ROCKY HORROR SOUTH PARK SHOW A South Park/Rocky Horror Picture Show Crossover By Arthur Levesque ([email]) This is a work in progress -- full story so far at: http://www.erols.com/backslash/rhps.html
Frank: Magenta, Columbia - go assist Riff Raff. I will entertain... uh huh huh...
[Reaches out to shake hands with kids.]
Cartman (squeals): Don't touch me! [Hides behind Kenny]
Stan: I'm Stan Marsh; and these are my friends, Wendy, Kyle, and Kenny. We call the one hiding behind Kenny "Fat Ass".
Cartman: Hey!
Frank: Enchante.
[Frank kisses Wendy's hand. Wendy giggles, Stan looks a little jealous]
Frank: It's not often we receive visitors here, let alone offer them... hospitality.
Stan: You wouldn't be related to a guy named Big Gay Al, would you?
Kyle: All we want to do is to use your telephone, dude.
Frank (ignoring Kyle): Do you have any tattoos, Stan?
Stan: I wish!
Frank (to Wendy): Oh well,.. how about you?
Wendy (a la Homer Simpson): Ummmm... No...
Riff Raff: Everything is in readiness, master. We merely await your... word.
[Riff walks over to a control panel and stands ready. Frank stands between Magenta and Kathy Lee and gives the standard speech from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"]
Frank: Tonight, my unconventional conventionists... You are about to witness a new breakthrough in biochemical research...
[Frank's speech continues in the background, as the scene focuses on the kids]
Cartman: That man is so gay.
Stan: Dude! There's nothing wrong with being gay!
Cartman: Stan wants to kiss... Doctor Frank-N-Furter...
Wendy (to herself): I know I do...
Stan: I do not!
Kyle: Yeah, you never threw up once when he talked to you!
Stan: I just want to use a phone, that's all.
Kyle: I don't know, I think I want to see what happens next.
[Frank moves to stand in front of a huge tank; Magenta and Kathy Lee follow. The children stop talking and watch]
Frank: You see, you are fortunate for tonight is the night that my beautiful creature is destined to be BORN! Hoopla!!
Kyle: What does "Hoopla" mean?
Cartman: It's a kind of corn snack food, like Fritos or Bugles.
[Quick shot of Riff throwing switches, then back to the kids]
Kyle: Do you ever stop thinking about food?
Cartman: Do you ever stop singing about that stupid dreidel?
[Kyle is about to hit Cartman. Cartman cringes. Stan jumps in between them. Quick shot of Frank playing with the nozzles over the tank, then back to the kids]
Wendy (in admiration): Oh, Stan!
[Cartman is still cringing, eyes closed]
Stan: It's all right, Cartman!
Kyle (pointing to tank): Look!!
[The tank has drained, and the creation within stirs. It looks just like the clone of Stan from the Elephant/Pig episode. Quick shot of the kids gaping in awe, then return to the monster which we'll call ROCKY HORROR because I haven't had any better ideas. Anyway, Magenta and Kathy Lee undress him until he's wearing only the hat and gloves (one is huge) that Stan wears, and gold speedos. Riff returns to the control panel and throws another switch.]
Rocky (eyes pop open): I like to sing-a... About the moon-a and the June-a and the Spring-a... I like to sing-a... About the sky of blue and tea for two...
Kyle: What the hell was that?
Frank: He has only one ass! He is of no use to me!
Stan: Why would Frank want him to have more than one ass?
Kenny: Mmf mmmff mmfmf mff mmfmmff.
Wendy: Ewww, gross!!
[Magenta pulls off both of Rocky's gloves, and turns them inside out to use later. When the larger glove is removed, we see on Rocky's right hand -- MISTER HAT!! Rocky starts to run around the lab in panic, singing through Mr. Hat]
GREAT BIG HOOBAJOOB
(to the tune of "Sword of Damocles") ROCKY
A great big hoobajoob is hanging over my butt
And I've got the feeling that the thread is gonna be cut
Oh, look at me
I've been spliced genetically
And can't you see
That I'm about to get an big anal prober
I woke up this morning after having some bogus nightmares ALL
That was no dream ROCKY
And woke from my dreaming all surrounded by cattle and queers ALL
That was no dream ROCKY
My butt is sore
I'll be walking funny forevermore
And what's it for
Cuz I'm about to get an big anal prober FRANK
Oh, Rocky! ALL
Sha-la-la-la
That was no dream ROCKY
Bachomp, bachomp! ALL
Sha-la-la-la
That was no dream ROCKY
Bachomp, bachomp! ALL
Sha-la-la-la
That was no dream ROCKY
Bachomp, bachomp![The following verse is a parody of the Criminologist's from the stage version of "The Rocky Horror Show" which was left out of the movie]
STAN
Rocky Horror, you're a clone of mine
You're not bad, in fact you are just fine
You're the product of some genes of mine
Are you ready? Here comes your line... ALL
Here come's your line ROCKY
A great big hoobajoob is hanging over my butt ALL
That was no dream ROCKY
And I've got the feeling that the thread is gonna be cut ALL
That was no dream ROCKY
Oh, look at me
I've been spliced genetically
And can't you see
That I'm about to get an big anal prober ALL
Sha-la-la-la
That was no dream ROCKY
Bachomp, bachomp! ALL
Sha-la-la-la
That was no dream ROCKY
Bachomp, bachomp! ALL
Sha-la-la-la
That was no dream
That was no dream
Sha-la-la-la!Frank: Well really. That's no way to behave on your first day out.
Rocky: Me bad?
Frank: But since you're such an exceptional beauty, I am prepared to forgive you.
Rocky: Bachomp, bachewy chomp chomp!!
Frank: Oh, I just love success.
Riff Raff: He's a credit to your genius, master.
Frank: Yes.
Magenta: A triumph of your will.
Frank: Yes.
Kathy Lee: Can we splice an elephant and a pig now? I want a pot-bellied elephant!
Frank: What?!? You know pig and elephant DNA just don't splice!
Kathy Lee: Oh yeah, that's right. We had Loverboy on our show once...
Frank: Humph! Well, Stan and Wendy, what do you think of him?
Wendy: Well, I like *my* Stan better...