Prelude to 'You Can't Spell "Analyze" without Anal' Saving the World, One Cartoon at a Time [Part 2... Why all Montanans Suck] by the_davester ([email])
Note: Not all Montanans suck. Me, for example... I don't suck. But after what happens to Kyle, one would think so...
Tell me how it was.
Announcer: Last time on South Park... [BTW: "-" means a scene transition] Stan: You don't eat Cheezy Poofs for a whole day, and we'll not call you a fatass for a whole week... - Mrs. Cartman: Your class is going to go to Canada, and you're going to see the place where they make Terrance and Phillip... - (Stan starts walking back. He sees the bus start to pull away). Stan: Noooo! (The bus pulls away fully)... - (The bus, indeed, begins to pull away. Kyle comes running out of the restroom) Kyle: No! Wait! Goddammit!... - Guy: So, they think they can demote me from cheif animator the assistant animator? I'll show them. By inserting subliminal messages in Terrance and Phillip cartoons, I will take over the WORLD! BWA HA HA HA! Kenny: Holy sh*t! Guy: What have we here?! Spies! Announcer: And now, the conclusion...
[Intro] ---------- The office in the Terrance and Phillip building --------- Bad Guy: Ah! Spies! You will be thrown with the rest. Kenny: You're one sick bitch! (He picks up Kenny and Pip and throws them into a room next to his room. The rest of the class is there.) Kenny (muffled): Mr. Garrison? Mr. Garrison: Yeah, I overheard that mean guy talking about throwing over the world and decided to stop him. But he threw the entire class in here! Pip: How'd you try to stop him? Mr. Garrison: I was going to attack from behind. That's the only way to go, you know, is attacking from behind. Kenny: Hee hee hee. (An intercom clicks) Bad Guy: Hello, my name is Dan. I'm going to overthrow the world, and only threw you in here because you were trying to stop me! Pip: My, what a mean person! Dan: I'll make them pay! At exactley seven-thirty when Terrance and Phillip is aired, everybody that watches will fall for my wrath! It's aboot time somebody worshipped me. Kenny: You suck, dogsucker! Dan: DOn't push me, you hooded freak!!
---------- School ---------- Mr. Macky: Okay, now you must write a paper about the history of Terrance and Phillip, how it turned from a five-minute school project into a very highly rated show and so on. Now are there any questions? Stan? (Stan is fast asleep) Mr. Macky: Stan! Stan: (wakes up) What?! Mr. Macky: Pay attention, *MM-KAY?!** Stan: Who, dude! Stay calm. (The bell rings) Mr. Macky: Well, I guess you don't have to do this homework. Have a good weekend Stan! Stan: Yeah, whatever!!
--------- Somewhere in Montana ---------- (The car that almost hit Kyle backs up). Driver: What did you say? Kyle: Uh, I said... go faster! Yeah! There's no speed limit in Montana, right? [There is a speed limit in Montana. 'Reasonable yet Prudent.'] Driver: Kid, do you need a lift anywhere? Kyle: Yeah, could you take me into Corvallis? I hear the 'Merc' there has a working phone. Driver: Yeah, hop in. (The car pulls away. Now we're inside the car) Driver: So what're you doing here, kid? Winter doesn't come for another few weeks. Kyle: Well, my bus left me here when we stopped at a rest stop. Driver: Was it that bus from someplace in Colorado? Kyle: Yeah! Why, did it stop and turn around? Driver: No, the bitch that was driving it almost ran over my car! She must've been going 200 miles per hour. And she was yelling at the kids, too. I could hear her coming from a mile away! Kyle: That sounds like Miss Crabtree allright. (Looks out the window). Wow! Is this Corvallis? It's smaller than South Park. Driver: Well, here we are. Goodbye, kid. Kyle: Bye dude, thanks. (He gets out of the car.) Kyle: Yep. This is the 'Corvallis Merc.' (He enters it and walks up to the desk) Kyle: Excuse me sir, can I use your phone? Person behind the desk: Our phone isn't working now. But the high school has a phone, I think. Kyle: Dammit! These people are bigger hicks than us! (All of the people in the store growl at Kyle) Person in the Store: You suck!!! (He leaves the Merc. Looking down the 'Main Street,' he sees the high school.) Kyle: Well, it's not too far... (Begins walking)
---------- South Park (the bus stop) ---------- Stan: So, you're feeling better, huh Cartman? Cartman: Yeah, except I'm hungry. But I did not eat *any* Cheezy Poofs! Stan: Yeah, yeah. What do you think they're doing right now?... Cartman: I dunno. So what do you want to do? Stan: I dunno. (Suddenly, a giant missile falls and hits the bus stop, sending Stan and Cartman flying...) Cartman: Ay! What the hell is that? (An alarm starts ringing) Stan: What the hell was that?! Cartman: It's some sort of air raid!
---------- T&P Studios ---------- Kenny (muffled): Well, this sucks. Wendy: What time is it, Mr. Garrison? Mr. Garrison: Seven o'clock. In another half-hour the entire world will be doomed. Mr. Twig: Man, this totally sucks! Kenny: What's that up there? Mr. Garrison: It look like a vent. Somebody can climb into it to get out. Any voulanteers? Kenny: I will... Pip: But what if that crazy guy comes out? Kenny: Oh, well. Too bad. That'll be my fault. (Kenny begins crawling through the duct. Now we're inside the duct. Kenny is crawling. A few rats scurry by. One stops and licks his chops.) Kenny: Knock it off! (He kicks the rat. He comes to a fork in the 'road.') Kenny: Hmmmm.... which way do I go? (Sounds of maniacal laughter come from the left duct) Kenny: Guess I'd better go left...
---------- Corvallis ---------- (It's between one of the periods, because kids are walking between the two buildings.) Kenny: Here it is, CHS. (One student is running, yelling at the top of his lungs. Another is following trying to bite him) Student: Knock it off! I swear I'm gonna kill you!!! Student 2: Prove it!!! Kyle: Geeze, all Montanans are crazy... (He enters one of the buildings) Kyle: There's a phone. (He picks it up and starts dialing) (The phone rings and the screen 'splits into two') Stan: Hello? Kyle: Hey, Stan. Stan: Dude, why are you calling? You're not calling just to rub things in, are you? Listen, I can't really talk now, because they're bombing us... Kyle: No dude, I'm stuck her in Montana! Stan: Really? (sound of explosion and screaming in the background) Kyle: Yeah, could you come and pick me up? Stan: Well... Kyle: Well what? Stan: We were gonna stay in Cartman's bomb shelter, but I guess leaving would be a better idea... How's it there in Montana? Kyle: Everybody here is crazy... maybe there's something in the water... (Sound of a chomp) Student: OWWWWWWWW! YOU ASSHOLE!!!!! (The screen expands to Stan's side) Stan: Mom, Kyle got left in Montana! We gotta go pick him up! (Bomb explodes, house shakes) Mrs. Marsh: Right now? Stan: Yeah, it's gonna be night there soon!
[Note: I know that there is some difference in time. But T&P studios could be in, for example, one of those eastern provinces.]
---------- T&P Studios ---------- (Kenny is watching the scene from a control room. Dan is setting up the control panel to start up the show.) Dan: Soon, I shall be ruler of the world! Kenny (whispering): Not if I can help it! (He leaps out of the vent, and lands on Dan's shoulders.) Dan: What the hell is this aboot?! (Dan picks up Kenny, and throws him into a computer monitor. Kenny is fried.) (Quick shot back to Corvallis, Montana) Kyle: Oh my god! They killed Kenny! All of the students in the hall: You bastards!
[Methinks South Park is getting a little too popular...]
(Back to T&P Studios) Dan: Oh, no! The nuclear reactor is going critical! (A small explosion rocks the building, loosening to door to the class's cell) Mr. Garrison: C'mon, children! (All of the class evacuates the building. They board the bus) Mr. Garrison: Drive you whore, drive! Ms. Crabtree: AAAAH! (She starts the bus, and goes from 0 to 200 in about 1 second) (Neat shot of the T&P studios. We see the angle from the back of the bus. The studio goes critical and explode in a mushroom cloud. The bus safely outruns the shock wave) Mr. Garrison: Sixteen, seventeen... where is Kyle? Pip: He got left at that rest stop back in Montana. Mr. Garrison: Oh, yes. Stop at that rest stop in Montana on your way back, Miss Crabtree.
---------- Montana --------- (The bus pulls up. Stan is already there) Kyle: Well, here's the bus. Stan: I'll come with you. Thanks for the ride, Mom and Dad! [Why would they drive 600 miles for nothing?] Mrs. Marsh: Yeah, whatever. (Stan gets on the bus) Kyle: So, what was it like in South Park without us? Stan: Well except for the bombing, nothing different. Kyle: Who was bombing you? Stan: We dunno... they're not planes, they almost look like Visitor ships... Pip: Hello, gentlemen. Kyle (pissed): Go away, Pip. I've had enough stress for one day! Pip: Righty-o! But before I go, I'd like to show you this... Stan: What is it dude? Pip: It's this strange tranmitter device I found in Dan's office! (There's some weird-looking writing on the thing. Stan grabs it) Stan: Gimmie that, asshole! Kyle: What is it, Stan? Stan: I dunno. (Very suddenly, a Visitor appears on it and then disappears) Kyle: Whatever it is, it's not of this earth...
(Instead of the 'warm tingly' scene transistion music, we get 'scary, filled with Cellos' transition music)
---------- Cartman's House ---------- Cartman: I sure am glad that mysterious bombing stop- (Cartman falls fast asleep. It's dark outside) Cartman (in his sleep): I'll show them. Bastards. *BEELLLCH.* (A whirring is heard, and Cartman wakes up with sweat *everywhere.*) Cartman: Oh, no! Not the visitors! (The light comes on) Mrs. Cartman: Sorry, poopykins. I was just vaccuuming.
[Cue end credits, with that ominous music]
So, whaddya thin? My next fanfic will be sort of a sequel to Finding Unknown Kindness, followed by some sort of 'disabled child' story, and then, who knows what...? I'll just say that the next five or so 'fics by moi will be very intertwined...
the_davester - [email] Visit my website, yada yada yada http://www.geocities.com/~dgisoft/nirvana/ Proudly Daving one Dave a Dave-- er... day. --MEEEEE! "I'm so happy, because today I found my friends. They're in my head."