Howdy, all.
Well, folks, being a newbie poster, I thought I might try my hand at a fanfic, but I got stuck after the first act. Anyone who would like to finish it, or at least add to it, feel free to do so. If it sucks ass so far, well, that's because I can't write fer shit...
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---Quantum South Park
---Teaser: The South Park credits roll as usual, then, right after Mr. Hankey hits the South Park sign at the end of the credit sequence, there is a flash of light and sound effects ala Quantum Leap. The flash resolves into a winter scene of Kyle, Stan, Cartman and Kenny at the frozen-over Stark's Pond, with the flash dying out on Kenny, whose face is covered by his hood. (Hmm...Imagine that!).
Kyle: See, you guys? I told you that the pond was frozen! C'mon, let's go out on the ice!
Cartman: Uh, I think I'll stay here, you guys.
Stan: C'mon, fatass! It'll hold your fat blubbery carcass!
Cartman: Hey! I'm not fat; I'm just winterized.
Stan: No, Cartman, You're fat! You're eight years old and wear a 4x coat!
Cartman: (Voice rising) Shut up, you Hippie, or I'm gonna kick you squahre in the NUTS!
Stan: Just try it, Orca!
Cartman begins spinning fast, like a top as he screeches.
Cartman: EEEEHH-EEEYYEEHHH-EEEEHHYHEEHHE
---Cartman spins and thrusts his stubby foot out at Stan, but Stan jumps back just in time. Unfortunately, Kenny, who is standing just to the right of Stan and has been strangely silent through all this, takes the kick "squahre" in the nuts. Kenny falls down grabbing his crotch and rolls down the embankment twice until he faces the shiny ice of the pond. The camera looks over his shoulder from the back into his reflection in the ice. We see that it isn't Kenny at all, but is Dr. Sam Becket!
Sam/Kenny: Ohhhh, Boy!
---The Quantum Leap credits begin to roll, although in South Park cartoon form. Sam is seen in the sequence as leaping into various South Park characters, including Chef in a hot tub with two women, and Mr. Hat spinning around in a dryer. Also, Donald Belasario's name is misspelled in the credits.
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---Act one: We pick up just where we left off, with Sam/Kenny lying face down at the edge of the ice, peering into his reflection. He is in considerable pain.
Sam/Kenny: Mphuggmphh-mmohhhhh. (Uggh-ohh.)
Kyle: Kenny, are you O.K.?
Sam/Kenny: Mmnmimnphm bmnmmn bmmnmnunr. (I've been better.)
Stan: Cartman, what the f*** did you do that for?
Cartman: I must teach you to respect mah authoritah!
Sam/Kenny: Phmmnmamtz monmnkahy, mnnmimnm nahnlnrinmnt. (That's o.k, I'm all right.)
Cartman: See, he's alright. It's a well-known fact that poor people tend to have tougher nutsacks than other people.
Kyle: Cartman, you're such a stupid fat f*ck! YOU'RE a nutsack!
Cartman: (Doing the gesture twice) O.k., that's it! Screw you guys, I'm a-goin home!
---Cartman waddles off toward home and the comforts of Cheesy Poofs and Beefy Dings.
Stan: Why the hell does he do things like that?
---Sam/Kenny begins to get up and brush snow off himself. Remembering that he has a Ph.D. in psychology, he offers an assessment of Cartman's behavior.
Sam/Kenny: Mnimnmt mheemnm muh mnemmn phrmonmnm mna nahnmnk nophnm mnmelphnn nmnemnstmumm. (It seems to stem from a lack of self-esteem, possibly due to an unhappy home environment.)
Stan: Dude! What the hell does THAT mean?
---As his head begins to clear, Sam/Kenny realizes he must act as this Kenny person and not arouse any suspicion.
Sam/Kenny: Mnnmnimn thmunnmmoh, mnmih chunnpht mnphrdh mnnint mnnommhmairhmnn. (I dunno, I just heard it somewhere.)
Kyle: Are you SURE you're o.k.?
Sam/Kenny: Mnmnns, mnimnmm mnomkhaynm. (Yes, I'm o.k.)
Kyle: Well, O.K. You coming out on the ice?
Sam/Kenny: Mnnndmdphnmnmndmmnm. (I think I'll just sit here for a little while. You two go ahead.)
Stan: O.K. dude.
---Stan and Kyle run out onto the ice leaving Sam/Kenny sitting on the bank.
---Suddenly a whoosh sounds and a rectangle if light appears. It seems to slide up into nothing and reveals Al, Sam's friend and the Observer for the Quantum Leap project. He steps through the rectangle/doorway and moves next to Sam. The doorway of light closes behind him with a whoosh.
Al: Sam! I thought we'd never find you! Ziggy's been working for three days straight trying to locate you! Her processor is almost hot enough to melt lead! Of course, it's only a 386 with 4 megabytes of RAM, so that would...
Sam/Kenny: (Cutting Al off) Mnmhmnnmmphnmnmmn! (Al! Am I glad to see you! Any idea what I'm supposed to be doing here?)
Al: Sam, I can't understand what you're saying. Unzip your parka, it's muffling your words.
---Sam/Kenny unzips the parka and pulls the hood down. We see the face of Sam Becket.
Sam/Kenny: Al, you'd better get out of sight! Someone might see you!
Al: Sam, I'm a hologram. Only little children and animals can see me, remember?
Sam/Kenny: I remember now. My head is still a little foggy.
Al: Well, all this leaping has swiss-cheesed your brain. It's no wonder you forget a few things from time to time.
Sam/Kenny: No, it wasn't the leap.that fat kid kicked me 'squahre' in the nuts. Knocked the wind out of me.
Sam/Kenny shakily stands up.
Sam/Kenny: What kind of a place is this, Al? Where am I??
Al: Well, you're in South Park, Colorado, and it's Monday, October 13, 1997.
Sam/Kenny: What am I here to do, Al?
Al: Well, Uh, Ziggy's been working on that.
Sam/Kenny: (admonishing) Al, stop stalling.
Al: Uh, well, Ziggy's figured out that.she could be wrong.
Sam/Kenny: C'mon, Al, tell me!
Al: O.K. Sam. Ziggy says there's a 96% probability that you're here to, well, see, Kenny, the kid that you leaped into.well, he's supposed to die in two hours.
Sam/Kenny: And I'm here to save his life.
Al: (cutting Sam off) No, Sam. You're here to see that he doesn't make it.
---Sam registers shock on his face.
Sam/Kenny: That's impossible! Al, there's got to be some kind of mistake! I leap to save people, to right things that once went wrong! I can't believe that I've leapt into someone just to let him die! There's got to be some other solution!
Al: No mistake, Sam. Ziggy ran the scenario at least a dozen times. Kenny must die in two hours.
Sam/Kenny: This is incredible.
Al: Of course, there is a very small chance Ziggy could be wrong. After all, she is a Packard Bell.
---Foreboding music, close up of Sam looking helplessly at Al. The scene cuts to a hill overlooking Stark's Pond. Sam & Al have no idea that they are being watched by an observer.
Tweek: Oh My God! What the hell is this?? That Al guy is gonna kill Kenny! I gotta tell the guys! ARGHHH! Too Much Pressure!!! And where the hell is that music coming from???
---Tweek passes out from the pressure as we...
---Fade to black
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This is where I wrote myself into a corner... I just can't come up with any good ideas. As I said before, please feel free to add whatever you want to.