again.
Cartman: <from the screen> Uh, Houston we have a problem...
Techie #1: We're not in Houston.
Cartman: <from the screen> Ay! Goddammit, I don't care where your hippie ass is. I WANTA GO HOME!!!
Sheila/Psycho Bitch: Eric!?!?! Are you alright??
Cartman: No! I'm in space and I don't know how to get home and I don't have any Cheesy Poofs and I'm really pissed off!!!!
Sheila/PB: Don't worry, sweetie!!! We're going up there to get you home! KYLE! STAN! ASTRONAUT DUDES! GET OFF YOUR LOUSY ASSES AND START UP A SPACESHIP OR I'M GONNA LET THE PINWHEELS TAKE OVER!!! NOW!!!
[After several minutes of heated arguments and a pinwheel ramming session, Sheila, Stan and Kyle are now in space and heading to save Cartman.]
[Their shuttle docks and they witness the other shuttle get destroyed by a Tang meteor.]
[Cartman and Sheila embraced for a kiss, but bang their helmets together instead.]
Sheila: WHY THE HELL DO WE HAVE TO WEAR THINGS DAMN THINGS ANYWAY!!!!!
Astronaut #1: Because were in space, duh!!
Sheila: DON'T MOCK ME!!!!!
Stan: Maybe we should leave before we're all killed by Tang-meteors.
Sheila: That doesn't sound so bad to me.
[Sheila, the boys and the Astronauts rush to the remaining shuttle, which is called the Snot Rocket. The shuttle drifts away from Mir just before the station is destroyed.]
Sheila: <looks out window of spaceship> LOOK AT THAT!!! JUST LOOK AT IT!!!! ALL THAT TANG!!! <eyes go pinwheely> GOING TO WASTE!!! LEMME OUT!!!! I WANT MY TANG!!! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR AND LEMME GET MY TANG!!!!!
Astronaut #1: Some one calm her down, we have an incoming call from Kennedy.
Techie #1 Attention Snot Rocket, we have confirmed a huge Tang asteroid heading towards Earth!
Astronaut #1: <hysterically> What are going to do!!!!!!!!
Techie #1: Ok, number one...stop being a pussy. Number two...blow that damn thing apart and save humanity.
Astronaut #1: What was that first part, again??
Sheila: <eyes go pinwheely> GIVE...ME...MY...*TANG*!!! FOR THE FIVE BILLIONTH TIME, I WANT MY TANG!!! I'M GONNA EXPLODE HERE!!!!!
Astronaut #1: Alright, I have had enough of your mouth!!
Sheila: INFIDEL!!!! You dare talk to me like that when there Tang to be snorted!!!! I'll have a pinwheel after your ass before you can sit down!!!!!!
[The Astronaut rummages through a supply locker and pulls out some duct tape. Several minutes of struggle and Sheila is finally strapped down in her seat.]
Astronaut #1: There! That should hold her!!
Sheila: DAMMIT!! SOMEONE GET ME OUTTA THIS DAMN SEAT!!! NOW!!! I REFUSE TO BE STEPPED ON AND TAKEN AWAY FROM MY LIFE!!!! I TELL YA, I'M GETTING PISSED AND I'M GONNA THROW A REALLY BAD HISSY TANTRUM, AND YOU JUST WON'T LIKE IT WHEN I DO!
[The Snot-Rocket flies toward the world-devastating Tang Asteroid. No one would have guessed that aboard was an unlikely, untrained crew of eight year olds that are, by all accounts, really fucked up.]
Sheila: <sniffing> I smell Tang, we must be close!!! I SMELL TANG!!!!! GIMME TANG, YOU BASTARDS!!!!!!
Kyle: Can we leave her behind next time?
Cartman: AY!! No one leaves my snookems behind for anything!!
Stan: Can we leave ~both~ of them behind??
Sheila: <still sniffing> Wow, that's pure Tang!!!!!!! <realizes that Stan has insulted Cartman> HEY, YOU FANOOPEL SCHMEGAGY!!!!!!! LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!!!!!!!
[After several Tang fits, on Sheila's part, the Snot-Rocket lands on the asteroid. Everyone--Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Sheila, and the Astronauts exit the ship and explore the asteroid a bit.]
[As they explore, Stan squints and looks at something a few yards away.]
Stan: Dude! What the hell is *THAT* called? [Stan points]
[View of what Stan sees...Kenny is in a spacesuit, playing cards with a visitor.]
Kenny: {HAH! I win!}
Stan: Kenny? What the hell?!? Aww, nevermind. If something is this weird, it's better to not question it. I probably wouldn't want to know, anyway.
Kenny: {All right, Visitor! Hand over your spacesuit!!!}
Visitor: WHAT?!? No!
Kenny: {I won, fair and square!}
Visitor: [grumbling] Aww, dammit! [He takes off his spacesuit, and is wearing only Cartman boxer shorts]
Cartman: [sees this] AY! You pervert!
[Cut to view of Sheila. She's trying to lick the Tang asteroid, but is having a bit of difficulty, since she's wearing a helmet.]
Sheila: DAMMIT!!! I can see the Tang, BUT WHY THE HELL CAN'T I TASTE IT!?!? AAAAAAAUGGGGHHH!!!!! WITHDRAWAL!!!!! AAAAAHHHH!!!! <eyes go pinwheely>
Kyle: Hey, Astronaut dudes, do we have everything we need to stop this thing?
Astronaut #2: I kept the important stuff in the ship, so we won't lose it or anything, before we need it.
[Astronaut #1 comes out of the spaceship, wearing a flowered Hawaiian shirt, sipping a lemonade under the helmet, and wearing a flowered lei over his helmet. He locks the door behind him.]
Astronaut #2: YOU...YOU...YOU SHIT-FOR-BRAINS IDIOT!!! YOU JUST LOCKED US OUT, AND OUR SUPPLIES IN!!!!!
[Kyle hears this and he freaks out. He picks up a conveniently-nearby coat hanger and tries to open the door with it.]
Kyle: AAAAAHHHH!!! DAMMITDAMMITDAMMIT!!! WE'RE GONNA DIE!! AAAAGH!!! LEMME IN!!!
Cartman: [looking at everybody] Heh, seriously you guys, you look so FAT in these spacesuits! Very unflattering! Well, except for Sheila, 'cause she always looks perfect!
[Sheila grins.]
Kyle: DAMMIT, FATASS! *YOU* LOOK FAT IN THE SPACESUIT, TOO! HELL, YOU LOOK 50 LBS. HEAVIER THAN USUAL!!!
Cartman: AY! Screw you, hippie! Get your ass to Jenny Craig's!
[Sheila hears Kyle's line and pulls out a pinwheel.]
Stan: Look out, she has a pinwheel!!!!
[Sheila takes careful aim, but the blast misses Kyle and vaporizes a piece of asteroid. Sheila sees what she has done and faints into Cartman's arm.]
Kenny: {Cartman is coping a feel!!}
[Astronaut #1 sees Sheila's pinwheel floating nearby and grabs it. He tries to use it, but nothing happens.]
Astronaut #1: What the hell is wrong with this thingy?!?!
Stan: They only work for Sheila and who ever has her permission.
[View of Sheila, now awake and crying.]
Sheila: May my soul be spared for the wasting of Tang.
Astronaut #1: She is a little messed up, isn't she??
Kyle: I see NASA really puts my parents tax dollars to work by choosing smart astronauts!!
Sheila: ALL RIGHT, ASSHOLE #1 AND ASSHOLE #2!!!
Stan: Who? Me and Kyle?
Sheila: NO! Those two evil Tang-withholders!!! GIVE ME MY TANG NOW OR ELSE I'M GONNA TOTALLY FLIP OUT AND KILL STUFF!!! I MEAN IT!!!!
Stan: [to astronauts] Dudes! *PLEASE* give me some sort of astronaut sedative to use on her or...or SOMETHING! *ANYTHING*!!!
Astronaut #1: Yessirree Bob!
Stan: What?!? My names not Bob! It's Stan!
Astronaut #1: Whatever, we need to calm her down, so we can blow this asteroid up and save humanity.
Stan: You sure say, "saving humanity" a lot.
Astronaut #1: Contractual obligation.
Stan: Oh, okay, well we can try talking to her, but that rarely has any effect on her.
Astronaut #2: Tell her that by saving humanity, she will be saving her fatass boyfriend.
Stan: [Looks at Astronaut #2] You have the same contract as him?
Astronaut #2: Yep.
Sheila: Huh? What ARE you talking about? I don't have a fatass boyfriend!!! My boyfriend is buff and sexy, and if anyone says otherwise, I'm just gonna plug my ears and hum a melody as I ignore you infidels!!!
Kyle: [sighs] Ooooh*KAY*! Now, how do we deal with THIS?
Stan: Sheila, we have to destroy this asteroid to save humani...Hey, wait, I'm not under contract to say that, so FUCK IT!! Sheila blow up the asteroid to save Cartman.
Sheila: <with a evil grin> You mean, my buff and sexy Eric, don't you??
Stan: <looking around nervously> Yeah that's what I meant.
Sheila: I didn't hear you say that.
Stan: Your not going to make me say ~that~, are you?
Sheila: <crosses her arms and looks haughtily at Stan> Yes.
Stan: Ok, FINE! You have to do this to save Eric, who is buff and sexy. There you happy!!
Sheila: <looking smugly> Yes, I am.
Cartman: You better stay away from me, you gay hippie freak!!
Sheila: Yeah, STAN! You try to hit on *MY* Eric, and I WILL PERSONALLY KICK YOUR ASS!!!!
Stan: WHAT?!?! But you told me...
Kyle: Dude! I'd suggest you not even try. You'll never win.
Stan: Yeah, I'd better not!
Kyle: SHEILA!!! DAMMIT! This asteroid is getting closer to the Earth! BLOW IT UP, DAMMIT, OR WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! SAVE HUMAN...AAAUGH! [Kyle hits himself on the head] SEE WHAT YOU ASTRONAUTS HAVE ME SAYING?!?
Sheila: Wait a second! If I were to blow up this thing, there'd be no way for me to get on the ship on time! *I'D* get blown up too! [Goes into crying fit.]
Kyle: Oh boy! I didn't think of that!
Kenny: {I'll do it!}
Sheila: You'll do what?
Kenny: {I'll stay behind and blow up the asteroid!}
[Everyone looks at him in disbelief.]
Kenny: {HELLO?!? I COME BACK EVERY WEEK! Wake up in there!!!}
Sheila: But, still? You're willing to sacrifice yourself to save Cartman, and me, and a bunch of people that don't really count? [Kyle hits Sheila] Kidding, kidding. I mean, you're gonna be blown apart into little bloody pulps as you fly through outer space, and land on the sun, and fry into Kenny Bacon!
Kenny: {Umm, please don't go into graphic description. I don't wanna change my mind...}
Sheila: Sorry! Well, good luck!
[Sheila hugs Kenny, and Kenny grabs her ass.]
Sheila: I'm ONLY letting you get away with that just because you're sacrificing yourself to save huma-...AUGH! NOW I'M SAYING IT!
Kenny: {Can I...}Sheila: BUT DON'T PUSH YOUR LUCK! [smiles sweetly] Ok?
[Sheila makes about a hundred or so little pinwheels appear. They fly around above her, until they all connect together to form one REALLY big pinwheel. It floats back down, and Sheila hands it to Kenny. The Astronauts, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Sheila all head back to the ship. Sheila uses a pinwheel to bust the door open]
Sheila: [as she boards the ship] Thanks again, dude! Oh, remind me to give you some Tang when we get back to Earth, and you resurrect, to pay you back for this!
Kenny: (I want a bl-)
[Kenny's words are drowned out by the shuttle's engines coming to life. View of the interior. The astronauts are tied up, much like Sheila was, and Cartman and Sheila are in the pilot and co-pilot's seat.]
Cartman: This is sooooo sweet!
Sheila: <looking back at the astronauts> Revenge is named Sheila and fate is named Eric. <mad scientist laughter fills the cabin>
[Wide shot of the shuttle flying away followed by a huge explosion that rocks and bucks the shuttle.]
Stan: Sheila, aren't you mad that all that Tang was blown into itty-bitty bits?
Sheila: No, you Fanoopel!! My love for Eric overpowered my addiction to my beloved, sweet, life giving Tang.
Kyle: I've learned something today actually, several things.
Stan: What's that, dude?
Kyle: Love can conquer all and . . . .
Stan: And what?
Kyle: Cartman doesn't know how to fly a spaceshuttle!!!!!
[We now see what Cartman is thinking. He sees himself, in a soldier uniform, flying a bomber, and he's being shot at, so he's trying to dodge the shots with weird, erratic flying patterns.]
Cartman: Yep! This 'ere war in 'Nam is.....not cool!
[Cut back to the real Cartman, in the spaceship. He's driving the same way he is in his 'flashback'.]
Cartman: AAAAHHH!!! Them Charlies are after me! Hold on, you guys!
Kyle: CARTMAN! WHAT THE *FUCK* ARE YOU DOING?!?!?
Cartman: I'm saving our asses!
[Cartman makes the spaceship accelerate, and he narrowly misses Comedy Centrals's communication satalite.]
Sheila: <eyes pinwheely> KYLE! YOU JUST INSULTED ERIC!!! YOU MUST DIE!!!
[Sheila hops out of her seat, and runs at Kyle with a pinwheel]
Kyle: Dammit, Sheila! GET BACK IN YOUR SEAT! IT TAKES TWO TO STEER THIS THING!!!!
Sheila: It does? Oopsie!
[The kids look out the front window and....]
Everyone: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
[Meanwhile, back in South Park, we see a view of a street in South Park, with a bunch of people walking around.]
[As we see this, we hear screaming and the sound of something plummeting through the sky extremely fast.]
Man #1: [looks up] Damn, that's a weird looking dragonfly!
[We see a shadow appear over the man, as the Snot Rocket then crashes down, landing on that man and a few other people that were lucky enough to be standing by.]
[The emergency hatch opens and lands on Barbrady, who is yelling "There's nothing to see here! Move about your business!" The kids and the astronauts exit the ship.]
[The Broslofski's walk by and see Kyle and Sheila, but not the space shuttle.]
Mrs. Broslofski: Come away from there before you get hurt!!
Kyle: But mom, we just saved the world!
Mrs. B: Don't take that tone with me, young man!!
Cartman: I'll said it once and I'll say it again. Kyle's mom is a bitch!
Everyone: <sings Kyle mom's a bitch song>
Mrs. B: What are they singing??
Mr. B: Kyle's Mom sells trailor hitches.
Mrs. B: That's what i thought.
[Next day at the Marsh house.]
TV announcer: . . . . seen here, giving the astronauts that saved humanity from an unidentified astroid.
Stan: That sucks!!
Cartman: Hey, where's Sheila??
[View of broom closest. Sheila is holding a container of Tang and looking at the camera.]
Sheila: What are you looking at?!?!
[End.]